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thean alhamdulillah peace be with you
thank you for tuning in to the dean show
we're going to be talking about the
difference between judging someone and
giving the loving advice this week on
The Dean show such an important topic
we're going to be covering it with my
next guest Shake Omar suan here on the
dean show don't go anywhere we'll be
right
back is the
the
the this is
the this is the is
the
the this is
the the
the now you just said something in
Arabic what' you say I said in
willing you said assalam alaykum how are
you what does this mean peace be with
you we never it never gets old because
the dean show is known for simplifying
things making it very simple for the
people cuz some people are out there
like why are these guys speaking Arabic
Eddie you're not Arab you're an American
so uh we start off with peace and you
defined it Salam alaykum tell us uh tell
us now you you uh you've been on the
dean show before back when we were SD
how's it feel being back now on HD
mallah you look even better on
HD you did it again see the alarm is
going off right now see we got this
alarm when every time you say something
in uh Arabic uh you said mashallah what
does this mean mashallah means uh you
know admiring the creation of God uhhuh
now someone again there's a lot of not
yet Muslims out there and they're like
okay why don't you guys just say these
things in English why do you keep saying
them in in in in Arabic how would you
answer that it's a habit that's one
obviously and also the prophet peace be
upon Him used to say these words so
we're emulating the prophet peace be
upon him saying these words so it's part
of our terminology now again someone
says okay what what prophet are you
talking about the prophet Muhammad peace
be upon him uh real short who was
prophet Muhammad prophet Muhammad peace
be upon him was the final messenger that
was sent to mankind now when you accept
Muhammad as a messenger how do Jesus
Moses and ab how do they all fit in do
you exclude them no absolutely not in
fact uh Allah says in the Quran that to
disbelieve in any one of the messengers
of God is to disbelieve in all of them
so is a safe say as soon as you accept
Muhammad as the last right away you
accept all those that came before him
absolutely you accept everything that he
brought with him so what he brought with
them as well was the confirmation of The
Messengers that came before you said
something in Arabic Allah people have
heard it probably a thousand times but
there's one person or a thousand out
there that tune in for the first time
and they think okay Allah what is this
why don't you just say God who is Allah
who is Allah Allah is the god the the
one true God um who sent these
Messengers and prophets to call to the
worship of that one God the same god of
Islam Judaism Christianity all of the
religions that claim to believe in one
God uh the the god of Abraham peace be
upon him the god of Jesus peace be upon
him and the God of all of them is Islam
a new religion is Islam something new
that came with Muhammad Islam is a
continuation of the uh the same message
of submission and attainment of Peace by
submitting yourself to God and
submitting your will to God and obeying
his commands so Islam is the religion of
God himself and it is the religion of
Adam all the way peace be upon him to
Muhammad peace be upon him until God
inherits this Earth so it is the it is
it is the religion of worship worshiping
one God I love it because it just makes
sense Islam makes sense it's simple it
provides all the evidence and proof that
you need to know that it's indeed from
the Creator it's not made up by a man or
a group of men it's indeed from the one
who created Mankind and he sent all the
guidance the blueprint how we need to
live so we can be successful in this
life and have eternal Paradise in the
next the topic today that we want to
discuss is the judging someone many
people when you try to give them the
loving advice and some people don't give
advice obviously the right way so how
could you determine shik what's the
difference between when someone's
judging you and someone is giving loving
advice to you use an Arabic word said
you said shake you
know so how do we that's a good question
someone think what's this guy uh he
sells milkshakes what why do we call you
shake I don't know why you call me sh
you tell me why you call me sh I don't
call myself
sh well these are all titles whatever
that are used for respect and
scholarship but back to the question
that you asked you know how do you
determine what's loving advice and
judgmental advice well number one um are
you giving advice for the sake of that
person's good or are you giving this are
you giving advice for the sake of your
own ego many times when we give advice
is to make our feel better not to make
the other person feel better uh the
Arabic word for advice
is
and means to purify and it actually
means to refine something so the stage
of purification which is the last stage
of purification which is refinement so
the Arabs used to
say it's the refine that I refine the
honey and so the prophet peace be upon
him he said the religion is sincere
advice and so what that means is that
when I give when I give sincere advice
my goal should be to purify that other
person of some flaw that they have
