[Music]
Allah there's only one God and muhamad
is his messenger
Allah
Allah there's only one God and Jesus was
his
messenger I don't know why I did that
maybe it's just maybe it's just to break
the
ice alhamdulillah Alum welcome to the
dean show we are here helping you
develop a better understanding on Islam
and Muslims usually when you don't
understand something you end up fearing
it now that you can understand who
Muslims are what Islam is you might even
come to embracing it accepting that
there's only one God and you are within
your very nature wanting to submit to
the one God you can accept Islam at any
time so leave a number right here on the
screen 1 1800 662 Islam anytime during
the show after the show call this number
to get more information we're going to
be talking about continuing with our
special guest Imam shpendim grew up in
New Jersey he's a new jerseyan I'm a
chicagoan and we're hooking up here on
the dean show talking about marriage in
our last show this is part two we talked
about the benefits of marriage everyone
wants to know what's the benefits now
for the one who has implemented
Islam this is finding your mate hooking
up and doing it the right way we talked
about some other points you can go back
see part one now we're going to be
bringing on our guest
imash how are you thank you for being
with us again to cover part two of the
marriage you us bless and reward you I
mean yaku thank you very much we left
off last time and we're going to get
straight to it because the time just
flies and we're going to have to have
you back again we're going to keep this
going we're going to dedicate a section
on The Dean show for the people to come
on and it'll just be for marriage
because people want to talk about
naturally it's in them they want to
express themselves but in part one we
talked about how to do it through
marriage doing it how the Creator God
Almighty the creator of this universe
how he wants you to do it talk about
just quickly real quickly now the harms
we talk about benefits but but going
into
marriage many benefits the rewards you
can even get rewarded for having
intimate relations with your wife is
that correct correct uh you'll comment
on this record these points you're gonna
cover them before we go I'm very excited
to talk about this now there's so now
the harms illegitimate children diseases
uh heartache heartbreak talk about this
for a moment those side effects of doing
it test drive style talk to me I think
that it's evident in society as a whole
when you look at the many different
negative repercussions that people who
do live that test Drive uh lifestyle of
switching from person to person
heartbreak after heartbreak wound after
wound scar after scar that you find that
it's very common now for women to be
suffering from depression could you
imagine when these relationships that
are not established for the right
purpose and you have people that are
going to become verbally abusive M where
they're going to mentally look to
destroy you because it's about
manipulation it's about how I can get
the most out of you and in no way what I
can give you and so you have your
self-esteem being destroyed your self
worth and value being destroyed um at
the end of the day you have major major
mental illness not to mention as you
mentioned the diseases that take place
and it's not just about AIDS AIDS is
definitely very serious where you
basically have a death tag on you that
you're going to die if no cure comes up
for it or uh things of that sort but
there's other diseases diseases that
perhaps people don't think about today
um when it comes to also the children
imagine how many mothers single mothers
are out there with the stress of trying
to raise provide for these
kids and then the kids themselves being
raised in these homes without having a
father being raised under the stress and
anxiety of a mom who's living in a in a
doggy dog world so you'll find that a
lot of the social ills that we have
today they're really the fruits of these
bad decisions that people are making in
their lives and this all comes from just
living that freest style I call it
lifestyle just do as you want go to the
little nightclub go to the party men and
women just mixing co-mingling and we
have a lot of Muslims that are falling
into this trap this trap of just going
and following your lust and desires is
there any good that can come out of this
yes only if they're looking to abuse
themselves and for a cheap thrill cheap
through but for someone that you're
going to want to make your partner in
life that you're going to want to raise
a
family people don't go to the
barn to try to find themselves you know
a meal uhhuh nor to find themselves a
partner if you're hungry you're going to
go to the right place you're going to go
to a restaurant you're going to go to a
place that specializes in making food
and not only that but because we're
conscious of what we eat we're not going
to go to just any hole in the wall where
we're going to catch you you know Sal
