I get into some of these questions you
are and in in one of them you have a
dilemma that the person is going through
that they sign their kids up for a Hipps
program they really like the teacher but
they're teaching certain values to their
children at home about not using certain
words in particular like dumb stupid and
Cedric Cedric but they're finding that
their teacher is getting very upset
angry and not controlling your temper
and using such words that they are
telling their kids not to use and when
approaching the teacher it's under this
and then maybe you can define what this
meter BIA write so they're trying to
understand like because they we wouldn't
tolerate this in any secular school but
why is this happening right are we
sending Mis mixed signals to our
children that there's a lot of yeah
yelling and shouting at the kids what
should i do should I take them out
they're scared that the children might
end up growing to resent courant to
leave Islam maybe because it is having a
traumatizing experience how can we
address this with the teacher and and
what advice do you have for us okay
I pray Allah guides my words correctly
here irrespective of this particular
situation this could be something that's
like ubiquitous could be all across the
globe in many different spheres even in
the parenting dynamic with their
children and yes I mean you can
Institute right for Islamic research um
our inaugural research was the pathway
stood out what causes people to doubt
what adds and there is no doubt that a
primary reason why people reconsider
their affiliation with Islam and start
doubting it is bad experiences that
cause a resentment whether it's
conscious or subconscious of the
religion and the personalities of the
religion and just the whole ethos I
don't want to be anywhere near that
atmosphere and so this is not a small
factor like I would so much rather
someone not be in tip-top shape as their
parents would want get to medical school
and
the whole Quran and because that stress
factor that the parents sometimes
artificially create it doesn't have to
be that way right kids have different
types of intelligence it doesn't mean
they're unintelligent if they can't
memorize Quran or if they can't you know
find a passion engineering or medicine
or otherwise there are different types
of intelligence there are different
interests in people at the end of the
day this stress causes parents and
educators terribly this means like
discipline or child rearing development
pedagogy it causes them to think that
there's a quick fix and that's what
makes them angry and the Prophet SAW
Salim says does not get angry do not get
angry do not get angry and you know
al-kitab you know him unless something
very interesting when explaining this
hadith he says this like fundamental
advice should not be understood at face
value because anger is not a light
switch can't just not get angry so do
not become anger he says so it means
either number one because these are the
things within our capacity not only asks
us within our capacity means number one
don't put yourself in a situation where
you're gonna fall into anger right so
walk away from the conversation with
your spouse or stop having high
expectations of the person in front of
you
impatience the things that make you
angry avoid them the precursors he says
number two or it means that when you get
angry don't act angry meaning restrain
your anger so part of restraining your
anger the problems also himself said
either I have to confess could one of
you becomes angry is not about to speak
because that only thinks things works
when you speak or act when you're angry
you will if you have some sort of
conscience regret it at some point later
oh man I broke the laptop oh snap I
divorced my wife I don't have anymore
divorce is despair oh man I pushed this
child away from the message it you know
they put on a show for me and they
memorize the entire Quran but they were
just using that as a reason to get out
of the program they were accelerating
they're jumping ship from domestic
atmosphere you will regret it that's a
very important part what makes us so
impatient we think we have control no
you don't have control people have their
own pace that's a huge part of it you
know there's a very good book called
scream free parenting advice
physical scream free scream free
parenting you recommend that book
certainly and I haven't read it entirely
have to make it disco but just the
concept of you actually being at the end
of your wits by screaming is what it
really boils down to like you feel like
I'm losing control no you were never in
control sometimes they just have to take
their natural course right
the next thing is this is a very
forgotten soon of our Prophet SAW
Salam's to focus on the positives this
is what allows negativity to evaporate
right like we're not even talking
anymore about using bad language that's
unacceptable unacceptable don't make dua
against our children we don't make dua
against people we don't use their
auditory language this is unbeaten of
any believer with adults with kids just
is there anything from the Quran and
Sunnah that somebody can use this as a
former Tobia cuz most parents ago think
okay maybe this thing mom maybe he's got
something I don't know the whole Deen
maybe there's something there in the
hadith there's a wisdom behind this
using such words you know towards the
kids is there anything there a benefit
and then people will know specific Oh
like calling a kid stupid
absolutely fool we can say that people
will become agitated angry emotional and
that means that you're like emotionally