destructive quality that they might have
or characteristic um to help them out of
a situation that's not good for them so
it should be for the sake of that person
if it's for the sake of that person that
will translate into beautiful words and
into good advice and into good speech um
and hopefully the person recognizing as
well that this is coming from a good
place that this that this is not coming
um you know and it's interesting because
uh the religion is sincere advice and at
the same time Allah strongly um in the
Quran strongly condemned ridicule and
mockery okay which is called and Allah
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said Allah says let not one of you
ridicule another group of you because
they might be better than you and let
not a group of women ridicule a group of
women because they might be better than
them and so the point is is that if
while I'm giving advice I'm giving
advice on the basis that I am better
than you and I'm telling you that I'm
better than you and I'm and and and I'm
looking down upon you then I'm not
giving you advice I'm ridiculing you I'm
doing something that's a major sin
instead of something that the prophet
peace upon Him described as the entire
religion which is sincere advice for the
sake of your betterment and bringing you
close to Allah subhana wa tala and
making things easier for you has there
ever been somebody that you sincerely
wanted to give advice to but you know
you had that trepidation now that you're
a little bit worried that there you
might break up a relationship or you
might um mess up a friendship between
you and someone but you really have this
this need you have because isn't it
something that is incumbent on Muslims
when you see something bad that you are
to advise that you are to invite to good
forbid evil have you ever been in this
situation absolutely I think all of us
have been in that situation the idea is
that how severe is their situation and
is it better for me to advise through
through words or is it better to me for
me to advise through example sometimes
leading by example is much more
effective than words uh there's some
people that that are just not in a
position where they can properly accept
advice uh the prophet peace be upon him
he said that the worst people in the
sight of Allah are those that people
avoid giving advice
to which means out of fear of his foul
mouth you know there's some people that
have a really bad temper and if you try
to give them advice they're just going
to flip at you so the prophet peace be
upon him he said that you should that
you should avoid I'm sorry that those
are the worst people those people that
are actually avoided uh because of their
temper so people just leave them alone
and they essentially let them destroy
themselves so the the point is is that
again um there are some people that you
know you avoid giving advice to because
of their temper there are some people
that you avoid giving advice to because
perhaps you know it's it's a minor thing
that you want them to learn on their own
uh you're not at a point in your
relationship yet where you have that
level of trust where they can look to
you and they can really uh you know they
see you in that advisor capacity and so
you want to you want to sort of build
that relationship a little bit more I
mean da is advice right so sometimes you
don't give you give dawa through your
actions you give dawa through through
you know through through you know you
invite to the way of Allah subhana T
through your actions through the way
that you live your life and you care of
yourself but at the same time you're not
AO you're not at a point in your
relationship yet where you can speak to
that person and as an adviser you need
to really recognize when you're advice
is counterproductive like the prophet
Abraham peace be upon him when his
father responded to him uh with this uh
with this threat of murder and
humiliation when he just called him with
very gentle words ibraim Abraham peace
be upon him he didn't sit there and
continued to advise him he said Peace be
onto you uh I will seek forgiveness for
you okay that my Lord is verely a
gracious Lord he's a compassionate Lord
he celebrates my supplication so Abraham
knew peace be upon him that his father
was not in a position to receive advice
anymore we're going to take a break
there have to go to break when we come
back I want you to give me a live
example in your life or a story that you
know that you advise someone turn out
good and maybe something that turned out
bad so we can benefit from a live
experience think about it we'll be right
back with this and more here on the dean
show it's simple to understand Islam
means submission look at the word
submission not to yourself not to your
desires not to anyone or anything
because at the end of the day you get
something you always want more you get
some weed you want more you get some
drugs you want harder drugs you get a
girl you want a nicer girl you get a car
you want a nicer car you get a house you
want a nicer house we got so many
pressures by enslaving yourself
worshiping God loving God but submission
to the one who created you and by
worshiping God and seeking his pleasure
you get pleased and you enter
Paradise God bless
you I am not afraid stand
alone I am not AF afraid to stand alone
if Li by I am not afraid to stand
