you're just talking about this gender
dysphoria now right right if we go back
gender dysphoria this intense loathing
of one's biological sex
this used to affect just one out of
about 50 000 kids and mostly boys and we
know from academic studies that were
done that 80 to 90 of the time these
boys just grew out of it when they went
through puberty and you have this attack
on children now at such a young age are
you seeing this also in your practice
now every single day
[Applause]
alive
and his final message
be upon him this is our religion Islam
Islam this is the beach
and I was explaining how much respect I
have for the faith
[Music]
what are some of the most common
problems faced in the Muslim Community
well first I want to say thank you so
much for having us because you're such a
wonderful Community it's a pleasure and
an honor
can you hear me now pleasure and an
honor to be here masha'allah it's a
beautiful community and
um and I want to just get something I
know I look Arab but I'm not Arab Arabic
is my fourth language so I just to get
that out of the question
all right so as far as the problems that
we face in the Muslim Community you know
many of us many of you are migrants
right we've immigrated here like the
Sheikh was saying and when I came I was
about seven years old and we come here
for the pursuit of what we have an
American Dream right we would the
pursuit of Education the pursuit of
financial success the pursuit of any
Foreman to give it the success right and
sometimes in this Pursuit we forget
something very valuable and that is that
it takes a village to raise a child
and many of us are without support you
know many of us we may not have our
families here we may not have a Muslim
Community we may not have the Islamic
schools and so when what what I would
say that one of the biggest problems in
the Muslim Community is the breakdown of
the family
breakdown of the family so either we
have divorce or we have constant
fighting or there is
um there is a silent War so some people
tell me oh sister we don't fight yeah
but there is there is a silent war going
on right and so that's that has and
Allah says in the Quran
[Music]
that Allah has created the marriage as a
way for it to be a form of sukoon
tranquility and he's put the rahma and
he's put the love and so that's what the
purpose of our home life should be and
shaytan knows this I mean you break down
the family you break down Society you
really do you really do reminds us had
talked about paraphrasing Hadith that
when shaytan comes and he has all the
little shaytans he's like what did you
do what did you do today and and he'll
list all of these evil things and then
the one will say I broke up a family
separated a husband from his wife he
said this is the man he honors him he
becomes the most honored so we have to
keep that in mind we have to keep that
in mind the next time you have that
westwester of how annoying your spouse
is
you're gonna make sure you say hello
and go and hug your spouse great advice
what are how is how are our youth
affected from a dysfunctional
dysfunctional home
you know it's it's awful what they go
through it's overwhelming they become
depressed they become anxious they feel
that they're not in a safe place they
feel that they cannot share with their
parents and when they are not sharing
they may be going through all sorts of
stuff I have clients on a daily basis
that they may be bullied they may have
temptations they may have gender
identity issues but they don't talk to
their parents because they don't feel
safe they don't feel like they can open
up and so what a lot of times happens is
that Muslim kids have a double life
they have a double life so there's the
Muslim child you know in front of the
parents at the mosque and then there's a
whole different side to them
I mean it just reminded me because you
have a small group of uh doctors
scientists are coming up you're just
talking about this gender dysphoria now
right right if we go back
gender dysphoria this intense loathing
of one's biological sex
this used to affect just one out of
about 50 000 kids and mostly boys and we
know from academic studies that were
done that 80 to 90 of the time these
boys just grew out of it when they went
through puberty
the cure for gender dysphoria is puberty
itself
we're now stopping the Cure by giving
these kids drugs which block puberty and
then we're making it even worse by
giving them the opposite Sexes hormones
and we're doing surgeries on kids this
is all irreparable damage I met a young
woman last night before the school board
meeting in Loudoun County he's 22 years
old she went to school there
seven trends of hers all transitioned
five of them have already
de-transitioned
but these girls have lost their breasts
they've lost their natural voices they
have deeper voices now who knows what
other medical side effects had kicked in
but they're getting caught up in this
craze and for this girl and for all of
these girls they all have mental health
issues every single D transitioner I've
ever spoken to every single one has had
some other comorbid Factor going on and
the crucial time is one was saying
multnee are saying is puberty now and
you have this attack on children now at
such a young age are you seeing this
also in your practice now every single
day and I serve only the Muslim
Community every day I have it's even
infiltrated into the Muslim Community oh
very much so bring people up to speed
because I think this is so so important
that you know this is something that