invested in the kid in front of you
that's fine right like I'm gonna react
sometimes because I care so you're not
so that's one thing though so Quran
Asuna nothing you cannot use Quran and
Sunnah to say that okay I'm following
Quran is to know what I mean they gasp
yes prophet I saw ourselves face and he
said they said to make duaa against them
he says my birth to LA Annan I did not I
was not sent to invoke God's curse
perpetually constantly on people he did
in very rare circumstances the court
even says that David and Jesus peace be
upon them they made their against
banasura in Brawl solemn in very
exceptional circumvent exceptions he
made dua this dua to allah right this is
not lashing out against people
these are against memories are trying to
kill you and even then he refused to be
recurrent with this he said I was not
sent to be like this but we're talking
my kids you're trying to teach the Book
of Allah the Quran you know it reminds
me of what when I think about what is
the Anna Simon and Malik
he served the province awesome for how
many years ten years and what happened
after you forget cursing forget he said
he never said to me about something I
did why did you do that or something I
didn't do why didn't you do that he said
I even tested him one time like I said
let me just see what he's gonna do when
I defy him and so he said to me to do
something and I am I refused so he came
out after me I was just deliberately
just playing with the boys in the
streets basically he came and he put his
hands on my shoulders gently Ali sabato
Saddam and he said Oh Anna's why don't
you go do such-and-such like you and I
know you're supposed but just look at
the approach like human beings are like
seatbelts they just don't come with
snatching it just doesn't work you know
I'll give a personal story just to show
that I'm not innocent I was so
frustrated with one of my children
because they did not like to be told
what to do hmm
and this insha'Allah will be a good
quality of theirs if we're able to
channel it correctly that they will not
buckle to pressure they ever need to say
a word of truth speak truth to power and
sha Allah hopefully but I spent two
years trying to force my kid to say
thank you and just because I said what
do we say say thank you they would
refuse so it was just like I don't take
orders mm-hmm and it would get me so
frustrated I was at the end of my wits
as they say and then my wife said to me
i'ma just ignore him just praise his
sister she's she'll never forget to say
thank actually one week mashallah so
it's always says Thank You Masha Allah
you never forget to say thank you this
is all conversations they're in the
backseat we're in the front seat usually
within one week he was saying thank yous
without missing a beat so the concept of
positive reinforcement catching people
doing it right and amplifying it that
for their sake and the sake of those
around them is so much more effective
and so much more merciful than focusing
like we're good at catching people doing
wrong things you know the Prophet SAW
said lumps he said to us at the
believers like a be right and I just
gave a hold by recently it's on YouTube
somewhere about are you a bee or are you
a fly
cuz flies land on
don't ya yeah number two or things that
are rotting carcasses and you know the
decomposing bodies of hundreds right
dirty things trash and bees land on
nectar and they take the good from it
and they give the good back and they
land ever so gently and this is what the
problems on sell I'm saying and so he
used to always land on the good things
that people are doing and praise them
and this has to be understood like the
concept of you shouldn't praise because
someone's gonna get diluted and
conceited the Prophet SAW sought and
praised many people and so those a
hadith about don't praise must be
understood to mean don't excessively
praise don't praise when you feel like
someone's heads getting really big don't
praise in a way that's going to cause
them to become haughty and you know
pompous and proud and arrogant and the
likes but positive reinforcement it'll
make you happier like I was like my
goodness I put myself through two years
of stress about this issue and I was
almost about to give up and then Allah
blessed me with a with a wife who turned
on the lights for me and I was able like
my goodness it didn't have to be this
hard yeah and so feeling you're in
control makes you too angry no it has to
take its natural course and not all kids
are the same pace not all kids are
identical even between boys and girls I
don't want against the gender debates
but boys and girls have general
tendencies that they are two camps right
so not the same exact form of education
could necessarily be ideal for both
genders and appreciating that and
addressing it adequately will make
things so much more pleasant in the
educational atmospheres anyway
I'm ranting I'm so sorry no no so it
takes a little more effort here but you
have better results and it goes back
here I mean we've all been there I mean
you and I know I know personally you
know you get let's say you have you know
six seven eight nine kids you know
you're dealing with and you kind of lose
your cool and you you raise your voice
and I and I take it from my own
experience after you you you go on a
screaming rant you know what I mean
it just takes a lot of energy out of you
I've cut myself so was it really your
order to do it the other way no it's
just harder to break the habit break the
harder to change your lens from instead
of notice
the negative and only landing on that
the nasty stuff like the fly you just
