all
[Music]
in the name of Allah the beneficent the
most merciful I'd like to welcome you
dear viewers to another in our Series in
the light of
Islam this program from sh television is
dedicated for you dear
viewers answering your questions
concerning
Islam in this segment of our program we
continue to look at some of the many
questions which were sent in by students
at the Oxford school in
Dubay the next question which they sent
in is uh is it haram for a guy to go out
with a girl and vice versa actually we
looked at that earlier when we talked
about issues of girlfriend and
boyfriends so this is where uh the basis
uh of it being Haram lies the whole
issue of that relationship a boy and
girl going out well if they're brother
and sister no problem
if they're brother and sister right if
they're uncle and niece or aunt and
nephew you
know these circumstances where marriage
is impossible there's no possibility of
any relationships developing of that
type then it's permissible but even
so
uh one still has to take a certain
amount of precaution
because young people are still young
people and if they're particularly
influenced by you know the
Western uh influences which are coming
at us through the movies the television
the the magazines the the novels and all
the kind of things where you can't find
any kind of movie for example today
which doesn't have some kind of love
scenes you know and these love scenes
are love scenes of
fornication you know adultery you know
basically that's what is being promoted
in these movies I mean no matter what
movie you find today it could be an
action movie they talk about action
movies where you know there's either
it's uh military you know combat people
are fighting in war or it's some you
know gangsters and chasing gangsters
whatever whatever kind of movie action
movie a lot of shooting killing all this
kind of thing I mean that's bad enough
but in spite of all of that you must
have love scenes you know it's got to be
somehow the hero is going to fall in
love with this one or she falls in love
with him or something like this is it's
there and they're not married and you're
not talking about marriage and it's you
know the corruption is
throughout you can even find in the
cartoons like the movie which was made
the animated movie
ants they became very very popular about
some ants in a colony and I don't I
remember the details of it
someone has to leave and go looking for
something or the other whatever but you
know this young guy he wanted uh he
wanted to to to marry the princess but
he was from the lower levels or
whatever but there's a this is a love
scene it's a love story ants was a love
story and they get and they end up
kissing two ants kissing as is the
little kids are watching this what is
being promoted here I mean there was
adventure and so on so going on in the
movie but there is this
undercurrent message
of sexual relations you know of male
female relations love falling in love
you know and we're not talking about
marriage here we're talking about just
falling in love and kissing each other
and holding each other and all these
kind of things which is of course Haram
in ISL Islam clearly Haram but for the
West it's innocent nothing wrong the
little boy kiss the little girl in
school and no no no there is plenty
wrong this is the beginning of
fornication and this is why fornication
is so rampant and of course now people
of course from the Western perspective I
mean they don't they look at it as being
innocent why because you know they have
been involved in sexual activity from
the time they're in the early team some
of them even before their teens are
involved in it they've done surveys for
example Now in America where they're
finding kids in Primary
School 9 years old 10 years old are
involved in sexual
activity so a society which has accepted
that that's become a norm it's not
surprising that you're going to find it
in everything that they produce
virtually I mean maybe there's some
exceptions with National Geographic or
you something like this and even there
you still have to be care careful
because sometimes they may throw in
something of that in there you know on
you but in general that's what's coming
at young people and if this is the
environment which is open to them and
you know we're not monitoring what
they're reading what they're seeing what
they're you know doing then they have
been exposed to this they're growing up
with it and they have these feelings so
a boy and a girl going
out what are they going out
for that is the first steps for Haram so
in Islam we'll say it's Haram don't go
out next question is love marriage
allowed in Islam if not then how much
interaction is allowed before they get
married the question is love marriage
allowed in Islam what does that
mean uh they're
asking can you marry the person you love
or who you're falling in love with of
course
Islam doesn't say that you cannot marry
somebody who you fallen in love
with it doesn't prohibit that meaning
that you saw somebody for you know
whatever Allah's will not that you you
know were in some Haram situation but
you saw somebody somebody caught your
eye whatever who you felt attracted to
you felt some feeling for and you sought
to marry that person by honorable means
by going going to the parents and
talking to them and expressing your
desire for marriage etc etc and that's
perfectly legitimate and if that the
other partner the other person you know
saw you and they are also attracted and
so and so and that you're both attracted
to each other and you marry on that
basis this is perfectly legitimate Islam
does not oppose quote unquote love
marriage meaning that you're supposed to
marry without no any love being there
there should not be any feelings of
love but you know again when we say
feelings of love what do we mean here I
think in reality what we're talking
about is attraction that people are
attracted because I mean what is love