Manila or who knows if they're serving
your rats chopped up as chicken or
whatever the case is why is it then when
it comes to one of the most important
decisions in
life why is it that we take this easy
approach or that we literally abuse
ourselves and others honestly I think
that one of the biggest problems that
Muslims have had is that their parents
have been an awful an awful example for
what a successful marriage should be
yeah I'm not saying everybody but I
think that in general it would be the
case you'll find that when it comes to
the relationship being one of
partnership that doesn't seem to be the
case most of the times it's one of roles
and rights that the man's supposed to go
out and work and bring home their bread
and come home and the wife is supposed
to be serving all day and she's
frustrated and this and that perhaps
these things work prior to TV and all of
these other fantasies of what
relationship should be I think that
people today Muslims included they want
more and they have every right to
but understand though that in Islam you
can have all of that but it needs to be
done right in Islam when we look at the
life of the Prophet Sall and he taught
us he
said and this Hadith which is authentic
he taught us that everything in this
world is but a
possession it's a possession of one
shape form or another and the best thing
you could possess and have in this world
is a righteous woman a righteous wife
and the same thing holds true for the
wife to have a righteous husband and so
when you have that relationship and
everybody understands not the rules and
the roles and all of these conditions
that take away from the naturalness and
from the awesomeness of the relationship
then you can have the intimacy you can
have the excitement and the Thrills you
can have the passion and the romance you
can have the fun you can have all of
those things and more but with an extra
added value and quality that you're not
going to have in these other
relationships with commitment with
stability
you're not going to have somebody that
is going to be here today and perhaps
not be there
tomorrow and as long as we understand
that Subhan Allah Allah is always and
forever to be glorified you can have
your cake and eat it too with
Islam before we go on to some of these
points I told and I promised the people
we're going to cover in the last show
part one I want to make this clear
because we love our sisters in the dean
we love our brothers in the dean and now
these sisters that might have been away
we want them to come back to the one who
cares about them the most their creator
he knows what's best for him he cares so
much about you that he does not want you
to harm yourself so that's why he'll
prohibit certain things you will comment
on this inshallah tell us that a man at
a nightclub or a bar is this a man that
you can take seriously is he there with
you think marriage on his mind same
thing for the woman no absolutely not
there shouldn't be any reason for a
Muslim to go to this place or these
types of Hangouts and bars and clubs
looking for a husband looking for a wife
looking for the person that's going to
be their long lifelong companion the
father the mother of their children the
building block of that family that's not
the place for does it mean that it's
impossible no it's not impossible but we
want to try to use our mind and our
intelligence it's not practical we want
to we want to benefit from what Allah
has given us we want to be in the right
locations looking for the right thing
and this is one of the things we have to
understand when you go to these types of
places especially the men yeah the men
are going there because they want to
have fun they're looking for some cheap
thrills they excitement they want to
hook up they want to party they want to
win bam thank you ma'am and then if they
can keep you in sisters need to know
this though this is they need to know
this that this is how the psych this is
what the man is out there he's on the
hunt he's on the hunt and even worse
than that he'll lie to you he'll lie to
you he'll lie to you with a straight
face yeah because at the end of the day
he's MAV end that the ends justify the
means we don't want you to get lied to
we don't want you to get set up like
this that's why we love you and we're
trying to give you the best advice same
thing with now the brothers are out
there on the hunt and seems like the the
sisters in these places are out there on
display we don't want our sisters to be
on display we don't and I'll tell you
something if our sisters have made
mistakes in life that does not justify
for them thinking that the only way
they'll be able to find somebody is to
go to these places no as long as a
person a believing Muslim repents to
Allah they're no longer considered
unchaste evil or anything of that sort
so if they have wronged themselves the
women or the men they need to return to
Allah and look to find the Halal the
appropriate way the appropriate
locations the appropriate methods for
finding that person not these place it's