start looking for the nectar and start
landing on that stuff your body is
releasing toxins actually when you get
all stressed out like that that are
actually cancer causing you your coccyx
you spot the hole and in the and then it
makes it and I catch myself and I said
okay I get there's got to be a more
efficient way I understand sometimes you
have to be firm and whatnot but then
going down to demoralizing words I mean
this is something that obviously this is
totally sometimes you know there's
needed so this is a huge problem in just
parenting a brief yeah here's a tip do
not speak about people speak about their
actions golden rule do not speak about
people speak about their many at times a
parent or just a mentor or a teacher
they'll say you're dumb you're
hard-headed they may have been
unacceptable before of course
unacceptable we covered that okay I just
want to re-emphasize absolutely okay you
don't call a kid dumb you don't call it
I teach also I teach you know Marsha I
mean if I did that in one of my students
I'd be out of business customers I use
customers so we need to keep our
customers not from the financial
perspective from the Dean do you know
pure Research Forum says that the number
of people entering Islam are offsetting
the number of people leave leaving Islam
so it's just like no retaining your
capital is a far wiser economics wise
far wiser is the prudent thing to do
even if you're not gonna get any profits
right but really there's nothing
happening here
we're losing as many Muslims at least
according to those theories or those
those numbers as we are gaining yeah
that's just devastating they're both at
around 23 percent and so no absolutely
not so again do not write the child off
by branding them early right the child
is as ready for being crafted and shaped
as you're willing to believe that they
are the prophet salaallah alayhi wasalam
would land on the good things and say to
his grandson or about his grandson he is
a Syed he's a chief that's gonna lead
the people he would say that more either
Najib but who was 18 years old he's the
most knowledgeable of my own
and our men certainly they've done so
many studies on this man there's so much
research on this on this empowerment
yeah just even a touch right the reason
a person is more willing to do things
feels more motivated with a soft touch
with a soft word you know as opposed to
saying that's it this person is stubborn
okay
might as well Brendan I'm stubborn yeah
I'm sorry
no that's all so just the issue of mercy
all right being merciful with the
creation is a requirement for being
eligible for the mercy of God the
prophet saww sallam said that but he
specifically mentioned after that and
alongside that that extra mercy
particular it's just so needed extra
mercy with the youngsters he says you
are not one of us they are not one of us
those who are not revering of our elders
merciful their youngsters and
recognizing the rights of our scholars
so this issue of I don't care how
religious you are I don't care how good
of a job you think you're doing I don't
care too much how sincere you are III
admire your sincerity but that is not
going to absolve us of using the wrong
techniques mercy is the most fundamental
technique you know the Prophet SAW
seldom said another hadith Allah is
gentle and loves gentleness and grants
like his good turnaround on this stuff
he grants on the basis of gentleness
what he does not grant on the basis of
harshness and we see that in living
color just try it you'll make your life
better and the life of those that
inshallah trying to impact with positive
change better yeah just a few more
points and we'll conclude the policeman
is held to a higher standard he's a
police officer he has some ethics he's
got to go by the same way the mayor the
governor the president write Quran
teacher man this person is helping to
you know develop the future generations
let's say the person is teaching Quran
and to hold the Prophet Osama had said
it reminds me that I have not been sent
except to perfect good manners certainly
absolute so now are you held to a higher
standard in a high documento element
karana so the best of you are those who
teach the Quran now if you're calling
kids stupid and foolish and you know
demoralizing them and then bringing them
down
own and not lifting him up and you're
not and you're not holding yourself to
yourself to that higher standard you can
be accountable in front of a law right
absolutely not not to absolve anyone of
accountability we all have to answer for
our own but the Koran teacher should be
the last person to forget that right
that this is not about knowledge at the
end of the day this is not about us not
recognizing the station of someone who
bears the sacred revelation but that in
and of itself will not qualify unless
it's matched with actions or it will
qualify to the degree that it matches
with your actions if you're calling to
Allah book with your words and deterring
from it or calling away from it with
your actions actions are gonna speak
louder than words so you're gonna have a
negative sum total at the end right and
it may Allah protect us from from
keeping people from being able to get to
him right like may Allah protect Islam
from us it's just it's a frightening but
a very real sentiment that we need to
remind each other up yeah a couple more
things I can in mind is that I mean we
often talk about okay Shaitaan
facilitating away let's say on one end
right to the club's to the you know the
the sins of the desires and you know
negligence of performing and living your
purpose in life and etc etcetera right
