I said I'm awakened greetings a piece
back with us on the D show sister Holly
how are you doing I'm doing great little
assalamualaikum alaikum Salam prophet
peace and blessings of the Almighty be
upon you this is such a powerful
greeting every time I say it I mean for
the not-yet Muslims who are out there
just in our greeting I mean how powerful
is that what people go around wishing
other people peace I mean those who call
themselves Muslims it is definitely a
way of letting the other person know you
want what's best for them and that is
the the hadith of the Prophet that is so
powerful and if we just implement this
alone is that want for your brother what
you want for yourself so you want peace
within then you want the others to have
that peace as well and that's what
everyone is searching for right that
peace and the happiness absolutely what
do you say to those people I went when
you we have the greeting of peace but on
the other end people are trying to make
the Muslims seem like with all this
fear-mongering that we're people of war
you know Islam it's not the Muslims
they'll say but it's Islam that
radicalizes the Muslims and that's what
we have all this havoc in earth I would
say look at you know we're 1.6 billion
people if we had that belief there would
be a lot more havoc right but no one
Hamed Allah we are we are focused on
building and constructing and improving
if there is just a like a point I don't
know how many percent what is it that
who do who do things like like 0.003
percent thank you for having the
percentage I'm glad I asked so those
individuals doing those things we cannot
categorize everyone as as doing that
tell me that you see that psychology
this is your specialty clinical
psychologist with 20 years experiences
yes what motivated you to get into
psychology what's interesting you asked
because 20 it was about 25 years ago
when I got into it and there was no one
in there as far as Muslims practicing
Muslims and many people tried to
discourage me from going into
but it was a passion of mine because
yeah I was really motivated by the two
hadith it's one that says that the and
I'm summarizing that the best amongst
you is the one who removes the
difficulties for from others and the one
who removes obstacles from others Allah
will remove obstacles for them on the
day of judgement and I'm paraphrasing
and I think these two things was a great
motivator I always like the that
fulfillment to be able to change
someone's life and I think really
through therapy it is life altering it
is transformative and so that's why I
got into it has it been rewarding
it's been amazing I can't imagine doing
anything else because I spend sometimes
1012 hours a day working and because
it's a combination of psychology and
Islam I get people back on track and and
so it is the two things I love so I
can't imagine doing anything else let's
see if you give us some tips now from
the from the psychological point from
your expertise how we can implement that
in the Dawa in advising people a sister
she talks about losing sheep what she
feels her sister when her sister was
paraphrasing the story when her sister
was and is you see this a lot when
people are going to conventions or to
talks get motivated jealous yes I know
they're just glowing they're less grimy
they're just but now they go back to the
her sister goes back to her old friends
who are you know about party and play
drinking and all these other stuff now
her sister ends up leaving town to go
because she wants to explore and her
parents are worried and now five years
in the making she met some boy on
Instagram and you know where that goes
and I said it's a my it seems like a
land of no return she's depressed not
like she was before when she was around
people who are trying to really live
purpose how do you use the psychology
maybe to bring help bring someone back
right right well I hear cases like this
on a daily basis right you doing youth
yes youth that have gone astray and
there are several
ways that we can reach out to them first
of all we cannot shun them just because
they've made a mistake a lot of parents
will take this hard-core approach and
say you know you made this mistake and
they abandon them and this is the time
they need help the most so we definitely
don't want to abandon we want to still
show that you know the door of
repentance is always open and I think
one of the best ways is is to just be in
their life to show that love and to show
the beauty of Islam through our
character not through preaching there
are enough people going around and
trying to preach to their family members
and correcting and judging so we really
have to put the judgment aside I'm not
here to judge you I care for you I I
love you and I want what's best for you
and so when you show and you come from a
position of humility and compassion
rather than I am telling you what to do
you're doing the wrong thing this is all
Haram and you become the Haram police
when you do that you push someone
completely away so it's about bringing
it may showing no judgment accepting
them spending time with them and
hopefully through your your behavior you
can affect them it's not an instant
change it might take time but it's much
more effective than coming in and trying
to straighten them out this would you
it's it's a little bit that's the the
environment it really has a big
influence over the youth and right and
well your friends are fine I mean I know
what the biggest impact for me was you
know in in college going to the MSA
Muslim Student Association having good
Muslim friends and and a lot of
conference who were dedicating their
life to the Deen that really impacted me
and I'll have the love for that now if
