[Music]
the dean show greetings and peace
welcome to the dean show now before a
tragic incident happens like what we saw
just recently with little Chris you know
little Chris and not too long ago also
Simone Battle xfactor Star these people
now young adults going through
Depression Did you know that depression
is something that is at all time High
you have close to 20% of high school's
students are considerably seriously
considering suicide and
that suicide is the second leading cause
of death between the ages of 10 and
24 now we thought that this was just
among adults this deep Des depression
and despair but now it's leading over to
the youth so how can we prevent someone
from jumping off a bridge from Zan Malik
leaving the bank and then you got your
daughters starting to joining the
hashtag cut for zaye we want to nip it
in the butt early that's why experts
tell us that from the ages now when the
kids are born 4 five6 start really doing
getting these parenting skills getting
the tips that are needed so we can go
ahead and be responsible parents so then
we can have responsible adults growing
up who can be an asset to society
instead of a detriment to themselves and
Society with my next guest here on the
dean show don't go anywhere we're going
to be covering this very important topic
be right
back this is the
the this is
the this is the the
this is the dean show this is the dean
show this is the Dean this is
[Music]
the have you heard of Lil Wayne yes Lil
Wayne Lil Wayne I meant Lil Chris there
there's Lil Wayne he's still alive both
rappers they still still rapping he
didn't quit the uh the industry the
lifestyle no okay what about um what
about the little you heard of little
Chris this this of course this event
that happened now and then uh I
mentioned another famous celebrity a lot
of famous cele celebrities now um I
mentioned this because now some people
like Eddie why do you have fascination
with somebody celebrity it's not that is
that we're creatures of imitation and
our youth a lot of times and even adults
we mimic a lot of the celebrity
celebrities that are out there and we
see that you know the happiness is not
there so to prevent a lot of these
things from happening how can we gain
benefit so what are some of the things
now that you your experience that you've
seen I've I I I've I've labeled the
suicide um you know the depression onise
really and we're not immune to it also
as as Muslims this has really hit home
you've seen some of these things happen
Jail uh kids ending up in jail and what
else indeed well you know the
interesting thing obviously when you
look at Islam we have this inner source
of peace if you will for those who study
Islam who are open to it and keeping
their hearts open and as a parent we
fear a lot of these same ills that are
massive and rampant throughout Society
affect our children like I've seen
Muslim children we're not immune from
any of those things whether it be going
to jail even as teenagers going to jail
as Muslims not going to jail then
becoming Muslim but actually being
raised in the Muslim household U
becoming incarcerated for some heinous
crimes um the same thing when it comes
to drugs alcohol uh denouncing Islam
totally just saying you know what I I
don't believe in it you know raising a
Muslim household and the interesting
thing is that many times as parents we
tend to feel we're doing our best or our
parenting is good or we're immune from a
lot of challenges of society because
we're Muslims and we have the truth of
Islam when that's actually not the case
now this has become something that is
soaring out of seems out of control like
same um in you know here at home where
you think now okay now I'm Muslim I'm
getting um you know um myself together
with with Islam but then I don't I'm I'm
not developing the proper skills because
you might come from a uh culture now
that you think how I raised my children
30 40 you know how I was raised 30 40
years ago now in this culture I'm going
to go ahead and Implement these things
here and it seems to backfire absolutely
I mean if you look at the world 30 40
years ago just in the advancement of
technology and how so much Fitness now
at our at our fingertips literally not
even a click but just a touch or the
internet is now with us at any moment or
think about it how many children know
their know the internet better than
their parents even know it you know what
I'm saying so what may have worked for
me when I was younger would not work for
necessarily work for the children today
and then that would also assume that I
was raised with great parents and great
parenting skills you know so if you are
for example obviously we live in the
west um many people are immigrants to
the west and their first generation so
their children are first generation born
here but they don't know the landscape
they might know back home if they're
dayy in Pakistan or India or in Jordan
or throughout the Arab world or the
Middle East or North Africa but this is
new to them this is the new landscape or
on the flip side is you have a person
who accepted Islam or converted like
myself born and raised here but then
accept Islam and I know the history of
this country and the landscape of this
country and how to maneuver better than
