how many by raise of hands you guys know
what the cartels are and the cartel
calls you there can only be two reasons
either one they're going to give you a
lot of money and move you up or they're
gonna wearing a suit in a very very bad
neighborhood well I've got this son
who's perfect 4.0 great kid great never
did anything wrong if you torture and
kill him we'll be even Steven how does
that make any sense
he's fresh in the grave and they're
already he's just got buried
and that day
I thought to myself
there's got to be more to life than this
what are the fear that comes to your
heart by the shaitana what are the thing
that make us avoid giving down
I told him no tell them I'll leave you
alone in one condition you gotta come to
the Masjid
and they were like are you crazy like we
just told you we're gonna let you live
and now you're putting conditions on us
if one person accept Islam because of
you because of your effort it's worth
more than holding you this is your
brother Abdul hawalda from Dallas Texas
I'm here in support of the dean center
it's a beautiful organization Masha
Allah in the U.S and they have purchased
a piece of land and several building on
it and we are counting our brother and
sister throughout the US throughout the
world to be part of this magnificent
project it doesn't matter how much you
give it doesn't matter how much you
donate what matter we all participate
inshallah may Allah bless you thank you
so much
foreign
first time that I remember so first time
in shy town so we gotta start we've been
talking about this for some time you've
been on the dean show a couple times
and you got a very unique story
so we want to get into it because you
weren't always called Shea no no even
now I don't like being called yeah
so uh let's get into it let's get into
the the I don't say humble beginnings
but the rough Beginnings they definitely
were rough so my story
for a long time I didn't tell people and
I kind of internalized that I buried it
and it was something that for years I
didn't speak about
and then one of our very good Brothers
in one of the podcasts he asked me to
talk about it
and the intention
is to let people know
that no matter what they may be caught
up in no matter what lifestyle no matter
how far they may be from the religion
with Allah there's always hope
so myself I'm pashtoon ethnically I was
born in Pakistan I left Pakistan as a
little kid maybe around five six years
of age and I went to the UK for a year
and a half I lived in Manchester
alongside and then I moved to the US
when I was eight nine years old seven
eight something like that very young
I went to elementary school in a very
rough neighborhood
and this is you know the early 80s this
is the Gang
epidemic was going on in Southern
California and SoCal is the home to the
Bloods the Crips the surenos all of
which we see as a gang culture around
the world today it started there
and I went to school the first day of
school wearing a suit in a very very bad
neighborhood wearing a suit wearing a
suit
with a British accent yeah so I mean
think of like the body or the worst gang
neighborhood my parents and a lot of
worked them they didn't know and my
parents were more secular so you know my
parents were divorced my mother may
Allah rewarded her she was a very strong
woman and she wanted the best for me so
she said you know I want you to go
looking good so we wore a suit little
bow tie hello my name is Usman how are
you and you know in the bad
neighborhoods that I was just got picked
on right away and my father
he always uh
he always taught us not to be somebody
who can be taken advantage of he was a
tough man so Annie I wasn't going to be
taking a night so the first day was
fights
suit was ripped black eye you know got
home Elementary School this is like you
know little kids but fights every day
when I was about 10 years old and they
started to see a lot of the gangs there
and the gangs they recruit Young
unlike most people I didn't want to join
a gang I didn't want to be popular I
didn't want to fit in I wasn't trying to
be cool I wasn't trying to get any I did
my own thing I kept to my school my
mother worked two jobs my Allah reward
her she was working very hard she had
degrees in law and a master's they
weren't recognized in America so she was
working in a t-shirt Factory and it was
hard times you know and I used to live
in a house that was condemned it was
salon and he used to go to sleep on one
side you'd wake up on the other side we
had no beds the sleeping bags in
in school when I was around 12
I had a friend and he was Persian he was
Iranian originally Armenian
and he was not Muslim his family was and
then they became Christian to come to
America but he was Middle Eastern so you
know we were young kids 12 years old
hung out but he liked to start fright
one time in Alice Birney Elementary
School in San Diego he started a fight
with these Mexican gang members and
these gang members were older and there
was a gang called loma's 27th Street and
this is part of the sureno networks
these are street gangs
um he started the fight I was you know I
was taught my father had this big honor
thing in my mind so I jumped in for him
and he ran away so I got jumped uh by
three gang members that were older
so when I went home big black eye
bleeding my mother was freaked out she
called my father my father came because
they didn't live together
my father may Allah have mercy on him he
passed away now he uh took me in the
room by myself he told me did you cry I
said no he said did you run I said no he
said that's it nothing else matters so
he got a baseball bat he had an old
Camaro a nice Camaro at the time and we
drove around that their neighborhood and
we found them my father jumped out took
the bat hit one of them shattered his
shoulder hit the other one you know
the problem was the next day I had to go
to school
my father went back to his house but the
next day when I went to school the gang
Lomas 27th Street they said you know we
got a hit on you now and I was 12.