never too late so even if he's did that
he's been the he's had the VIP car for
all the nightclubs she's had you know
the guy who's taken her all the
nightclubs and another guy taking her
there and all these other things we're
not going to get into the details Allah
is the most forgiving she stops right
now he forgives is this correct
absolutely okay we talked about this and
I hope you get to benefit and we're
doing this out of the love here with
imash deem tell us now for the brother
these who've gotten a little past that
he's fasting now the brother is not
married but he's not kicking it at a
nightclub Shayan don't got him there
he's fasting mashallah you know but he's
still not
married something is holding people we
talked about on the last show I'm I this
is this is the real deal I come up with
brothers and look what time it is it's
like two years three years pass brother
you get married I asked them this
question three years ago and the brother
I make Dua for me I mean I'm making Dua
for him but can he be doing something a
little bit more can he be a little more
enthusiastic about it what are the harms
of keeping you cuz I I honestly think
look Shan keep you away from praying huh
and definitely you started praying he
doesn't want you to get married does he
cuz there's so much good that can come
out can they be tricked a little bit by
thean procrastinating for so long and I
don't want you Brothers to live another
10 years and when I see you say look
brother still make Dua for me I want you
to be enthusiastic about this after the
show give us some advice IM it's
absolutely correct actually if we boil
down the different issues of being hurt
of stress of sadness trying to cover it
all all of that at and its core is
really fear mhm there's fear Within
These individuals that's preventing them
from taking that step can they get a
shot or something to get them away
definitely give them a shot of IM IM yes
you know what I mean let them accept it
and that's the thing they have to make
that active decision they need to if
they're making Dua to Allah they need to
then allow Allah to guide them in the
right direction and part of that right
direction is looking to have clearly
what you're looking for and then looking
to get the proper methodology of finding
that person get your family your friends
perhaps even the IM or the mjid that's
what we need to hear yes so you talked
about get your family involved the Imam
at the Masid talk give us and these
things honestly when it comes to the
cultures of different Muslims these are
some of the conflicts that take place
because normally in the you know the
countryes back home it's something that
a lot of times there's still people that
their parents are deciding for them who
they're going to marry okay when you
come to America or you go to some other
countries you got to understand that
this is a Melting Pot yeah and so we
need to really open up our minds and our
hearts to what is islamically
permissible of avenues for us to follow
and it comes to using the imams and
benefiting for example from the Islamic
centers from the Islamic schools when it
comes to for example different Islamic
classes that may be given when it comes
to even the internet and one of the
awesome things that just recently
started up which I really recommend that
our brothers and sisters look to take
advantage of is an awesome project that
y has come with yeah and from what I
know of I expect this to be something
that's going to be awesome and it's
going to be very beneficial website uh
the website is
www. prac toate p r a c t m a
t.com and in this he's got a service
which takes you literally like life
coaching from beginning to end for the
stages of helping you especially if you
were a practicing Muslim somebody who
wants a practicing Muslim to be able to
achieve that to get the goal done so we
need we need to put forth the effort we
need to be encouraged we need to be
excited and we got to be out there doing
the work like anything she's not just
going to come knock on your door and say
hey I'm here marry me it's not going to
work like that is it unfortunately
that's the mentality back home
especially on the woman's part that
she's got to sit home and that
somebody's going to come knocking on
your door W the time by by Allah the
time has come that we need to really be
proactive if you are not going to be
proactive in your life and that which is
most important to you if you're going to
just leave it to others then how in the
world are you going to be able to expect
really a meaningful deep fulfilling
relationship so it's not shameful in
Islam that for example the father when
he knows his kids and he knows his
daughter and he's in the community if he
spots and recognizes a great candidate
for his daughter from what he knows of
the person of having seen him in a
mission and attended different functions
and having an opportunity really get to
see the core of what this person is
their quality their personality to
approach the guy and say to him look my