someone who's brand new if that makes
sense yeah you know and with our
children the challenge comes in when
when we decide to proactively parent
when we actually look at our parenting
see what our skills are what our goals
are for our children and do something
about it cuz it's one one thing to just
get advice people say you know you
should be patient be loving provide them
a great Islamic education send them to
an Islamic school and they'll be fine
just make Dua for them okay advice is
okay however I need something that's
practical how do I deal with a situation
when there are boys and girls for
example and they're coming of age and
hormones are not going you know what do
I do about um Snapchat app that children
are likely familiar with I mean you ask
your child to have a Snapchat account
and why you know you check their phones
they may have it or they may just hide
it from you you know Snapchat is kind of
the new sexting app if you will you know
because they children believe or people
believe that you can utilize the app and
then your information disappears no
matter what you send okay so whether it
be that or Instagram which I know Dean
show just started a new Instagram
account and enjoin the the social media
Revolution really getting Dean
information out there but how many are
using it for negative purposes you know
my question as a parent isn't how many
have um have right now at the time if I
count my children inner ages have four
beautiful daughters um four beautiful
sons another son on the way and and two
stepchildren so I have a big family and
they all they range from different ages
from 19 years old all the way down to
two so I have a college student all the
way down to a two-y old so I'm in ages
you know there different needs and
different ages from teenagers all the
way on down but the question is when do
children start forming their personality
and start paying attention to different
things going on in society how can we
pay attention to that as parents we know
it's incumbent in the dean to constantly
to be seeking knowledge so you have the
doctor the realtor you know the typical
professional he seeks A continuing
education to excel in his field is this
where we need to now do some sort of
continuing education to enhance our
parenting skills I believe that's imp
par Allah ordered us in Quran Allah in
the six ayat in Translation where Allah
T says oh you believe save yourselves
and your families from the fire whose
fuel is men and stone then it goes on
but to save yourself this is a command
from Allah T so we have to do what we
can and we must remember that the
prophet let us know that three things
will follow us after our death you know
and the skip to the third is the
righteous child that prays for you the
key word is a righteous child they're
not righteous not going to benefit you
you know so we have this command from
Allah T and the promise of the prophet
of course it's imper it's imperative on
us because no matter how much risk or
how much money we make when it comes to
um being a realtor or physician and all
the rest of this and we have all the
toys the toys aren't what's going to
eventually save you that's not um what
all lot to Allah values and to think
about it just as you open the show you
mention these suicide people who are
millionaires all to me they have all the
toys all the things around them but they
have this emptiness inside and
alhamdulillah we know that Islam feels
that so we'll go into insh T some some
different techniques to look for and to
look at but ultimately we have to decide
to be proactive parents to make sure our
skills are just as Keen as outside
skills for a job or a career or for our
physical health because again this is a
path to Jenna and Allah t g has given us
these children as an AM Mana so we must
F fulfill that trust with that trust
we're going to be right back so we can
empower the youth at a young age so they
don't end up thinking about Sin suicide
let alone committing it or ending up in
jail or any other thing that will end up
not benefiting them us or Society we'll
be right back with more here on the dean
show please subscribe to the dean show
follow us on our official Facebook and
Twitter pages in The Links below please
also help support the dean show by
making a donation in the link
[Music]
below back here on the dean show you
have a lot of parents who will come to
the imom to the Sha to someone who's
qualified to give advice and now once
the ship is sailed they'll come and
they'll say can you uh fix my child can
you say something they think that okay
I'm going to say some magic words some
Dua and all of a sudden he's going to be
a student have you have you witnessed
this unfortunately too many times um and
what it comes to is a parent has lost
influence and what I suggest and what we
teach obviously outstanding most a
parents is that we have to utilize our
influence and our roles effectively for
example when our children are born they
newborns they look up to the parents
we're all they have we're their best
friends we're everything for them right
they look up to us what we do they
imitate when we're offering Salat
they're trying to offer Salat with us
and all of these different things and we
get happy about it we have huge
influence and if you look at it like a