alone I am not afraid to stand alone if
Li by I am not afraid to stand
alone I am not afraid to stand alone if
Li by I am not afraid to stand
alone back here on the dean show with my
good friend friend shik Omar Su man okay
so have you thought about a live example
that now you got the courage you got up
and you were like for the love of the
Creator I got to talk to this person
whatever it was or you end up getting
smacked upside your head what something
happened good or bad so we could benefit
or you know someone's relating a story
people like stories they like to you
know live examples look you've got to
understand that you know particularly in
my capacity as a preacher as an Imam
I've had many examples of where advice
has gone well and many many times where
advice has not gone so well tell us
please share with us I have to be very
careful okay you know because I don't
want to sacrifice the trust of anyone um
but but you know just just generally I
mean I can I I can remember many times
where I'll catch up you know
particularly I think that one of the
major issues that we have with our youth
in particular is obviously dating and
relationships and things of that sort so
I can remember in particular you know
one incident where you know I had to
stop a brother that you know was you
know dating and was getting to the point
of committing fornication you know just
outright fornication and things of that
sort and he wasn't heeding the religious
warnings um and finally when I when I
sat with him and I spoke to him um I
didn't necessarily talk about the
consequences in the Hereafter I spoke
more about the worldly consequences and
so that's one of the things when you're
giving advice you really want to try to
stop that person from committing the sin
by any means necessary right so I kind
of spoke some about his career his
family and things of that sort then that
finally humbled him to where he could
also receive the advice about the
Hereafter as well and um you know I look
back I I'll give you an example of where
the Prophet peace be upon him advice
went well um and it's in the same it's
in the same situation where you know a
young man came to the prophet peace be
upon him and he told the prophet peace
be upon him give me ADI give me
permission to commit for forication I
want permission to commit Zena to commit
fornication now the prophet peace be
upon him he didn't smack him upside the
head he didn't tell him to go away
rather he reasoned with him first and
foremost his smile peace be upon him was
enough you know and and talking to the
man the young man uh in a way that he
could properly understand his capacity
so he he tells him you know would you
like someone to fornicate with your
mother mhm and the man said no he said
would you like someone to do that with
your sister he said no he said what
about your he said no so the prophet
peace be upon him said that's how people
are too and he put his hand on his chest
and he prayed for him so the point is is
that the prophet peace be upon him did
not ridicule him he didn't tell him that
you'll go to hell if you fornicate no
I'm not going to give you permission to
fornicate rather he came down to his
level he spoke to him on terms that he
could understand now someone might say
I've actually had this situation where a
father tells me you know I tried to tell
my son I said would you be okay with
someone uh dating your mother or
committing adult fornication with your
mother he said well if you were dead and
you know and Mom you know was dating
again and so he said it totally didn't
work it backfired on him and I told him
I said the point is not necessarily the
same words that the prophet peace weon
him used here but rather the approach we
learned from the manh from the
methodology of the Prophet peace be upon
him and the methodology was to reason
with him on his level and on his terms
and your body language expresses your
sincerity right expresses your
compassion it expresses it should
express your concern
okay so there's a huge difference
between let's take the same words okay
if I said to you would you be okay with
someone committing fornication with your
mother or if I said to you would you be
okay with someone doing that with your
mom you see it's the same words but the
approach the the the way that it was
expressed changed one is with a smile
and reasoning and and really asking a
question the other one is you know is a
form of condemnation it's not really
asking a question it's it's it's
condemning the person the individual so
advice should be certainly to to
beautify that person to to make that
person better and it should express your
concern and your compassion to that
individual now there's a Hadith and I
think it fits in uh quite well with this
uh
topic where the Prophet peace be upon
him he gave an example of people being
on a ship and if you can take off with
this about you had a certain group of
people on the top of the ship and you
had other people on the bottom of the
ship and then from here these people
didn't come down and give them that
loving advice and then every the ship
ends up sinking can you so this is a
Hadith that's narrated in bukari
actually it's a very beautiful Hadith
where the Prophet peace be upon him he
described the um he described the nation
as you know the Believers as as as a
