they can see the text is clear what it
says in the Bible you can't go left or
right it's clear we can teach our sons
you know what we will like in a man what
you know certain qualities that we were
like in but we can't teach them how to
be anything you could be out running the
world but if you come home and your home
is hell you know you're not going to
have peace because we support things
like the bachelor and the Bachelorette
where they go on 20 dates with 20
different people and make out 20-some
different times with each but then what
we shun this person is in need they're
needy therefore out I'll tolerate it if
she's there's the emotional blackmail
from a wife a threatening to take the
children away or leave you have to one
raise boys to be men okay themselves I'm
again coaching out here for my was Dana
personal relationships this is coach
Fatima are you said something
interesting there I mean you you you Cho
you've chosen to take on a great
responsibility these are not your
mistresses or your girlfriends but they
just introduced themselves as your wives
absolutely absolutely I feel you really
have to be twice the man to participate
into polygyny especially in today's
society I mean there are some countries
that they see you as lesser man if you
don't have multiple families indeed
indeed I mean when we even go to the
origins of monogamy which is relatively
new the whole goal was just to allow you
to have one legal person a legal wife
that you would take care of any children
that comes from that that didn't
prohibit you from half as many
concubines mistresses jump downs or
whatever you want to call them
boyfriends all their stuff on the side
when knock me just has one person so
when we look at politicians or preachers
like Jesse Jackson or Bill Clinton
they're practicing monogamy without
issue
so you said they're practicing what
monogamy
who are the men you were mentioning
those are just some politicians yeah I
mean we can go all the way cause III
would see I we see that many people are
practicing polygyny but they legal form
that's not accepted by the create
because you have I don't think there's
many people that are clearly practicing
monogamy they might do the legal version
meaning that they have one legal wife
but like you said they're messing around
you know with all these other women on
the side so they're practicing an
illegal form of polygyny that's not
accepted by the Creator right indeed and
that's that's our thing again we're not
anti bonaga me at all we're pro morals
yeah and it's part of that one of the
forms of marriage and what a meaning
that pro mores mean that we support
marriage yeah I which is the the crux of
any society any community any nation
indeed and polygyny is a form that has
so much wisdom in it and a lot of has
been lost in our conditioning yeah so
back to the basis what I was saying with
because some people for some people
they've been conditioned so much the
knee-jerk reaction is right away to say
something vile to think something bad
and to say something maybe that they
start bullying and whatnot so one you
guys don't all share the same room you
live in separate houses
right right that's basic let's go over
some basics you're not promoting for
people to start being polygynous you're
just promoting trying to educate people
on this so people start attacking people
who are practicing what the crater has
legalized for them for people to
practice so what these are some of the
basics that we can cover okay good stuff
well you know I'm not gonna hog the mic
that wouldn't be fair because the other
stereotype is that well the man just
runs and women just don't have any
brains so let me pass that on to my
offense so you understand what some of
the basics now we're going to people
who've just hearing this is a culture
it's a shock for many people right but
just one thing what what I mean what
hasn't put been put it when I said shock
I want to take that back because there's
so many shocking things immoral shocking
things that have we've been so
desensitized that people are just
accepting everything right right right
well to get to your question we don't
live in the same home but we have
traveled together and we've cooked in
the same kitchen and interacted together
with each other and we had a good time
we actually have a good time together so
it's something that's doable if
everybody agrees now with that being
said it's
difficult for me to have my grown
daughters in my kitchen much less my co
wife in my kitchen because we all we
share the common idea that we need to
have our own space and we respect that
now I always joke and say how big with
the roof being are we talking 53,000
square feet are we talking 1400 square
feet
now that would change things though
there's wings on a residence and it's
that big well then that's another
conversation but what we're trying to do
and we we really have done our work and
we want people to know that this is
something that's doable mm-hmm
polygyny is not something here to hurt
yeah it's a social solution it's
interesting it's interesting go ahead
what we gonna say how four years 24
years so 25 of me and 9 so we've been in
polygyny for nine years yeah and these
are families these are institutions now
that we're one big family one big family
we don't separate it you know and I know
some do but we don't practice that there
are babies and our bonus babies alike so
and you see like several years back you
had a program that got popular it was
called Sister Wives have you heard of
that yes absolutely now I think that was
like one program and then after that
then you had seeking a sister wife and a
man with three wives you had you know it
just seemed like the TLC that the
network it was on yeah were interested
they wanted to know they're watching it
because if there was such an outcry
against it of negativity able to cancel
the show but it seems like now they have
a multiple shows coming up that are
they've raised a lot of awareness
regarding that issue because people talk
about you know legal or illegal and so
on and like that and legalizing it and
working to do so which is fine that's a
great idea that our organization is
doing there are lawsuits I'm filing on
behalf of it I don't know anyone locked
up for polygyny I don't know anyone that
has been locked up or penalized or
anything like that for polygyny the
challenge is that when it gets attacked
the immoral things get promoted
but the moral things get attacked so
it's like things are in Reverse now
moral meaning that you're there to
provide for your family to provide a
structure and due to the moral decay in
society that's why we have so many
single-parent homes that's why we had
the rise in alcoholism and depression
suicide many things stem from the trauma
that is caused in dysfunctional homes
where abuse is going on even if a person
doesn't recognize it as abuse so I guess
the question would be more why would
these women you know nobody wants know
why men want to participate in polygyny
you know that's really not usually a
question but why would the women really
want to participate in policing why
would that be an option they would
participate in yeah that's her god-given
right because people always think about
the man but no but now you're infringing
on the woman's right and telling her
what she can't and can't do again she's
an adult she's made a decision and it is
not something that now something new
it's something throughout history we'll
get to that in the next point showing
that this is this is something that was
a way of life for hundreds of hundreds
of years thousands it was something that
was normal and still today it men in
many different countries so it's not
something that's immoral its moral and
it's sanctioned by the Creator by God
Almighty exactly it doesn't have the
same issues and challenges that we
currently have in society today where
you don't know who the father is
hmm you know the TV shows I've gotten
famous with I'm not the father you know
I'm saying it's really sad that a child
doesn't know who that is and because
when I need jerk reactions is why can I
have more than one husband even
biologically really wouldn't make sense
who's gonna be the father and what women
really want to take care of more than
one house or even have the physical
ability to do so so you know that's when
you relegate mirrors she's just simply
sex yeah versus an institution that is
there to protect the family continue
life and provide morals and really
create and develop leaders let me go
back to and who you guys whoever wants
to address this uh back to the basics so
we're still on the basics of you guys
not coming out to want to call people to
this but you want people also to stop to
get educated and stop bullying people
now who end up practicing this way of
life again that's sanctioned by by the
creator right and help people also
through your probe through your
your relationship counseling to help
people who are in this type of family
structure to go ahead and have it run
more peacefully and to help them deal
with given the tools to deal with the
challenges that you know right because
do you see when I use the term bullying
that people believe yeah we've had a lot
of that happen where any incoming why
for subsequent wife second wife comes in
you know comes into the family or the
husband marries a second wife or
subsequent wife they're considered the
homewrecker or not the real wife or just
a person who doesn't have the same
rights as the initial wife and it's like
it's a negative thing where it's like
okay well she's hurt and she's in pain
and you know someone did something to
harm her the initial wife and then there
are a couple things you have questions
or I've had I'm subsequent why if I came
in second why so it was things as though
where it was did you think about the
first wives feelings before you decided
to marry her husband and things as far
as how people feathers to you yes yes
yes and and it was to the point of that
and it was on a number of things where
like I said they're considered home
wreckers or someone that is destroying a
family or anything like that like the
husband didn't have a decision to make
and that is a bad thing because when a
person asked me well did you think about
the first wife's feelings I said I never
looked at it as anything negative so
because I didn't look at it as anything
negative I couldn't see any pain or hurt
we have natural jealousies of course
that's just the way it is but to have
something where it feels like is
something bad or detrimental or
demeaning that wasn't something that
came into my mind of getting married to
someone in a way that is actually
permissible do you see an ironic that
many of the people who throw out these
terms like don't judge me right and
their indulge in all sorts of you know
mischievous acts and sins and whatnot
and we're all sinners we make mistakes
and the best of those who you know best
of sinners are those who turn back to
Allah and repent but do you see it
ironic that those people who use those
kind of terms now they end up judging
and bullying when this and it comes to
this topic have you seen you know people
a lot of times just are just plain
flat-out hypocrites so if a woman
chooses to cover herself like my eyes
are covered like the beautiful Virgin
Mary one of the most righteous women
ever walk the earth anytime you see one
of these made-up pictures or statues
obviously her covered properly right no
one sees her as oppressed so my wives
imitate that for example now they must
be following some man or Islamist
forcing them to do something but what
happened to that choice that they had
you know what I'm saying so absolutely
we see it and again we're talking about
another form of marriage that existed
for a long time where when I was growing
up through high school back in the 90s
well gay marriage was not a thing but
now they're supporting gay marriage but
initially in kind of secretly being
against it so we promote things that we
don't affect us but many times it's