circle when our children are young we
have this big circle of influence the
parents are the most influential and we
consider that one of the three C's or
what call the celebrity they they look
up to us as parents as celebrities so
first we have to be that role model okay
as children get older that sphere of
influence increases now they meet
different uncles aunts grandparents
friends different Society once they get
to Television Internet then it's the
media so this spere of influence grows
however if the parent hasn't went deep
or dug into their child touched their
hearts then the parents influence tend
to shrink so that's when they go to a
Sheikh or someone else and say come talk
to this child now that happened to me
when I was younger so before I'd accept
Islam people say Hey you know you need
to talk to this boy he's on the wrong
path and I was Raising Christian School
kindergarten 10th grade I saw more drugs
going on there more sexual and illicit
relationships going on inside this
Christian School where parents were
thinking that you know they were giving
high quality of education and that
children would be righteous when it was
the exact opposite unfortunately the
same type of thinking is going on with
Muslim parents they think hey if I send
them to an Islamic school hey they'll
come out okay like as though we're
putting them in an assembly line on one
end and they just pop out these ideal
Muslim citizens which again isn't the
case so when it comes to influence as
parents we have to know how to touch
their hearts we have to go deep we have
to love them but at the same time we
have to make sure we are being these
practicing Muslims that we want our
children to be so if you're not offering
Salat it's kind of hard to tell your
child to offer Salah yes you know being
that celebrity so we have to lead by
example first then we could have to find
out when to go strong with them as in
developing their insights um what are
they liking what are their likes you
know it's not Haram for them to get
involved with sports to do something
physical but at the same time we have to
be feeding their mind on I'm a Muslim we
have to build up their Islamic identity
see the only reason I wear a koffy
because I was learning Islam earlier is
the k is even from Islam however it's
associated with being Muslim the only
reason I wear it is really in solidarity
with our sisters who have to wear thear
when they go out and have to be covered
properly so that they know there's a
Muslim around if they need some type of
help or when other people are asking to
have my beard I'm mus they are you
Muslim yeah you know that's one of the
ways they recognize me not again that
even has anything to do with Islam
because it was worn prior to but that
Islamic identity and Muslim identity I
want to be an example for my children on
who we are because obviously when they
look up to celebrities whether it be the
Zay malet cut for Zayn or what what have
you they're looking up to someone to
emulate but they don't know their
feelings or their thoughts or their
concept all they see is this public
Persona that get puts out just like DC
Comics coming up with their um gay
superhero like why would sexuality have
anything to do with these superheroes
and these stories they're putting in in
children other than to program a prop
and propagate propaganda so we as
parents have to be aware of this it's
not something that's just oh they're
just little kids right right now the
more we think they're little kids right
now and they're not processing and their
brain neurons aren't firing off the more
we're doing a disservice and on the
negative side where now as our children
grow older and they don't want off they
don't want to do these Islamic things or
think that's uncool we begin to look at
our paring and say you know I should
have done better could have done better
but insert any excuse that you wish one
part of continuing education for me is
sometimes connecting and talking to some
of the youth to see some of the
challenges and you just get blown away
sometimes when they tell you some of the
story and they'll open up they feel
comfortable and they'll tell you really
you know because you kind of get uh
isolated doing your own thing and you
get disconnected but then you get
reconnected with the youth so is that
one of the things really having an open
communication with your children that
they can come to you they trust you not
that every time they want to come to you
and just say this is Haram this not with
explaining it and you know really harsh
with them and not having this this
openness that you can communicate
effectively great part is um mothers are
more emotionally balanced to be able to
deal with the children and and face the
fact when they're younger mothers are
the ones who are around their children
more more often than not okay so being
able to come to them and being more
approach where as a mother it's huge of
course as a father it is as well but
usually children go to mother you know
in general generally speaking now you of
course you have to be approachable if
you're not approachable they're going to
go find find it somewhere else find
somebody who's lending an ear we don't
know what their intentions are it could
be some boy you have a daughter but it's
