i grew up with a catholic mother and a
jewish father i would tell people i'm
jewish i'm not going to do this and they
respected that
to get older i started to really
question the trinity how could um how
could one plus one plus one equal one
and not three i call up my uh my buddy
yahya and uh ramez every single morning
six twenty salaam alaikum habibi it's
time for fish
which means uh come on get up bismillah
assalamu alaikum greetings of peace my
next guest is here to share his
life-changing story with you
having a christian mother a jewish
father and being baptized christian
at a young age receiving his communion
going to catholic school for 12 years to
following judaism
and then being addicted to women porn
masturbation pills marijuana nicotine
and alcohol the list goes on as well as
tattoos to what's he up to now well
that's why he's here on a dean show
to share his
life-changing story with us our next
guest coming up
on matthew
matthew
bryan's
ryan
it's very nice to have you on the
program did we uh hit that introduction
right there's a lot to list there you
seem like you went through a lot
yeah i went through quite a bit
yeah but that seems like kind of it's
it's kind of like the norm today it's
like a lot of people are you know a lot
of the things you mentioned
it's uh that crazy roller coaster of
life
that um people just uh are filling that
void with all these different things
that uh you we had listed
yeah
so we didn't finish the rest of the
story but let's kind of back it up let's
start from the beginning kind of give
people a timeline so tell us about your
early years
so i grew up with a catholic mother and
a jewish father and i went to catholic
school from kindergarten to 8th grade
learned a lot about theology class and
whatnot and then i ended up actually
going to a catholic high school
um bishop hendricken in the state i live
in from 9th grade to 12th grade
and
i was also an altar boy when i was
younger
and i learned a lot about
christianity catholicism
and
i always i always had a lot of questions
that i felt weren't always answered
so i ended up drifting from
that
faith into following more of my father's
side with judaism because
i personally believed that um i believe
that jesus was not son of god i believed
god was too
far and above and beyond that to have a
son
and i followed with judaism because i
felt that was more uh
reasonable with what i believed in
so after that
i ended up
following judaism but still you know
um drinking doing drugs alcohol and
whatnot and it wasn't until i went into
my buddies convenience store who was
muslim and started talking to him and
another muslim friend
about um islam and i was debating
judaism with islam
and we were going back and forth for
three hours to a point where
my friend had said um all right guys you
guys are never gonna get to each other
you guys are both gonna just
be stuck on your own ways with what you
guys have to say and i left that night
um with my ego intact thinking you know
i'm not wrong here i'm not wrong i know
judaism is the way and then i was but i
was just open-minded enough to learn
about islam and when i learned it about
islam i just wanted to learn more and
more about it and before i knew it
i had just believed in this more than i
had believed in anything else that i
believed in my entire life and it took
me to where i am today
while that's deep more than anything
that you believed in your previous life
let's say or in the beginnings this is
now that you got exposed to islam this
is something that just
what would you say just made the most
sense
made the most sense um was just so
profound and pure to me i had um i
normally would my other the other
religions i i was in
i had a lot of questions but every
question i had with islam was just
always answered i never i never felt
like my answer wasn't thorough i always
felt like my answer was was perfect and
it couldn't have been any more perfect
than what the answer i received
let's start with the first 12 years
communion christianity what was your
belief at that time and what were some
of the questions that you had
well i believe that jesus was the son of
god i believe that jesus was god i
believe i believed that um
i believed in the trinity and that was
also when i started to get older i
started to really question the trinity
how could um how could one plus one plus
one equal one and not three how could
the father the son and the holy ghost
all be all be one it just um i had this
question about
i'm like that's gonna be three i know
it's the trinity the trinity trinity
means three
but um i just always had that question
about how could three equal equal one
when when i always thought one plus one
plus one equal equal three so that was a
big big question that actually stemmed
why i started um lacking faith in uh
christianity
and then so then so then you go to what
the priests the um
they hire the scholars you know the
people at the church
what questions are you asking that
you're not getting
answers for
it wasn't necessarily questions i had
asked um priests a lot of questions i
asked priests it wasn't necessarily
about jesus it was more about god like
