now if you have been honest with you you
think you'd been able to be one of those
women who can let their man have another
woman um
no I don't think so I mean not not this
particular person anybody but her
any anybody behind y'all know like a
friend um it's just she was a problem
one of the problems so at the end of the
day I don't think I would have been able
to share you know I don't think I would
have been able to share but I probably
would have tried really I definitely
would have tried because I mean when you
love someone you would do anything for
them anything I would have done anything
[Music]
she was taught to you speaking from the
heart yes mary j blige lutely yeah what
you think what do you think of
Ramadan Mubarak we're all about MOBOTIX
- yeah a lot of Sheikh Shadid
Mohammed and you've been with us before
I'm happy that you're back again I'm
glad to be back how's life been how's
everything been kind of life how's it
how's it going I mean it's exactly the
way that Allah wanted it to be
absolutely yeah you know what what can
we do yeah relationships are a very
important part of the Dean right half a
year denial of your religion yeah and
none of them are breaking up out of them
you know people what do you think of
what she was saying she was willing to
do anything right for her man right yes
she said that she would even have
considered
allowing her husband to have another
woman just to keep you know just to
maintain what they had and that's that's
the power of love and that's one of the
things that I talked about in my book
you know the resolution of love that
love cannot be compartmentalized you
can't say that this is the you know we
try to say that this is the way love is
supposed to operate you know and love
doesn't function according to anybody's
frequency it functions on its own
frequency you know and mm-hmm it's an
emotion just like any other emotion and
emotions are not supposed to make sense
I think it was Shakespeare who said you
know you know Vayne is the person who
believes that emotions are supposed to
make sense they're not supposed to make
sense their emotions raw pure
emotions unfiltered and that came out in
her comment when she said I would be
willing to allow my husband to be with
another woman just to keep what I have
because when you invest in something to
see the thing about love is you know I
was having a discussion you know last
week with a group of young kids and one
of the questions that I asked is is a
love a weakness
his love a weakness
and so most of the kids around the table
said no it's in its what makes you
strong and you know and I'm thinking
that maybe they didn't necessarily
understand the context of the question
but love is the greatest weakness it's
our kryptonite as human beings because
love requires you to let your walls down
and let a person see you for who exactly
who you are and that's scary that's
scary and a lot of people would much
rather keep the wall up paint a facade
and then let you fall in love with the
facade so
you never actually get to know who the
person really is because they are free
to let those walls now because it's it's
the unknown is this person once they see
me for who I really am are they really
going to love me or
are they going to just you know because
there's nothing more shattering to the
human spirit then for you to let your
guard down let a person see you for who
you are and then for them to decide no I
don't you know I'm sorry I don't want to
love you you know how does the person
pick themselves up after something like
that so it's it's scary so it is love is
the greatest weakness because it
requires vulnerability and people don't
want to be vulnerable so they'd much
rather be surface they much lather you
fall in love with the fluff of who they
are and and some people are okay with
that how do you distinguish between love
and just lust someone thinks they're
really in love but really is just an
attraction they just have this how do
you differentiate between a to lust and
love well I think lust is a result of
not understanding love
anybody who is in lust is because they
don't understand love because why would
you is almost like a losses no karana
tests deputy new landlady who had an
ability who okay why would you opt for
something that is less than for
something that is greater than you know
love is greater than less but the only
reason that you would opt for lust is
because you don't understand love you
know so you know I you know I think lust
is an immaturity it's a person who just
is in tune with the physical aspect of a
relationship
she's cute he's cute the sex is great
you understand what I'm saying those are
the aspects of relationships love is
where you can come into this person
space and let your guard completely down
and let them love you the way that they
feel most comfortable loving you and
you're totally okay with that and
there's nothing greater than that Oprah
Winfrey said that during the time that
she had her show The Oprah Winfrey Show
which ran from the mid 80s all the way
up until the early 90s and she said
during the course of her show she
interviewed over 30,000 people she said
and one thing that all of those people
had in common one thing that they all
had in common was all of them were
looking for validation that's all anyone
ever wants is to be valid to know that
they matter to know that you know
someone else sees their worth that's all
they want and a person who is obviously
in lust will never get that because less
is there's barriers to lust that will
not allow you to go any further than
that you don't go any further than the
physical aspect of the relationship and
it's objectification because once you
get the lust once you get you satisfy
that lusts you're basically done with
the person and then it's off to the next
person and this is what is happening in
many communities including the Islamic
community where relationships where
marriages have now become business deals
you know you pay my rent you take care
of your and then quid pro quo you know
you do for me and then I'll do for you
and this is not love love as she said as
mary j blige said that I would have been
willing to allow my husband to have a
relationship with another woman to keep
my marriage that's love that's love