so there was another local gang called
Eastside San Diego
then again these are all sorenos they
rep the 13. we'll talk about that
so they came to me and they said look
um you're strong like you stand up
you're you're ready to fight but by
yourself you're dead
because they got a big gang and these
gangs like East Side at the time had
their standing was around 600 members no
muscles something similar so these
aren't like 10 20 30 people gang these
are gangs with numbers
so in that case I had no choice I joined
a gang at the age of 12. I mean I was
the actual gang you know a lot of people
nowadays I used to hang out with gangs I
used to hang out with blood I was an
actual gang member jumped in ordained
gang member at 12. at that young age
and there were gang members younger than
me and gangs there we start early
my middle school where I used to go to
call Wilson Middle School in San Diego
in East San Diego there was a drive-by
at our middle school during lunch he got
shot up we had bullet or we had metal
detectors going in we had a police
officer assigned to my middle school who
would just this is not even a high
school it's middle school that's how bad
that time was
many people did talk about their gang
life and they glamorize it but there's
no glamor in it to be honest it's rough
I mean
I had friends that I grew up with
that I knew since fifth grade and sixth
grade and I had to bury them
you know
we we used to have gang wars back and
forth and
you know we
we would have these times where the gang
would raid another school so you would
be sitting in your classroom and I had
good grades I'm Pakistani I had to have
good grades you know so you'd be trying
to take notes and then you see like 60
70 guys running through the corridors
going through each classroom pulling out
anybody from your gang and just stomping
them out crowbars bats
and that that's the life
that we had that's the stress we went
through
I had I had a friend and these are
things that I never talked about for a
long time
uh his friend that I grew up with a
friend that I was very close to and you
know one day he was at a party and the
people they found out who he was and
where he was from and they came in and
they jumped him and then they tied him
up they took him to a park called kalino
Park in San Diego and they shot him in
the back of the head
not only did they shoot him they skinned
his tattoos off and this is a very close
friend of yours this is the very you
know how old he was oh 15 15s and it was
already tatted up
and they they shot him and skinned him
imagine going to school the next day
like where is he at oh he's dead
go to his funeral
you know when you're 14 and 15 nowadays
your biggest problem is how good your
Wi-Fi connection is
and for us
we were living that kind of a life rough
shootings killing stabbings went back
and and my friends were all religious in
the sense but there was I had no muslim
friends growing up zero
so all my friends were either Catholic
or Christian but what were you at that
time what was how were your parents
Muslim my parents were Muslim but they
didn't really push it on me so were they
practicing
um kind of you know once in a while was
it more cultural those cultural
um we would say were Muslim but I mean I
didn't go to the Masjid my father never
took me for Jamal or even any other
Salah or even Aid and my mother
mashallah and she loved Allah and
mashallah she's very religious today she
prays more than anybody I know and gives
a lot of but at that time and she was
struggling she was working two jobs she
was trying to single mother trying to
keep everything together so the street
was your education yeah and she was very
strict with my education I had to have
good grades
but I got kicked out of Alice Bernie
then I got kicked out of Wilson Middle
School then I got kicked out of PB
middle school then I got kicked out of
Hoover High School then I got kicked out
of Mission Bay High School then I got I
kicked out of Kearney high school but
but you got a PhD in the streets I did I
did it so
we started dealing with the cartels
Our Gang so we have
around 600 members how many by arrays of
hands you guys know what the cartels are
okay because they're too far north I
guess you guys don't know what the
cartels are
if you're in Cali everybody will raise
their hands
so I live in San Diego and San Diego is
the South Southernmost city before you
get to Tijuana Mexico
Tijuana Mexico and one year they had 2
800 murders that's in one city in one
year
um
Tijuana is and Juarez other places like
this are well known for the cartel
activities
cartel uh they're mostly they bring the
drugs down from Colombia from Mexico and
they bring it up North but Mexico has
very strict gun laws so mostly the guns
that they use come in from the north
so us as street gangs we developed a
relationship with the cartel cartel
needed foot soldiers they needed people
who would do their bidding most of them
were in Mexico they were living in big
luxurious houses they weren't on the
street and most of us were on the street
in the U.S so if they wanted somebody
killed in the U.S they would contract it
out to street gangs the street gangs are
united under What's called the surenos
so in California you have you have Crips
and bloods those are black gangs you
have the Aryan Brotherhood barely but
that's the white uh prison gang and then
you have the Mexicans the Mexicans have
two divisions right
one is the southern Californians La San
Diego all the way from Fresno down and
this is called soreno so like if you've
heard of MS-13 yes the reason it has a
13 that's for the letter m
this is the enemy it's a prison gang but
they control all the street gangs and
then there's What's called the Nortenos
that's in the north so from the Bay Area
up that way they have the 14 which
stands for the N Nortenos
so we were from the surenos and the
sureniors were connected with a
particular cartel
Our Gang itself had a Leadership Council
so you could take it like a shooter you
know and usually they'd be it should
have 13 members but usually they'd be 12
because one would be dead and one would
be replaced and one you know they'd be
in jail but they should have had we made
a structure for 13 members
very early on I got in that shura and
the reason I got in at a very early age
is because I used to plan things out
well so we robbed gun stores we did all
kinds of crazy things and I would be the
one that planned it out so when they saw
that this guy has a brain to plan they
moved me up early
the I'm not going to get into too many
details here but there's a rule there if
you want to be from the Leadership
Council it's called Blood In Blood Out
meaning you have to kill somebody to get
in and you have to be killed to leave
there is no retirement even if you go to
jail for the rest of your life even if
you get disabled I had a friend he got
he got hit with the Crowbar in his neck
he became paralyzed paraplegic but he
was still a gang member he still went to
the neighborhood in his wheelchair he
still kept a gun he still did whatever
the gang said because it's for life you