who created god how did god come into
existence and one of the priests i
remember said actually something wise
they said that uh god was always there
and that reconciled with me i could uh
start to understand that but not my
right my mind around it but when it came
to um
my myself ques my question that i had
like the deepest is how could a man
be be god
that that was my biggest question i felt
that no matter who i asked i was never
going to be truly answered like a lot of
times the question was just um
it'd be like beat around the bush and
i'd never get a direct answer other than
the trinity back to the trinity how how
it's three in one and i just that just
honestly to me it never made sense and i
just i just didn't thoroughly believe in
this and even if i wanted to to try to
thoroughly believe in it i knew in my
heart i didn't believe it
okay so then the next part so how do you
switch over then you go towards judaism
now so you make a drastic switch
so i was never bar mitzvahed or anything
but i started following more with
my father's traditions with judaism and
i'd be in school and i remember we
always had mass at school because we
went to a catholic school and i remember
it started where people would get up and
sit up and kneel and i wouldn't do that
because um
i was like well i don't i don't believe
in this you know i would tell people i'm
jewish i'm not going to do this and they
respected that so i go to um the masses
because you sought to go and there was
other jewish kids at my school and we
did the same thing we sat down we didn't
follow the normal traditions where you
get up you stand you kneel and
go online for communion we didn't do
that
so that's what that's what that was the
next step that ended up happening was i
still had to go because being in a
catholic school still as a jewish person
i um still had to be in the mass but i
didn't have to participate in the mass
so that was my next step
how would that work because
traditionally what is it that you
your mother has to be jewish for you to
be considered a
full jew how does that work now because
your father was jewish but your mother
was christian
absolutely so i just decided like i said
i was never bar mitzvahed i would just
um follow with judaism where i well i
didn't go through the entire process but
i would i would i would just follow
through with um judaism i came to um
what my father believed and what i
started to believe more than i believed
in a christianity
versus um not
believing um
jesus is the son of god or
god's son so i decided to branch off
more in that aspect where i understood
that jews didn't believe this
and that's what i started to just more
follow through with is that i didn't
believe this
now if you're following both religions
if you go from one to the other
you you know that
the christian religion and also
judaism would probably be strongly
against the lifestyle that you were you
were living like you know alcohol drugs
uh you know the womanizing all those
things they would be against that so how
did that fit in how did the more at
least the moral teachings of the
religions now what was what was the
disparity there
i didn't have it in my heart oh
yeah it wasn't i wasn't in my heart
where when i had converted i reverted to
islam where you know islam means to
submit to god i had truly submitted to
god and realized doing stuff that were
haram
only pushed me farther away from allah
versus closer to him and that me giving
up all this stuff i thought all that
stuff made me happy but i didn't know
what happiness was i thought it made me
happy but i didn't know what happiness
was and when i when i submitted to allah
and reverted to islam and gave up all
these things i noticed that living a
life more pleasing to allah
made me truly happy and i never i never
understood how this would happen but
i've never i've never been more peace
never been happier my entire life
no i just want to go ahead and for the
christian or jewish audience or the
non-muslims not your muslims out there
now when they hear you say allah
they think maybe this is some different
strange god like when you say allah what
do you mean
i mean um god you know god god in arabic
is literally allah just like high in
spanish is a lot it's the same it is the
same thing i try to make this uh analogy
to other people too that don't don't
understand it's the same it's still god
yeah many people uh just if you're a
christian or jewish and you're arabic
speaking they use the word allah arabs
and jews who are who are jews and who
are christian
and i'd like to point this out that in
the aramaic language that jesus spoke he
would say allah
allah elohim so this is the because the
english language didn't exist so at that
time there was no such thing as what
people say god
because the language didn't even exist
so allah this is the creator of the
heavens and earth
okay so now we're seeing that it wasn't
in your heart you hadn't truly submitted
so
you're going through all of the
different
ways of following your desires
but now what is it about islam that
truly has you submit and now the
life-changing experience happens
well i just started to realize