because love doesn't function on a quid
pro quo if you give me love then I'll
give you love you love regardless in
spite of the fact that the person
doesn't love you but ultimately the one
who's in control of the heart the
creator the having the earth is is is
love just the natural consequences of
coming together or at least if you hold
the boundaries set by the Creator
eventually that love will come but
should there can there be a functioning
marriage even if every everybody agrees
to the terms to how it should be and
they function
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welcome back to the Dean show or with my
old friend shake Shadid Muhammad and
before we went to break tomba alpha-male
and it would would Adam Lohnes I for the
people I don't know there was a lot of
media he's been on many of the popular
talk shows gotta say you just look like
the cat that's got the cream sitting
there with you ladies I think that's a
trouble Adam isn't it there's always
that kind of notion of all he's having
his cake and eating it all here happy
lucky Jack sent us why it's deeper than
that for you yeah I think you know I get
that a lot
news articles all because he has two
girlfriends that he lives with and they
share a king-size bed the throuple share
a king-size bed and take turns in it to
have romantic date night together right
and it's just ironic that he's been
called the luckiest man kind of society
not everybody but it's kind of something
that hasn't been shamed to look down
upon and he's probably he's been propped
up like you know this is a good thing
you know what I mean by a lot of people
it's not now it's on the other side it
just kind of a double standard if a man
goes and was to because he's got
girlfriends right and they're doing
things that are inappropriate you know
according to God and if this man would
have took them as his wives and
maybe they had a king size bed just for
the two and he had separate houses and
he took care of them individually right
he did the the way that the COS
legislation responsible way the
responsible ways kind of looked down
upon why is that well I just think that
that's this a microcosm of where our
society is I mean you know not to get
political but we have a president that
tweets threats to other people and I
mean this is socially acceptable so I
just think that you know this is a
microcosm of where our society is and
the type of
the social standards that have been
lowered and now have become the new norm
you know and the prophet sallahu was
some you know he prophesized that times
like this would come he called it's a no
a turkey that you know years of
deception where the believer the the the
person who's truthful will be considered
untruthful and the person as you know
untruthful will be considered truthful
and a person as trustworthy will be
considered untrustworthy and you know so
basically things that were normally
acceptable will be replaced with a new
norm and so today we're a man such as a
Muslim who's you know abiding by the
religion of Islam can marry more than
one woman provide for them equally you
know financially emotionally you know
religiously provide for these women on
the equal basis and be responsible with
that and having children from them and
you know in raising those children as
his own this is something that is
frowned upon and then you take the same
in the same concept and just remove all
of the religious rules and regulations
and just say a man just takes two
girlfriends and you know any goals and
he gets both from them pregnant at the
same time and he's living with them in
the same home you know no respect for
the human boundaries of you know people
needing their own space the
responsibility of you know years ago a
man having a child with a woman that he
wasn't married to would have been
considered illegitimate and a crime a
crime action Houser delivers a crime
absolutely it was a crime right here in
American society it was actually a crime
and you know those children would have
been considered illegitimate and today
you know we prop people up like this and
we you know we sing their praises today
and it almost seems like anything that
is not tied or connected to religion is
acceptable it doesn't matter how absurd
doesn't matter how weird or how socially
abnormal it is as long as it's not
connected to any religion is socially
acceptable anytime something is
connected to a religion based upon
divine laws and rules and regulations is
frowned upon this unaccepted yeah even
in the in the community you'll see where
they talked about this the
and is considered you know scumbag the
woman is like stupid for allowing this
right right this is kind of like
opposite but then here you go Adam he's
like the luckiest man alive people are
like man he's our hero and some women
are even considering it now even in the
even in the Islamic community you know
part of the reason why polygyny is not
able to you know take its its rightful
place in our religion is because of
Muslims who are you know who you know
have allowed the societal norms of where
we live to define to define what is
acceptable even in our religion so you
have Muslim women who would think about
or consider marrying into a plural
marriage situation and you might she
might be stigmatized and she might be
frowned upon and looked at as stupid or
you know less of less intelligent for
doing so you know you have women that
will say well you're smart you're
beautiful you're young why would you you
know marry into a situation like this
where you have non-muslims who now this
growing trend of a man being with
multiple women in a boyfriend-girlfriend
setting or you know in a context of
being a boyfriend and girlfriend and
they and they're actually trying to make
it work you know and it's almost you
know hypocritical to some degree and it
is a double standard why it seems like
in another aspect people again are
trying to tell women what to do I mean
this is like this is a mature woman this
is actually her right right people
always look at it from one angle this is
like the man but no this is a blessing
for women absolutely and I are not doing
my control for not being I'm saving your
of our own free will yeah don't you
don't need to rescue us we're okay