really just done out of fear people
think that is going to happen to them or
they'll catch the polygyny bug and a rub
off or something like that it's weird
the second part I want to get into is
now getting into some history getting
into the this being a norm of history
even getting into some of the Bible
showing that through history this is
something that was a norm you have many
of the biblical prophets that are also a
prophets in Islam who practices can we
talk about a little bit about that
absolutely we were all raised Christian
before becoming Muslim so we were very
familiar with these stories whether it
be Moses whether it be Abraham with his
wife Sarah and hedge or Hagar worked I
mean they say you saw them in Salomon
was supposed to be the the wisest man
that ever lived that's what's really
promoted through Christianity and he has
700 wives 300 concubines according to
the Bible so it made me wonder is he so
wise because he's able to handle and
deal with 700
different wives hey I don't name a there
may be something to that I don't know
Aslam came in he limited it to for up to
four at one time but every single
prophet that I seen the Bible with the
exception of our prophet Jesus had
multiple wives and it big you know led
me to kind of wonder like why you know
why and looking around the society isn't
really just a part of nature of man if
you will to want to take care of more
because we attracted to women first of
all you know there's a saying that says
men are seduced by their eyes where
women are seduced by their ears you know
so one thing is a part of just nature
biologically I mean we deal with a lot
of people who are not Muslims I mean
whether they're here is realized some
Sephardic Jews African spiritualists
they are attracted to what we do being
open about it showing our family can
function and we utilize again we look
they know we're Muslim is obviously see
but we utilize the rules in the
structure that slant puts in place for
it and many of them see the wisdom in it
and they use that for their lives yeah I
like what you said Islam came to limit
it now because it was something that was
without restrictions as a man can marry
however many but now Islam didn't come
to reintroduce it just came to limit it
absolutely to for families to read it
restricted because again as human beings
we tend to oppress each other yeah so
the more power you have then the more
you take away from others or the more
you begin to oppress so now you can have
for extended families here if you're
gonna call it or for however you want to
force part of you yet your tribe a tribe
you can afford tribes indeed and you'll
be the bay they will Ave indeed indeed
so we recover that that's very very
important so you had Abraham you had
Solomon you had many of the the biblical
prophets and they're the actually the
the Muslim prophets they were once who
submitted to the will of God
it's Lommy submission to the will of God
so they all per day practice this the
last and final messenger sent a man
Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him and
all of them he also was someone who
practices and his Sahaba right his
companions and the list goes on and II
it reminds me of just a biblical story
and we talked about Abraham and we look
at his children you know Isaac and Jacob
Jacob particular had twelve sons from
Orban
the Prophet Joseph permit use of elation
diamonds from and one of the things that
people many people don't know at least
in Christianity when I was Christian we
didn't know the reason
well prophet Jacob had four wives and
prophet youssef and of course his
brother his brother who was named
Benjamin I mean the Bible had different
mothers so they said that the jealousy
from his siblings arise from his father
loving him more okay and he says he had
different mother they you know kind of
utilized that kind of gainst each other
which again goes to polygyny but it goes
to just normal stuff because there are
different things as sibling rivalry
these things have had happiness really a
part of life but just seeing the wisdom
of these prophets who are the the most
righteous of all mankind whom God chose
to bring a message of truth and to live
a life of righteousness and to
demonstrate it culminating again with
the Prophet Muhammad maybe some let's
move on so the these uh these are the
greatest men to walk the earth they
practiced this they didn't practice any
immorality again they didn't have
girlfriends mistresses
they had wives and the only people as we
see is this correct that how this change
happened is man and specifically if you
talk about Christianity the church they
ended up changing this and prohibiting
it and then how same thing with in the
Jewish tradition this was something else
normally they end up the rabbi's changed
it right right I mean it that's
happening now where you have it's clear
throughout any people who follow
scripture just about the homosexuality
example alright and I don't like to
argue homosexuality one way to other
when it deals from a religious
perspective and the reason being is a
person may not believe in your scripture
they're going to their scripture and
kind of fizzles out if you will but when
you just argue it on a pure biological
sense if you say hey you know what if
everybody did this that would be if
everybody practice homosexuality nobody
will be left it's the extinction of
human beings therefore I can deduce from
basic reasoning without religious
reasoning if you will that it's bad for
us it leads to our extinction versus
everybody got married okay we know that
opens the door that our species will
continue to exist so the reason I say it
is because today that's heavily
moated and now you have churches and
other institutions that are beginning to
adopt that in in opposition to scripture
okay
again and they can do whatever it is
they choose to do we all have a judgment
we all will be resurrected we believe
they're strong and firmly but when you
try when you push something that's moral
you should kind of see just the example
of everybody's life and you look at
prophet Jesus I mean he was preaching
the truth and what's moral and calling
people to the truth and they tried to
kill him mm-hmm you know so this is just
a way of human beings sadly yeah did
tell me so we covered that part but it
was interesting you you had you had a
depending where you're at where you're
living you get you get affected
obviously by the social pressure
groupthink culture how people think how
people act in the culture like here for
instance people don't like being lied to
there was a Christian pastor and another
Christian they were talking about this
subject and I was just looking up and
doing some research on it and they were
trying to put a spin on it talking about
how actually this wasn't something that
was good and what not the way they were
putting it now the Christian this again
the forum here is a Christian forum
Muslims were not really a part of this
discussion and we'll put up some of the
comments that the Christians were making
they were like man paraphrasing these
guys are spin-doctors they're lying
they're this they're that because
because they're because they're there
they're lying that they can see the text
is clear what it says in the Bible you
can't go left or right it's clear you
mentioned some examples but this
Christian pastor and another Christian
they were trying to put a spin on it and
the Christians not the Muslims were
calling them out you can see some of
these comments here it was very
interesting you know because I just put
a post up about about polygyny and about
an article that I read that tried to put
a spin on it that talked about how
negative it was they talked about gay
marriage and how its legalized and
things as far as that but then they were
talking about how it doesn't look like
polygyny would be legalized or those
type of things because they put a
they have some skewed information that
made it seem like that the women are
controlled by the men that their that
the men the men who have the money and
the power take over all the women and
that they control them and the boys are
uneducated the men who can't afford so
to speak to take care of multiple women
they're the ones that just shunned and
kicked out or anything like that kind of
like a lion and a pride where it's like
it's a fight to the death and or you get
kicked out of the pride and now it's
just as a man that controls everything
and I said you know that's really
interesting because it's not about I
mean it's about a moral like the moral
compass and I said that if polygyny was
not ostracized in is an option more than
being ostracized then the moral compass
would change it would be better for a
community better for everybody else not
saying that everybody has to practice
polygyny just that if it was a viable I
mean it is a viable option but if it
wasn't so shunned you wouldn't have a
lot of people hiding who are practicing
polygyny there wouldn't be people that
wouldn't have a problem with it but then
you will see that people are trying to
take care of their responsibilities
because that's what it's about taking
care of responsibility
I felt that monogamy was really pushed
to allow men of power to not really take
care of the responsibilities of their
desires
hmm that's a really good point because
we see now in history when this actually
happened where we talked about the
consistency of this practice but then we
see the church the rabbi's changing this
and then you see the Roman Empire at one
point where they legalized this and they
ended up having one wife and they made
it illegal but then you can have as many
concubines and these are modern-day
mistresses can they be synonymous
misters concubine sex
I mean because it's a big responsibility
now people think this is a joy it's a
big huge responsibility to do what
you're doing you know takes a man's man
to step up and to take care of you know
the families like you you are but it's
easy to go ahead and just you know have
some side chick on the side yeah that
type of thing breeds the immorality of
society so whether it's prostitution
whether they're children that are just
left alone without any father around I
mean look at in my community in the
black community particular you look at
single family households being our
control you look at a government has
been at war with black people for a very
long time especially after the rise of
Black Consciousness in the 60s you had
blaxploitation going on you had drugs
introduced and you had mass
incarceration that affects us and I come
from a state that I really called Jim
Crow North because it locks up more
black people per capita than any other
state and we're in the Midwest you know
so communities are decimated by it one
viable solution and then this is if you
can find a good man see the challenge is
that one women already outnumber men to
begin with so now in the community that
lacks good men to begin with something
that's not abusive there's not
alcoholism other abuse going on inside
the home and it's actually a marriage
able individual the women already had a
loss so the honors it really becomes on
those who are responsible again to
become more than twice the man to
restore peace restore order restore some
harmony in the home where now women can
have the honorable title of life and
operate as such without permission from
anyone other than the Creator who gives
you rules and regulations with which to
operate operate by so the idea here
again is educating the people and for
those people who will hush quiet and not
say anything scared when somebody is
practicing a lifestyle that's
displeasing to the crater and here
versus someone who has a green light
from the crater I mean don't bully
there's such a thing today as
slut-shaming slut-shaming which is kind
of oxymoron because the Prophet or said
to Salaam let us know that if you have
no shame then do as you wish shame is
supposed to be there to help us with our
shyness with our modesty our it
if you have no shame of being a and