can't leave it there is no exit there is
no retirement there is no 401K none of
that
so from that Leadership Council was a
guy named Manuel
and these were all Mexicans and me and
him were very close since we were in
elementary school he was two years older
than me and he was like a bigger brother
to me he was very very you know he was a
gang member he killed people he did
horrible things but at the same time he
was a very considerate person and he was
somebody who you could talk to
somebody who was very considerate about
what you're going through in life and if
you ever needed him he'd be there 2 A.M
and
we used to have a lot of money because
we used to deal with the drug cartels so
and we couldn't really invest it
couldn't buy stock with it so we bought
like low riders we had 64 Impalas with
hydraulics and rims and all of that I
couldn't drive at the time so he was the
one who was older than me he would keep
the car and he would take us out and
he he got us and him and others from
them we got connected with the cartels
the cartels had money
I can tell you from my own personal
experience and there's many things that
I've never shared
um we would go down to Tijuana and I was
maybe 15 16 at the time
and you would go to the the cartel would
call you basically that's Mexico now
you are across the border you're no
longer in the U.S and what we would do
is we would take a car like a not a very
fancy car not a broke car
and you would put a false bottom in the
trunk meaning you would put guns then
you would put a sheet of metal and you
would actually weld it in put the carpet
on top so if you're going in and if you
get stopped and they open your trunk it
just looks like an empty trunk and you
would throw stuff in it to make it look
like it's you would sometimes put even a
car a car seat you know just so they
think it's your regular car and you
would drive it straight into Tijuana and
it would take it to a body shop and then
they would undo the welding and they
would take the guns out and if a gun was
worth maybe a few hundred dollars in the
US the cartel will pay you ten thousand
for it they had money you know so they
didn't and our deal with them usually
would be that we take the guns and then
they pay us in drugs and then we bring
the car back across this time with drugs
and it would be welded airtight you know
because you know obviously they got dogs
and all that kind of stuff
I remember one time
they called us
and the cartel calls you there can only
be two reasons either one they're going
to give you a lot of money and move you
up or they're going to kill you
and they could kill you for the
slightest reason in Mexico there is no
oversight on the cartel
there is a desert in next to Mexicali I
don't know how many Berry bodies may be
there nobody knows because
they can kill anybody they got more
money than the government
and I remember going into this cartel
guy's house it was a mansion guards all
that and I was 15 16 I mean I was very
young at the time
and they would have like stocks like
just tables that had just money pesos
dollars just sitting there nobody would
touch it
and they would have
drums
and the smell from that drum
I'll never forget
it's
this is where they would burn human
beings
they would be that's why I told you it's
going to be real I don't know if you
guys can handle it out here
talk about Chiraq we'll come to Cali
this would be what if you were if you
did something wrong they would put you
in a drum of oil alive they wouldn't
kill you first and they'd light it up
and it's not the movies it's not the
movies in the movies you don't smell it
in the movies you don't
any
people talk about stress people talk
about nightmares you know
these are things that you don't forget
now you're going through all this you're
seeing all this you got you're smelling
blood you're smelling death no it's
worse than what what's going through
your mind are you ever reflecting
thinking deeper contemplating at that
time
I used to go to church I didn't go to
Amazon even though I mean I mean let's
get this so you're a Muslim from a
Muslim family and now you're ending up
in church every week twice a week how'd
that happen because all my friends were
Christian but all your friends are the
cartel yeah but they're very religious
so my friends uh these are Mexican gang
members cartel members and we see a lot
of that we'll see you every one of them
had crosses tattooed Mary tattooed they
were prompt on church so Saturday night
they'd kill people they'd kidnapped
people they would graffiti they would
sell drugs they would shoot up places
and then go put it on the gym and then
the next morning Sunday they would pick
me up yeah and they'd wear suits and
they would be cleaned up with their
grandmothers and they'd go and I
remember going to confession
the Catholics they would have confession
and it'd be a little box and they'd be a
priest on the other side and you'd get
in and there'd be like a little Grill
and then you would tell them forgive me
Father for I have sinned and then you
would tell them you know I stabbed a guy
last week and shot the guy last night
and the priest would be like again
I'd be like yeah and he'd be like you're
gonna stop I'm like no my gang member
that's what we do right and be like okay
say these many Hail Marys donate donate
this much to the church and try not to
do it again and you'll be like Father
you know I'm gonna do it again he said
I'll see you next week all right we'll
see you next week and that's how and we
know I remember walking out of church
telling one of my friends I was like man
this is kind of wrong right like we keep
doing the same thing and he's like no
that's how it works Jesus died for your
sins so don't worry about it it's the JC
Gold Card JC Gold Card man that's it
and I used to go to a Wednesday church
group a Bible study and this this is a
Christian one that's not a Catholic and
a place called Horizon it's on Balboa
and Genesee in San Diego
and my friend used to go and their
parents would send them thinking like
okay let's go to church maybe they'll
change but basically they were trying to
pick up girls uh sell drugs during the
church service and I was the only one
that paid attention and that wasn't even
Christian you know but I had a Bible and
I still have that Bible if you see the
brown Bible I have that's the same one
that's the same one people think that I
read the Bible to debate which I didn't
I got the Bible as a gift I didn't know
where they got it from they gave it it's
a Gideon so they probably got it from a
hotel or something and they gave it to
me as a gift and I would actually pay
attention in church and I would listen
to the sermon and then I would read and
I would ask questions and I'd always get
kicked out for asking questions for
asking questions you know I remember one
time I was in a it's called The Church
of the Rock and it's there in Linda
Vista
and the pastor was like you can't get to
heaven without Jesus and I was like what
are people before Jesus and he was like
they believed in the word he's like what
word like what's the word like what is
it you know and he'd be like the word