anyone needs saving actually and they
probably out and now you're trying to
impede on a woman's right and try and
tell her again what to do and what she
can right absolutely and any any woman
that is in polygyny at least in american
society anyway and they had tons of
muslim families at practice polygyny
even here in america any woman that is
in that situation is in that situation
because she chose she chose to marry
into a situation like that there's a
quote that I bring at the beginning of
my book did her religion forced her to
do that no that is not Islam say look
that you have to do this not at all okay
there's a quote that mentioned in the
beginning of my book by Kim George and
it says behind every happy couple lies
to people who have fought hard to
overcome all obstacles and interferences
to be that way why because it's because
that's what they wanted they chose to be
that way so when you find two people two
women or three women in a situation
where they are married to one man that
is their choice they chose to find
happiness they chose to find love in a
non-conventional a non-traditional
relationship they chose to find love
that way why is it that we will make
excuses for people who you know for
same-sex relationships will make every
excuse in the world they were born that
way you know no one can judge them no
one can determine where they find love
but then when we try to find out follow
a divine law divine law and this is not
just in Islam religion is just not
allowed in Islam but also in
Christianity offered as well as in
Judaism these are divine laws that have
allowed this practice for generations
and you know we would condemn that but
then we would make excuses for something
that no divine law would you know would
condone our people like an uproar
politicians are they like you know
really going after deer a he's got a
show I heard you're telling me DeRay
Davis I have the two live-in girlfriends
yes I do okay how do you make that work
they work with each other they're
comfortable are they comfortable you
make it work by paying the bills now
let's be real you still have the two
girlfriends for the rest of my life more
than that getting day off today live
with yourself all my other girlfriends
by at least by saying is just to I will
say this night to at the top before than
everything I've been over there adamant
about sad shakes I got seven lives yeah
yes it's pretty popular show yes yeah
absolutely are people is again is is are
they trying to ban I mean I they trying
to come after him are people not all
testing it's become the new norm because
it's not connected to any religion so if
a hit show yes so means that music say
it except is socially acceptable
absolute and I believe that if he was to
come out tomorrow and say that he's a
Muslim and he's going to marry both of
these women and do it the Islamic way
they were shut the show off he would be
the worst not the luckiest guy in the
world he would be the worst man in the
world so as long as they're your
girlfriend it's okay go along but it put
them in the back put him in the trunk
put them into you ha as many as you want
right but as soon as you marry these
women intentionally I mean you think
about I hate to go there but I mean you
think about somebody like Hugh Hefner
who has a Playboy Mansion where he has
all of these women living in this
mansion many of whom he sleeps with
never condemned for that but a man who
marries more than one woman responsible
he has children with them those children
bear his name those children will
inherit from him he's condemned mm-hmm
you know this is the society that we
have do you think people because a lot
of times this might get associated with
something evil people have seen what's
been projected on the media many of
these cults Mormon religion you know
people having like all these underage
girls
no limit to um they're doing all sorts
of scandalous things so now people
attribute that other times when people
misuse and abuse religion and some of
the beautiful things I've been
sanctioned by the creator now people
have a really bad taste in their mouths
do you think this might kind of have
something to do with it yeah I think it
has a lot to do with it people tend to
say well if it's if it's if it's an
institution if it's a relationship that
is governed by religion then we tend to
think that the woman was forced into
that situation the religion forces that
opponent or super imposes that on the
woman and we never stop to think that in
Islam nothing is super imposed on you
you have a choice in everything in this
religion this is the beauty of the
religion you know Allah says in many
verses in the Quran for mention a fellow
men women Shia fanuc for whoever wishes
to you know believe they let him believe
and whoever wishes to disbelieve then
let him disbelieve you know their verses
in the Quran where Allah says that you
know feminists today yesterday Lynn FC
woman won laughs in the mail with Lou
Ali her that whoever finds guidance
finds guidance for the benefit of his
own soul and whoever chooses to find
misguidance then he does so to the
detriment of his own soul you have a
choice in everything in our religion you
have a choice in everything but people
usually associate religion with you know
imposition you know this is imposed on
you per the religion and so therefore
you don't have a brain you know this is
what things are said about Muslim women
they don't have a brain they don't think
for themselves their husbands make all
of their decisions for them you know not
just with Islam I'm sure Christian women
of the same caliber you don't run into
the same stigmas the same you know you
know the the same you know same things
but the fact of the matter is that the
religion doesn't superimpose that any
woman who is in a monogamous
relationship is in a monogamous
relationship because she chose to and
you know any woman that is married
against her will in Islam whether
monogamy and more so in polygyny then
the marriage is invalid no forced
marriage and so there is no forty can't
force a woman to gain which means that a
woman actually does have a brain yeah
woman can actually choose for herself as
a matter of fact prophet muhammad
sallallahu wasallam he said you know as