how do you define Love Is Love something
which I mean you see somebody you say I
fell saw the person fell in love with
them right away is that love really I
mean or is love something which develops
in time time with relationships people
struggling together you know working out
their differences going through all the
negatives the and the positives together
and out of that comes a a a a bond
between the two people which we now can
legitimately call love the other thing
is just attraction infatuation you know
people uh have movie Idols they fall in
love with them Sports Idols they fall in
love with them is it really love you
know so what we're talking about when we
saying about a love
relationship obviously we're not talking
about that bond which comes really from
living
together we're talking about attraction
can people marry those who they're
attracted to of course Prophet M
wasallam said look go and see the one
that you want to
marry because it's better for you to put
something good in your heart towards the
person it's better you should marry the
person you're attracted to if your
father brings you somebody and says
listen this person want you to marry you
know this person your cousin or whoever
you know this person who friend of ours
and so you see this person you're not
attracted or similarly you know the boys
are told listen you know this is uh one
of your relatives you know your aunt she
wants you to marry her daughter and so
on thisen you know or uh there's
somebody who's a friend of ours and you
see her and you're not attracted the
Islam say you should go ahead and marry
because your parents want you to marry
no Islam does not say that at all if you
don't feel any attraction for the person
you shouldn't marry
them no matter of course Prophet
Muhammad wasallam had said that people
are married for four things their
beauty their
wealth their
family uh
status and for piety
righteousness being good Muslims being
religious he said marry for that reason
make that the primary
reason however he didn't say nullify
everything else meaning if somebody
comes who's Pious God-fearing just marry
them even though you're not attracted no
Islam is not saying that at all no if
you're not attracted don't marry the
person because this is somebody you're
going to be living with for the rest of
your your life and if you don't feel any
attraction you don't feel any feelings
towards them then to put yourself into
that situation is to put yourself in a
situation which will become very
uncomfortable in
time
so the idea of marrying where there is
attraction no Islam supports
it how much
time does a person have to interact well
there's no time limit set you know um if
an intention for marriage has been given
you and the uh the prospective groom or
bride meet and you talk in the presence
of the fathers the mothers you know
somebody else you're not alone you talk
you see each other you may speak you may
communicate and if you feel a need to
meet a second time in those in the
presence not on your own not that the
parents agreed okay everything's okay
now you can go out together no
no because the fact that there's an
agreement for marriage that doesn't mean
now that you can go out together uh be
alone together you know all the things
which you spoke about as being Haram as
boyfriend and girlfriend now it is okay
because marriage has been proposed and
accepted parents have accepted the idea
and they say Okay a year from now you
can get married so now you can be
boyfriend and girlfriend no it's not
there's not none of that in Islam when a
prop proposal is
accepted then the steps for marriage
should begin if they don't begin if it's
being delayed then you
remain uh
separate as you were before until such
time as the steps begin to be taken for
the actual marriage nothing becomes
Halal for you simply because your
parents uh have
accepted uh Beyond of course meeting
each other in the presence of one of the
parents that's still
permissible the next
question why are mixed dinners Haram
even among
grown-ups well mixed
dinners mixed dinners
meaning a man his wife another man his
wife other men and their wives we sit
around at the table and we eat
together it could be me and my brothers
and our
wives so there's a relationship between
the men or it could be sisters and their
husbands so there's a relationship
between the women but it is still a
mixed Gathering we sit around at the
table now when we sit at the table what
is happening we're going to converse
we're going to talk is it just me and my
wife or and me and my brothers we going
to talk no I'm going to talk with my
brother's wife and my friend's wife and
the other's wife and we're talking we're
friendly and so on so we're developing
relationships and when we're talking
we're looking at each
other so we are involved now in uh
putting ourselves in a situation of
Haram because of course you talk and
you're trying to be friendly and you're
looking and something can come in your
heart from these uh contacts Etc
adultery this is the foundation for
adultery this will promote adultery of
course again you know when one is
bombarded or one is raised in a western
environment one would say what this is
innocent you know people do this all the
time you know in fact in the west it's
quite common you and your wife you go
over to visit the neighbor you know when
you greet meet them at the door you go
kiss the neighbor's wife and the
neighbor kisses your
wife that's Norm in many societies I'm
not saying maybe everywhere in America
but you know this the norm in Canada
where I grew up this what people did
they went to you know they greeted each
other this
way but what is that this is the basis
for adultery though the intention may
not be there at all people are very
innocent just just you know this is just
a friendly
gesture how many friendly
gestures were
misinterpreted or
people making a friendly gesture