you have a person I've seen young girls
maybe in 19 having one bad friend and
just took her down the wrong road I mean
you can't imagine the things she got
involved with drugs and being with a man
who's at least like 19 years older than
her and just just destroying her life so
we really have to be selective and
that's why
prophet Elijah Salim said be very
selective and who your friends are
because your friends are a mirror of you
and so we definitely and and tell me who
your friends are and I'll tell you who
you are so we have to be very selective
in who we choose to spend our time with
birds of a feather flock together yeah
there's so many st. friends are like
elevators either taking you up or down
we don't go down we want to go up -
we'll be right back with more the
psychology in the Dow will give me some
great advice you might have a family
member went off a little bit we're gonna
try to get him back with some love we'll
be right back don't anymore you know
through that whatsapp no it's good it's
giving you so much clarity it's like
it's like it's like a crystal it's like
it's like a gem these kind of things
that you know that will bring
lightning to your head not not just to
your head but to your heart
kind of like just by people talking to
me they've noticed that like you know
even their personalities have changed
and they're you know it's a lot of stuff
that I've learned from the Dean show so
thank you Eddie I thank you not just me
my family thanks you too
of course that's a no-brainer that's a
no-brainer it brought me from from from
days Angelia things I shouldn't expose
but it from me from darkness to light
this I got through this and all these
you know the star guests that you have
they're just a self-full bunch of
different guessing and like you know
they're featured on the show and by the
way they talk you kind of want to
research them and learn you know the D
through their eyes there's really no end
to the wisdom that's on this show well
watch the D show I've been washing it
for about three four years now and I
love it I got my brothers hooked on it
I got my wife hooked on it so watch the
future watch the deep show back here on
the Dean show an expert in psychology
clinical psychology so we can definitely
benefit from your experiences now the
sister of whose sister the sister trying
to get her back you had a chance if you
had a chance to sit with her and she
says look what's the problem I mean I
love him right people confuse love with
lust and what not sure how do you reason
with someone here because it can be
blinding right right right well I've had
situations like this and it's really
trying to get them to recognize to look
not just right here you know looking at
the delayed gratification not the
instant gratification a lot of times in
in the society we're living in it's all
about instant gratification I want to
feel good I want to feel good right now
but then you think about the delayed
gratification the idea of when you
control your desires of the fact that
you strive towards Jena so it's about
asking that person look five ten years
down the line and is this the kind of
life you want to have and as they start
thinking along those lines and they
realize that this is not in their best
interest and it's really important that
that person wants to be changed so now
the the sister she's talking about her
sister and she says look it's the
friends when again going back when she's
around us there's there's science behind
us because if you're doing something
thing something so many times and you're
seeing the same result with so many
different people that okay you do the
prayer you do the fact you it's like
exercise you're exercising the soul the
heart it produces it takes like the gym
is not easy you you have to tear the
muscle
yes strenuous on the body good results
same thing with the prayer with the fact
with good company look it you
staying away from these things that are
harmful for us good results but
sometimes you know you it's not easy
it's not easy not easy and we have a
great affinity for those things that are
that are tempting right and as soon as
we are surrounded by people who are
doing those things then then it really
affects our what is acceptable and what
is not and that's why we should be very
selective and then surrounding yourself
people who are motivated who are a
driven that is just a way of refueling
yourself we need to be we need to
strengthen each other because sometimes
people get frustrated from the people at
the messaging right you have the oh that
sister is judgmental that sister is you
know too dogmatic that brother is too
controlling whatever it is and they
start isolating themselves because they
don't want to interact with them and
that is that is really dangerous we need
to stay connected
we need to overlook each other's flaws
because we all have them we all have our
shortcomings and it's just a matter of
being motivated and getting the best
that we can from whoever that we can
derive that that motivation from how
would you advise when you see that now
the sister or the brother either one
either or the brothers around these
friends and every time you it's like you
have the hardest is so sensitive and and
when you attach it to something bad how
do you disconnect it now the friends
right this person is around these fret
and every time they get around these
friends it's either the joint it's the
nightclubs yes it's it's something bad
how do you get them to finally like let
go break away yes well I had a client
actually that God got addicted to
marijuana and it was all about the the
friends and I think once he recognized
how this hurt his parents this was one
of the things that really woke him up