the thing abou I have to be NFSA
manually that the woman who was a matron
the woman who has been married
previously she has more right to decide
who she wants to marry than her own
father
why because a woman who has experienced
marriage previously she now knows
because marriages want to bring out
things about yourself you're going to
learn a lot about yourself in this
institution of marriage and even once
that marriage dissolves and you move on
you have learned so much more about
yourself and you know you're able to
distinguish now your needs from your
one's going into a marriage from the
very beginning as a virgin whether male
or female we complete our needs with our
ones we don't know the difference
between what we need and what we want
hence the fact we make a lot of mistakes
in the marriage but once you leave that
marriage you exit that marriage you have
a clear finite understanding of your
needs and your ones and therefore a
woman has more right to decide who she
wants to marry then her wali then our
own guardian you know yeah we're going
to we're going to take a break
wonderful topic was out of time I love
and we're talking about
polygyny we jumped into it can you
separate the two we have so much more to
talk about I want to ask you that how
wisest have to come up if he loves me
why'd you have to you know what I have
to share is man program is man program
like this what's all this about why is
he have to even why just have to even
have to be a discussion with breath with
Mort answer these very important
questions don't go anywhere let us
follow in the footsteps of the greatest
men who ever walked this earth the
messenger that God Almighty sent like
Abraham Moses Jesus and Mohammed peace
be upon them all who all called people
to worship the Creator alone and not
this creation take a moment now
fulfill one of those qualities and Nets
of giving towards the dollar-something
all these great Giants did and call
people to do help us reach our yearly
goal from it out help be part of sharing
the truth support the details
[Music]
you
back here on the Dean show so why do we
again some people might say why are you
even taught is Ramadan you know why are
you guys talking about this we got
serious issues going on and not only are
you the author of the book what's the
book called the revolution of the rebel
olive love so we start talking about
love now we're talking about this
extending the family right can you
separate it I move the word to use
extending the family yeah so someone
says why are you guys even discussing
this if he loves me then he wouldn't be
even bringing this up why
why the issue now well look some goes
back to something that you said before
we went to the break and that is a is
man wire genetically to be with just one
woman or is this something that you know
is just part of his biological makeup
that he has to be with more than one
woman
there was a study called the the
Coolidge effect and this is actually
chapter one in my book the Coolidge
effect and this is a phenomenon where
researchers found that when a man is
with one woman for a substantial amount
of time he goes through what is called a
post ejaculatory refractory period which
is which means basically that he gets
tired of being with the same woman for a
substantial amount of time but when a
new woman is introduced into the
relationship then it kind of
rekindles he wakes up again he wakes up
again absolutely and they did the study
with mice they did it with other animals
and this is another science is the
science so basically is saying that men
are not genetically wired to be with one
woman for the duration of his life I
mean case closed so well how are you
going to beat up on America
so that's not to say that some men are
not content with one woman and they are
some men are but those men that are
content with one women with one woman
those men are the exception to the rule
not the rule evidence by the many
document well documented as well as
those had that have not been documented
instances of men that are having
extramarital relationships with women
that they're not married to you know
polygyny was actually the the standard
of marriage before the dawn of the roman
catholic church believe it or not
historically anthropologists have
studied you know ancient societies and
have found that polygamy was the actual
practice of marriage that a man and of
course there was no limit because it
wasn't actually a divine law this was
just something that and I mean this is
something documented even with many of
the prophets prophesy lay men had more
than one wife Prophet Ibrahim by the SNM
we we have you know um practices
celebratory practices in our religion
that commemorates you know one of you
Brahimi wives and another one that
commemorates another wife you know he
had one wife adjure daddy left him in
mecca with his son Ismael and he had
another wife Sarah that he left in
Palestine but the bible does the Bible
talk about him having three wives I'm
not sure I'm not sure how many wives but
they're well documented you know
instances in the Bible where men had
more than Prophet David prophet dude
these are so the greatest men to walk to
earth they had exam absolutely they had
they had big families you know there's a
incident incident where prophet Sulayman
who had ninety-nine wives and he said in
a hadith the Prophet Salah Jerusalem
said that he said I'm going to go to all
of my wives and one night and each one
of them is going to deliver a male child
that will fight in the cause of Allah
but he didn't say in sha Allah so which
means if God wills right and so he went
to all of his wives and none of them
gave birth to a child except one and the
child came out you know deformed it was
only half of a child you know and the
point that I'm making is that we see all
of these stories documented you know
stories divine stories that are you know
documenting you know these men these
great men that we look up to that we
praise that we try to emulate you know
and incorporate their behaviors in our
day to day character and yet when we try
to emulate that particular aspect of
their lives then it's frowned upon and
shunned and so to answer your question
why are we actually having this
discussion why if a man loves a woman