group of people on a ship and he says
that the people on the upper deck uh you
know are are the the worshippers they're
the religious ones and the people on the
lower deck are the Sinners and he said
whenever they need water they don't want
to disturb those that are on the upper
duck so they drill a hole into the
bottom of the ship to get their water
and so the people on the upper duck they
say that they they come down and they
yell at them and they say why did you
drill a hole into the bottom of the of
the ship and they say because you were
you were agitated by our asking you you
were irritated by us and so the prophet
peace be upon him said that if they let
them do that then the entire ship sinks
otherwise the prophet peace be upon him
said that the entire ship is saved so
the point is is there's so many
different things actually I teach a
class called prophetic musings some of
the analogies of the Prophet peace be
upon them and I go into quite some depth
with this example um uh there's so many
things number one there's an African
proverb that if the youth are not
initiated into the village they will
burn it down to feel its warmth MH and
Subhan Allah there are a lot of times
where you see that there are people that
are away from Allah away from Islam but
no one's reaching out to them so there's
a disconnect between the religious class
and the Not So religious class there's
grouping and so the Masjid even the
mosque becomes a clinic that doesn't
accept uh sick people you know people
who have issues in their lives don't go
to the Masjid nor are they made to feel
welcome in the Masjid in the mosque
because they're not dressed properly
they're not worshiping properly they
don't know how to pray we know what's
really going on in your life the the mid
is supposed to be for everyone so the
religious class is supposed to go out to
those that are falling and faltering and
give them advice lovingly and not make
them feel like they're they're they're
irritating them you know I I was reading
a study from the Pew Research Center
about churches in America they were
saying that young people are turned off
by the church because they feel
intimidated by the elderly for example
there's a sense of intimidation so that
intimidation Factor has to be removed
and that can be removed from uh loving
advice and uh you know and in fact one
of the other meanings of is to bond it
it brings people together and so
sometimes that time when you sit down
your brother and and you talk to him in
a loving way and you give him advice uh
it's not about the issue at hand anymore
he now trusts you he loves you he
appreciates the way that you came to him
and so actually brings people together
and so that's what the prophet peace be
upon Him is teaching us that when you
see something on Facebook or see
something on YouTube or see something on
Twitter or hear about something you know
with someone that you know you should
give them the the Dignity of of of
sitting with them and saying look I love
you I care about you if you need
anything let me know if there's a reason
why you've resorted to the sin because a
lot of times we just we just condemn
without asking why perhaps what led to
that sin now why did the people drill
the hole in the ship because they were
thirsty so why do people commit sin
because there was something missing in
their lives so perhaps someone committed
you know a sin because there there were
family issues so the point is is that I
need to also part of my giving advice is
is showing concern is everything okay
why did you resort to that in the first
place how can I help you how can I be
there for you uh and inah I will tell
you a story inshah as well that I just
thought of afterwards you got the story
ready okay we're going to take a break
and then we're going to come back with
more and to wrap it up here with shik
Omar suan giving that loving advice
we'll be right back on the dean
show word can't have defects in it can
it if it is literally God's word yes it
cannot have
defects this was written by men we know
that this is a collection right even if
you have Matthew Mark Luke and John The
Gospel According to according to right
um the thing about the Quran and the
biggest and and you know I'll leave you
with this is the biggest thing for me is
if the Quran is exactly what it says it
is and this doesn't matter whether
you're Muslim or not if the Quran is
what it says it is the Quran is
literally the word of God delivered via
Gabriel to Muhammad who was an
unlettered man who couldn't read or
right right and he was just told to
recite right that was the first thing
right first thing he was told recite
right
um so if it is literally the word of God
then that's pretty important to me and
and before I became Muslim I said if
this is the word of
God then I'm going to follow it because
I'd be stupid not
to back here on the dean show and we're
talking about the right way to give
advice and the and the right way and the
wrong way and then you had a story
before we went to break please share it
with us so um this was a story actually
someone that took shahada with me he
became Muslim with me um you know in
college and um you know for a few years
he disappeared from the mjid scene he
disappeared from the mosque he really
wasn't uh involved in in the religion
anymore and he calls me out of the blue