things that would speak to me and and
make me feel a certain type of way that
made me feel it was just the pure truth
how in islam um
we don't believe jesus is god
peace be upon jesus but we believe he
was a prophet just like prophet muhammad
peace be upon him
and in order to be muslim you have to
believe in prophet muhammad peace be
upon him because if you don't then how
can you believe in the quran the
revelations that were given to him
so
and i i i felt like i'm not discrediting
um the bible and this and that but i
felt that there was some truth in the
bible about the miracles of jesus the
peace be upon those were real but i felt
like the big picture the main idea that
he was the son of god i personally felt
wasn't wasn't true
but in islam
him being a prophet and and the miracles
he made still being his miracles made so
much more sense to me it spoke to me and
i felt i felt ah like this is this is
what it means so i felt the quran kind
of um
reset everything and put everything
together and pieced it together and said
like this is this this is what's going
on with uh christianity and judaism but
this is what it is where in judaism
um jews don't really believe that jesus
is a prophet and they don't believe in
prophet muhammad peace be upon him and i
felt that in order to like i said in
order to believe in the quran you have
to believe in prophet muhammad peace be
upon him in the revelations
so as someone who was practicing judaism
for some time now for that transition
jesus is totally out the picture now
he's totally denied as the messiah which
we believe he is
uh as a
prophet a mighty messenger um he's
totally in judaism in christianity is
elevated to god son of god so that's
cleared up in islam he's a messenger of
god but in judaism he was just totally
out the picture
yes
we were jews as jews we believed that
jesus was a person that existed but we
didn't necess we don't believe in him as
as a prophet
so now
what do you uh what's your connection to
jesus now do you love jesus as a muslim
i love jesus as a muslim and i have a
lot more respect for jesus um as a
muslim than i even did as a as a
christian as a catholic because um i
didn't believe he was the son of god i
just i just believed maybe he existed
but i i didn't know i even even as a
christian as like as a catholic i would
sit there and um
sometimes doubt these miracles right and
i i wouldn't believe
and in judaism i just believed he was a
person but it wasn't until islam where i
had understood the quran to be the word
for god verbatim and i had understood
i'm like wow he may not have been the
son of god but uh jesus is a peace be
upon him his miracles were real and his
and his and his revelations as well were
real
now dealing with all the things that you
were dealing with uh you talk about how
the change
pretty much happened
quickly you know you kind of you gave up
what people end up going through alcohol
anonymous they end up going through all
of these different support groups and
it's just like they cannot give up
many of these
uh
many of these things that you were
battling with but you pretty much
you talk about how it pretty happened
pretty quickly like you you you how were
you able to make that hat or how did
that happen
i just um i loved all these things right
i thought i loved smoking and drinking
and nicotine and pornography
masturbation all that stuff i thought
like this stuff made me happy i'm like
oh i feel good after doing this stuff i
thought it made me happy i didn't know
what happiness was and when i started to
learn more about islam and and about
prophet muhammed peace be upon him and
his miracles and and the revelation the
most beautiful miracle of all time the
quran um i hadn't there was i just
believed so much i had zero doubts
and there was nothing more i wanted to
do where i truly believed the quran is
the word of god and i'm like wow um
islam means
i have to submit to god and i felt like
a pull to islam and to want to submit to
god where i'm like um right when i
remember worrying when i said shahada i
had one in my phone immediately before
and cleared out all like the dirty
bookmarks i had of uh pornography and
everything and i'm like and i was i was
so like used to doing this stuff like uh
pornography masturbation it was just a
hat it was just a it was just a normal
part of my life and i remember
taking shahada the first time how i
immediately clear all that out and i'm
like wow like i haven't even taken
shahada yet i'm like this is powerful
and then i remember a few days later i
had taken shahada masjid and i told
myself i remember it was um it was on
christmas eve i went to masjid and right
when i got out of there the night before
before i took shahada there i said um
that's it i'm not smoking anymore i'm
not smoking marijuana i'm not drinking
anymore i'm not vaping nicotine
i'm not doing haram stuff i'm not gonna
continue to date women unless it's with
the intentions to um get engaged because
we as muslims we don't date we get
engaged and married i'm like this is
what i'm going to do i'm going to i'm
going to submit to allah
and that's what i did and i've never
felt better in my entire life