promoting that and calling yourself a
and doing those types of things
then morality there's no there's no
moral thermometer or thermostat anywhere
and what good if we're looking for good
and peace and justice is going to come
from such type of thinking we take one
example of the culture let's say here
but then you have other Christians for
instance in Tanzania you have John mega
Fuli I believe that's the president
there where he's Christian it's not
Muslim where he's calling men because
now they have a huge epidemic problem of
women there who cannot get married and
it's not like the system here let's say
where the government takes care of you
if you don't have a man there to take
care of you and everything you need you
you're gonna be just left alone I mean
it's it's a very different environment
so he's giving incentives to men this is
the president of the country in Tanzania
have you heard of this yeah he's
Christian also so I think you have what
like 30 million women 20 10 million men
something like that so what do we say
about them we say we had a solution
solutions aid age-old we don't need to
take another census and anything else we
have to one raise boys to be men ok
raise boys to be men because that's
really where it starts and that takes
that takes responsibility it takes a
sense of justice takes a sense of
morality because those type of men one
are attractive to begin with and that
attraction will help you attract the
type of woman that you would like to
build a family with ok and being able to
do that one time and if you grow and
expand and continue growing because it's
about knowing thyself and then growing
thyself
you can do it a second time or a third
time or fourth time and make a massive
impact by duplicating that process so we
already have many solutions in this
particular solution to the with marriage
which goes to the core of everything you
could be out running the world but if
you come home and your home is hell you
know you're not going to have peace so
this is a major major solution in
he's crying for it so why why hide in
going to that when this is something
that's more we want to educate people
equip and empower them broken home
broken society that's it that's the
formula right and so we have today I
mean if you look what are the numbers of
us in a fornication of the morality it's
the highest I mean we've probably seen
right it's skyrocketing just marital
affairs and and all sorts of corruption
that's out there and now why would you
attack something that's actually a
solution to that right and that's the
thing to when we took tit well a couple
things with the the women outnumbering
the men I mean it can go into mortality
rates as babies and all the other things
like that and I was talking to my
daughter and I said you know what the
crazy thing is this it's like okay let's
say every available or marriage bone man
married one woman mm-hmm very one woman
there's so many women that are left
they're left without a companion without
the opportunity to have children
legitimately you know things as far as
that end it's a breakdown of a community
because now they're they're fatherless
homes there's not a person there to help
boys become men I mean I know that there
are women that say you know I can help
my son do this we as women we can teach
our sons you know what we will like in a
man what you know certain qualities that
we were liking I mean but we can't teach
them how to be men we can't teach them
how to do that so when it comes to that
and when it comes to people shunning
something that is a benefit to society
as a whole it is it is devastating and
so we are here to try to educate on that
and of course we we get blowback and
everything like that however our thing
is we know what we're doing we're strong
in what we're doing we stand strong in
it and those who are looking to benefit
from it who are looking to receive the
help we help them it doesn't really
matter what for the most part it doesn't
really matter what people think if
there's something negative we're going
to still
stand strong to our morals and we're
gonna still stand strong to our for our
beliefs so the Creator God Almighty
Allah is not forcing you to implement
you don't have to but don't bully people
who have chosen this as a solution to
them and that leads me to my next point
is we covered history we covered some
some of the basics and the third the
third point I wanted to cover it
actually being a blessing for for women
for many women it's a blessing we see
we've seen many I've talked to many
different Imams have shared stories
where there are so many women coming to
Imams because women cannot get married
today so they're coming to their moms to
advocate for them and many of the Imams
are terrified because if they say
anything they got a position they got a
job their community is gonna probably
lose that position that job so they
hush-hush and they can't speak on the
topic what do you think when when
someone says how is this a blessing for
women how can this be a blessing for
women well for us personally we try to
make things easier on each other instead
of harder I think that oftentimes in our
community as Muslims we don't open up
the dialogue about polygyny we run from
it so our job is to not run from it
we're not running from it we're not
telling everybody they should do it
because you do have to be built up a
certain kind of way as a man like we
were stating in order to create that
balance because you're the Imam of your
home and in our in our case our separate
homes but we all have the same core
values and we really as a community
since our community is hurting where
Muslim we have to open up the
conversation there should be no reason
why people fear polygyny or entering it
or or we shouldn't have trouble with
brothers having to officiate it and
being running and being afraid because
it is the judgment that they're afraid
of it is the oh you did you facilitated
something that is not right but if it's
in is if it is right and it is halau in
the eyes of allah then who are we to say
what our opinion is on
it's something he allows and we need to
shout that as loudly as possible all of
us I haven't always been that way
because I always make this joke I'm over
40 now but 20 year old me was very
possessive and jealous and I was like
I'm not sharing my husband with anybody
I know he can have another wife but
we're not doing that
but I made the decision without his
input and I'm sure it is something that
even at that young age you know of we
were nine he was 19 I was 20 when we got
married I'm sure it ran crossed his mind
and it's interesting because my own
grandmother said to me she said you know
he's young and he might not want to just
be with you always
now I was like what are you talking
about why not me why not me always what
do you mean because she was wiser and
she knew even being a Christian woman
she knew that men had the desire for
more than one woman to be in our life
she wasn't saying he would be
promiscuous she was just saying he's not
different than any man I've met and I've
learned that now but I love that though
but but we try to within our family we
try to make it easy so I think about the
times that we've had some tragedies in
our family whether they be health
whether they be death my co wife has
been there for me I've been there for
her and if I had not have had that it
would have been difficult more difficult
on our husband to try to help care for
both of us in those instances so have
you seen some of these feminist
movements I mean you have women out
there who obviously a man should be kind
merciful law tells us the blueprint is
there how a man should treat his wife on
a footing of compassion and kindness and
you have also how a woman should be
towards their husband this is all laid
out it's clear in the crown in the
Sunnah we don't have no guesswork but
then you have sometimes again you have
the social culture you know this
pressure that comes in and then now you
have this drive that because of this
pressure that many women get stuck doing
things that they would normally do let's
say they go away from you know
the blueprint and next to you know she's
uh you know mr. foerter return was a
fertility window she's old and by
herself you have slotted non-muslims you
know examples you read a lot of articles
women now who've accomplished so much
and they have a certificates all on the
wall and everything's you would think
from a worldly perspective she
accomplished now she's alone she since
she sat she didn't establish this family
now this can potentially be a solution
for her right because she maybe can't
have that one one but now are the
feminist movement coming in and saying
let's help this will actually help women
this can be that blessing to help
fulfill the life of so many women who
just cannot find you know a husband but
potentially this door can open for her
to come in to be in an extended family
okay a couple things that can be it can
be however as a solution is polygyny is
polygyny is not just to save women from
desperate circumstances many times you
get people sadly Muslim women that try
to use that well if this person is in
need they're needy therefore out I'll
tolerate it if she's single mom with all
these children or widowed and yeah right
right so that's not required it's not
required but it's absolutely a solution
that goes into the many different levels
of the wisdom in it so whether it is a
widowed or single mom that's just one of
the levels but that's not the exactly
there's several different levels again
beyond our understanding even with the
wisdom now with feminists traditionally
I mean their movement is not a moral
movement if you will and mininum operate
from a position of trauma that still has
yet to really be dealt with so even
dealing with a man are continuing a
family many times with them is not even
in agreement from that perspective so
what occurs is the person has two
choices you mentioned a super worldly
successful woman at a certain age she
has a choice okay either I'm gonna find
a man to get married and when it comes
to my community particular when I'm
talking about the black community was on
my less than thirty percent a black
woman even getting married to begin
Lieut I'm a 30% one in three gets
married by the age of thirty period
which is a shame but it goes into those
options and one Islam is the solution
then of course polygyny when it comes a
form of marriage however that's not the
only solution but either she's gonna
choose a moral option which is polygyny
which is what we advocate okay which is
marriage a moral option that's what
we're talking about or any more option
so your suffice to just have a man in
your bed okay to take care of your
physical needs all right you don't need
anything else form because you're super
successful but now you're not gonna go
out you don't have this other person
that you can you know publicize or have
the honor of being called a wife but
you'll still be getting used and having
your your precious body being used by
someone else because Society ostracizes
or look at thing in a certain way
whereas I was just at a meeting and one
of the guys next to me in this training
he's a gay guy and he was just happily
talking about his husband and everything
else so now it's the out the closet and
good to me and it people are just like
okay in the pastor job there was a
pastor as a part of the group and he was
really excited about the guy and
everything else where this is a
different world again when you when you
are judging it by morals morals versus
something that's immoral and the way you
kind of look at that on the human
perspective is looking at the result
that it leads to and we know it do you
get that kind of same positive vibe like
you just described when you talk about
polygyny yeah
me personally people don't come to me in
a negative fashion maybe because I'm a
man and I'm put very little weight on
people's comments about something I
learned that once I become Muslim