3 four years later and I pick up the
phone and I was so shocked that it was
him and you know he's going off on Islam
going off on Allah going off on the
prophet peace be upon him just saying
Blasphemous things and he's trying to
start an
argument and I wasn't responding to him
okay so I was being quiet and um you
know at the end basically where he
ranted on the religion and things of
that sort you know I told him I said
well you know I'm sorry that you feel
that way and to each his own you know I
I certainly don't agree with some of the
things that you said and you know
hopefully one day we can get together
it's been a long time since we've seen
each other anyway hopefully one day we
can get together and we can kind of
discuss these issues again he was like
wait that's it he was he was surprised
that I didn't go off on him so I was
like yeah I was like you know you're
you're entitled to to your views but you
know I miss you man I haven't seen you
for a long time so when are we going to
get together and maybe we can discuss
this over lunch so then he just broke
down crying and so I realized that there
was something deeper than that and so he
starts to tell me about some things that
were going on with his family and he
starts to tell me about some things
going on in his life some personal
issues and I helped him with that and
then next thing you know he's back at
jum he's back in Islam so his issue was
never theological in the first place it
was a cry for help it was a cry for
attention and so sometimes we have to
understand that people that sin people
that mess up online people that post
outrageous photos or start saying
certain things it's really a cry for
help and as a as a brother as a sister
just as I'd be concerned for my sibling
I wouldn't just want to correct them
with the sin I'd want to make sure that
I help them and that I'm there for them
I'd be concerned about their mental
health their spirituality so on so forth
I should afford that same thing to my
brother and sister in faith uh let's go
to the flip side for the person getting
the advice to to so we know that you
giving the advice you should go out of
your way to be loving and kind giving
loving advice but let's say you've
gotten some advice you've gotten it 10
20 times and maybe you didn't get it you
know sugarcoated the way you'd like with
roses and candy and all that how should
you also because we know that the
Creator tells us that advice benefits
the believer right so and then there's a
flip side to it it it it increases don't
judge me yeah don't judge me so now
should you also be even if you didn't
get those roses with the
advice it's come to you can can this
sometimes be a sign that you have to
reflect too that there might be some
truth in some of these things that
people have been trying to advise you
absolutely look Abdullah Mas may Allah
be pleased with him one of the great
Companions of the Prophet peace be upon
him he said the most hated words to
Allah are don't judge me when someone
gives you advice and you say don't judge
me so you know if you read the books of
of spirituality and tusy on Islam and
things of that sort and you read the
lies of the companions uh one of the
things that's consistent is consider
advice even from from your enemies
consider what people say about you even
if it's your enemy that's deep why
because perhaps there might be some
truth to what he's saying and a great
scholar by the name of Imam IB Kama may
Allah be pleased with him um he said if
I had a scorpion on my back about to
bite me I would expect someone to point
it out to me so he said you know so he
said you know a spiritual disease is far
greater than you know than a scorpion
which is which is going to cause
physical harm so that which would cause
me spiritual ual harm is is greater to
me so I would certainly want someone to
point that out to me as well so if
someone points something out to me or
gives me advice in a very rude manner
quite frankly with personal insults and
just in a disgusting way then I'm going
to ignore the disgust I'm going to
ignore the personal insults but I'm
going to say hey there might be a
scorpion on me I'm not going to say well
I don't like the way you told me about
that scorpion I'm going to go ahead and
let it bite me all right so there's a
story that I that I always tell it's a
story from the great IM IM shaf he's one
of the four imams of of the of the
Orthodox Islam the Sunni school of
thought and he uh and and he was once
sitting down and he was a great IM
giving lectures in the M of the Prophet
peace be upon him in fact only a few
years after the prophet peace be upon
Him died 100 years or so after the
prophet peace be upon Him passed away
he's giving lectures in the mosque great
IM someone walks him to him and says are
you a shaf he said yeah I'm a he
said you are an evil Wicked Man now the
students of IM shaf wanted to jump this
man IM sha he raised his hands and he
supplicated he made Dua he said Allah oh
Allah if he's telling the
truth then forgive me and have mercy
upon me and accept my
repentance and if he's not telling the
truth he didn't say if he's a liar he
didn't Resort he didn't go sink to that
man's level he said if he's not telling
the truth forgive
him forgive him and have mercy on him
and accept his repentance and so the
beauty of that is that look in life you