you even talk about
you you started calling up some of your
muslim friends waking them up for fajr
you got to even to that point yeah i
still do that today so i call up my uh
my buddy yahya and ramez every single
morning 6 20 salaam alaikum it's time
for fish
yellow which means uh come on get up and
um i call them every single morning and
those two were one of the people that
actually um
showed me the way of islam so i felt
like hey like you know i don't want them
to miss a lot and and inshallah you know
they haven't missed us a lot since this
this year has started so it you know it
makes me feel good and also um it's
funny because not being a muslim before
to being a muslim and staying on top of
my muslim friends who i never thought
i'd be muslim or share this this dean
with um
it's just it's it's it was
it's just something i've never
experienced before where i'm able to do
this and it just it just feels great
just to wake up and just to wake them up
for future and remind them how important
it is to lift that blanket up and to
pray because i feel that praying to god
is
the most important thing like i'll sit
there i'll be tempted of something
whether it's to do this or do that um
anything and i'll sit there and i'll
pray and to god well i have my head down
and i'll ask god to
fight give me the strength to not be
tempted and to go into this path or or
even cave into the stuff i used to do
and the moment after i pray it's like a
feeling
of peace and of being restored that i've
never had when i prayed as i was
christian or catholic or jewish i've
never had this this powerful over
feeling overcome me before it was it's
just so profound that it's like it's
praying five times a day is truly like
like all the drugs i did before can't
compare to this feeling like i thought
all that stuff that i did made me happy
me praying and getting up and be praying
on time makes me happier than anything
and i constantly remind my other muslim
friends that have doubt and faith and
will sit there and say oh how do i not
know the other religions are true
and i'm like well fortunate for me i was
in these other faiths and i'm not i'm
not disrespecting any other faith but
i'm telling you me as someone who's went
through these things i've had a lot of
questions and i've had no questions
about islam and if i ever had a question
it was immediately answered it was it
was what i what i believed to be true
and realer than anything so
when you are going back to fajr like
when you see
muslims who are born in muslim families
and they're not taking advantage of of
this antidote for depression
for many of the social ills
that they're going through in life but
the antidote is there the cure is there
the remedy is there but you see they're
not implementing it they're not
utilizing it
what do you what do you what do you
think like and now you actually got to
implement this a lot you're seeing the
effects on of it right you're living
proof
what do you say to them you know who
they take this for granted i always tell
my muslim friends and some some of them
who who saw me as a jewish person or or
someone who was in the christian or
catholic faith would um look at me
especially as a muslim now and say how
do you do all this and i tell them i say
yeah baby don't don't take this this
deen for granted
because it is such it is not only a
blessing it is a privilege to be a
muslim
and to live the life we live and i
remind them how if you're not praying
five times a day
you're not gonna you're not gonna feel
at peace you're not gonna feel as happy
look at it like this like every prayer
you say one two three four five the five
prayers if you miss one prayer you're
not gonna feel as complete as you would
if you prayed all five prayers and every
time you pray and you submit to god you
you become further at peace and happy
and every time you don't pray and you do
haram stuff whether it's smoking or
drinking and getting used to the
american culture and putting the culture
in front of the dean
the dunya in front of the dean you you
forget this you forget that no matter
what our souls are always going to crave
allah and if you're doing this stuff you
get pushed further away from god and you
and you become less and less happy and
you think those things make you happy
but they don't make you happy well they
don't they don't really make you happy
if you think they're happy they make you
happy you don't know what happiness is
what's been the reaction from your
mother and father
uh because this is this uh decision that
you made
uh you taking the shahada this is fairly
recent correct
yeah so what's been the reaction from
some of your friends previous friends or
family members
those closest to you
subhanallah um it is such a relief that
my mother and father were very
supportive and understanding they didn't
judge me and it's great
and that and then i try to also teach my
mother some things about islam and how
you know even though even though she's
she's a roman catholic i try to remind
her that
um jesus peace be upon him is still a
very big uh
figure in islam
we respect jesus and we we still love
jesus and we believe in his miracles