because my majority of my family you
know almost under percent of course I
said those are married in the children
that come from us they're non-muslims so
when you do that at 16 or 17 years old
and you change your diet you change your
lifestyle they've already ridiculed my
ridicule meter and bovine excrement
meter has been hit as a teenager so
somebody comes at me with something then
we can either have an intelligent
dialogue or we can go at it in debate
you know intelligently in that fashion
but the women can speak more on that
point yeah I wasn't that strong I I
didn't I was a people pleaser
still kind of that way where you know
it's for the greater good is for the
betterment of whatever less drama no
drama I'm happy I'm at peace however it
got to the point where I wasn't at peace
I wasn't happy because I wasn't being
true to me
I wasn't mean true to myself or I felt I
had to hide something that I didn't feel
that was actually wrong because of fear
of what other people had to say about it
or what other people had to think about
Orwell and I'm it got to the point where
I say you do one they're not living my
life I'm not doing anything wrong I'm
not harming anyone in the process so why
am i caring so deeply about how what
they feel about what I'm doing with my
life and you know and my family or
anything like that and it was when that
light book or that switch changed and I
was able to confidently say well this is
my life this is what I'm doing I'm at
peace I'm happy it took a minute but
people around me saw that and he saw
that confidence and he saw that you know
what you know what she is for real about
this and they thought about it a little
bit more because knee-jerk reaction
they're going to say whatever they want
to say but when you have when you put
them in their place and you have to be
disrespectful with it you just let them
know when I was able to do that with my
family or my relatives and let them know
that this is what I do this is what I
practice and you guys don't know the ins
and outs to make a decision on what
you're saying or what you're talking
about
they had to sit in that they had to say
you know what you know you're right I
don't know I have not given us a chance
I haven't looked at it from a different
perspective I was just being
closed-minded and when they started to
see it from my eyes when they started to
take the blinders off for whatever it
was that was shielding them they started
to say you know what that makes sense
she's happy she's not being harmed
everything is working out fine why do I
have a problem with it and so when they
had to ask themselves why do I have a
problem with what she's doing and they
couldn't answer it in a positive way
they had to stop it was just that simple
it was like okay I'm either going to do
this because I'm
bully or I'm going to stop because it
makes no sense to continue on with
science science and everybody some
people take it as a religion when when
you have studies do you know anything
that you can share with us there's been
books written on this one in particular
comes to mind the myth of monogamy you
have a study of the called the Coolidge
effect kind of you know effort of this
so what can you say when you when you
because you say when you get into a
debate a dialogue on one and we see a
lot of emotion right and then on other
and we've listed history we've listed we
can talk about science now we can look
at solutions when I when it comes into
the realm of science and just the
anatomy the biology of man and woman and
how this you know and he III I don't
remember the specific number but I think
he said nine women or nine men he said
nine men it'll take nine men maybe a
year or so to repopulate the earth okay
to repopulate the earth I mean just
biologically speaking it's nothing nine
men like nine men yes every billions of
people can come from them right but
here's the thing and we know this in the
amount of sperm stuff that isn't exactly
I mean it's a part of the reproductive
system we are all only here because two
people got excited all right two people
got excited and part of the creation
process we can't we came through that
but little known to many women
especially Muslim women I've read a
quote where a woman said you know my
husband came to me said you know you're
a ten I don't see the need for you know
three otherwise I'm like well maybe you
don't know the nature of man because if
you're a ten which is fine you could be
a ten he'll still want three more tens
you notice that nothing's gonna satisfy
us except dirt you know when we're
buried when we when we pass and that's
not being greedy yourself that's just
kind of what it is so biologically
speaking every Muslim and spoke with
every man in general their ears perk up
when we talk about polygyny why they
hear wives they like bit more about that
or the Muslim guy he may be scared
because sometimes there are several
different reasons men don't do it who
are qualified to marry one is the
intimidation the emotional blackmail
from a spouse the threatening these were
the reasons why he wouldn't he would not
do yes you know because there's the
emotional blackmail from a wife of a
threatening to take the children away or
leaving you see it's one thing is a man
to be able to you have to protect and
provide for your family so you usually
protect from the outside there's a
different dynamic when that threat comes
from the inside okay so that that's kind
of emotionally manipulating you know it
is and sadly it does happen i many times
is empty threats if it was a good man
but sometimes it does happen a gentleman
just reached out to us let us know his
wife conjured up an argument about
domestic abuse got a restraining order
against him took the kids he hasn't seen
it for two months and served him because
he talked about I didn't even marry know
he because he discussed polygyny and was
serious about getting married again so
he fabricated all these that's what he
said so if that is true then he says she
did that in order to get leverage with
children when it goes to court that old
life is too messy talked about because
he said we're marrying another woman you
know so that's how the emotional
Blackmun's that's one of the major
things i've know doctors we know people
who are financially able to they have
the time successful businesses and
they're married to one woman only out of
that particular fear and of course the
fear from society when it comes to being
ostracized there are those who just
simply can't afford it but that doesn't
mean they still don't desire or want it
we know that men are not like the women
you know and strengthen security I what
women are attracted to so you take a
person let's say a Jeff Bezos all right
the largest divorce settlement history
hundreds of billions dollars ex-wives me
do you think a man like this could
probably marry and take care of four
women you know peacefully fairly and
everything else right so when we look at
the the money that goes along with it
but do you think he has more than one
woman you know I don't know personally
I'm not gonna put it out there but I'm
just saying you know how many women
would you ask hey you know what you
marry this man that is you know he'll
have a home for you have a vehicle for
you yeah and your own bank account at
this you take care of kid so on and so
forth but you know he has two other
wives you know many women and I've asked
him before I said my relatives Oh would
you marry doctor such-and-such that you
really adore because of his cars and
he's a little yeah would well okay
that's interesting because you know
that's what people are talking bad about
but you're talking about Marian she
would concern
did anybody like manipulate her or no no
abuse no not at all because again that
you have to make a stereotype that is
negative on a person or a thing in order
to demean it or dehumanize it so when
you're talking about polygyny one the
main fears that is going to happen to
you it's like your husband or man never
thought about marrying more than one
wife especially if he knows that's in
Islam yeah you'll think about it but
acting on it that slim took really none
very few even do it to begin with and
then most of them only have two wives I
have two wives
I don't have an interest in more but I'm
open to it but I'm not looking for I'm
not pursuing it you know but because I
want things to be in a certain place and
different goals that we have as a family
now I didn't always start out that my
wife was saying oh yeah we've married 15
years
you think about may another wife go
ahead that really no I mean you know so
those fears and those things are real
and they really hold and build
resentment now we know most marriages
fail anyway period monogamous religions
most of them fail anyway because you're
not working you know there's that
disrespect that lack of appreciation and
there's that resentment that grows and
builds so we find that many marriages
monogamous more forcefully monogamous if
you will because the wife is up the
husband is choosing to be held back by
his wife's opinions or feelings or
emotions break apart anyway so
emotionally it becomes sad that was the
next thing I wanted to get into but it's
interesting you mention because we said
consenting adults people don't and this
modern culture have a problem when the
young lady when she goes and let's say
she does something of having boyfriends
no one's saying she was manipulated into
having so let's say so many different
boyfriends and sexual partners but as
soon as let's say she now gets herself
together and she says no I want a
husband I want to be you know having
sugar I don't want to be some mistress
well actually this could be a force she
it's a legit you know a man who's taking
care of her as a wife but going back to
some comp comment what are some of the
common arguments that you've heard we
men abused it they can't be just you
know what those are a couple what are
you here when you say that because you
mentioned that most of the time you have
monogamous or one man one wife
relationships you're already against the
odds 50% yeah exactly more than 50% yeah
now that's that's actually a true
statement yeah okay because men do abuse
okay so the the likelihood of a marriage
succeeding period monogamy polygyny or
otherwise it will fail you have to work
on it so when someone says oh that
person's not qualified because there's
gonna be abusive or something like that
that's possibly true but however why
would you want to hold on to a man
that's being abusive even in monogamy
the listen you shouldn't be the problem
that caused you to leave that person
because if they're already not qualified
with you you probably should either work
on it to try to fix and rectify the
situation or find a better situation you
know so these are knee-jerk reactions in
Islam because we know that the two
conditions for a man to do so is
fairness and time and money okay in time
and when those things are miserable it's
not emotional fairness or anything like
that so that was become the things that
he can't do it anyway because he's poor
maybe there's some truth to it maybe not
you know many times we live in luxury if
you if a person is the people that are
watching this right now watching you via
the internet or Washington via TV
there's a lot that goes into that and
there's a lot you're paying for that so
we're living in luxury and speaking from
a position of privilege where most of
the world over sixty percent the world
makes it less than two dollars a day
okay so pork can be relative where we
looked at is extremely rich in the West
where you go to some countries in again
two three four five ten dollars a day
that really couldn't get you anything
here so it really depends but at the
same time like you mentioned before I
think what engineer you're speaking of
where if they don't have a man that's it
you're homeless on the street you're
begging you relegate the prostitution
and a number of different things so to
have wealth there doesn't take much
versus it takes manpower takes physical