it's like when you'd ask
at you know your grandfathers your
grandmothers you know what's a man
what's a woman that's kind of clear but
those lines are kind of Shifting now
yeah that's that's a big topic that's a
big topic my husband he said that was a
controversial that was that was because
that's one of the questions what yeah
what are some of the dangers our
children are facing in public schools
yes would you say this where would this
list from one two three from the top
yeah I I would say it is very much up
there it's one of the top reasons that
many of our kids are being exposed to
information and it's confusing them it's
contradicting the Islamic belief and
what's happening is that one of the
major issues that the youth are
experiencing is
identity issues right the Islamic
identity they they don't feel proud to
be a Muslim and then the gender identity
crisis I get that daily so you had that
that's one thing suffering like you know
with these inferiority inferiority
complex you know uh proud to be a Muslim
but now it's like this whole thing is
like they're pushing this confusion now
the many of the clients I have they will
tell me that at the age of 30
all the clients I've had it's been in in
public schools and of course there's
exceptions some people can go to the
public schools and manage to survive at
alhamdulillah I'm a product of it but
you know it's it 30 years ago 40 years
ago was very different than now and uh
the ones that are going through it they
will tell me that at 13 they decided to
have a different identity gender
subhanallah
so what is critical to having having
them fighting these Temptations and
avoiding the peer pressure
right so you know you have to equip your
kids with high self-esteem okay that was
one of the things that saved me
alhamdulillah my parents I would say
they were Muslim light okay it wasn't
like very strict and you have to follow
but they really instilled in me
self-respect so the self-esteem when you
feel strong about who you are and then
you have to give them the Islamic
identity they have to know the why why
are they Muslim not just do the rituals
just pray it's about why why is it
important and when you have that when
you're equipped with self-esteem when
you're equipped with the with the
knowledge of the dean and you have a
high sense of a strong sense of Islamic
identity then you can face all those
Temptations and that's the beautiful
thing about our Dean it makes sense it's
evidence-based I remember growing up my
family coming from a Bosnian background
they're Muslim right but we were just
kind of fitting in you know what I mean
I wasn't taught these things you know
what Del Fatiha means when you're
praying what are you saying glory be to
my Lord the most high you're just kind
of going through the motions the rituals
like a robot but when you learn the
substance behind it the meaning behind
it the evidence behind it then it's kind
of Empower you you know the worshiping
of the Creator alone not his credit I
mean it's it goes with the fit that
Islam is a natural way absolutely and
this is what I encourage the parents who
get their kids to memorize I value
memorization alhamdulillah but you have
to learn the meanings because if you
don't know and you're just parroting it
sadly I have seen hofaz go astray if
they don't know what their what they
have memorized so it's not just
memorizing its understanding you have to
understand it yes next question here is
so how can Islam how many schools help
address the most common problems faced
by the youth it is so critical it really
I cannot emphasize this enough I
remember I was in an isna conference
this is before I had kids and you know I
heard the importance of Islamic school
and I made a commitment that I'm gonna
definitely put my kids in Islamic school
and it was the best decision we ever
made and why because whatever they're
learning at school reinforces the
Islamic beliefs at home it doesn't
contradict and so many things become
second nature so the prayer is natural
the hijab is natural and so it
everything is reinforced and you're with
like-minded individuals you don't feel
isolated I can't tell you the number of
clients that tell me I was the only
Brown kid I was the only Muslim I felt I
felt pressured I felt alone so when
you're in an Islamic school
and you learn your you you have Role
Models first of all you um you learn the
dean and and the love for it grows
inshallah yeah that's very important I'm
again just taking me back to my history
you know going to public school it just
took one bad friend and that friend and
not having that reinforcement that
Islamic identity where you have your
peers reminds time to pray for Eddie hey
it's go Hamza let's go you know what I
mean and you feel you have your your
friends that are around there that are
Muslim that are reminding you of your
purpose in life why you've been created
while you're here and kind of to kind of
help you fight off those Temptations and
that and to reinforce what you were
saying that I didn't know who you are
yes having the sofa is so important
having that because you know if uh I
think the analogy is if you have one
stick you can easily break it but if you
put a group of you know the little
sticks together that's so hard to break
and when when you're surrounded by good
good friendship that will definitely
definitely lead you to the right path
inshallah yeah remind me before I go to
my next question is the prophet saws the
individual is on the dean the way of his