and I think those individuals who have a
close connection with their parents
that's why as parents we really need to
invest in spending time with our kids
and and making them love and trust us
that way it's some
think that the child will will cherish
and not want to lose right so this young
man when he saw that he was hurting his
parents that was the thing that woke him
up and he really realized that he needs
to distance himself so sometimes it's
about hitting rock bottom sometimes it's
being in prison sometimes it's about
seeing their friends and what where
they're ending up which wakes them up
and realizes that I don't want to follow
this path and and we just need to be
there for them too just to show that you
know we have an open-door policy within
the massages we really cannot be
judgmental of a person who's coming in
and one of the most effective forms of
changing someone is by not being
judgmental you know sometimes I have a
client come in and what they share with
me is just is mind-boggling but I have
to really work on my heart and make sure
that I don't have an ounce of judgment
an ounce of judgment and that's when I
can be effective because as soon as
you're trying to give advice and you
feel like you're better than someone and
you're superior to them then that's
going to shut them down so we have to
make sure that we come in with a real
sense of that that sense of compassion
rather than going in and reciting just
verses telling them telling them what
they're doing wrong and how it's all
Haram but just trying to pull them in by
that the love of Allah not the fear of
Allah so what you say is it correct me
if I'm wrong so are you suggesting or
saying that when you're giving this
advice where it's truly coming from the
heart yeah that the person sees that you
really have sincere love for them and
you want to change not you're not coming
off in kourtney's I'm just be all now
you know to show that yes I'm superior
and you're just like bound for the
Hellfire exactly I find that the more
knowledge people attain unfortunately
I'm seeing it correlate with more pride
it's this feeling of I know more I'm
better than you and they start
correcting as a way of saying you know
this is because I'm I'm better and I
know this and and that's not the
characteristic of the prophets Allah is
Allah the more we know the more we
should become humble
and the more we should really be
understanding I think what was very
effective I was doing helices in in
Egypt and also in Dubai and and I found
a lot of people who were coming to the
helices these were the people this is
the 99% you know there's that 1% who
they're already practicing they go to
the moss they're already reading the
Quran and then they go to the mosque
just to get a little bit of motivation I
like to I'd like to motivate that 99
percent who may not even want to step
into a mosque those individuals who who
may have gone totally astray but it's a
matter of feeling that you know what
it's ok you can always start over you
can always straighten your life out and
those are the people dead as soon as
they sense that they're like I'm out of
here
if they you know the 99 you're talking
about as soon as maybe you come hard on
him oh absolutely right exactly it's
very interesting because when I was a
friend of mine was hosting a this high
life at this class in her home and the
first thing they did they all came and
they were asking me about the halal and
Haram and you know what I used a lot of
psychology I said I'm not gonna even
address that we have bigger issues to
address talked about happiness talked
about things that appeal to that and
once you win the heart you have to say
words that penetrates the heart not
things you don't want to tip them over
the bridge right because a lot of times
with all this how do I mean what you're
doing is wrong and this is we're
restricted here that person feels so
suffocated you have to show the beauty
of it and you got to put a little taste
like that honey the honey the sweetness
of Iman and put that about Islam and
make them want more because what a lot
of parents do unfortunately when there
is a religious household they shove it
down their throat now imagine what is
your favorite all-time favorite food of
all time favorite food I've people are
probably going to just probably get
thrown off by this it's something I
hated but I love it because of the it's
the most nutrient-dense food okay I
taught myself to love it now I rejected
my tastebuds its liver liver and I like
liver and there was good it's very
native yeah
it smells bang for your buck and it
helps with anemia so but imagine you
loved it so much it's prepared so nice
but what if someone is shoving it down
your throat right no matter how much you
love that food you're gonna be repulsed
by it because it's being forced right
and sometimes we do that with Islam
where we're pushing it and we're forcing
it benefitted greatly from the beat show
it's definitely a good reference for a
lot of the new Muslims that I meet and
for myself you know just the type of
issues that you deal with they're very
relevant and you focus on a lot of
things that people have questions about
and I think come to that that's a great
service to the Muslims and you bring on
a lot of unique guests that have
expertise in different fields and that
really allows for that knowledge to we
have access to that knowledge as you
know there's a lot of times we don't
know where to go for a lot of questions
we have and hoping that we can come to
this show so shocked about that I
appreciate the work you do and may Allah
bless the Deen show and not one gender
watch the Dean show make sure you watch
the dude show watch the Dean show