like what is the word I mean did Moses
believe in Jesus did Abraham believe in
how would they go to heaven he's like
get out so you're asking these questions
you should be answering it but they're
kicking you out huh we're gonna go ahead
and take a break and uh we'll be right
back with
here on the dean show would you like to
be part of the first ever Mega dawa
Center in the U.S a 35
000 square foot former Church on a Four
Acre plot equipped with a Masjid a dawa
Center a TV recording studio a dow
outreach program and much much more over
the last decade one of the most
successful and consistent dawa Series
has been the dean show and now we want
to help our brother Eddie take it to the
next level from the dean show to the
dean Center inshallah where it's going
to be this Mega dawa Center in Florida
and we need your help doing so so please
my brothers and sisters donate today
[Music]
foreign
[Music]
very scary
death is approaching you hitting you
almost left and right and you know
alhamdulillah is giving you chances
you're seeing all this and then you end
up in the church and now from the church
did you investigate any other religions
what's going on through your mind
as you're getting kicked out as you get
kicked out of the church at that time I
was just trying to survive you know
basically
at that time
I wasn't really on a spiritual journey
you know it was such a rough time I was
I was 15 16 I had to go to school I had
to get good grades I was getting kicked
out of different schools the the only
venue I had was churches because I would
spend the night for example my friend's
house because my mother was very strict
may Allah reward her may Allah bless her
so if I wanted to do any of that gang
activity I'd have to go spend the night
at a friend's house and my friend's
parents were all you know they were all
druggies and stuff so they would tell my
mother yeah yeah he'll be in bed by nine
and we'll be out till 3 A.M and hanging
off of freeway signs graffitiing and
doing all kinds of stuff and then they
would take me to church the next morning
and Bible studies and I would I would
want to know the truth I would know I
don't know about God I had a
relationship with God in a sense that I
still pray and
I didn't pray to Jesus I didn't pray to
Mary I I prayed to Allah I prayed to the
one God right but the only access I had
to learn was churches so I would take
the Bible and I would read it and then I
would find contradictions because I
would actually read it so I would find
like these highlights I made when I was
at that time and I would take it to a
church and I would take it to a pastor
and I would say hey these ages don't
match up
and he would tell me just shut up and
believe and I was like that's not me
like I want to know if I'm going to
believe in something I have to know that
it's 100 percent
and I would find things that didn't make
sense laws that didn't make sense things
that didn't fit with the Trinity and
they would just kick me out
so I wanted to know and I I believed in
Islam in a sense that I had that belief
that there is one God
and if I did something really bad like
you know if we really did something bad
bad
I would want to go and pray and I
remember one time
I took a city bus and again if you
looked at me at that time you would
never think I'm Muslim you would never
think I'm Pakistani or Pashto or any you
would just think he's Mexican because
I'd have like size 50 Dickies pendletons
gang bandanas dark glasses all the just
total the full package you know that's
how we lived
and I remember I walked into a Masjid in
San Diego it's called icsd um it's a big
Masjid it's the only one I know it has a
big dome
and I remember the brother who worked at
the store he stopped me he was like hey
what are you doing here you know and I
didn't answer him I didn't even talk to
him I had dark glasses on I just kept
walking
and I went and I made wudu the best that
I knew and I didn't know correct but
whatever I knew and I just prayed to
Allah for our forgiveness and I walked
out and they were like we're gonna call
the police you know they thought I was a
gang member that got in there but I had
that want to find the truth
but at that time you couldn't you
couldn't just go and soul search you you
were worried about getting shot you were
worried about you know paybacks and you
know I remember
we had people that would get killed and
the at the time there was drive-bys a
lot like you would go and you would be
in a car and he would shoot up a house
and
the inmate the Mexican Mafia had very
strict rules the inmate until today has
very like no homosexuality no uh using
hard drugs if your leadership you know
very strict rule in this game oh yeah
the anime had the Mexican Mafia has very
strict rules in prison we had we had a
workout routine we had to do burpees and
things you know I was in much better
shape back then
um
and
and from the rules after a while one of
the ma members the carnal which is like
the you know the from the leadership
there was a drive-by and his niece got
killed on accident so they made a rule
no drive-bys if you want to kill
somebody you got to knock on their door
and you know
and we were living that lifestyle you
would knock on somebody's door that
would open you would shoot him uh
and the cartels
would give us mad amounts of money to do
their bidding for them
at that time
we would go to parties and then and you
would if you were from the leadership of
a gang it didn't matter what you look
like didn't matter if you were handsome
or not didn't matter you would get
attention from the office gender like
you wouldn't believe they would just
come because they knew you could give
them money you could uh we used to
threaten teachers to give grades we
would we had I remember a teacher in my
high school and you know it was one of
those teachers I thought they were tough
like they were going to fix us you know
as they thought it was a movie like one
of those movies are going to be tough
and we're going to be like okay I'm
Gonna Leave the gang you know and he
started to get tough with us and we told
them don't you have kids
hey don't they go to this High School it
would be a shame if something happened
to him on the way home right yeah he
never got all A's in that class never
had to do anything you know so that's
the kind of power we used to wield you
know cops wouldn't come to our
neighborhood in one car
and there was an alley behind Euclid
Avenue this was our drug dealing alley
and we used to have Lookouts up on top
younger the younger kids and at that
time we had pagers you know we had
before cell phones were popular
and they would if the cops were coming
they would page and you would do away
with the drugs and the enemy was coming
there'd be a page and you'd be ready for
shootouts you had guns hidden in school
this is the kind of world that I really
lived in this is not a movie this is and
and it was stressful
I mean it sounds whatever but at that
time you you would really be worried
that am I going to make it through this
week at that time I would have never
thought I'll make it past 20.