friends yes right yes so we got to have
good friends good company good
environment and Islamic schools help to
set their precedence absolutely I think
you know the friendships that my friend
my kids have formed my kids are at
mashallah 23 20 and 18. that's what I
value most and there would be times
where you know sometimes my husband
would say you know this school like the
academics is maybe possibly it's this
it's that but I just thought really the
most important thing because I have seen
valedictorians who will come and say I
you know I've left Islam you can have
someone who gets America Merit scholar
and they can say I have a gender
identity crisis and so when we focus
only on the academics and I know this is
gonna touch some nerves but if you only
focus on the academics and you overlook
establishing
the pride and the Deen and that complete
connection you will lose them fighting
the dean
talk beer
alhamdulillah tell me this what are some
of the common mistakes you cover some
things but hear it particularly what are
some of the common mistakes that parents
or Islamic organizations themselves make
right so how long do we have for this
one this could take a couple of hours
but we're gonna short version short
version is
um
micromanaging right a lot of parents
like to be helicopter moms and dads I
know that's going to touch a lot of
nerves too right and that micromanaging
makes a per you know makes the kids want
to rebel or want to push away right so
one is micromanaging second is
um being neglectful right there's some
lazy parenting going on right you know
watch as much as you want do whatever
you want and suddenly from you know
sometimes from 13 to like 17 they have a
crisis and they see oh my gosh what
happened to my child but there's
complete neglect and the third thing I
would say is
emphasizing the rituals
but not instilling the love of the dean
so it's all about prayer memorize go do
this go do that your hijab your beard
you're this but then there's no love of
the Deen there's no understanding and
that is more important than the rituals
yeah and I know some of you were saying
this can strike you know at home for
some people but I mean this is like when
you hear these things we should really
take it as this is from the love you
know what I mean that this advice comes
how's it going to come you know you make
Dua and you ask Allah for guidance and
next thing you know Hala bananis he's
saying something and it strikes the
chord at first it could be like wow are
they talking about me right and say
parents you leaving your child with the
you know the super Gadget all day and
you just you know forget about uh what's
on there and the next thing you know
they're on Tick Tock and they become
ticked off Fanatics and it's you know
it's on Tick Tock now I know that's
another subject that's a whole other
subject subhanallah yeah and you you
have no idea you think a lot of times
people are have a false sense of
security because their child is doing
well at school this is this is so
typical the people who come they are
exceptional academically and the parents
are like they literally will tell me I
didn't have to worry I thought I didn't
have to worry about it you always have
to worry about your kids you always have
to be concerned you always have to look
after them and create an environment
it's not going to just happen right you
can't just wish for the best if you want
your kids your home is the soil in which
your kids you know you raise them and
the school also so the school the Masjid
the environment all of these things you
have to provide it and sometimes you can
do everything and and you might still be
tested but at least you have to do your
best this is such an important topic I
mean this is so so important let's go to
the next question what steps can we take
as a society to help overcome these
obstacles right so first we have to
establish like what you're doing in this
community establishing the Masjid
establishing a Islamic school and and
not just a Masjid but a community center
that's so critical because when you have
a place where the kids love to hang out
they love to go there they're the ones
saying Mom and Dad let's go when my kids
tell me I'm gonna go to mass mass is the
Islamic community in in Dallas I I feel
so happy that they're going to a safe
haven right so we have to create these
safe havens and I remember interviewing
um Muhammad bajir in one of my shows and
he talked about building a community and
it's amazing it's amazing how you know
you can create a community where people
love to be a part of it and the kids
love to be Muslim so this this is
something that we we don't need to a lot
of people are moving to Dallas you don't
need to move there you can create it
here and it's impressive what you are
doing and inshallah that this will be a
beacon of light and people from other
states will be coming to Little Rock
Arkansas inshallah now how can
I was very impressed I mean come in here
and seeing these Little Rock Arkansas
with uh did not expect it very nice they
say if there was people living on the
moon you'd have Muslims on the moon up
there yeah
so how now how can everyone contribute
to ensuring our children's Islamic
identity
the Islamic identity first of all we
have to create a positive Association a
positive Association to coming to the
Masjid the kids have to feel welcomed if
they're always be quiet don't move why
are you dressed like this I remember my
son um I think he was like in ninth
grade and he went to the mosque and