the why does he need another woman can a
man love more than one woman because
when you say if he loves her why does he
need another woman so basically you're
you're saying that his love should be
restricted to her if he loves her then
he should not want another woman so then
basically here we go again trying to put
love in a box
can a man love more than one woman
absolutely
but he cannot love them equally the same
we don't love our children equally the
same there's no human being that can say
you have ten children you love each and
every one of your children the exact
same way you don't there's always that
one child that your heart you know just
inclines towards you know for whatever
reason you know you always have this one
child that has a special need that maybe
the other children don't have or another
child that is very vulnerable and naive
and you have to cater to that child more
than the other does that mean that
there's a baseline love that you have
for all of your children yes there's a
baseline love that you have for all of
your children but is there a particular
child that your heart just you know
inclines towards absolutely absolutely
we all say if we grew up in big families
I don't know about you I grew up in a
you know I have three sisters and
we always say that this particular child
is my mom's favorite you're the favorite
this is the argument among siblings who
is the favorite right this was the
argument amongst prophet youssef right
what did the brothers the Prophet used
to say that you know that Yusef is you
know is more beloved to prophet yaqoob
than we are well not know Russa and we
are a bigger group because prophet
yaqoob himself had more than one wife
right so Yusef and Benny Amin was from
one wife and the other brothers were
from another wife and so the confusion
or the the the disgruntlement was
because the group the larger group of
brothers thought that prophet yaqoob
love use of and Binyamin more than he
loved him
so this happens even among siblings you
know that who's the most favorite so
this shows that the parents and no
matter how much you as a parent try to
love your children equally children they
pick up on these things just as if you
have multiple wives they're going to
pick up on that as well they're going to
see that you know this particular wife
you let her get away with certain things
and this particular wife you you know
cater to her in a certain way and that's
just human that's just who we are as
human beings but can a man love more
than one woman yes can he love them
equally the same no love should be as
I've heard multiplied not divided
multiplied not that one no no I have now
yeah I want to make it a
comparison here to kind of trends
changing and where do we want to be and
maybe you can see where I'm going with
and kind of correlate this to our
discussion you know when you look at
some one of the signals that we have and
again this goes back to the great men
they all used to have the beard right
right and if you even look at now
science today it's showing that it helps
to prevent cancer with the UV rays
coming in so I just get amazed with the
deep that we don't obviously do it
because of that but even in these things
there's great wisdom right of the divine
right so this article talks about in
terms of legit study we'll have it up
where it is cancer preventing for
preventing the rays coming and hitting
your the UV rays your skin also many of
the pollens and everything is trapped
here for help prevent asthma the list
goes on but not that you have so many
athletes on so many have you noticed
everyone has a beard nowadays not
everyone but a growing number of people
it's become like the new trend right
right but we were doing it before was
trendy right but now on the other side
you have a lot of you know people who
you know because of the culture right
before years back people were looking
down upon you because you had a beard
you follow me but now because it's
fashionable people are like growing
acceptable some people are just staying
still behind my Rami but now acquainting
that to here we gave some examples with
DeRay Davis many people might not know
was me I didn't you mentioned him mary j
blige but adam lines who
Minh Minh
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mineva
as even even even wearing the hijab when
you know whether it's socially accepted
or not we still have an obligation to
stick to our values and our principles
absolutely what are some of the favorite
chapters in your book
I think the chapter can a man love more
than one woman I think that that's very
you know very interesting you know even
myself as I was writing the you know
book and you know documenting you know
some of my thoughts about the chapter um
you know it just opened up a whole you
know can of worms as it relates to the
concept of love I'm a convert to Islam
so much of what I saw coming into the
religion I didn't see you know um the
marriages Islamic marriages function the
way that I saw in Christianity and
that's not to say that Christian
marriages are more valid in Islamic
marriages that's not what I'm saying
what I'm saying is that Islamic
marriages tend to function on a very
quid pro quo you know type of philosophy
you know as long as you're giving me my
rights I'll give you your rights you
know and I you know grew up in a home
where I've seen my parents you know um
you know maybe not necessarily get along
but divorce was never on the table the
divorce was never you know it's just
like almost like we had that and it we
abuse it you know it's almost like Adam
in the tree if Allah had not told Adam
don't eat from this tree is it a wonder
whether Adam would have even wanted to
eat from the tree it's like when you
tell someone don't do something we
desire what we can't have so when the
law says don't pronounce divorce or the
religion says divorce is not the most
desirable thing it's like that's the
thing that we desire the most you know
so you're fine Islam Muslim marriages
many muscle marriages are just you know
they're on airplane mode they just Coast
and husband and wife function as
roommates you don't really see love you
don't really see compassion you don't
really see and I'm a marriage counselor
so I counseled a lot of couples and I
