[Music]
but it was during these years that I
thought I was living what was H what
what I thought was happiness partying
doing drugs drinking smoking hanging out
with friends being you know having girls
and girlfriends and being with women and
this is what I thought was happiness and
I was pursuing these things but in the
midst of these things I was Finding many
trials and tribulations I almost died a
couple of times drinking and driving one
time I crashed into a pole my friend hit
the windshield so hard when he pulled
back his hairs were stuck in the
windshield Subhan
Allah and as soon as he pulled back and
I seen him bleeding and his hair stuck
in the windshield we took another sip of
the beer and I tried to drive away
before we got stopped by the police so
this is how I was trying to pursue my
happiness but I found that I was only
becoming more
miserable trying to seek happiness
within the drugs and within friends and
within drinking was only making me more
miserable and my mother she used to
raised foster children so she had this
young man named Edgar who he was living
in our home he was about 17 years old
his mother had died of HIV his father
was in jail for most of his life he had
a really sad story and I was I really
felt for him so me and him became close
right away he told me about an
organization in New York called Zulu
nation and he said this is an
organization he part he he was a part of
when he was in New York cuz he was born
in New York he said you should check him
out you know you like politics you like
you I was going to school for political
science at the time so he said let's go
to New York let's check it out so I went
to New York with him to check it out and
it was an organization but it was was a
gang it was a gang with principles
so-called principles and at one of these
meetings there was a man by the name of
abdulaziz he was a Muslim he used to be
part of that gang he came and he
delivered a talk that day about Islam
African mamb who was a big in Hip Hop he
was the leader of this organization he
let him speak after that he came to my
friend Edgar he said listen take me home
so I said okay fine we'll drive you home
we went to his house and when we entered
his house he invited us up for tea and
coffee he immediately began to talk to
us about Allah about Muhammad about
Islam and me because I was always
curious I said who is Allah who is
Muhammad what is this Islam that you're
talking about so he began to tell me
Allah is the one God the creator of the
heavens and earth he has no son he has
no father I was like no son no father
he's has no Associates he said no he's
the creator of the heavens and earth
Nobody seen him I said Okay I want to
know more so myself my friend Edgar and
another friend of mine Tony the three of
us were together so he gave us a book on
by Bel Phillips it was the first book
that we read this was in
1998 so we went home and we created a
little Cipher right this is what we used
to say in the hood when we used to smoke
weed we would create a cipher a little
circle and we would build and talk about
different things so we decided to do the
same thing let's go ahead and sit down
we're going to S sit in the cipher we're
going to talk about what this Dean is of
Islam and who's and who's Muhammad we're
going to read these books together and
discuss it so we began to do that in the
same token I said wait I just can't
leave Christianity like that I was born
Christian so I can't leave Christianity
that way I have to give it a shot so I
went back and I began to read the Bible
I read it from cover to cover and I had
a highlighter in my hand hiding
highlighting anything that I thought was
contradictory to what I heard growing up
so and then we began to discuss that
then we began to study the Nation of
Islam we began to study righteous
teachings we began to study a a teaching
called from to Gods we studied
all of these things Subhan Allah and
then my one friend Tony he had also been
in prison at one time he kept telling us
the right religion is Islam the one that
Muhammad teaches and we kept telling him
how you know he says I'm telling you it
has to be the one that Muhammad teaches
so we kept on studying myself I was be I
began going to the church into debate
and began to ask questions of the
pastors I began to ask questions of my
grandmother who was religious and my
grandmother she would basically push me
away she really didn't want to deal with
religion she kind of saw me as look
you're overstepping the bounds stop
asking questions you're Christian and
that's it so when I would go to the
church and in particular this one moment
that is so fresh in my mind was when a
pastor was having a debate with a Muslim
man and he said Jesus is The One and
Only God he is the Son of God so I was
too shy to ask a question during the Q&A
so afterwards I approached him I said
listen you said Jesus is The One and
Only God but I read in the Bible that
Jesus when he was on the cross he said
my God my God why hast Thou forsaken me
he said yes I said well my question is I
have your God Jesus the one whom you
telling me to worship and I have the god
whom Jesus is Calling upon in your book
so who do I worship the one you telling
me is a God Jesus or the one whom Jesus
cried upon he tapped me on my shoulder
he said son you just have to believe
I told him that's foolish how am I going
to believe in something you can't prove
to me so it was at that point that I
came to the confirmation that yes I had
to be a Muslim and me and my three
friends we accepted Islam at the same
time but when we went to abdulaziz
because we would go to him frequently
during this time to go study with him
learn from him ask him more questions so
we went to him and told him listen we're
ready I told him I said I'm ready but I
don't want you to tell me what I can and
what I can't do I'm a man I do as I like
I do what I want when I want and how I
want to do it I'm going to accept your
faith but don't tell me what to do he
said fine no problem so we took the
shahada but after I took the shahada
unfortunately I put on my Kofi and I
still would go out and drink with
friends and I would run into Christians
and they would say you know Christian
Youth like myself at the time and they
would say you Muslim and I say yeah and
they would say why you drinking I said
why you ask asking me questions you're
worshiping
Jesus I know you're worshiping Jesus I'm
drinking stop questioning me right so
this was my attitude for a long time and
I went on that way maybe for about three
or four months Subhan Allah drinking
still smoking still partying and then
Allah subhana wa ta'ala guided me one
night I was in the my on my porch
sitting with these same friends
and one of them and when I was sitting
with them they was smoking with e and
drinking I was sitting there it was
about 2:00 in the morning I'm looking
out at the Sun at the stars and I'm