man I got my daughter who uh is of age
to get married and I don't know what
your situation is and all but if you're
looking to get married let's talk or a
brother for example if it's that he's
the W if he's the guardian instead of
the father for example if he's not
present he's passed away whatever the
case is or for the brother himself for
the brother himself to be active to look
to go to the Masid to attend some of
these Islamic classes to to you know
find out for maybe his sister or his
sisters or his aunts or his nieces or
whatever the case is to be able to
really be just as eager and as ambitious
and trying to find that person as they
would be for anything else get on the
ball get on the ball run with it man and
this is something very serious because
Zen that's a major sin Zena meaning how
would you transed fornication and
adultery this is something that's major
we don't want to get close to that we
want to be far away from that and
safeguarding your Dean your way of life
the way of life from the creat of the
heavens and earth that's the marriage
isn't it protect yourself from getting
in this trouble that's definitely one of
the aspects and purposes behind marriage
and of the
benefits that it protects you from
having to do anything of what you would
normally have fulfill you and satisfy
you within the marriage to find it
outside of the marriage and again this
is one of those aspects of when you are
going to get married that you want to
make sure that when you marry the person
they have a proper understanding of
intimacy and sensual yeah um it's
unfortunate that culturally the way that
excuse me our sisters have been raised
to understand this issue of intimacy as
if it's a taboo yeah as if it's a wrong
it's as if it's this you know
unfortunate act that just has to happen
hurry up and get it over and done with
and therefore it leaves a lot of
unfulfillment within the man which
causes them a lot of the times to want
to find it in other avenues so yes
islamically marriage is supposed to
protect us and Safeguard us from it but
at the same time if you when you're
looking to get married don't check to
understand to see that the other person
understands things correctly and that
they're really looking to submit
themselves to what is within Islam even
though culturally and in their
upbringing they may have had a different
view then it may be that this is going
to be one of the major po points of
stress within the relationship which can
cause problems we talked about benefits
we talked about importance of marriage
man this is such a vast topic we're
going to be dedicating and we're going
to have to have you back again we're
almost out of time Imam tell us now that
did
the companion of the last and final
messenger Prophet Muhammad peace be upon
Him Omar Omar kab did he when he would
find a single man what would he say to
him did you come across did where he
would ask him he wouldn't be pleased he
would say something in the sense are you
married and if you weren't he would uh
give him a little hard time can you
comment on this well that's true why
because the sahaba The Companions and
The Disciples of the Prophet Muhammad
May Allah's peace and blessings be upon
him and may Allah mercy be upon his
companions and disciples they took the
Sunnah the teachings the Life
Application of the Prophet Muhammad
seriously mhm so for them they didn't
pick and choose and say well we're going
to give this a number 10 priority and
make this a number one they took it all
seriously especially when the prophet
would use the
term that whoever desires other than my
way that he's not from me for them that
was a major Red Alert like oh oh
something is definitely serious here so
when they saw somebody looking or not
actively partaking in that which is a
clear teaching a command within Islam
then for them that raised red flags it
raised red flags it was something to be
cautious uh uh cautioned about something
to question and see why what's happening
what's up with that why aren't you doing
what the prophet told you to do you
still three years later especially
because in Islam marriage is supposed to
be a simple project uh process we're
making it difficult nowadays aren we we
make it too difficult we're torturing
ourselves yeah we are giving ourselves
migraines mhm we're putting conditions
upon ourselves and upon each other to a
point where in certain countries yeah
people cannot get married because of the
monetary cost of them having to set up
all these different things of the dowy
of the Mah of the gift and of a fully
furnished apartment and of this much
money and gold and jewelry and so on and
so forth where people have to literally
try to get in debt uh literally have to
get in debt to be able to meet those
circumstances and imagine what happens
now after after a person has literally
gone off on a limb to do that and when
they get
married and they don't find within that
person because they didn't do their job
what they were looking for they don't
feel satisfied they don't feel