because you know how many at least 12 14
of my friends have died
that I buried
so the one that changed my life
was my friend Manuel that I told you
about it was two years older than me
very close he used to have a house and a
garage
and basically the garage was used for
drug dealing and gang activity and all
of us would go and we could spend the
night there and it'd be up people would
be smoking meth or whatever we couldn't
do hard drugs it was against the rules
for a higher level because they knew if
you got into heroin or whatever you were
compromised but they would be selling it
and the people that buy it would do it
there but you couldn't go into his house
because that's where his sisters and Mom
and father he was very respectful but it
was so close with me that he wouldn't
let me spend the night in the garage he
would take me in the house where his
family was I knew his grandmother I knew
his family I would speak to them in
Spanish and we're very close
so I went to a party and a girl came to
me gave me the number she was like you
know I want to meet with you so at that
time they would give you the number and
you would call them and then you would
meet them somewhere they would page you
and you would call them from a pay phone
they would meet you and then whatever
so I was gonna go see her and another
girl called so I was like man I'm kind
of stuck I got two options here so I
talked to him I said hey you take one
I'll take one they didn't even care
which one would go that's how bad this
situation was and he told me okay you
give me one number I'll take the other I
said okay
what I didn't know that this was a setup
to kill me
and this was something the other gang
had passed so they're planning a hit now
oh man we wish to do it back and forth
like we used to plan these things out we
would find where they go where they live
where their timings are hot when is the
best time you can hit them when cow
could get away with it because it's not
like you can't just be like shooting in
school because you'll get caught she
would plan these things out so the idea
was that I would go and I would call
from this pay phone and it's you know
1am and then they would just walk up and
shoot me
but as father would have it as Allah
would have it
he went to the head on my behalf oh so
so he would switch has switched with the
numbers yes I mean Allah wrote it so he
went and he went to the Payphone and he
called her from the pay phone and three
guys walked up and they unloaded guns
and so technically that should have been
you it should have been me
nine shots and you know he'd been shot
before and we used to call him
Bulletproof because we felt that he
couldn't die and then you find out
he died and you know it's not the movies
you know when you get shot in a movie
it's like a little hole
if you ever seen somebody actually get
shot he had a shot in the head with a
357 Magnum
so the entrance hole was big but his
whole back of the head was gone
this is my friend that I grew up with
this is my friend that I went to
Elementary in middle school with this is
my friend whose house I would stay at
this is my friend that we went through
crazy experiences that didn't rat on me
when police would get us this is
somebody who when I needed somebody at
2AM would show up and with guns drawn
and back you up and and now I gotta bury
him
and at that time I was 18 I just turned
18.
and he was 20.
and like I said I'd varied a lot of
friends but but this one was difficult
I didn't cry when I was very little my
mother told me don't cry so I never
cried you know
but
it was difficult you know when I went to
bury him
you know the Catholics they have a they
try to do open casket but he had chunks
missing in his head so they put plastic
and they patch up the hair and they put
makeup they make you with a fake smile
and I remember touching his head
his hair
and he wasn't there
it was a shell but it wasn't him
the rule was gone
and we had bought a car together he used
to be though and controlled it but you
know it was from our drug money it was a
64 Impala had rims had pain convertible
Hydraulics you know
and I remember seeing his brothers
driving it on the day of the funeral it
was no longer his
and he had 13 girlfriends not just the
girls he had affairs but 13 that were
and he had kids from them you know and
every one of them was at that funeral
crying on some other man's shoulder
and we used to have stacks of money
because we couldn't put in the bank
and his brothers already raided it
I went to his house on that day
to see his family and his brothers were
fighting over his things over his
jackets over his clothes over his guns
the same day that he died
he's fresh in the grave and they're
already he's just got buried
and that day
I thought to myself there's got to be
more to life than this this is what this
is what changed me this is a turning
point it's a pivotal moment right here
drugs money
women
to influence fear all of that didn't go
in the grave with him
just Tim
and whatever deeds and things that he
took that was it
so I said that's it and I gotta I gotta
find out what's the purpose of life
so I started studying religions I mean I
had already studied Christianity and
Catholicism I had been to kingdom halls
but I started going to everything Mormon
temples I went to Jewish they weren't
very welcoming
um I went to Hindu temples I went to
Buddhist places Hari Krishna places
anything
until alhamdulillah I came to learn
about Islam and some brothers visited me
I went to the Masjid I asked them the
questions that Christians couldn't
answer and would the evidence from the
Quran and logical clear answers all the
answers were on Islam nobody's kicking
you out there's nobody kicked me out
they didn't mind me asking questions
they didn't just tell me Shut Up And
Believe have Blind Faith they would give
me answers that actually you know again
look
I use this in my dawa because back then
this is how we we were just real about
it right I was in a church and I was
talking to a pastor I told him look
Jesus died for our sins he said yes God
had Adam told him don't eat from the
tree he said it was an apple but
whatever
and Adam ate from the tree and
everybody's born sinful because of that
which again didn't make sense to me
because from being from the streets if
you killed somebody why would your son
be going to jail for it and his son and
his son and his son they didn't do it
nobody would think that's no just person
would think it's Justice that your son
is held liable for your crimes and his
grandson and great grandson all of
humanity takes a sin
not having done anything that didn't
make sense makes no sense and then how
do you cure that sin is you kill the son
of God
or God himself depending on which
Christian you're talking to
so I told the pastor I was like that
makes no sense because let me put it in
terms I understand let's say I go to a
liquor store and there's some candy or
whatever I'm not I'm supposed to pay for
it but I pick it up put in my pocket I