stuff I mean we're raising children so
but we have a dozen children I have ten
biological children
why fats when I we have seven four
daughters three sons and do we have
three sons and two bonus children a son
and a daughter right that's 12 so as I'm
looking at my boys I'm trying to raise
my sons up to be strong enough men to
have multiple wives to take care of this
problem
now they're handsome and they're smarter
all this kind of stuff but they still
need to be able to expand that
responsibility to get things done and
now that goes into even one of my
daughter's expressed interest in
polygyny and she doesn't want to be a
first wife that she's doing she doesn't
even want to be a first wife she's like
youngest daughter she's she's she's
pretty funny she said she wants to be a
first wife but he must have four wives
so she doesn't have to deal with him all
the time she wants him you know to share
at a time so she can still have her
independence so to speak so at the the
wise old age of seventeen she's kind of
figured it out when some of us older
people are still kind of grappling with
the social solution and she isn't she
sees what it is for what it is and
understands the value in that
and I'm like well we must be doing
something right at this point that to
relay that to her but again she's just
looking at at the world she's in because
we support things like The Bachelor and
the Bachelorette where they go on 20
dates with 20 different people and make
out 20-some different times with each
but then when we shun polygyny so we
have that that society is normalized
this dating multiple people show or the
real world where you sleep around and
you have no rights either way but they
will not normalize polygyny something
that has been normal for centuries upon
Sentricon woman oh yeah the women are
the ones who are suffering at the end
yet you just said they have all these uh
reality shows how date this person date
person but she's left at the end with
nobody Yeah right there's no security
not even a rose yeah at the end of it
and the emotion that comes from it it's
like you're tearing you're dealing with
real people real emotions and so to play
around with that it it breaks people it
tears them up and then that's that's
carried on to another relationship or
into your household and to your children
and it creates this perpetual cycle of
pain hurts destruction things like that
so is that's the part where it's not
about polygyny be
the only form or anything like that it's
about it being where is where people
understand that it is an option and its
benefit is not something that is
detrimental to a society it's a benefit
to society well that goes under let's go
back to ad because we talked about the
blessings many blessings there for women
like you just mentioned that and this
would fall in line let's say someone has
a career for instance right they pursued
a diploma they don't want to be let's
say a full-time with their husband talk
about this and this this exactly this is
what our daughter said it's like you
were a fly on the wall now she said I
want to have my own career and I want
him to be able to go to his other wives
house houses I have my time with him he
can have his time at this price and but
we but we have another daughter who's
right off the jump she's like well
that's not what I want I kind of want to
have my husband two to myself so it's a
social solution for the women that do
want to participate in it but we're in
polygyny but we're not telling our
daughter that once her just time all the
time with her husband to enter polygyny
because right now in her mind she's
going that's not something I want we
celebrate that but then we also
celebrate the fact that our youngest
daughter saying that's something that I
want and I want it to be known straight
out I think oftentimes polygyny fails
because people are not doing the
personal development that it takes that
is ongoing because sometimes people go
oh well coach fat's mother culture
another you know what do I do and they
think it's a quick fix thing and it is
indeed not that yeah imagine if we were
if we because we're supposed to be
emulating the best of men the best of
women and let's say for the women
looking at the mothers of the believers
would they be champion what today some
Muslims unfortunately are falling into
going to certain festivals events that
are clearly against the Deen but now
how would the mothers of the believers
you know who were a part of this this
was their lifestyle what would they be
saying today and are we taking them more
as an example or we take it more of an
example from the Kardashian show right
and that's the thing too when we talk
about okay so who is your role model you
know but that it goes back to morality
it goes back to the morals you have the
the age of Instagram and social media
and do it for the likes and these things
like that and it's you have girls taking
off their clothes for the likes you have
girls you know showing off their bodies
for the likes instead of and talk to my
daughter about I said it's crazy because
we as we were growing up or as girls
we're very smart you know it's about to
school and books and learning things so
then we start liking on a boy and then
we become dumb you know and not to be
negative about it but it's like you're
doing so much for this person trying to
buy for this person's attention and you
stop doing the things that is you know
best for you you stop doing the things
that is best what you best for you
because you're too busy wondering if
this person like me if this person you
know accepts me or anything like that so
you know so now we're trying to be that
example though we're trying to be the
example to say you know what you really
have to think what it is you want out of
your life you know and is that good is
that good around the board is it good
for you is it good for your family is it
good for and I have my three things I
said is it good for my Dean you know it
was my way of life my religion is it
good for my life for my mentality for my
sanity is it good for my hair after if I
can answer that positive with a yes then
that's that's where I go and that's how
I that's how I teach you know my
children as well that if that's what it
is because it's about morals it still
goes back tomorrow's and
I think it was him years ago I was
listening to him and I think he had
stated the amount they calculated the
amount of time that the prophet saw some
because you mentioned that how sometimes
you can just be having your world
revolve around this individual you
become very possessive jealous and now
it's like you're almost like worshiping
this human being instead of taking this
as a mean for me to get to Jenna a law
is the one I wish it but now it puts a
barrier between you and you could your
excessive jealousy and excessive love
but now when you look at the promise of
some when he when you divide up the
homes that he had I think he came down
to was like was it two days a month if
you do them into possibly three if they
weren't on expeditions or the growth
right yeah so when you when you look at
that and then there's another I think
this was mostly monk who had mentioned I
believe it was him that we also have
this notion to come out and say well he
did it because this political reason he
did it for that yeah there was some
wisdom behind certain marriages but at
the end you know it's not always the
case like that exactly we don't need to
we we don't need to justify polygyny
because the default in Islam is to okay
the exception the general is polygyny
okay and that's how it's being
understood this is I mean when you see
Tufts here all the way back for
centuries I mean the default is at least
to two or three or four and so total
Nisa or a lot solid s you know to marry
two or three or four okay but if you
feel you can't be just or be fair then
one and obviously there's a general then
there's exception which one is more
wasn't born more as the general not the
exception where today things are
reversed and they reverse not just with
the understanding of our Deen but it's
clear that is the understanding of the
Quran because we're dealing with
I mean genocide across the country
dallona not a gennaker upside across the
world we have concentration camps going
up we have families being destroyed we
have now the norm being one versus the
wisdom of what Allah says when he talks
about two or three or four say the
challenge is that one of the main
reasons is not going to be pushed is
that because it requires men to be
more all right and men are currently in
charge of the different laws and in
societies and stuff like that so if it's
gonna require you to be more and be
accountable and responsible that's
that's shunned upon they don't want to
be just look at the meat it's too fun
you could be fun
do whatever it do whatever it is you
want to do with no repercussions and now
we've seen we should just look at the
meter how many of these you know top
Oberon's a lot of celebrities or people
are anchors news hoes all these are just
coming out and how many scandals sucks
of absolute right now so why would they
want to step up and be real men
absolutely absolutely I mean it costs
them more and growing and integrity and
it shifts the balance of power because
now if you have more women just like in
the days of many different kings and
palaces and people of power they're
attracted to more people who provide
them that security and safety
all right versus the flamboyant just
throw some money out and you can you can
purchase this person as a commodity you
know next one the common one is okay so
we covered the the abuse one men abused
it you mentioned that I mean if by that
logic people shouldn't even get married
because people just abuse marriage in
general the likelihood of you succeeding
in marriage is you'll likely fail
because more than 50% fail but does that
mean you throw marriage out the window
yes so we covered that another argument
it's illegal right right well here's the
thing there's a couple things there's a
difference between lawful and legal okay
so lawful meaning that the creator says
was lawful and what is unlawful now
before this country existed the question
is was it lawful absolutely now legal
polygyny has not been legalized either
way bigamy is illegal that's when the
state has two marriage certificates
which is an entirely different
discussion because those are actual
bonds they have two marriage
certificates and marriages to people at
the same time that is what's illegal
that's considered bigamy okay that's a
felony
we're polygyny that's not legalized
anywhere
so that's hints TOC doesn't have a
problem and the families don't have a
problem putting the show on one man
three wives and sister wives and looking
for sister wife and every other wife
wife cold wife show whatever that's
gonna come out right because in again
even in Utah you know they have they
have different court cases trying to
legalize certain thing my child
this when when a country or when a state
let's say the United States when it
comes to them legalizing something then
they're the ones that make the rules for
it okay we already have the rules a lots
of other has already revealed this over
fourteen centuries ago so that's a
lawful so before this country was any
before this country had been invaded
with genocide against the natives who
are here this was already lawful for
thousands of years this country is a
baby country only a few hundred year old
a couple hundred years old you know I'm
saying so what am I saying
is more important as a human being as a
Muslim am I saying the one who created
the earth and everything on it without
these borders and these superficial
things or am I saying hey know there's
somebody in some institution that came
and made what is halal Haram and now
making the Haram homosexuality allow do
I go ahead now I change my belief system
because now there's gay marriage and now
I supported the proven I'm gonna go to
the March with you know those who can
