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keep it real alhamdulillah greetings and
peace how are you guys doing we're with
two special guests Professor Deborah
maid she may find herself with only two
choices one to remain
single and two to take a husband who at
some time in their marriage may take
another woman as his wife keeping it
real real how we keep
ready
for we encourage people to come to us
and
ask and Imam Musa and we're going to be
talking about feed for the stars of the
reality TV show Sister Wives at Federal
appeals court reverses a landmark
decision that decriminalized poly uh
polygamy in Utah the family sued over
Utah's ban on plural marriages after
local prosecutors announced they may
charge Brown the heart of that show and
his wives the ruling says the family
can't sue because charges were never
filed and authorities have not said they
won't prosecute consenting adult
polygamist polygyny polygyny now it's
it's very very some people find it very
strange because uh usually men would
talk about this but now to meet a
professor who actually wrote a thesis on
it and fill us in what else are you
doing on this topic well for for once I
want to help um our society bet and most
Muslims too better understand what po
marriage is about and what Islam
prescribes this idea of polygyny when a
husband shares multiple wives has
certain conditions so we're trying to
correct the misconception that polygyny
is either mandated by Islam or dictated
by Islam as much as polygyny was
regulated um by the prophet Muhammad and
that those who practice the um this form
of marriage in the United States have
great responsibility and so Mash jids
across the country and across the world
in my view should be much more intent on
supporting healthy marriage whatever the
form Imam Musa tell us uh is this
something that in your in your community
or a lot of not yet Muslims they they
bring this up and and what do you
usually say when this is brought up in
the issue and it's been a very tough
topic to talk about until recently
especially in India as I'm from India
when the Government tried to interfere
with the Muslim personal law
particularly talking about the divorce
many of the sisters took to the street
practicing educated well-qualified
professional sisters who have defended
the right to the coli and said that in
it we find peace and security and
certainty what do you why do you think
this has been so demonized when this is
something throughout history it was
something that was common yeah but
because in the United States we we have
Collision is against the law our civil
law requires us to have uh for a man to
take one Legal Wife and so we have uh
unfortunately have too many experiences
of the practice of cyny that has been
done in contrast to what uh not only
Islam teaches but the Quran says and so
we have too many bad experiences to many
people who are victims of abuse physical
spiritual emotional and otherwise so
it's only natural for people to look at
the number of victims and think that
this practice is
outa sh what do you think it is true
indeed only the bad things get the news
and bad news becomes the news there are
lot of in numerous examples where people
are enjoying their life and family as
together they're really enjoying the
fruits of the pelim if it can be
practice in accordance with the
teachings of prophet Muhammad please be
upon him and the instructions given by
Allah subhah wa ta'ala it can be
blessings we see that this is something
that is you know all the messengers of
God you know they practice this it's
it's clearly outlined in the Bible we
see that throughout history it was
something that was that was that was
common uh we see that today that when a
man has multiple Mistresses when he's uh
fooling around like many of these
politicians not caring or loving for
these women just using and abusing you
know this seems you know to be normal
it's not something you look down upon
but when someone wants to go ahead and
care for these women and many you know a
lot of times what's the solution there
there are so many more women than men
out there and many you know who can't
get married or you know many have either
lost their husbands or whatnot uh what's
the solution you know what do you do
well first of all we need some education
both among Muslims and Muslims with uh
in their contacts with non-muslims cigy
is only one form of marriage and the
Quran as we can uh clearly understand is
positioning us for
monogamy where prig is practiced and
it's practice according to the
conditions that are outlined in the
Quran we see blessings in those
relationships we see blessings we see
lives lived we see children uh living
vibrant and in vibrant loving households
the problem is that even though some
people talk about trying to assist those
who who would not have uh marriage
available to them any other way too
often they're using and abusing it's
very important in our society and across
the Muslim world that the forms of
marriage that take place are ones in
which women have agency women are making
a choice that they are freely entering
the types of Union that they are that
the maset that perform ceremonies where
the monogamous or poist provide the
resources the emotional and
psychological care to strengthen
marriages whatever the form in the
United States we know that marriage is
in the divorce 50% of the time right so
in Islamic communities like other
communities we really need to have some
strong education and guidance we need to
help guide individuals into happy and
healthy homes and not just get married
because they have the the opportunity so
I'm saying that in the book cisy what it
means when African-American Muslim women
share their husband is advocating the
decriminalization of cigy and
encouraging mids to spend more time more
resources more Care on fostering an
environment where healthy marriages
contain shake what have you noticed we
when we've talked to some of the imams
they're saying a lot of women are upset
you know the women are coming forward