walk out Adam eating from the tree okay
I feel bad about it I want to repent I
go back to the store owner I tell them
hey you know what I took this candy I'm
sorry can I pay for it what can I do can
I how can I make a repentance and he
tells me well I've got this son who's
perfect 4.0 great kid great never did
anything wrong if you torture and kill
him we'll be even Steven
how does that make any sense
wouldn't killing God or the Son of God
be a greater sin than eating from a tree
if people tortured and massacred and
crucified God man that's horrible like
we shouldn't be sinful for that forget
the tree
so when I was that age I told her that
doesn't make any sense you know what his
answer was what was that get out again
gotta go
so when I came to Islam and I started
asking hey what about if I sin will we
make Toba what if I drawing somebody
will you go make it right with that
person oh that makes sense you know God
can forgive anything that makes sense
you don't have to kill anybody you don't
have to kill God or a son you make toe
balls like that's wonderful like it made
sense
all the prophets had one message believe
in God follow the prophet of your time
you're successful it's not like okay in
Adam's time you have to Abraham Moses
and then Jesus switches that all up now
you don't have to believe in God and you
just have to believe in Jesus that's it
and you go to heaven No Good Deeds not
what that doesn't make sense that's not
fair like as I can imagine like
everybody like whatever you guys do
we're going to take you to court but you
guys don't worry about it because he's
going to jail for you
what right
so
long story short
I decided I'm going to become Muslim I
mean even though it's not a Muslim
background but I was going to be Muslim
now you're consciously making the
decision I'm going to submit my will to
the creative heavens and earth a lot of
people a lot of people tell us oh it's
not fair if you're born in a Muslim
household you're going to heaven if
you're not that's not the way it works
even abortion born in a Muslim household
has to make a decision that I'm a Muslim
I submit my will to Allah I'm I'm going
to put the Quran and the Sunnah ahead of
everything else so going from culturally
Muslim to consciously Muslim exactly
but now there's a problem
you can't leave
you can't leave the the Gang The Gangs
it's not a rotary club you can't just
retire out of it so
I I stopped hanging out like I stopped
going to the neighborhood I stopped
going to the alley I stopped selling
drugs I stopped going to Mexico I
stopped doing all of that so they called
me where you been
a Muslim they're like cool no problem
with you being Muslim my one of my
friends was on that Leadership Council
people again that I grew up with that I
went through a lot of experiences bonded
with he told me look I'm Catholic this
other dude's Christian we go to church
no problem you go to your mosque no
problem but the gang life is a gang rule
you got to do it again
whatever you believe we
've you know I'll tell you something
funny
I remember one time when I was maybe 14
and I was in a low rider with these gang
members and we had an OG like a shot
caller this guy spent like 20 something
years in prison and he was in the car
with us and we were driving by a Masjid
and you know they were playing music and
things and he said cut the music
and they turned off the music and one of
the younger guys like why he said don't
you see a house of God
and it was a Masjid respect any church
any major they went by they would turn
the music off they had that kind of I
mean they were they were religious you
know and they're all but in their mind
because of the the corruption of
Christianity to them they could do
whatever Jesus died for their sins they
would just go confess and that's it
so now I told him look that's not the
way it works Muslims were not like that
we can't just go do whatever and say
okay I'm going to confess if I'm Muslim
I gotta live by it and if I live by it I
can't sell drugs I can't kill people I
can't kidnap I can't I can't do any of
that and alhamdulillah I never drank
alcohol in my life
even in those days when I had no
religious guidance wallahi I never
stripped at sip of alcohol all my
friends were drunks
the gang would have we have parties that
have freezers full of 40s they would
have kegs there would just be alcohol
Galore I never drank and the reason I
never drank is when I was maybe 12 I saw
a guy drunk pee on himself
he was one of my friends he was drunk he
peed on himself because he was drunk and
I said man I never want to be like that
I never want to be disgraced like that
so I never drank alcohol never smoked
cigarettes never saw the point in it
right so I never took peer pressure
yeah I was in games there was a reason
for it survival but I didn't get peer
pressure
so I told them look as a Muslim I can't
be doing I can't be around that kind of
stuff that's that's not Islam doesn't
allow it he said look you being Muslim
is no problem with us but
it's Blood In Blood Out you know the
rules
you can't leave
and I was a part of that gang that
killed people for leaving
if you were a foot soldier nobody really
cared that much
but if you're from the leadership it
didn't matter you could be paralyzed you
could be in hospitals you could be in
jail they'd take care of you're in jail
they'd take care of your family
but you couldn't leave
so I told him look
you know who I am
you know what I've done you know what
guns I have
you can come but I'm not going to go
alone
if you guys come after me I'm going to
take a lot of you with me so it's not
worth it what's the point
he told me look rules the rules that's
the point
all right well
there we go
and that was one of the most stressful
times in my life
when I talk about it people don't
realize that stress because these were
people I grew up with so they knew my
routine they knew where I lived they
knew where I slept they knew where I
went to school they knew where I who I
hung out with they knew everything about
me
and if they're out to kill me there's
600 plus of them
so those days I would sleep in my attic
how long did that last
so what happened then
I stopped in my attic I I didn't sleep
in my room because I knew they were
going to shoot up the room and I knew
when they were going to come before Fajr
that was the time
because they would be up late but around
three four or five a.m they would crash
out and that's the time they would shoot
you and all I was worried about is
they're going to hit my mom
because my mom lived with me in the same
house
and when they shoot up a house they
don't care who they hit
so I would have my guns and I would
sleep in the attic and there was an
event that would look out and I would
spend I wouldn't sleep at night I would
be up all night looking at the street
and then I would sleep in the daytime
and I would still be going to school
very very stressful days I can't tell
you
the stress
one night two nights three nights nobody
came week two weeks three weeks nobody
came
I don't know man and then I started