they can do whatever they like to do but
if that does not change it from being
unlawful its lawful so we should not use
the same logic when someone takes
something to be that is already lawful
and say well it's illegal you know what
I'm saying because truth be told I mean
slavery was legal
you know Jim Crow laws are still in
effect you know they're still housing
issues and racism is a very prevalent I
mean the United States is the the
supremacy or the pillar of white
supremacy throughout the entire planet
so these things still exist so if we
look at something like that the question
is who are you because when I'm raised
I'm not gonna say hey I'm gonna black
American this is what I did do this and
I didn't do that
a lots of other know that that that's
not who I pray to do you see some of the
some of these scholars or some of the
civil rights activists who are out there
popular amongst the Muslim community
that if you got if we can make a contact
put you in touch where you guys now to
advocate your rights as Muslims now with
all these other rights being perpetuated
for different alphabet movements and all
this other stuff that's out there to
really now I think it'd be very a noble
task to take this on because this is
this is a family structure and families
now are being destroyed because of the
pressure the bullying and whatnot but do
you see that maybe now they'll come up
and start on the platform speaking
for you know supporting educating
helping people who are in your positions
not to be oppressed that would be nice
it sounds like an extreme fantasy
because again it requires men to be
accountable and the people that are
currently in charge when we look at the
Congress and the Senate and stuff like
that these are white men and again I'm
just saying the history of this all the
Muslims are still looking at themselves
as a minority or and also in the United
States in particular with the kind of
cells as though Islam is something
foreign so the face that you will see
talking about polygyny or other Islamic
issues on different media with pundits
won't be faces like ours or like Malcolm
X or Muhammad Ali's they won't be black
American faces we've been here for a
long time even before Columbus so many
are still trying to go along to get
along and have a mentality like after
9/11 all of a sudden become really
scared so I don't really want to rock
the boat there I haven't seen it like
that'd be great I mean we work with like
the ACLU want a number of different
things and stuff like that but we want
to for those who are wanting to be
proactive who are dealing with wanted to
learn how to control their emotions and
actually see this way of life not as
something being a moment about and talk
bad about an abuse and everything going
on but can see the beauty in and how it
can actually function when you focus on
working with this cell that's one of the
main reasons we started
I mean outstanding personal
relationships because now you see like
in in the schools you have let's say a
boy he's biologically a boy and he says
no I don't want to identify with being a
male I'm a female and now you have
groups say that's his right right and
now the law is gonna be changed and you
can do whatever and then you go to the
doctor and you want to cut off perfectly
healthy arm the doctor would think
you're crazy but now you going to cut
off a perfectly healthy organ here for
production and what know that God gave
you now you have you know the doctor is
gonna help facilitate that and you can't
stop him but now you have something
that's legal from that from the crater I
think it's a good time to you know it
could be a good time to jump in and join
the discussion discussion you know but
again our we're not important you're not
even part of the discussion where we are
here at the Dean show absolutely we're
open again like I said we're open to it
we're open to working with whatever
avenues to promote however because you
here you mind here you have more history
you have more science you have you
way more arguments here for it and again
green light from the crater absolutely
look again
we're not averse to it but those we want
to focus on helping are those who want
in our proactive in whether they're
single looking at get involved with
polygamy or we're not gonna just having
a healthy marriage and working on your
intellectual and your personal
development that's what our focus has
been but it should add in an ACLU or an
organization should contact you and want
to kind of speak and put something
together of course we don't mind being
you know the forefront for that but this
is good we're advised to do things well
we're advised to help bring people
together so if we have the opportunity
to help bring people together to help
their marriage out to really helping
expanding and healthy fashion
emotionally and and so on of course
we're all for it again that's why we
call it outstanding personal
relationships it's not just called the
polygyny thing or anything like that you
know I'm saying it's really about being
outstanding another one in the common
arguments the person says look the man
says now that I can't even handle one
you know I love that when that happens
on time happens all time I can't even
handle one well first of all and that's
like he's overtly saying that you're
crazy like of course of course they love
Saturday we've had the posting we've had
people say that and I'm like yeah that's
that's cool then you're not the man for
the job that's my wife say well then
you're not the man for the job again
it's not for everybody
now usually that's just a mask that's
usually a mask where okay I'm now I
can't even handle one first of all if
you're handling a wife like handling a
horse or handling an animal that's
probably the issue you don't need to
handle a woman you know say we need to
expand our interpersonal communication
skills and work with living with another
human so that kind of the first part if
we think we need to handle them that
could be a challenge and I'm serious men
really do say that but again it's about
knowing yourself right you know like
again the bride that goes on the horse I
mean this when we look at the etymology
of different words I mean the bride is
controlled that bride is the thing that
you put on a horse in the front and
everything and it really controlled
there but again like I said you're not
the man for the job and usually it's a
mass because that same person may be
involved in illicit affairs
or have you may have an addiction to you
know one or several different types of
things so many men are not the right
person people for the job yeah you know
what do you think recently you did have
a Imam who was brave enough to come out
and speak on it I think you posted about
it but then he got attacked because
let's maybe there was a slip of the
tongue he maybe we always want to make
excuses for our brother man he made a
mistake he said something I mean you
know how it is you get up there you
speak sometimes and you might uh tur
something that it's it's a mistake but
he also people exclude all of the maybe
the potential good things he had to say
right all polygyny on the topic of
polygyny this was done in kenya and it
was a great he was he was really good
with yes yes he is just apologized for
his comments which were very venomous
against the black in the
african-american community so that part
had to be thrown out immediately but you
would have to sort that out in the rest
of the court was actually great the
challenge is that that was so poisonous
in the tongue that it poisoned the
message of polygyny he was actually
giving you know we shared it for the
message of polygyny but people just
didn't edit that part out you know and
it was again it was it was very wrong
and it was very hurtful he was he he
said that black people were people
united say he was making the argument
for polygyny being a solution the
problem was the example he gave it just
wasn't correct he basically said that
over 90% of them you know they don't
know their fathers and they're born from
one-night stands he's african-american
he's not african-american he's African
see there's a difference he's
everybody's Canadian he lives in Canada
he's African
not really not really here's the thing
and I know you don't understand my
brother we're brothers but what I mean
by that is like Barack Obama for example
when people look here they say oh he's
african-american I say no he's not he's
Kenyan American he's Kenyan American
these people are from Kenya say grog
would be Kenyan America yeah he's Somali
okay so on but the reason I say it is
because there's just that there's a
different experience in the black
so many of my ancestors came from Muslim
lands according to my DNA and all of our
DNA came from muscle ends but they were
captured they were enslaved for hundreds
of years so we are American without
privilege but we're African without
memory you know what I'm saying so
there's a there's a big disconnect so
now many times there's a there's a shift
when it comes to ethnicities we're now
black Americans due to a lot of the the
white racial superiority complex stuff
going on that other cultures begin to
denigrate and disrespect us and
dismisses so these types of things and
it happened early on even in Islamic
history you know so you have books that
talked about the Sudan and stuff in the
inner beauties of black that I think it
was um even Jersey
rahimullah had written so that he wrote
the response to it to really lift up the
qualities of the blacks and that's what
I have to get the name of the book
nevertheless you know these things were
it's been going on for you know quite
some time but so this type of statement
to occur from a Muslim talking about an
entire group of people was bad because
again and even if it was for people who
were told or these were for non-muslims
you know these were just for the
Christian blacks and stuff like that
these people are still we're related to
these people yes you know so to do that
to any culture no matter what culture it
is it's absolutely the wrong we should
nobody like but like I say he apologized
and that sad part the saddest part about
it besides that would be that people
lost the message of the entire football
which is so beautiful on polygyny what
was some of the points that he mentioned
that you tell more beautiful well many
things that we're talking about you have
to be you know more than twice the man
you have to raise up and it's a
beautiful solution that many women are
you know they're left out you know so
what he I think was proudly trying to
intend to say was dealing with these
single-parent households where so many
are single-parent they're not one-night
stands children know their fathers
they're small percentage that don't but
that's in any culture okay but this is
solution you know for situations like
that so he dealt with that but he also
dealt with the responsibility and I
hadn't heard it this way before he said
you know what we as Muslims are
responsible
women are unmarried in our society and
they choose to go toward the Haram to
satisfy the physical needs who's
responsible the Muslim community Muslims
as a fart rocky fire yeah right as a
collective responsibility by leaving
women unmarried because we really don't
practice polygamy which is a wisdom
given from Allah for this type of
situation and again that was missed due
to his other statements but I didn't
hadn't thought about it in that fashion
because now we are allowing oppression
to occur by not practicing something
that will be a solution to a problem so
we may be a counter will be answered
before some of the actions and deeds
that this woman may have participated in
willingly or unwillingly do you think a
lot of I mean you have a lot of our
great scholars and Imams here in the
Americas do you think they're scared
because of their communities to speak up
for many of these women because of the
outlash that they can get from people in
their community I can't see if they're
scared but I know that there are levels