and we believe in in mary so i try to
show her these like these uh passages
from quran about how jesus spoke as a
baby and said i'm a messenger of allah
i'm a prophet
and how if you don't believe that he
spoke as a baby but you believe in these
other big miracles about him bringing
people back from the dead i'd say that
bringing back from the dead is more um
harder to believe than a baby speaking
and when you say stuff like that it's
like it's like it kind of hits home
where they're like hey you know what
you're kind of right about that
when you now
look back at your life how you were
living before
and now
to what you're upon now are there any
regrets whatsoever
oh abs the only regret i have
is that i didn't submit sooner
that is the only regret i have but other
than i have no regrets reverting to
islam
what do you say when you watch the if
you do watch the news or if you hear you
know an ignorant person or someone who's
just not educated or some people would
have deliberate attempts to misguide
people and when they you know throw
these uh different slogans out there oh
you know muslim terrorists so you became
a terrorist they
you know they try to go ahead and mock
the religion and they bring up things
that are totally opposite to islam you
know islam oppresses women how can you
follow a religion that does x y and z
and it's it's it's uh attributed to many
uh bad things what do you what do you
say now that you've actually
investigated islam and you've tasted it
for yourself you've you're living it
obviously you're an intelligent human
being you wouldn't go towards a a way of
life that was calling you to to
to evil to hurt
hurting humanity instead of benefiting
humanity like what do you say to people
like that well first thing i say is that
muslims respect and love women and we
put them they come first they come
second and they come third we have more
respect and love for women than than i i
could see in in the roman catholic faith
when i was when i was going that path
and judaism that's not that they don't
respect women they do but i've never
felt that um or better i've been in a
a part of a dean
or our dean that loves and respects
women and holds them to such a value and
how and it gives them the utmost love
and respect also
when i was younger i also had this view
that
muslims terrorists and this and that and
it was because i wasn't open-minded
enough to learn about islam and even
open the quran i feel that anybody that
even has those thoughts is just strictly
believing what's on the media and is not
even educating themselves on on islam or
the quran or prophet muhammad peace be
upon him and and i honestly feel bad for
those people that are missing out but
all i do is encourage people don't be
open-minded open open the quran open the
quran be open-minded and learn about
this beautiful faith and and don't let
the media
fool you into thinking that this faith
this deen is something that it's not
because that's not what it is if that
was the case then if i honestly felt
that way then i would have saw what i
saw on tv as a kid and the media
portraying muslims as terrorists and i
would have never uh submitted to uh
became a muslim
because that would have never happened
if i had firmly believed that and didn't
decide to further educate myself on
these things and learn what islam is
really about and how it is the most
beautiful thing in the entire universe
there is nothing more beautiful than
islam
so what advice would you have for
someone who's dealing with the porn
addiction masturbation
like you list the pills marijuana
nicotine alcohol
just can't wait to get the next tattoo
go to the next party but they're still
unhappy they're still you know they're
tuning in right now what advice do you
have for them um you may think you're
happy going to these parties and
drinking and smoking and getting high
with your friends and smoking blunts and
and going to the bar and and hooking up
with women and this and that hubby
that is not happiness that is not
happiness i can promise you if you think
that is happiness give this a chance
give your life to god submit to god live
a life more pleasing to allah than
pleasing to yourself and i promise you
once you start living a life more
pleasing to allah you will know what
happiness is but you have to submit you
have to submit you have to pray five
times a day you gotta give up the haram
stuff it's not gonna help you it's not
gonna help you with your problems it's
gonna numb everything it's not gonna
make it go away it's gonna
put you in a deeper hole and it's gonna
make you even more depressed to a point
where you're relying on these things to
be happy you don't you don't have to sit
there and and necessarily do any of that
you shouldn't do any of that when you
submit to god and when you do submit to
god you will feel happiness you will
feel you will feel pure you will feel at
peace i used to be so depressed
that i i would be afraid to even own a
gun if i owned a gun i'd be afraid i
wouldn't know what i would do it i don't
know if i'd harm myself and i always
thought i'd have that thought in my head
but ever since i reverted to islam and