thinking
man these are guys I went through so
much with they were I mean at that time
I considered them very close friends
right
these are guys that we
we went through things like the police
raiding our houses and telling us we're
going to put you in jail just tell us
who did this and they didn't rap
we one time I got jumped by 30 Asian
gang members at Wilson Middle School and
my friend his name was Henry he stood
with me you know 30 people were trying
to jump us and he me and him were alone
right
when I tell men they don't know about
Islam
like if they die like Manuel died
they're gonna go to jahannam
so I gotta go tell them
so I said that's it I'm gonna go tell
them so now wearing a throwing my beard
out you know at the time I enrolled and
my mother said I didn't know how to read
Arabic I couldn't read that by the time
so I was sitting with little kids I had
you know all kinds of difficulties you
know but I was like look if I'm going to
be Muslim I'm going to learn the
religion I'm going to be a Muslim 100
I'm not going to half step it
so I went into the
to do I told you the alley in this alley
is where we would deal drugs and there
was it was a setup I set up the system
so I knew it and we would have the young
guys up on top monitoring they would be
on the rooftops
and if there was a police car they would
send a code you would flush everything
if there was a customer then they would
send a code if it was another gang they
would send a code you would have guns
hidden throughout the alley throughout
garages everybody everybody in those
garages knew what we were doing but
nobody could call the police
so now I'm walking in a thought that I
mama like that brother in the back and
as I'm walking in there I'm just
thinking I wonder what code they're
gonna send you know you're gonna be
confused
and as I walked up to them they didn't
recognize me at first they never saw me
in a tho they never saw me in the full
beard you know I just have a goatee back
then
and when I came closer and they
recognized me they were like is that you
shooter they used to call me shooter you
know don't ask why
it wasn't for Billiards
um is that you and I was like yeah
are you crazy
I remember those statement he said you
know what whatever you think you're not
going to walk out of this alley alive
we were sitting here discussing how to
kill you when to kill you what's the
best way
you walked in here unarmed I had no gun
on me I told him to come unarmed I just
want to talk to you they said whatever
you want to talk about but I guarantee
you one thing you're not going to walk
out of your life
let me just
tell you about Islam and after that
whatever you want to do they're like
okay I started talking about why I
believe in one Allah why God couldn't
have a son does that make any sense how
would God have children was he married
to Mary like you know all these things
and some of them were like yeah it never
made sense to me either
and I kept talking and kept talking
until some of them were like you know
what
tell you what just leave us alone stop
talking because you're messing up our
mind and we'll let you live but just
don't come back here don't be in the
neighborhood don't let us see you
I told him no tell him I'll leave you
alone in one condition you gotta come to
the Masjid
and they were like are you crazy like we
just told you we're gonna let you live
and now you're putting conditions on us
I said look just come one time that's it
and then one of the ogs he said okay
whoever wants to come from us will come
and whoever doesn't doesn't
and there were core gang members and
their those guys that hung out like
there were actual bona fide members and
then there were people that hung out
and many of them came and at that time
there was a Masjid close to actually
that neighborhood where we would have a
program and we invited them and we made
food for them and we gave them dawa
alhamdulillah about 12 of them became
Muslim
and from them some of them died on Islam
some of them one of them Gordon he had
AIDS you know he had he had had a very
partyful lifestyle before and he died
from it but he died on Islam some of
them alhamdulillah are still Muslim some
of them moved to Detroit some of them
here somewhere there
and some of them might still keep up
with
some of them I lost touch Allah knows
best you know where there are some of
them got killed because old Revenge you
know
people think okay call us you get out
you get out it's not like that because
if you killed somebody's brother and
cousin they're going to remember you you
can become whatever they're still going
to come back hit you
alhamdulillah after that I started to go
to the streets and just give down there
was no Organization no table no Balboa
Park No cameras I would just go to that
neighborhood and I would just stand on
the street corner and I would see drug
dealers that I knew and I tell them look
you remember me you know who I am but
look I changed and I'm going to tell you
why this is Islam I would see gang
members I would see wannabes I would see
all kinds of people and I would just
give them doubt and I was talking about
Islam
alhamdulillah some of them would come to
the Masjid some of them become Muslims
some of them wouldn't some of them would
you know whatever but they couldn't get
disrespectful because they knew who I
was
and then alhamdulillah I wanted to study
I wanted to study more and the brothers
I was around at the time they didn't
want me to study they were like just you
know
I want to study more there was a Sheikh
in Oregon Allah
and he encouraged me to study he wrote
me a test Kia and then I went uh to
amarat and hamdullah I started studying
there with the Sheikh and he wrote me
another task here and sent me to rasul
and nobody funded me I used to come back
I worked I saved money I went there was
a chef
Allah protect him
I studied with them for more than a year
straight and he didn't take a single
penny from me and every day for Danny I
would go to the Masjid I would practice
my Quran with the Sheikh first then from
Israel I would have taken my break from
dohor to assar I would study with him
these beginning texts and then from
Hadith
then we did then we did not
another these are in the scientists of
Hadith then from mother of Russia I
would have a break
and then after Esha I would have a
Sheikh from Assad that would come to my
where I had rented an apartment there
and we would study like a German Arabic
language
and for one year alhamdulillah this was
my program and I continued and then I
went to Jordan and hamdullah did a lot
of my Arabic practicing and living there
and then I came back to the US and then
alhamdulillah one of the Shu they gave
me a recommendation to go to Pakistan
and there is a Sheikh that teaches one
on one and again
may Allah reward him he taught me one
year we used to go and study Delphia
Malik and try to memorize and this and
he didn't take a penny from me and then
I went to peshawaran Imam buhari we
studied
Muhammad
and then we came back alhamdulillah in