can tell you a lot of the couples that
come through my door
sometimes I'm baffled and I'm saying to
myself how can two people who live
together in a relationship governed by a
religion that puts love at home of the
relationship how could you function with
each other like this I'm amazed love is
the cornerstone of our religion
aside from marriage the prophet sallahu
essence allow umino after the comb had
to you hid Leah clay he may your humble
in EM see none of you truly believes and
so you love you love for your brother
which you love for yourself one of the
laws names is a low dude the loving love
is at the helm of our religion so how is
it that two people who share a
relationship together governed by a
religion that puts love at the forefront
of everything that we do
how how could they do the things that
they do to one another you
follow me yes I just don't understand it
so it's either we don't understand love
or we do but we just don't have a regard
for it we don't care for it you know and
that's another trend that is going on in
our society where relationships are just
business deals you know you you pay for
my rent you take care of me and then
I'll take care of you sexually our you
know make your food I'll do whatever I
need to do on my part but I'm not doing
it out of love
I'm doing it because you're doing for me
what I need you to do for me it's a quid
pro quo philosophy and that's not love
the prophets Elijah was some of them he
was standing with one of his companions
and a man walked by and a man said to
him you know a Messenger of Allah I love
that guy and the Prophet said what did
you go tell him he said no he said go
tell him why did he tell him to go tell
him because when you tell someone I love
you it changes everything it changes the
way that they feel about themselves some
people don't even love themselves some
people don't even know that it is okay
to love themselves some people seek
validation for them for their own selves
by loving other people they out in the
service of other people looking for self
validation
people spend their lives as passengers
in a vehicle to their own self-awareness
you're a passenger in your own journey
to self awareness you don't even know
you're asking other people permission to
love yourself you know and so telling
someone that you loved them and
sincerely meaning it it forces the
person to see you differently and it
forces them to see themselves
differently some people don't love
themselves you know the Prophet was with
one of his companions you know um and
this guy was a slave and he was freed
and you know much like the naree the the
narrative of many of the Companions who
came out of slavery and things like that
and he was in the marketplace selling
his stuff and the Prophet walked behind
him that he'd have been Haram he walked
behind him and he grabbed him joking
with him and so you know he tried to
turn and see who it was and when he
realized it was the Prophet he relaxed
and the Prophet said jokingly men you
steady Minli has alive who will buy the
slave for me he was joking and the
servant he's in the Shia he said you
know if you are referring to me or
Messenger of Allah let's head you do me
Kassadin you will find me worthless you
will finally worthless goods no one
would buy me and the prophet sallahu a
sudden said Bell enter inda llahi
garland he said no to Allah you are
priceless you're priceless to Allah you
in society may see you as worthless but
in the sight of Allah you are priceless
boost of confidence boost of confidence
but what I'm saying is this is how some
people see themselves they see
themselves as being worthless as being
nothing this could be based upon their
upbringing based upon you know society
is just kind of dealt them a raw deal
you know they had that
hand they was dealt a bad hand for
whatever reason but you know love helps
to change that perception so you know
it's important that we make sure that
our marriages are founded on love and
not founded or superficial you know um
you know endeavors like saving myself
from the Hellfire here that often in the
Islamic community I want to get married
to save myself from the Hellfire okay
but the person that you are marrying
might be marrying for reason other than
that they might be marrying because they
actually want to be in love they've
never been in love before they want to
be in a relationship where they want to
have someone cater to their emotional
needs they want to be in a relationship
where they have someone cater to see
them as a human being to care for them
the way that they've always wanted to be
careful while your only concern is I'm
married now I don't have to worry about
committing fornication right or adultery
right so it's kind of objectification
that we objectify the institution of
marriage and this is one of the things
that I talk about you know in my book
the revolution of love
you know and this this is probably the
most important chapter to me and then I
have a chapter at the end of the book
called the do's and don'ts of polygyny
you know I could have put more in there
but I put a few in there do's and don'ts
of polygyny basically like a poop a
blueprint you know a lot of us as men
this is the first time that we've ever
been in any situation remotely close to
you know polygyny you know yeah probably
those of us who are converts to Islam or
those of us who you know we're not
practicing Islam you know prior to our
conversion or prior to our submission to
Islam we may have had multiple
girlfriends and maybe have juggled a few
women here and there but being married
to multiple women is nowhere near in
comparison to juggling mode because
there there's no really no
responsibility there's no accountability
there's no one to hold you accountable
you can basically do you there's no
responsibility but in in Islam in
polygyny there's responsibility and
there is accountability if that
responsibility is not fulfilled the
prophecy logical sometimes said that any
man who has more than one wife from a
lady that is that whom that he inclines
towards one of them more than the other
that he will come on the day of judgment
was home at in and one of his size will
be leaning he will be it would be a
deformity a deformity in front of the
world in front of everyone standing