thinking Subhan Allah if I don't change
Allah subhana wa TAA is going to destroy
me and I began to reflect and
contemplate further and I kept coming to
the same conclusion you need to change
if you don't change how much longer
Allah is going to give you how many more
chances is Allah going to give you you
almost died in a few car accidents
you've been having this problem and that
problem inshallah
how much more time do you
have I told my friends get up and get
out they said what I said get up get out
they said you're high you're tripping
stop bugging I said no I'm not high I
said this is the first time in my life
that I have Clarity of sight I know what
I want and what you have I don't want it
get up get out it was at that point that
I realized because those struggles that
I faced right and finding this happiness
in this Pursuit of Happiness I was
looking for it in the wrong places
drinking hanging out with the wrong
company which is the case with most
people so I knew that I immediately had
to change my friends in order for me to
reach the state that I wanted to reach
with my Lord and when I changed my
friends things began to change life
began to become sweeter I began to see
some of the happiness entering I went
back and I found my wife cuz my wife she
was my girlfriend prior my wife now she
was my girlfriend prior to Islam but we
had broken up for a while she was fed up
with me tired of me she kicked me to the
curb so I said but I always knew that
she was a good woman and that she was
the woman I wanted to marry so I went
back knocked on the door she opened up
what you want I said I need to speak
with you she says I don't have anything
to say listen I'm a changed man I have a
new faith I have a faith called this
Islam alhamdulillah she took the time to
listen and she became Muslim as
well and then after that there were
other struggles there were struggles
that every new Muslim faces the struggle
of finding a center finding a place
where we can fit in as a mus new Muslim
that's I think one of the hardest
struggles that we face I went to the
Masjid it was an Arab Masid because I
was going back and forth from Jersey to
New York learning from abdulaziz but he
knew we couldn't keep going up there cuz
it was in a good environment for us so
he told us stay in Jersey find the
mosque so when I went into this mosque
in pison they were all Arab I walk
Inay Subhan Allah the IM alhamdulillah
everything in Arabic I'm sitting there
talking about oh my
God these people are crazy what are they
talking about I don't understand
them so I felt kind of shy to continue
going to that same location we would go
every now and then
but it wasn't something that I was
becoming firm upon because I didn't feel
welcomed I didn't feel like that was a
place where I found people who were like
me until one day we went and I found two
brothers who were gualan and then they
directed us to a mosque that was an all
American mosque theba was delivered in
English most of the people were converts
but there was a mix a Sprinkle mix of a
little bit of everything and then I was
able to find the home and make myself
firm by staying in the going to the
Masid to learn all the
time cuz I knew that if I kept myself in
the Masjid learning then the vices would
initially go away but inshallah tala I
only have five minutes it's hard to wrap
of our whole story in this short time so
I just want to discuss some of the other
little struggles that I went through
prayer is another struggle that we go
through as new Muslims and prayer is the
source of happiness for us and sometimes
people find that it's difficult when you
pray it's difficult to learn to pray you
never spoke Arabic before so you're
trying to memorize all these words and
you don't know what they mean they have
no significance to you in the Arabic
language because you can't understand
them but I remember struggling hard I
used to take these little pieces of
paper and I would put them on the floor
put them on the desk and as I'm praying
and I would forget I would take the
paper look at the paper continue my
Salah be in SJ pick my head up from SJ
look at the paper and I would oh I got
to say subh okay put it back down subh
Subhan Allah but the struggle made it
all the more better it made it more
appreciative I was able to appreciate it
more another struggle was during
Ramadan Ramadan when I became Muslim I
became Muslim in Ramadan like maybe a
month before Ramadan two months before
Ramadan Subhan Allah so I remember
fasting another struggle as a new Muslim
fasting was hard we had to wake up early
in the morning it was like about 4:00 in
the morning then I'm like Subhan Allah I
wake up at 101 Subhan Allah I got to
wake up at 4:00 to eat and I can't eat
till the night time and I remember
struggling coming home those first days
hungry and I remember coming home one
day and looking at the cookie jar and
I'm sitting there salivating over the
cookies Subhan Allah until I couldn't
take it no more and I just began eating
the cookies you know and it was another
time that we went at night to pray and I
was in the mosque and I'm praying behind
the IM we praying Salat Isa
and he finishes praying and I get up to
leave and I hear them get up to make
salad again and they said something and
it was calling actually
for but I don't know cuz I didn't speak
Arabic so I said okay man they added a
salot or something I'm not sure I
thought we play prayed the last prayer
so he starts praying so he makes the he
stops I go to get up again he gets up
again and I'm like Subhan Allah what's
going on and now he's praying for about
an hour and I'm sitting here my legs are
shaking this is the first time I prayed
this long I never prayed in my life
standing this is the first time I prayed
my legs are shaking I'm I'm sitting here
I'm I'm frustrated I'm bugging out I'm
sitting here and and my concern was I
can't leave the prayer because if I
leave the prayer I'm going to be
punished I remember I began to cry right
because I'm sitting there thinking man
if I leave the prayer I'm going to get
punished my legs are hurting and I I
think the guy next to me probably
thought man this young man he's so he
right he's righteous masallah look at
him he's crying all he knew is that
Subhan Allah I was sitting there crying
because I'm sitting there making Dua oh
Allah stop this IM from reciting already
Subhan Allah and I remember I think when
he stopped one time I got up and say and
I ran out Subhan Allah but inshallah T I
just wanted to make mention those points
inshallah because I think as new Muslims
we struggle through those and even
people who are returning back to Islam
who stopped practicing their faith for
whatever reason and are not coming back
to Allah subhana wa tala they have the
same struggles so I think it was
important to share that from the small
points in my life inshallah and I hand
the back mic back over to
[Applause]
sister