keeps you there but then you come in
you're in the deen now you think okay
you're safe no you can go to extreme on
some ends and then also now say I
thought doesn't care which way you go he
does long as you're not here so now
let's say even here we're always being
we're always being attacked so it's a
test of an englis it slams of path yeah
aidid yeah that was not an act and
you're training you're teaching people
about the book of the Creator and you're
and their responsibility in life and to
be carriers preservers of this thing now
also is a positive Shaitaan can also be
you know trying to disrupt this because
now and get people out of programs like
this and because these are future
leaders are yet to forget advice of one
of my dear Mushaf and mentors in Medina
dr. sensual who said to me once you need
to realize that Shaitaan is gonna work
far harder on you then he's gonna work
on someone else
because everyone who considers you some
sort of inspiration or icon for guidance
or whatever it may be when you fall
people follow by example by association
just wear followers by nature right if
you fall people fall with you whereas
another person if Shaitaan is able to
get them to fall they fall on their own
it's not consequential beyond their own
predicament and so we should certainly
be conscious of this more than others
right even span alone you imagine that
false sense of security to the previous
nations had that we read about so much
in the Koran it says and they never
became divisive and fell apart and
fragmented ethylamine valujet in belgium
may not accept after the knowledge came
to them due to animosity that tensions
arose after knowledge was there you
think knowledge is gonna solve it but
and knowledge will solve it sacred
revelation is the greatest gift Allah
sends to humanity greater than giving
them their lives is showing them how to
live and how to qualify for the next
life but the problem is our settling for
knowledge becomes the greatest detriment
to us because number one it will not
deliver us on its own and number two
those of knowledge when they fall all
those they carry fall with them yeah
someone says look brother you don't
understand these kids they act like you
know they're out of control and this how
we did it in my country brother you
don't understand it's not right what can
I say the gold standard is the prophets
Allah Allah Allah like are you doing it
right or was he doing it right I just
with all due respect the preservation of
our religion and the messenger of God
and the messenger of this religion has
to be preserved above preserving
personalities so it doesn't matter how
we did it in our country no it doesn't
matter so we did it in any time or any
place yeah unless it's conforming with
the way of the Prophet Valley so it was
set up we're not saying there can't be
different techniques for different times
and places yeah like in Africa if you're
sitting in a tent learning Quran from a
slate that you're carving in I would
accept that that's not necessarily
contrary to the way of the Prophet SAW
send them but some we're talking about
here right no one's saying here we don't
like about the
schooling system at there they took the
desks out and they want to do it the
African that's not the way because
that's just about resources and
technique and whatever is available and
readily offered to the kids and that's
one contrary to Dean we're talking about
the aspects which the Dean did regulate
for our own betterment those cannot be
downplayed mm-hmm
one practical thing I think of cos often
you're going let's say you go into an
institution and you have like 30 40 kids
the one teacher I mean I mean that one
thing you can do is like I would think
like because also were human beings
we're susceptible to losing patients and
whatnot maybe narrow it down make less
students you know to me maybe focus on
five ten get another teacher for the
rest because have you ever walked into
let's say a program you got like 40 kids
you're losing your mind you know what
I'm saying what do you think some
practical we can do we gave the the the
advice about the book we took it back to
Quran and Sunnah it's not something
that's allowed there you actually do it
more harm what are the practical things
tangible I mean there are no reasons to
invent to reinvent the wheel as they say
ya know there are people that are doing
it right to vertical law in different
places around the world in the United
States even if doing it right were
employing the rule of relativity here
they're doing a better job we can
benefit ourselves by just giving
ourselves pause to figure out what's the
most efficient way to do it
yeah many times people are know what's
wrong with their methods whether it's
our students of like logistics or just
conduct and but they just don't know any
other way and so I think having that
graciousness in us as parents as Gustav
to offer them alternatives like we're
all in it together like we all just want
to make the best out of a difficult
situation sometimes and so just
suggesting alternatives helping them
develop a reward system for example it's
easy right figuring out the way to be
cost efficient so you can hire an
assistant they just need help in that
regard
someone who specialized in Quran doesn't
necessarily mean or usually many-a-times
does not mean that they're specialized
in administrative protocol and business
management and you know the five-year
plan any truth to this statement there's
no best
it's only bad teachers have you ever
heard the statement it needs to be
qualified it needs to be qualified it is