fulfilled the let down encouragement to
run to after you view this show call
your friend call the Imam tell them look
I just watched imash and Eddie on the de
show I'm excited I need to get married I
want to do it though the right way
according to how the creator of the
heavens and earth and his last and final
messenger they have given us the
guidelines and nothing less this is what
we're talking about we want you to get
encouraged to do it the right way we're
almost out of time the High diaries you
got to be a doctor to marry my my my
little girl there's some legitimacy here
but how much of it is practical how much
of is this end up being a deterrent to
make the brothers who are encouraged
maybe they got dis encouraged now
because you know what they saw the honey
of his eye the the light of his eye and
you know what he prays five times a day
he worships his creator alone he's
paying the charity he's fasting during
the month of Ramadan he's doing
everything that his creator wants him to
do and he's staying away from the evil
the bad things and now he's trying to
marry this young lady but you know what
uh you're going to have to have 100,000
you're going to have to have this uh
doctor's degree I mean is this something
that's legitimate talk to us real
briefly about this and we're going to
have to do a part three because we got
so much to cover and we got so little
time with an important topic like this
which is really uh especially among
college students uh the number one
subject for years mhm it makes sense
that you give it the proper attention
time the prophet simplified it where he
said in an
authentic
he says when there comes to you that
person that Suitor the male yeah you
find in him in his religion and his
understanding and his practicing of his
religion of Islam and in his manners and
character that which pleases you then
marry them to your daughters marry them
to your sisters marry them to those that
are under your guardianship whom they've
come to ask for if you don't do it
there's going to be some serious
problems in
corruption that's how simple he didn't
say if there comes to you the doctor the
engineer engineer the businessman that
if he has this much money or that if his
age has to be like this or like that and
understanding the issue of
Dean naturally the person's going to
have to be mature he's going to have to
have a sense of responsibility and
accountability and discipline he's going
to have to be physically also mature and
there's going to also need to be that
sense of having you know the finances to
take care of a family but the main thing
to understand is that all of that
compliments itself it's not that the
main thing we're looking for is to see
what type of money he has so that he can
treat my daughter like a princess or
that I'm going to look to benefit from
him because I don't maybe have the money
but I know that my daughter for example
has had many requests and so not I'm
going to look to fish the biggest you
know Kahuna that I can get yeah it's not
about that Islam kept it simple the
person's belief their practice their
righteousness and it's backed up in
their manners and that second part is
very important because it's not about a
person saying that they're practicing
and they look like they're practicing
whether it's the the male or the female
but in their speech they're sour in
their personality they're ugly it's got
to be that the two are together really
fortifying that you really are a
Believer and it shows in the way you
live your
life this is something that we need to
continue inshallah God willing to talk
about we're going to uh cut out here and
I like to thank you for being with us on
the dean show pleasure the creator of
the heavens and earth reward you in this
life and the Hereafter amen and our
brothers and sisters who are listening
and learning inshallah yes now we are
here to learn and that's why we bring on
people who are qualified to talk about
these important subjects you heard the
word Islam it is something a way of life
that was brought by all the messengers
of the creator of the heavens and the
Earth is submission to one God it's
something natural it's something that
goes with your very nature and a Muslim
is one who does the action of Islam now
marriage is a very important part of
Islam you need to go get married do it
the right way do it the way the creator
of the heavens and earth wants you to do
it get out of the nightclubs get out of
the places where you shouldn't be and
come back here every week on The Dean
show if you want to hear more about this
topic let let us hear your comments and
suggestions and we'll do it again tell
us if you've enjoyed this and if if you
want us to do it as I said we'll do it
again we'll bring the Imam back out and
we'll talk and continue to talk about
the high daries we'll continue to talk
about some of the obstacles how to
approach how to not approach and
everything within the perimeters of Isam
we'll see you next time on the dean show
until then assalam alaykum peace be unto
you