of fear their fear because again if you
go against the board yeah usually the
board of the different massages that
across the country even though you're
talking about Islam you'll be fired your
livelihood be fired you'll be ostracized
and nor the poor know who doesn't come
to the prayers these board members who
want their doctors and other
professionals and you know they are more
secular I guess we were put there
necessarily but they control the
paycheck I think it was a bit Mubarak
remove a lot of talked about you need to
make your own money so who you can do
Dawa and not be you know I have strings
attached if you will if that makes sense
so again you know and we see people
compromise the values all the time
whether it be scholars or not the
challenge is you know we have to be
answerable to Allah what do you think
again when we hear these terms social
conditioning and the groupthink
mentality how much has that affected us
then how much does it affect not only
just the regular the the the marriage
was one husband one wife and that's just
sinking it's being destroyed because of
the culture but then on top of that it's
not coming together as a community to
hold on to our tradition our core values
from the Dean then now this is this is
how much does that have an influence on
the home
for us you know everybody was kind of in
love with our story from high school and
you know this was I've been knowing you
know our husband I always say our
husband that's another thing I don't say
my husband but I've been knowing him
since he was 14 I was 15 when we met
each other and so when we took our
Shahada in the what mid-90s and we went
to the Masjid everybody just knew it was
just me and him just me and him and then
we had our children just me and him and
our kids and that was it and they took
almost possession of our story so then
when my co wife came into the marriage
with him they didn't want to hear that
because they had put us on in this place
that we didn't ask to be at and it was
almost it was destructive because they
took our story of growth and loving each
other and creating his family and they
used it to hurt her and then they would
take their marriage and use it to hurt
me so I said well that's enough of this
now so now when people do try to
approach us somebody even went after my
co wife on social media and then tried
to smile in my face and I said no no you
don't get to smile in my face because
you're talking about my family so you
don't get to play one against the other
so when we know better we're supposed to
do better so she's my co wife I've never
say that's his baby's mother
because in all actuality we we are wives
and we're both the mother of his
children but I don't take my marriage
and to try to diminish hers with mine
because the community has tried that
they've actually they don't do it to our
husband because he's I believe because
he's male and they know males have the
potential to become dangerous and
intimidating and they kind of want to
see what they can do so if they know
they can use each other use us to hurt
him
or to hurt one another they will try it
and these are people were saying that we
have been maybe friends with our
acquaintances with our business partners
with they will try it so it is for us to
set them straight you know we have to
we're not afraid to open up the dialogue
of this is my co wife I will hug her but
for our hug anybody in the room if I
meant domestic I'll hook her first my
children hug her first then everybody
else that's a Muslim sister gets a hug
from me
so I don't I try to if I'm elevating my
marriage i elevate theirs I don't go oh
well you know I'm the first wife and
this is the second one we're both wives
we both are so I don't like to use
different terms that people will twist
you know because the problem is within
them it's not within the three of us we
did we did a lot of work what are they
getting you so people can recognize so
now we'll get some practical tips going
for people who are out there who've
chosen to live by this way of life
that's ordained by Allah so Allah it's a
Sunnah of the Prophet saws I mean all
the majority of prophets that allow some
other law sent that now some of the
things so people can spot it
let's say for example some we've heard
women coming to the others and saying
you poor thing
are you okay yeah yeah yeah oh yeah this
will be wearing called it a pity oh yeah
oh yeah I think that one of them will
put down the lid that's one of them are
you okay yeah the victimization of the
initial wife anyway what should she know
this is in her mind that okay how should
she handle this now does she because she
can be taking you like this you feel
like man this person cares for me but is
this person actually then oh yeah
they'll switch it sometime within the
conversations the shaitaan coming
through this person right their lack of
knowledge yeah they're coming to me
they're kinda they're coming to just
drop my piece in my home it's a test and
they will test you they have tested all
of us individually but I had a instance
where I went to a store with my 22 year
old daughter and there was a woman there
that knew all three of us knew of the
three of us cuz she didn't know us know
us and she looked at me she was like how
are you doing
like are you you know and I went she
said how are you feeling because she had
got when that they married and I knew
that without her saying it I looked at
her and I smiled and I said I'm happy
and she was like are you still married I
said absolutely and she just you know
what could she do with me other than say
oh that's great and it just really
changed
her energy because I knew what she was
trying to do a trend she was trying to
pick for information and so when she
asked me I've gotten asked and asked
many times are we divorced because
they're married so it's diminishing my
marriage by using their marriage and
I'll always say no I'm not divorced
absolutely not with a smile versus no
not yet no I'm still hanging in there
you have to teach people how to treat
you especially in this situation so the
three of us are very good at defending
our family and spotting these absolutely
absolutely one might be trying to come
in and oh yes and I know you said well
it took me a minute before I at first
will you catch an honor you weren't yeah
no I caught on it just took me a minute
to pretty much put people in their place
only because my mindset was I'm the and
I took on society's mindset of what a
second wife or a subsequent wife or
incoming wife supposed to be stay in
your lane stay in your place you are the
second you are the you know you're not
the real wife you're not the first you
know this person has this totem pole
Authority this hierarchy over you so
until I really and as I said before
almost the people pleaser I don't want
the drama so I'm like you know what I'm
not going to say anything I'm not going
to do this and it actually starts to eat
me up inside and I felt like when I call
I'm even in the programs I call I felt
what I call myself the second fiddle I
thought that my emotions didn't matter
my feelings didn't matter and it was
these things because of my mindset of
what I've taken on from what society put
out there where people would say well
she's a snake or a homewrecker or these
type of things I'm sorry that I would
yes yes I was called a lot of different
nice names and not nice names I guess I
should say and it bothered me so much
but instead of instead of speaking out
on it I kind
just shun shunned it or just I just went
into a shell because I didn't feel that
I had the authority to say anything
because I knew what I was getting into I
knew what to expect you know you're
coming in so whatever happens to you you
deserve every little bit of what happens
to you and be happy with it and deal
with it because you are not that
important that's pretty much the
societal feelings or norms that we that
I was getting and that a number of
incoming or subsequent wives would get
and I've known that because those are
the questions that come to me where they
feel that they have to get they have to
meet with the initial wife before they
marry their husband they have to meet
with her and get her okay her approval
in order to say yes or less you know
let's get married let's have this union
that they have to get that permission
and it got to be okay I had a person
that stated that if the first wife is
not happy and she's causing issues then
your marriage will not work it will fail
what do you mean permission well we got
that's what they're yeah they would say
that if you do not get that then is that
you have two digits would say if she's
not okay with it yeah your marriage will
fail so you it's best that you not even
pursue it so even though you he feels
that you're a good fit for the family
and a good fit for you for him and you
feel that you're a good fit for each
other it doesn't matter what you two
think because if she's not happy with it
then you are you're doomed you're you're
destined for failure and because those
were consistently played in the
forefront and there wasn't a lot of
subsequent wives speaking out on this is
what it looks like and this is you know
you do have rights you do have you know
this say because you're not just a
subsequent wipe you are a wife you still
have to know your place as a wife not as
a second not as a person that's beneath
or under you
have that you know you do have that say
so but it's the way you do it but it
wasn't until I I continued to work on
myself get better with that and have
some confidence in order to say you know
what I know what it is I know what Islam
says it's not this hierarchy thing Islam
does not put a hierarchy in polygyny you
know we are all wise we all have we all
have our rights and there's when I when
I took that to heart because I knew it I
just let society dictate how I came into
it and that is what caused some issues
with with our Union at the beginning
because of my mindset and how things how
things transpired yeah but when I
shifted that mindset it became better it
became better I became stronger I became
more confident and polygyny polygyny has
always been something positive to me but
it actually I started to feel the true
polygyny well you know what what true
polygyny is when I shifted my mindset
and not let society dictate you know
what it's supposed to look like you
mentioned in your course that you guys
do or what would you call it as
outstanding Muslim relationships is an
outstanding personal outstanding
personal relation it's all about
personal development and growth and
giving people the tools on how to deal
with these things one of the things I
noticed is you stress the communication
you know some people feel that they
can't have a good communication you know
with their other family member in this
situation due to the jealousy and you
know the other things that come about
and some may be the beginning you know
there was some arguments and stress
how'd you guys overcome that did you
have that and how did you overcome that
yes yes we've had communication
challenges absolutely and I'll share
mine I let the ladies share theirs but
one of the things is to actually find
out what your personality type is you
stressed that a lot yes now there are
many different personality type
test and so on but when you were kind of
biased to the myers-briggs type ology
Indicator MBTI what is that mb TI
myers-briggs type ology indicator they
go to that website so you can go to a
human metrics calm and take the quiz for
human metrics calm correct and you can
see your personality type yep after you
take the quiz antigen taking that quiz
oh my goodness
there are numerous one it helps with
your communication one again the very
first thing is a man will being a leader
and become twice minutes you have to
grow so you have to know where you're
starting at so you have to know yourself
and my personality type is less than 2%
of the population so it lets me know it
kind of exposes why I may do some things