some boy that's willing to lend an ear
and tell her how beautiful she is and
how this is okay and so on and so forth
so the main thing is communication
that's that second C or that Confidant
where you have to teach your children
how to be able to read between the lines
because you have to teach them if you
see a commercial coming on I saw a
commercial during a Super Bowl a few
years ago and or playoffs or something
and it was a Pepsi commercial a soda
commercial but during the soda
commercial they had they showed tanks
and they showed um the soldiers just
throwing different cases and they show
people at home and they're all smiling
and they're wearing the red white and
blue and all of this conditioning in a
matter of a 30 second commercial and I
asked my children you know what was that
about and I heard their opinions I said
you know really it's about programming
and what's going on in the Middle East
in the Muslim world and how we need to
support our troops and so on and so
forth because that in my opinion was the
message they were sending with this
little tidbit as though as happy as fine
support your
team enjoy Pepsi and look at what we're
doing to mid East for our soldiers so to
get you riled up in these emotions we
have to be smart enough as parents to
help our children read between the lines
so that they'll come to us when they
have questions and they'll trust our
Insight because at first they may not
believe you when you tell them what's
going on in the real world cuz we're in
this Muslim bubble if you will but as
they meet more people and as their
circle of influence grows and they may
go to school or college they come across
people they come across things that will
shock them and we can't shelter our
children from that we just prepare them
islamically because the world is the
world there's Beauty in it there's
ugliness in it we have to do what we can
to make sure that Foundation is strong
and they're strong with their Muslim
personality know that the source of true
peace and success is Islam and there is
there are methods and ways with which to
do that insh we can give some tangible
stuff some tangible things that people
can leave off of the program uh and then
also you have some of your your
materials but before we we um when we
come back from break you give us some
more tangible things that we can they
can leave with after the show Good okay
we'll be right back for more here on the
dean show don't go anywhere please
subscribe to the dean show follow us on
our official Facebook and Twitter pages
in The Links below please also help
support the dean show by making a
donation in the link
[Music]
below welcome back to the dean show so
much to cover we're just giving some
tidbits so we can nib it as I said in
the bud so we can help prevent the
children from falling into becoming
despondent into despair suicide drugs
promiscuity immorality insanity
parenting the right way from an early
age and you have so much I mean there
just so much going on out there and the
parent says look um guys I I you know
work two jobs uh my wife's working we
come home now we're fried uh and they
just put the TV on and the kid sitting
next to the TV and just till he falls
asleep maybe get some homework done I
can't what I got to get I got to get
paid unfortunately it goes to values
values and priorities what you say and
these days it's not even necessarily TV
you can just throw Netflix on stream
something on TV or the internet you know
what I want to talk about though um cuz
I asked people say you know I'm going on
a Dean show what would you like me to
discuss and one was really discipline
you know they talked about stubbornness
and a lot of different things one is
discipline and it's very important that
we understand discipline discipline is
really twofold because Islam is
discipline when you think of Islam we
pray five times a day we know when we
have to pray we know what we have to say
in each ra right we know how to fast how
what surur is what time we get the fast
what time we rush forar we know all of
these things we know Hajj and Haj is not
easy but Islam is discipline right there
are things that we can do things that
we're not to do and so on so we have
this system in place and similarly with
discipline we haveen to understand as a
parent discipline does not equate just
equaling punishment many times think
that child needs to be disciplined but
when you think of an athlete who is
strong who is very well he's very
disciplined M okay private school is
more disciplined as opposed to public
school sometimes I mean I went to
private school and actually it really is
when it comes to educational Styles and
so on but the main thing is as a parent
we have to be first of all disciplined
disciplined in our parenting can't be
lazy you have to be proactive but here's
what I mean by discipline 90% of
discipline with our children is training
discipline 10% would be corrective
discipline which is sometimes people
call punishment for example so the
training discipline is like when we're
the coach or that third SE we're we're
cheerleading them we're showing them how
to offer Salah we're having different
discussion with them we're picking their
brains and asking questions because when
you ask questions you have to listen as