and saying why aren't you advocating on
our behalf many can't get married and
you know they've closed this door what
have you have you seen some of this
happening I have seen a couple
experiences in this regard but however
we have found that when the sisters come
forward with this kind of message not
only the husbands get encouraged but
also imams they should also discuss this
with imams and imams will be open to
discuss these things in their sermons or
in their own this need to be a
discussion among the youth as well I
have seen that a lot of Youth have these
questions and if this is answered we can
easily in introduce the blessings of the
plag in the Muslim environment where
many sins can be avoided by having
practice these things so I would
strongly recommend that it need to be
talked about like sister is came I would
like to see more and more sisters come
forward and talk about it the benefit of
it for others to see the goodness in it
uh and uh we'll conclude with one more
question uh tell us sister
Professor what do you usually say when
you I'm sure you deal with a lot of
emotion emotional uh people who when you
bring this up you know you you get a lot
of backlash you get a lot of uh women
that will come at you emotionally and
how do you tackle give us a true life
story and you know how do you deal with
this bottom line the emotionality comes
out of hurt and pain and fear and what
we notice in poist marriages the
challenges to religionist marriages are
also evident in the challenges of
monogamous marriages right so that's why
I'm advocating for stronger resources
for just what it means to be married but
many of us don't know what it means to
live a healthy Halal single life and
preparing ourselves for me and those
individuals who are acting as our
Guardians as our as our W so to speak
they need to be educated too they need
to know what it means to look out for
the best interest of the women involved
and then the women have to appreciate
that Allah subhana wa ta'ala is the best
knower and and that we don't have to
settle and we don't have to take for
less just to enter into the status of
marriage what's uh your book called and
where can people Pi up it is polygyny
what it means when African-American
Muslim women's uh when African-American
Muslim women share their husbands it is
um published by University press of
Florida is on Amazon and right now it's
in paperback for $15 or less last one
last one have you heard another sensor
ible sensible solution to the growing
crisis that has anyone presented you
with something to solve the problem cuz
there are obviously more have you heard
heard heard a a a um a solution besides
this one we're communities where
communities are able to bring men and
women together and give them healthy
options of living a Halal life
regardless of their status we see more
healthy families thank you thank you so
much Professor closing uh comments and I
would like to see that what you're doing
is the one of the best thing that we can
do in this regard peny is a hush hush
issue for all this time and that's the
reason that people have lot of fear fear
of unknown I would like for it to be
discussed and talk about more openly and
the more we talk about it and more
examples come into this life people will
be able to handle this in more
appropriately last but not the least the
more we talk about this among ourselves
our would like the sisters to take lead
and when anybody Desiring to enter into
this relationship they need to be open
nothing of this thing should be done in
secrecy the minute you do in secrecy
that you yourself is not confident that
will make you unfit to enter in this
contract to begin with and when people
exercise these things in secrecy it can
literally open the door for some abuse
and negligence towards the right that
Islam demands from husbands and wife
towards each other so it must be
discussed openly is what we done in
community and Community should come to
know of this so they can keep an eye and
it's a very healthy approach to collegan
in my opinion thank you guys very much
thank you Professor Imam Musa so we're
going to close it up also you have uh
your wife is here and she' like to add
to this yes alhamdulillah I'm really
blessed in this regard that Allah
subhana T has blessed us with the
understanding whether I ever practice
that or not the fact that she understand
the right of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
and her rights and she supports and
strongly stand by it is the fact that we
understand that we many Muslim need to
understand what are the limitations are
I see my wife she understands her own
limitations she understand the rights
that Allah has enjoyed upon the husband
and she stands with it and she said that
well Allah has made it permissible for
you who am I to stop this and she sees
that in two ways one if you find a
sister who you can work with and relate
and work together to ex Advance the
cause of This Dean she said it's an
extra support I will have and plus
having the progeny through this also
increasing the of wasallam she seems to
be very passionate when it's come to
that she said that even when you have
more kids I would be able to help them
and support them inshallah grow
islamically strong and at times when we
talk about this even my daughter takes
part and she said that I will certainly
be enjoying having extra brothers and
sisters and extra uh member in the
family as well sister what advice do you
give for people wanting to extend their
family make a bigger family and many of
the sisters who are having a a very hard
time accepting
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this if it is like anything came in the
Quran with the Quran withn if Allah make
it Hal for any
man why we have to make it difficult for
him the first we have to accept and we
pray for Allah subhana wa tala
to guide that man or he can be inah he
can do between both of them and for me I
see like if it's another one coming we
come for de forh waala and to make more
muham grow and
grow for better inshah thank you so much