there waiting to be judged and you will
stand there with this deformity in front
of everyone and everyone will know why
you are deformed and that is because you
incline towards one life more than the
other and there are other divine
consequences in this life as well as in
the hereafter for those you know we will
embark on this journey of polygamy so
you know it's there is a responsibility
and with responsibility there is
accountability before we come to an end
is there any chapter helping people to
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point that I'm making is that you know
when there's personal investment when
there's emotional investment in
something when you try to separate that
from the person that does not go easy so
a lot of times brothers are you know you
know are like well just get over it's
just jealousy no it's beyond jealousy
and trust me it is beyond jealousy this
woman has invested her entire life in
you and what you guys have built that is
you know you have to be emotionally
savvy you have to be you know very smart
very wise and how you introduce it how
you go about it and even if is the most
perfect the most picture-perfect
situation it's still not going to
diminish the emotion the jealousy the
insecurity and everything that comes
about as a result of your decision and
sometimes women never recover from that
I know women I've counseled women who
were taking medication because their
husbands have taken other wives so you
know and these were provided not some of
the best situations that were done in
the most upright manner and but what I
am saying is that even if you take the
most picture-perfect situation and you
do it the right way it still does not
mean that the woman is not entitled to
her emotions and her feelings and her
you know insecurities and you know all
of those things that are going to come
about you know and this is why the
prophet sallahu sort of intervened when
Eileen wanted to take a second wife
Eileen was married to the prophets
youngest daughter Fatima Fatima at the
time when she married Eileen her mother
was deceased Khadija was deceased and
all of her older sisters were deceased
zainabou paya uncle tomb there were all
diseased so fatima was basically the
baby girl and on top of being the
youngest she had no other female support
she had no support system and so Ali
wanted to marry the daughter of Abu
jahil who became Muslim she converted to
Islam Jamila and he wanted to marry her
as a second wife and the Prophet said no
he went to Eileen and he said I am NOT
making something Haram that Allah made
halal and this is very important for
people to understand he's not
challenging the polygyny what he's doing
is his room moving his daughter from
that situation he said I'm not making
something harmed and Allah made halau he
said but the daughter of Muhammad will
not be united in a marriage with the
daughter of the enemy of Muhammad and I
was a daughter of Abuja you know how
would that look in the community for the
Prophet to allow you know I leave his
who's married to his daughter to marry
another woman who her father was the you
know the fit out of our money you know
and you understand what I'm saying like
it complicates it even more not only
that as the scholars explained the
reason why the Prophet intervene was
because faatima didn't have a support
system the Prophet and all of his wives
and his family and everything that his
responsibilities he would not have been
able to be there for her emotionally the
way that she would need someone and and
women in those situations they need
maternal comfort they need a mother they
need women to comfort them through those
emotions because they share those
emotions a man we don't understand what
they're going through so the prophet
sallahu a sudden he intervened and until
Ali no and I li you know against the
situation he later on you know before
Fatima died he later on married into
polygamy and actually the situation
worked out best because Fatima was very
sick and the other wife actually
assisted in that process but at that
moment it was it wasn't a good time you
know so what I'm saying is that this
chapter you know first wife syndrome
just kind of gives us a more in-depth
look into what our women are going
through when we decide to go into this
and then there's a second life syndrome
and that is the woman that is coming in
the new woman coming in and all of these
pressures that are put on her from both
her family from society and even
marrying into a family of already made
family just think about a woman who
maybe she's never been married before
and then she's marrying into a
polygynous situation and already made
family this guy has this this woman this
wife they have maybe two or three
children and she's marrying into this
situation it can be daunting it can be
very scary you know and so what I'm
doing is I'm highlighting you know some
of the pressures some of the challenges
that women are who are second wives come
in sometimes they come into a situation
and they feel like they have to pity the
first wife and they have to you know
conform to her every command just to try
to make her feel more comfortable I mean
think about a woman marrying into an
already made family sometimes she comes
in feeling like a homewrecker because
that's the stigma the community sees her
as a homewrecker like you're marrying
into this guy's family and you're going
to destroy his family you're home
wrecker yeah you know but you have over
here as we talked about earlier the guy
Adam who had two wives is not married to
him as his girlfriend they do a lot of
things that's not sanctioned by the
crater right if Adam would he would
marry them right maybe accept Islam
right do it right right via different
stove be great
and he'd get rewarded for that right but
my point is that in part of the
interview it talks about him actually
getting jealous how them two are
actually getting a lot of getting along
and how about each other right that's
ironic right over here you got them like
supporting helping and right he's
getting jealous of that life but over
here we don't have that we don't we
don't have that you know and that that
has always puzzled me why do Muslim
women struggle so much with something