opposed to don't do this can't do that
but now your child knows what you want
to hear not want to hear and can avoid
you and give you what you want in this
pace while out in public they have a
whole different face okay so training
discipline but when we get to corrective
discipline here's the
challenge there are different ways to do
it now sometimes you know I'm sure
you've seen at the Masid children just
running around running around wild
acting like they have no home training
um parents not doing anything about it
and so on Mas can be there can be a time
and a place for playing and wrestling
and so on it's like the prophet used to
do you know the Mas they should be
raised around the Masid however there
are there's a Code of Conduct and
etiquette that must go along with it so
when people ask me about discipline say
you know one of the first things I do
for example my children that is
effective is a stare it could
be someone's not acting right and I get
their attention I just do a stare let
them know get in line settle down relax
behave properly appropriately Next Level
may be raising your voice you know
because if I'm talking with you I'm
Eddie Eddie now of course I don't have
any sons or anything a Eddie but just
raising a voice to get their attention
now if you're always yelling and
screaming do the opposite because when
you get quiet if you're a screamer and
you get quiet as a mother and I'm kind
of saying this a lot of times the ladies
yell or they they might go off is to be
quiet change your physiology do
something different change your pattern
the children are familiar with their
pattern oh Mom's just is yelling again
but now M's getting quiet now I must be
serious so you might Raise Your Voice
you can Elevate all the way and one of
the things I really like is conditioning
so whether doing burpees or push-ups and
you know being in mixed martial arts
that many times when you're straining
your body your body's concentrating
lactic acid is building up then you
their brain has more time to concentrate
now so now you can speak with a child
that might be in a horse position and
Kung a Kung Fu horse position or push-up
position or after getting done with some
burpees and they're they're really
breathing you're conditioning and
strength in their body while you're
trying to get through to their mind all
the way to the point that people say of
spanking now here's a challenge so
people say oh no you shouldn't spank at
slam should have physical physical th
now there is such thing as abuse I was
abused as a child you know I was
physically abused as a child and when I
was a child said you know when I get
older I'll never whoop my children and
all this kind of stuff yeah that's out
the window there's a time and a place
for it when something is an intentional
total disrespectful way out of order and
so on and that's to be something to get
them back in line there's a time and
place for that and the reason I say
there's a time and place for that
because the prophet said teach your
children to pray at seven if not then to
hit them at 10 you know so some people
say translate as hit them or spank them
or some say beat them I don't like the
word beat because specifically in
English Beat has a a whole different
definition okay than maybe someone who's
a foreigner but there are these
different stages and the prophet
wouldn't allow something or say
something that even though he may not
have practiced it that wouldn't be
allowed okay very very important but
that's extreme cases because you can
quickly and easily abuse and go AB above
and beyond the authority you have as a
parent and all of a sudden now you have
to answer to Allah tal for that you have
to answer to Allah's trust why that's
abuser how did you abuse that when I
sent the perfect example the prophet
wasallam to deal with it now the
difference is when we were raised 30
years ago 20 years ago this technology
wasn't the same as it is today 100 years
ago even I mean from not flying in
planes or having new planes and before
colored TVs what technology has allowed
this world people say many times W as a
village now you can get stuff at your
fingertips which is so true so we have
to ingrain our Islamic personality in
our children so that we can have this
Bond of trust with them one of the ways
of course is to understand discipline
the other is to start young we ask
questions we look at people like
Al who accepted Islam before he was 10
years old and how these people were
treated as men as early teens and the
prophet regularly accepted a person at a
man at 15 years old to go and fight in
different battles we think of 15 year
olds today and they're like big kids so
there's not really a rights of Passage
program so what we like what we've done
without saying whle parents of course we
wrote it in the book musles Parenting on
Purpose and and different products to
really just share specific strategy when
it comes to building men who are
masculine who are at the same time
working towards being providers and
they're looking at examples of Heroes
you you have these companions
these you have so many different
examples of people who will be
considered legendary if they just just
take one of these Companions and and put
it in a movie it' be like a legend where
they have to really go so far make up