San Diego now
every week we have effectors in our
Masjid from
Saturday we have our dawa in Balboa Park
and some of you may have seen some of
the islamophobes who no longer have a
channel
one more time
um came out to debate with us and we
didn't we didn't go out to debate they
came with this trick and since they came
out it's been more than a year now
alhamdulillah we have more than 1 000
people that have taken shahada
more than one thousand that we know of
people on zoom on Skype through videos
in person
and alhamdulillah right now we were in
Tampa Bay alhamdulillah we had a brother
which you can see the video he just took
the shahada alhamdulillah in San Diego
we had people taking shahada
till today we challenge all those
Christian islamophobes that came to
debate not one person became Christian
with them
not one person left Islam became
Christian with them from our debate
but we have more than one thousand go
check the one message Foundation you
will see shahada after shahada after
shahada and we don't even record all of
them alhamdulillah but we have records
that we keep up with them and we have
programs for them and we're looking
forward to having the dean Center so we
can take that dawah and grow it to the
next level
I want to go ahead and just give before
we conclude give the audience real short
real quick answers uh q a so does
anybody like to ask a question to the
share we have 20 000 emails waiting so
you guys because of the intercession of
the Sheikh here you got ahead of
everybody
it's a really enlightening for all of us
my question is that when you give the an
open field what are the fear that comes
to your heart by the shaitana what are
the thing that make us avoid giving the
work
as far as fear nothing
what can we fear death become
[Music]
the harm us every drop of blood you get
the Azure for it I was starved back in
the days for gangs for nothing so if I
get stabbed for Islam alhamdulillah from
Allah so fear there's nothing we don't
depend on our own knowledge and logic to
give daava we depend on the Quran and
the Sunnah our that was not on Kalam or
philosophy or because metaphysics and
all this stuff I don't need to get my
Dawes to hate we call toward the Oneness
of Allah we call toward the risala the
prophet of rasulullah we talk about the
Miracles of the Quran the Miracles
simple the dawah of the salaf of the
sahaba
so we don't fear anything if somebody
asks a question we don't know we say
get back to you we're not there to show
off
as foreign
you ask Allah not to put you to shame
and if you get caught with the wrong
answer come back and say I was wrong not
an issue
alhamdulillah we have no excuse this is
an obligation upon every Muslim to be
involved in the dawah whether it's you
on the street or whether it's you making
the clips and passing the videos or
supporting projects like the dean Center
every Muslim is for the line to be
involved in the tower
any other question before we conclude
the sisters have questions we can make
sure we get those as well the sisters
also
um
um for some of us
like someone who's insignificant like
myself nobody's insignificant I mean in
the eyes of Allah you don't know your
significance maybe you are more valuable
in front of Allah than all of us on the
stage put together
what strategy or What preliminary stages
like should we possibly start with a
dress code or something how do we start
like plan plot strategize what you know
running after the Dunya always you know
who doesn't really make time for you
know
you know what what how should we start
in San Diego
is
should be for love and if you were to
die if you're a caller towards Islam you
should be a student of knowledge and you
have here mashallah in Chicago that have
the rules that have Quran memorization
program in whatever City you may have
come from
find a good Dilemma on the Quran and the
Sunnah and the way of the salaf and
ummah and learn the knowledge from them
and then take that knowledge to the
people
everybody should be involved in the
dawah our sisters should be involved in
the tower but that doesn't mean that our
sister should go out to the park and put
themselves at risk we value our sister
we protect them
but much of our dawah is not from me
it's from you all you guys take those
videos and you promote them and you post
them and you I don't have a tick tock
account but I meet people all the time
they become Muslim for watching our
videos on Tick Tock I don't have an
Instagram account I have no social media
personally my own
but there are sisters there are others
who have made Instagram accounts that
have made tick tock accounts that have
taken our clips and from them in their
hijab in their houses The Tao is
spreading there are brothers who who
promote the videos on WhatsApp or
whatever and from them that that was
spreading we have more people that take
shahada from our online content now than
we do in person
and that's from you guys that was not a
one-man show I'm just a regular guy I'm
not the president of anything I'm not
I'm a nobody
tomorrow if I'm killed the double will
still go on Allah will bring 10 better
than me the dawah is all of you
mashallah this project right now we need
to have supported why this is the next
step taking dawa to the next level and
whoever participates funds whatever
makes Dura they will get the AJR
look the reward is from the Nia
so we want everybody involved but if you
want to be a guy if you want to be out
giving dawah then take benefit you have
Sheikh Musa you have this learn from
them take that knowledge and then take
that knowledge to the people explain it
in the tongue that they can understand
we have time for one more
time yes yes
[Music]
we have done trainings in different
cities like we did in Minnesota uh and
inshallah we'll continue trainings but
this is one of the goals with the dean
Center that inshallah will have a place
where we can have dawa training for boys
for young men for whoever else that
wants to learn dawa but also I mean for
right now we've made videos with the
verses on the screen so that you can use
it as a tower training we I've made a
video that's an hour and a half about
the preservation of the Quran in the
Bible so you can watch that video and
you can learn that as a training to give
that one we don't record videos to
become popular the whole point why we
started recording our dawa and Allah
reward our brother mukaram for
suggesting it he's the president of omf
damir the whole point was so people can
see the videos and how we answer the
question and use it as a training for
Dao but as far as a formal training
program inshallah this is what our
brother Dean and the program are going
to do inshallah
to show that someone can be in the
depths of darknesses but there's always
hope for death may Allah reward you and
bless you Allah
and if you like this episode of the D
show like this video
share this video far and wide and
support us on our patreon page so we can
continue this work thank you for tuning
in peace be with you assalamualaikum