correct in the sense that you've heard
it you've heard this you're the teacher
yeah you're on the steering wheel you
can affect them in a way you're the
adult you're the parent yeah you can
affect them in more ways than you
realize meaning ninety-nine percent of
the time there's potential for height
there's potential for good you just need
to be sure of that and act on it the
right way you got to find it yeah so
it's 99% of the time it's there it's
challenging your time everyone's unique
and they're all normally learning on the
job and none of us are infallible and
we're all struggling and at the end of
the day our greatest asset is admitting
our powerlessness to Allah so gentleme
Allah can't do it alone please open my
eye offer me the help I'm stranded
without you I mean I'm the first one
that could benefit from this I'm also
I'm trying to be a better parent I make
the mistakes I lose my cool
yeah but I'm trying to I try to I want
to be better I want to learn I want to
grow and inshallah if all of us can keep
that open mind and that's art this is
the love love it's not like we're
sitting here we say hey we figured it
out and we were perfect but all of us
are the slaves of Allah we make mistakes
days a night but Allah is most merciful
but we're trying to do these things and
benefit from these advice so we can
become better and shallow but our
parents go to worshipers of the Creator
and we can end up in Jenna but you know
what this is an excuse now to have you
back because we only did one question
and we got some more so next time in
Chicago we gotta finish these some
really good questions hopefully someone
better than me steps in it takes it I
enjoyed talking with you
inshallah we can have a pleasure always
a pleasure thank you so much as uncle
ahead can we do a shout out to our
cameraman Hamza yes I love bless him
Eddie's son is there an awesome job
Michele lon he's an inspiration raised
his rank and help us and him be carriers
of his book and his Deen I mean I mean
where can people get in contact with you
they can visit you at the web site
I'd rather refer them to Institute it's
doing amazing work inspiring conviction
Lucian through conviction check them out
in child law I have some work on there
as well but stay tuned for more and more
hate from them in Shama we're learning
in a lot the first part we talked about
phousi you don't want to be a fouseytube
Muslim or modified Muslim you want to be
a Muslim one who has submitted
themselves to the crater that has an
earth Allah and we talked about we're
creatures of imitation so out of his
love Allah sent Prophet Muhammad peace
and blessings be upon him to be imitated
to be followed his Sunnah we have it and
you got a lot of sensational people out
there doing some wonderful work maybe we
can learn some good things from him but
she also got some people who are doing
opposite to the true purpose of life we
don't want to follow them so the doora
of allah's love is always to his
forgiveness is open for phousi for jews
see for all these people and we got
nothing but love for him but we don't
like the things that many of these
people are calling - it's just like
someone let me put it in a more
palatable way that you can understand
imagine you're in school and you're
being tested and for sure we're being
tested in this life and now you got
someone cutting class partying flunking
out failing and you got your other
friends saying come on man let's go
let's listen to the teacher let's pass
the class and let's graduate with honors
you ain't say nothin wrong with that
right
and then you could be successful well
that's exactly what we need to do in
this life we're not an accident that
happened just randomly appeared in this
world no Allah created us and he's
testing us so when you pass the test you
got Jenna fail the test
is the consequence of Hellfire and we
don't want to end up there so hopefully
people get this message they can go
ahead and if they're following people
like that they could waking it up and
then we talked about also recapping and
summarizing as I said before the
policeman has the responsibility he's
held at a higher level he's supposed to
stop crime not facilitate crime the same
way the Quran teacher as the Prophet SAW
some said hi document Allah melkor
I'll limit the best of you are those who
learned the Quran and teach it they had
a higher level the Quran teaches what
patience what does the Quran teach good
manners ethics along the foundation of
worshipping to create another creation
pure monotheism so the Quran teacher not
just helping people memorize the Quran
but they have to be walking the Quran
with their good attitude good manners
good behavior so now if we're teaching
our kids not to use demoralizing words
stupid idiot all these things
and the Quran teachers using it
unacceptable unacceptable no we wouldn't
tolerate it in a regular school of
public school no way are we gonna
tolerate it from our current teachers
these are supposed to be the best
amongst us and insha'Allah they can get
this message with that love and we can
make these adjustments and they can
learn from it grow form because we're
human beings as a prophet saw some said
all of the sons of Adam are sinners
right but the best of those are those
who turn to Allah and repent and we're
all trying to grow we have to keep our
minds open learn grow and correct our
shortcomings and mistakes so we can
become better so we can get to Jenna
subscribe if you haven't already
hope you've benefited because we do this
out of the love we see we we sincerely
try thank you very much until next time
peace be with you
Salaam alaikum