and embellish so many stories in general
Hollywood I'm talking about to have this
one big heroic fictional story like the
William Wallace Braveheart movie people
loved it but it was mostly fiction where
you can look at what we did in Islam
like Muhammad Alat and so on to really
help build this Islamic character um in
our children and the strive for it but
we have to be proud of it first as
parents we can't hide our Islam hide our
Dean cuz ultimately we are going to
return to Allah tal so seeking dun is
permissible but don't trade that for
your tell
us you know very very crucial yeah so we
talked about these different aspects
another thing we got to go but I just
watched a very very good documentary I
really recommend because another thing
that also um doesn't help is the kind of
um diet that the kidss are obesity On
The Rise Fed Up have you seen this
doctor F just watched it two days ago uh
yeah and and we feeding our children
poison basically and this is affecting
them you know not only physically
mentally and uh this is another thing
that we need to get up on also isn't it
absolutely I mean uh there's some
several documentaries I mean living on a
dollar a day to help us be grateful to
see how people living on a dollar a day
okay you know most of the world actually
I think it's about 60% of the world
earns less than $2 a day M so to teach
gratefulness to our you know very very
important um of course Fed Up of course
with parenting and what we're doing to
our children unknowingly and unwittingly
with these processed foods you have the
Gerson Miracle when it comes to eating
naturally and actually being healthy you
have there's so many that are Ben
beneficial we must remember Prophet said
that there are two things that we waste
more than anything else health and spare
time and all all of these are components
now to live a good wholesome uh
successful life and what you are also
doing how can people now we gave them a
little taste to nipping in the bud but
how can people get a hold of you and
also um get some of this alhamdulillah
yeah thank you um what I want to do
actually for all Dean so show viewers
first off is I here's my book called mus
Muslims Parenting on Purpose and what I
want to do is give all of your viewers
opportunity to get it for free now
normally retails in $ 17.95 in Barnes &
Noble and a numerous bookstores and what
I'll do is if you go to um outstanding
mus appearance.
tv/ deow I will give it to you for free
you just have to pay shipping so
anywhere in the world um you just have
to go ahead and pay shipping and I I'll
send you the book where we go through um
the three C's and a lot of parenting
tips and at the same time we have an
audio program as well for those who may
drive a lot or want to just go ahead and
put it on their smartphone or tablet
it's a 6 CD course um that we get deep
into as well and of course any Dean show
individually we put whatever discounts
we have a six week course where we
created a television show um went
through an entire season for television
show on parenting specifically and so we
address a number of different things and
that we go deep whether it be dealing
with music and entertainment when it's
dealing with discipline and sports and
history and really building culture in
our children and that's um called a six
week outstanding parenting home study
course we have it on DVD as well as
online but one of the best ways to get
in contact with us is outstanding Muslim
parents. TV or of course watch the dean
show and get their special link so I can
send you something for free inshah thank
you very much with USU thank you
thank you and thank you for tuning in to
the dean show these are great reminders
for everybody including myself you know
having children and then we all just get
caught up into the different activities
that we're doing work and business and
and many of the priorities that we have
in our lives but as uh the Hadith that
is you know very important Our Guest had
mentioned that the things that we leave
behind because we're going to leave this
D behind and one of them skipping to the
third is a righteous child so to go
ahead and prevent as I open up the show
with the extreme examples of the suicide
rates amongst children the depression
and some of these celebrities that
people are imitating them going to the
top then plummeting down way to the
bottom and then our guests are giving
some great examples now of children just
going towards drugs and alcohol and
ending up in jail so now if we invest in
this Priceless investment now now we get
reminded from the program we can go back
have a great communication not abusing
our children no but communicating being
the celebrity us being the celebrity
role models in their lives and doing
things the proper way so they can be an
asset to society they can grow to be
positive good human beings and make a
difference in the world subscribe if you
haven't already to the dean show now you
can join us also on the Instagram share
our shows follow us on Facebook Twitter
we'll see you next time God willing
until then peace be with you please
subscribe to the D show follow us on our
official Facebook and Twitter pages in
The Links below please also help support
the dean show by making a donation in
the link below