we're very new and he had shorts on but
it was long it was long it wasn't like
these you know it was a launcher but it
wasn't over his knee and and an uncle
came up to him and said brother why are
you naked
he's like Mom why what do they do you
know so subhanallah I know everyone
means well we have a lot of like Masjid
police right and we have to just be
careful not to push the kids away so we
have to definitely create a positive
Association
we have to create environments where we
ourselves are Role Models right we and
Allah says
that Allah will not change the condition
of the people until we change ourselves
so as parents it's so easy to want our
kids to be you know the Hafiz we want
them to do so many things but what are
we doing and what kind of role models
are we yeah that goes into the next
question how can we be that role model
now instead of them looking up to you
know the celebrities out there and you
know all the people out there that's
going to take them away from their Dean
but now you want to be that right role
model how can you be that right role
model for your children right you have
to be mindful mindful of your thoughts
because your thoughts create your
emotions the emotion creates the actions
so if all day long you're having
negative thoughts you're in a bad mood
you're angry all the time you're
frowning and yelling and screaming at
your kids you represent a slum to them
so a lot of the kids a lot of the young
adults I do counseling with they tell me
yeah my parents they just they don't
represent they don't they're sadly
they'll say they're Hypocrites it's like
the way they act that the Masjid is not
the way they are at home it's Jekyll and
Hyde and and so they lose respect and
they're not only losing respect for the
parents they're losing respect for Islam
because they represent Islam so we need
to take responsibility
be mindful of our Behavior be mindful of
how we treat them make them feel loved
make them feel accepted and really there
we can't use the old outdated
methodology of parenting the way maybe
some of our parents were like well I
turned out pretty good right but it's a
different generation it's a different
yeah that's such a powerful reminder I
believe it was
he said talking about you know right
that you need to raise your kids
according to that to the times right so
we cannot I I I guarantee if you are
using an outdated approach of force
threats hitting spanking whatever it is
all of that you're going to lose your
kids like I can I can guarantee it I can
guarantee it you have to use a different
approach you have to you have to connect
with them you have to make them feel
heard understood appreciate it accept it
how do we keep a balance where we don't
and a culture where people you see are
sometimes becoming too soft you know
what I mean and then they want to get
out exercise they don't want to get out
and do things they're stuck by the TV
Xbox all day right you know what I'm
saying so how do you keep a balance to
keep them also sure I mean there has to
be some discipline right so I'm not
saying you know just be laissez-faire
let them do whatever you want but the
thing is you do it with love you explain
you encourage you reward so it's it's
that methodology yeah beautiful
alhamdulillah any closing Commerce
remarks where we we got to all the
questions yes uh what I would like to
remind you whether you have kids or not
whether your kids have grown or not this
is part of our responsibility if you are
able to donate and if you are able to
help build this community every child
that you protect from going astray every
child that you protect from leaving
Islam every child that you protect from
having all of these identity issues
you're gonna be rewarded and it's not
going to be just one child well
sometimes we put all our focus on our
kids we may have two three this is going
to affect hundreds of kids so the South
for this is amazing and we never know
what will tip the scale this may be your
last deed
how many times we get the news that
someone someone passed away they they
were driving they were sleeping never
never woke up so this might be your very
last deed and you will have wished that
you had given so much so whatever you
had in your mind I want you to multiply
it by how many you're the expert expert
multiply it triple it and I remember
someone saying that once I was at a
fundraiser and I think it was Sheikh
Allah in Canada and he he did he was
just like he worked us up and he just
said take whatever you had and multiply
and I was like wow that's effective so
make sure you do that inshallah and it
it really will have a profound impact if
we can save our children thank you
sister thank you very much for the the
words of wisdom and advice and inshallah
this can go into action in sha Allah
inshaallah how we can do it huh we can
do it
if one person accepts Islam because of
you because of your effort it's worth
more than holding you this is your
brother from Dallas Texas I'm here in
support of the dean center it's a
beautiful organization Masha Allah in
the U.S and they have purchased a piece
of land and several building on it and
we are counting our brother and sister
throughout the US throughout the world
to be part of this magnificent project
it doesn't matter how much you give it
doesn't matter how much you donate what
matter we all participate inshallah may
Allah bless you thank you so much
I cannot leave without giving you a gift
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