will always have imbalanced praise and
you will always have imbalanced
criticism I'm a public figure on my
Facebook page right or my Twitter you'll
have people that will say you're so
awesome masallah greatest man in the
world then you'll have so imbalance
praise it's it's it's I have to be able
to ignore that and at the same time you
know I get 300 400 emails a day of
people criticizing not criticizing
things didn't but but sometimes mocking
me uh my my my appearance my my words uh
slandering me my family right I've had
people say nasty things about my mother
right who's passed away may Allah have
mercy on her people that try to poke at
you and so one of the things that my
teacher said he said look you're always
going to have teer leaders and
haters imbalanced praise and imbalanced
criticism what you need to do is you
need to be able to reduce that to noise
so that you can recognize balanced
prayer
which is encouragement so that shows you
what you're doing well and at the same
time balance criticism so that you don't
lose yourself in the process of doing
that good and if it's even good in the
first place so it doesn't matter who's
saying what to me he might be telling
the truth right and that was the the
sincerity of IM shaf that you know that
person might be telling me the truth
even if I don't like the way that he
said it and people don't like the way
that he said it so when someone gives
you advice and and someone criticizes
you and hates on you ignore the hatred
ignore that but don't be someone who
meets Allah subhana with that very
characteristic and that very sin that
was pointed out to you just because of
the way that it was said to you that's
deep it's balanced I love it it's
balanced now give some loving advice
there's a lot of people there holding on
to the dean by a thread may Allah
protect us from that it's a scary thing
so now you have the opportunity to reach
out we only got a minute left and give
some loving advice to those who are
struggling everyone is struggling with
their faith in some way and the prophet
peace be upon did not teach us Islam as
or or faith to us is not being on a
constant spiritual high it's that even
whenever you're going through your low
moments and you're going through your
your moments of discouragement and
disappointment you never completely lose
faith and so a lot of times you know
we're made to feel like low Iman low
faith is is just like no IM no faith
whereas sometimes you know your Iman
your faith might feel low you might be
going through something in life just
don't lose Faith altogether don't don't
sink your own ship don't despair
as the devil despaired always have that
balance of fear and hope and always make
sure that you're progressing even
whenever you're you're feeling low that
you're that you're making amends and
that you're progressing towards Allah
and don't lose hope everyone goes
through their low points beautiful we
have to go but uh it
says is that how it goes yes that
seeking knowledge is a cumbent on every
Muslim and a Muslim is one who sub the
rule of God the fuel for that car is
that gas fuel for the Iman is knowledge
where can people go INF flips I heard
you got some really great stuff there
tell us about it so alhamdulillah one
you know I I uh I left IM I kind of
retired early from being an Imam just so
I could focus on on knowledge my passion
is studying and teaching so I have some
you know videos on YouTube with Quran
weekly and I've got some uh univers you
know some institutes that I teach with
Mish University B Institute I have
classes with them and my my own project
my own personal project is flix.com ilm
flix.com
hundreds and hundreds of hours of
Islamic lectures very unorthodox in
regards to the topics that are being
addressed so we're addressing topics
that are so we have some and things of
that sort explanation of the Quran and
at the same time we have some topics
like pregnancy uh you know uh black
Companions of the Prophet peace be upon
him how the prophet fought racism
practical things you can do with your
life so it's hundreds of hours it's all
for free inshallah all you have to do is
go online and register at mfx.com ilm
flix.com and you get a library and live
classes in as well thank you all very
much thank you very
much thank you thank you for being with
us thank you and there you have it so
much love to give that's right and how
are you going to get the love if you
don't open your mind and your heart to
so much love to give so much loving
advice and now you've gotten it here
some great
advice what are you going to do with it
if somebody's been trying to deliver
something to you like we've been trying
to deliver the truth that there's only
one God that you worship him alone not
his creation and you have all of
everything that he sent through this
last and final Mion of prophet Muhammad
peace be upon him it's encapsulated in
Islam and the loving advice that we've
given you and we're giving you is to
look into Islam call us at 1800 66 to
Islam to get your free Quran so you can
see this blueprint that we live by and
you can see it in action studying the
prophet Muhammad's life so we hope to
see you back here again next week on The
Dean show follow us on the Twitter like
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we'll see you next time God willing
inshallah until then peace be with you