that feel a certain way about something
so she might not take that person over
there because that's how you were once
she knows because that's the next step
first you need to learn it first you
need to learn it and then share with
your spouse or spouses because you want
to know their they should know yours and
we know how each other operates so my
wife Adam was an extrovert alright I'm
an introvert and Nyla's Strauss's
offense but mainly an introvert I mean
hurts her quizzes like really there but
the point is knowing these different
things about ourselves understand helps
us understand how we tick so now we know
the language with which to use or we
know what may upset someone but it also
helps I mean major companies like Google
and Amazon and major companies do these
this specific quiz really for their
corporate teams and see who gets along
best and who will be the high-performing
teams so as high performers and high
performance coaches we also want to
utilize the same in our lives and our
families which again is that crooks that
we talk about so knowing your
personality type is very very important
what can you what can you say that going
through the storm earthquake hurricane
what would you call it or all three and
one in the beginning would it have a
resemble something like that is this is
something that that if you choose to go
this this direction because you don't
have a lot of would you say that if you
are living in an environment back in the
day where people were practicing this
you'd have more moral support you
wouldn't no question a lot of these uh
outbursts that maybe happen today these
just out of control
rages that people falling because you
have others who are also involved and
say hey what's the problem absolutely
you see things so you know what the
standards are what the expectations are
and you can model that or you can
questions where today is hard to find so
we had to go on the philosophy that we
hold would be the change you want to see
in the world we saw too many people
failing at polygyny failing just at
marriage I'm like we kind of developed a
process amongst each other we went from
the challenges we kind of overcame that
the drama on the roller coaster thing to
really be where we are now which is
having great synergy amongst each other
we're familiar that still just some type
of fantasy but it really takes that
growth so so what we did is kind of
amalgamated the knowledge and
experiences that we've had in different
students that we've worked with that we
taught all over the world and put it
together at outstanding personal
relationships document did you go from
feeling like there's no way I can do
this
and with these challenges now that has
this helped you grow to become a
stronger Muslim better relationship with
Allah oh yeah I was at a place where we
never were disrespectful within our you
know our polygynous situation what's
awesome about coach nyla is that she
always wanted to communicate with me and
then I was like I'm not ready yet
because it's just weird to me and it's
funny because my grandma said to me she
said you know she's not Muslim but she's
she's wise and she said you know my
grandmother she said you know what you
don't want to say something to her if
it's not kind she said and you don't
want to burn bridges with her because
you might have to cross back over that
bridge you know so be careful what you
say because if you're not you'll put
yourself in a position to apologize to
her you want to come out of the gate
strong if you're gonna come out
she said if this is your culture and
you're gonna do this you're either gonna
do it or you're not
so I said what who does it serve that
I'm not talking to her who does it serve
does it serve me does it serve our
husband does it serve our children and
at that time I was serving none of us so
I said that's enough of this we have
children that I think we trick ourselves
into thinking some people do that the
kids are gonna be little always they're
gonna get older and go well you didn't
talk and you did this and you did that
no what we say is wash your face with
your mistakes and so we wanted to
package something after doing a lot of
work and we vested
a lot of travel a lot of money a lot of
books a lot of blocking out time and
reading and having hard conversations
with each other to get to this point so
that we can help other people you know
and then people started calling each one
of us individually Samwell what did you
guys do here and there and then we came
together and said we should really help
others if this is this is honorable work
and we are very humbled by it and it is
an honor to help bring families together
versus tearing them apart so we know
what it looks like to have people from
the outside and sometimes from the
inside tear each other apart and come
after us yeah and we said well that's
enough of that let's help people at
large open up the conversation and find
healing so it's super important what
would you say another thing I'm sure
you've heard this word they will come in
and try to undermine your family by
saying there's what's wrong with her
there's a deficiency why he had to go
and marry someone else and then makes
her feel like she's less of a person
have you have have is this been one of
the attacks that has come also have you
dealt with it
yeah that's one of the what would you
say if some if you had if someone came
to the person and you are actually you
come out of claw say come here let me
talk first you now go kiss me coming out
the closet I'm not in the closet I love
women so that's not it it's no problem
anyway um that's actually pretty this is
pretty common it's common that's common
it's common one is normally comment
obviously for a woman even married to to
feel okay something must be missing I'm
not doing something where I mean there's
a lady who we just came across maybe a
week or so ago she wrote a book about
how to keep your Muslim man monogamous
but the thing I'd share is just you know
it's a pity you really don't understand
the nature of men she's writing a book
it's written it's written and we were
discussing it and now give me more hair
play other than that no not not yeah
who's the the the the african-american
lady was she wrote the book on actually
promoting polygyny I had her on the
program before do you remember her
Deborah mushy she was she was she's a
university professor Deborah Majeed
Deborah jeans yeah yeah yeah indeed but
the thing is that they don't understand
the nature of men
yeah you know saying you don't get
married if you thinking that polygyny is
gonna solve your problem in monogamy
alright or another marriage even if
you're already in policing is gonna
solve your problem that you have in your
current marriage that's a foolish
individual marrying someone else not
gonna fix your problem over here that's
not how it works because you have one
failed and one succeed and you know
again it depends on your personal growth
so marrying another woman is not because
the woman has a void
I wasn't that a void or losing something
or lacking anything in my marriage okay
so that's not the reason we like that
people like to look for reasons
especially women but I just let people
know you're not gonna understand men are
not like the women like I would never
understand how it is to have a monthly
cycle nor give childbirth and I
delivered three of my sons right right
there and then absolutely grateful I'm a
man but I would never understand that
just like they we really wouldn't
understand our makeup and the way we're
designed and created the challenge is
making sure we are that type of person
for the job
that's amazing so so we talked about
communication is key so for someone who
thinks there's just no way I can get
over this let's say you know the
jealousy is too too strong you guys are
testimony that it can it can happen
there's so many more that are out there
in similar situations because I was
asked before as a subsequent wife or you
know Co wife wanting to reach out so
you're you know to your co wife what do
you do or what if she's not
it was a lot of fear it's a lot of fear
of reaching out because like what if I'm
rejected what if she feels a certain way
and my advice is that give her some time
give her some space but don't force the
issue don't but be open be open to it
reach out you know don't be afraid to
reach out I mean it's easy to say don't
be afraid but that's what I did I
reached out to coach fact I reached out
to my co wife and although it wasn't we
weren't
besties and
skipping in degrees and you know doing
cartwheels in the lilacs it was you know
it came to be where it is today where we
are friends we go shopping together we
do things it's okay so the example that
I started off I was giving gifts I knew
when her birthday was I'm very observant
no one had to really tell me I'm
observant like that no I knew when her
birthday was and then on our holiday on
Eid
I was send gifts now he was a liaison at
first you know I would send it through
him I didn't so he was the mailman back
and forth and she never rejected the
gift and she never sent anything
negative back she I would get a
beautiful note which I still have a
number of her thank-you notes and you
know either they're in a frame or
they're in the note box and it was
nothing negative but you you know when
it's tension there that is the thing and
I guess I'm gonna have her makes speak
on it a lot more but when we were
together like in the same space there
was tension but it was a lot easier I
think when you're away from each other
when you're not seeing each other so my
thing is I still want to give her her
space so I would try not to be in a
certain place where she would be at a
certain time because that was just like
I said Society wise was that you have to
be a certain way you know make sure she
feels comfortable as comfortable as
possible regardless of how you feel
about the situation so you know I did
the gifts and and it more and more it
got better and all she you know spokes
are being reached out to me yeah that's
well you have these obviously these
human emotions anger jealousy or whatnot
but again when you look at the best of
role models they never let it transgress
those limits that now compromise their
Dean and their relationship with Allah
can we say huh absolutely that's the
thing you one is a man you have to
choose will so if you're choosing
someone who's messy and you're not
choosing for the family building then it
will likely not only
fail but it'll probably calls a
long-term effect negative effect on your
initial wife or previous wives so that's
extremely important I knew that both of
them feared our law you know regardless
when we could overcome whatever
challenges with patience and being
diligent on personal development yeah I
can go on we got to conclude at the end
summarizing the main thing don't bully
if people are this is not obviously
promoting you got not here to promote it
you're here to educate and help people
are in it also and to through this
education to have people think like you
know you're supporting all other reports
of movements or you're quiet you might
not believe in something but this is
part of the dean as part of islam don't
bully people like yourselves who are
practicing it and working to please your
creator and doing you know a responsible
thing absolutely matter-of-fact well our
book is going to be released early 2020
so depending on when your viewers are
watching this they'll have the
opportunity to get the book from us that
we're all writing together from each of
our perspectives as well yeah so that's
again outstanding personal relationships
calm yeah alright thank you guys for
being with us there's a little session
and thank you guys you for for anybody
who has any questions for them you can
go ahead leave it in the comments below
and we'll see you again here next time
on the Dean show every week with a new
exciting episode subscribe if you hadn't
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until then peace be with you
assalamualaikum