that is already a part of our our
religion and then you have non-muslims
who this is a new phenomenon for them
you know to actually come to the
forefront of society and and learn to
accept that and stand in that and be
accepting of that this is a very new
phenomenon for them and they seem like
they're totally okay with it and they
seem like they fare very well with it
very maturely I think one of the
theories that I have about that is that
with non-muslims their relationships are
a lot different they pretty much get to
know each other as they go along with
Muslims it's like you know I'm meeting
with her her father mother very formal
you know and then we get married and
then we kind of start our journey to
learning one another we as with
non-muslims they're kind of taking that
journey simultaneously so you know
they're learning one another they're
being intimate with one another as they
move along in their relationship where
as Muslims we don't have that luxury you
know we don't have that luxury so
working people get the book
revolution of love the revolution of
love a man's perspective on loving
multiple women in an entre additional
marriage I actually have a gift for you
that's for you thank you very much thank
you very much an omission of love you
can purchase the book from my website
www.jfn.co.jp/toho
on as well and you can purchase the book
on Amazon as well revolution of love get
your copy thank you very much and any
advice for the brothers and sisters out
there and closing a few last minute we
have at last Ramadan advice anything
that you want to give shout out I would
just say to be generous in Roma Bahn the
prophets of lighting with some of them I
see she said that you know the Prophet
was very generous it was a very generous
person but the peak of his generosity
was in the month of Ramadan when Jibril
would meet with him every night in
Ramadan and review the Quran and the
prophets generosity wasn't just
restricted to being generous with money
usually when we hear be generous we're
thinking in terms of money but the
prophets generosity it was all
encompassing of every single aspect of
his life he was generous with his come
you know with his compliments he didn't
have a problem complimenting people
you know he saw you know Abdullah he was
climbing in a tree and the Sahaba were
laughing at his little legs and the
Prophet said are you laughing at his
legs he said I swear by Allah his two
little legs will weigh more on the
scales on the day of judgment in front
of Allah than the mountain of all hood
you know he didn't have a problem very
you know learn how to be generous with
your compliments learn how to compliment
people compliment yourself you know tell
yourself it's okay to tell yourself you
look like it's okay to tell yourself
you're handsome it's okay to tell you so
you're beautiful there's nothing wrong
with that be generous with your
compliments he was generous with his
time right with his time sometimes we
you know I don't really have time
sometimes we function through text
messages which kind of takes the emotion
out hence the fact we have emojis which
is the substitute for human emotion so
we're using pictures now to substitute
for human emotion and it's not fair
because human interaction requires
emotion so be generous with your time
you know don't send the text pick up a
phone and call the person hey you know I
was thinking about you know how you
doing you know just to hear the person's
voice and that human interaction is
something that we're moving totally away
from totally right so be generous with
your time you know the process a lot
even some of them you know one of the
women came and said o Messenger of Allah
you you you know the men take up all of
your time set aside a day for us just
the women in the community to teach us
and the Prophet agreed to that and he
would teach the women just the women on
a day so be generous with your time be
generous with your compliments be
generous with your money be generous
with your relationship with Allah that
if you believe you have a good
relationship with Allah then use that
relationship to help other people get to
the point where you believe you are
don't use that as a means of looking
down on people you say well you know I'm
here religiously and you're not though
that you having that position is a
privilege so you should use that to help
bring other people up to the level that
you believe you are the Prophet used
this position with Allah to bring people
up right we say level up to bring them
up to another level and examples you
know one of his companions or a beer if
you know carbon s Lemmy you know he said
Toto be at one time ask me for whatever
you want and I'll give it to you I'm
Robby I said well you know it kind of
caught him off guard with the question
so he said well let me think about it
for a little bit and then I'll get back
to you and so he said I thought to
myself you know this dunya the life of
this world is transitory its quick
passing it makes no sense to ask him to
ask Allah for something from this world
and you know my provision is going to
come to me regardless so he said why not
ask him for something from the Hereafter
so when he met the Prophet again the
Prophet asked him would o be it send me
or a teak he said ask me and I'll give
you what you want he said you know you
are aware of my position with Allah
asked me for what you want and I'll give
it to you and he said o Messenger of
Allah I ask you from your
all I want is your companionship
engender and the Prophet said that's all
you want he said who would that K and
also that's all I want I just want to be
your companion and gentleman you know
and the Prophet you know supplicated on
his behalf so to use your with a LOF you
believe that you have a good
relationship with Allah then use your
relationship with Allah to help others
not to look down on a mat to frown on
them not to make yourself look like
you're better than them you know so this
is what I would say be generous in the
month of Ramadan and a loss of penalty
animals best shake Shadid Mohammed thank
you very much again a pleasure my
pleasure seeing you again shallow we'll
have you back inshallah inshallah
chocolate a quite alright
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