i've been at peace and i've been happy
i don't i'm no longer depressed i allah
has cured me of this depression i don't
i'm not even if i owned a gun i wouldn't
even be afraid to own a gun anymore
that's how safe i feel i've never felt
safer in my entire life and and knowing
that god is with me more than than now
and god has never abandoned me i
abandoned god but god has never
abandoned me even when i abandoned god
he still never abandoned me he took me
back
what we usually tell people is uh
because in a land of confusion in a life
of confusion and that's why people end
up going towards all of these different
artificial things and they get caught up
with the rat race of life and they put
this in their body put that on their
body and it still doesn't fill the void
you know they
have been let now and they're listening
to your story and inshallah god willing
it can be of inspiration and motivation
for them to do something very simple and
that is ask ask the creator that heavens
and earth alone for guidance and there
is a beautiful prayer
and dua
and it's something that muslims start
off their prayer with every day you know
it's del fatiha
so this uh have i know you're fairly new
to islam you took your shahada how long
ago um december 19th i had took it in
front of two of my muslim friends yeah
on december 24th on christmas eve i had
taken it i took it at masjid
are you so have you have you gotten a
chance to um to get more
to learn how to recite del fatija yes
beautiful
we use this i uh i don't mean to put you
on a spot but this as something as a
motivation for others to go ahead and to
uh if you don't mind reciting it for for
us and let them hear this and then also
we'll give the meaning and then you out
there you can also repeat these words
and you can ask because a lot of times
people like where do i start this is a
beautiful way you know you could start
in the english language you know and
hopefully build up to it after you take
your shahada but can you share the
fatiha with us
absolutely
alhamdulillah
um
may allah bless you brother
inshallah this could be a
motivation for others who've left us a
lot people are seeking uh
guidance you know um
to hear someone who's been through
the struggles you've been through
um
the transitions in life to actually now
you know reciting the quran
it's a
it's very heart touching and
beautiful i'm very happy elated and
these are
feelings of joy just listening inshallah
they can be a motivation for others
listening to you and let's not forget
the the meaning you know this is the all
praise to the creator of the heavens and
earth the master of the day of judgment
uh you alone we worship you alone we
seek for uh help guide us to the
straight path the path of those who
favor not those who've gone astray
what a beautiful beautiful way of asking
the creator of the heavens alone for god
you did that and you're here with us on
the deen show alhamdulillah
any closing words and comments you want
to share with the audience anything else
incredible about your story that uh you
thought we missed
i just want to say
don't be afraid to even don't be afraid
to open quote
and even read one surah if you read one
surah you read two surahs you're going
to want to read more you're going to
want to learn more about islam don't
listen to what the media has to say
about it don't listen to it please if it
can change my life and i can be as deep
down in a hole as i was not thinking
there was a light at the end of the
tunnel no there's a light
thank you very much for being with us
again brother may allah bless you
continue to preserve you and keep you on
the straight path in all of us inshallah
and thank you all for tuning in here to
the dean show and this was i mean if if
um you got to hear the last part this
was just very um
amazing to listen to our our brother
here you know to go through that journey
and then to
you know be reciting you know the quran
you know now waking up his friends
his brothers for
you know let's not take this dean for
granted this is something that is a
treasure and you can have it today lose
it tomorrow so hold on to it just like
you'd hold down to money you know gold
silver whatever the case stocks and
bonds and your cryptocurrency that stuff
at the end is going to be perish that's
stuff you're gonna have to leave behind
but you're dean your way of life islam
submission to the creator not the
creation that's what you got to hold on
to because that's going to transfer over
to the next life and then see the jannah
or jahannam paradise so the hellfire we
want to get to jannah inshallah
so
i may do out for you for me keep me in
your duas and we'll see you next time
here in the dean so subscribe if you
haven't already we'll see you next time
and if you i almost forgot i got a gift
for you if you're somebody out there
who'd like a free copy of the quran
and you want to learn more and you can
see
how our brother matthew how he ended up
coming to this dean go ahead and visit
the deanshow.com and get your free copy
of the quran or call us if you have any
questions 1-800-662-islam we'll see you
next time until then peace be with you
assalamu alaikum