set something going it's only friendly
we're only shaking hands we're only
kissing cheeks but in doing that
somebody does it and they get a feeling
something happens they feel something
you know and something starts that's all
it
takes so this in Islam is
forbidden so it's not allowed to sit
around in a gathering where the men and
the women are looking and chatting and
talking this is this is the formula for
adultery and fornication that is the
formula for it
now where you know um you may have for
example a lesson being given somebody's
invited to come in and give a talk then
he gives the talk among the men and the
women may be together listening in
another room or in the back or whatever
they're sitting together and they can
listen in and they can ask questions so
as they're hearing each other Etc but
it's not a
relationship there are not relationships
being developed there this is a
situation of lecturing or educational uh
circumstances the question why can't a
boy and girl be alone in a
room well of course we looked at that
before we said this is why uh we said
boy for and girlfriend relationships are
not allowed you know even uh where your
friend they're not even boyfriend and
girlfriend but you know your son wants
to go help your neighbor's daughter who
is studying in the same level she needs
some help in her homework so they go to
her room and the door is closed
forbidden we said the only circumstance
where this would be permissible if the
if your son goes over and the father or
the mother is there sitting right
between them and he explains how this is
done or something like
this it's just you know helping as if
the parents can't do it themselves right
so a circumstance like this yeah
permissible but for to go and be alone
in the room we said the prophet muham
wasallam said the third is Satan and
that's why Satan Whispers into the a of
one whilst they're just doing their
homework isn't he cute or isn't she cute
hm I like the way she looks this and
that you know Satan Whispers into their
ears thoughts ideas into their hearts
and relationships develop and they end
up in some kind of fornication so this
is why Islam are uh forbids male and
females to be alone together and this
includes us as adults you know to have a
secretary for example many of us in our
jobs we are maybe managers or whatever
we have a secretary secretary comes in
to take notes the door is closed you and
the secretary you're dictating
notes
now you might think okay it's innocent I
don't have any intentions the secretary
comes she's just I'm just dictating the
notes and maybe for the first week the
first month first six months the first
year nothing happens but all it takes is
once you're in a weak position you had
some fight at home you feel feel bad
about your wife you know why is she like
this and you come in and you're
dictating to your secretary and all of a
sudden thoughts are coming into your
head H she looks nice Satan is putting
thoughts into your head feeding you now
because you're in a SP you're in a
you're in a vulnerable situation now so
somebody who you weren't even
considering before now you start to
consider and you being alone with her
that's the formula for
disaster so Islam forbids it it doesn't
say when you have that feeling that's
the time you have to stop no because who
knows when it happens it could happen
the very first time she came in your
room similarly as a secretary you should
know with men who work as a secretary
you need to work with a female
boss that's the best thing for you do
not work with a male boss or at the
least if you have to take notes from a
mail that the door is open you know uh
you're not alone where people can't see
you it is an open situation which is
going to discourage any kind of you know
uh relationship from developing and the
best way really the most proper way is
that you work for a female boss that you
don't work for a male boss that's the
best thing and for men better that you
have a male secretary that's the best
thing that protects you protects your
religion your
honor your position before
God the last question of these questions
about intermingling and these kind of
things is why aren't girls allowed to go
out as frequently as boys and these are
students questions we said from the
Oxford school in Dubai why aren't girls
allowed to go out as frequently as boys
well uh parents is a general double
standard that parents uh will have
they're much more careful about the
girls than the
boys of course is a mistake because the
problem can arise for both but because
if a girl makes a mistake she gets
pregnant that something will what do you
do after that whereas if the boy makes
the mistake he can always come back and
it doesn't show it hasn't affected him
in that sense so people tend to be much
more laxed with the boys and careful of
about the girls but really care needs to
be taken about both because the world
out there today unfortunately is a very
corrupt world and so many of our
children are being corrupted and growing
up in corrupt
States and this is the same thing when
it comes to setting up for example
Islamic schools you'll find in
communities where Muslims or minorities
they will focus on girl schools we need
to get a school for the girls you know
make sure the girls are protected and so
on so we don't want we the hijab and all
these different kind of things so we
have these girls going through schools
and and learning the proper thing proper
etiquette and Islam and everything and
they graduate you know good Muslim girls
and then who are they going to marry
these boys who have been going to the
state schools who had girlfriends and be
you know having all these relationships
going to discos and parties and all
these kind of things so now you're
saying okay now you got to get married
and who is there for her to marry but a
corrupt individual who is you know as we
say corrupt to the
bone this is a
mistake if you want because that
marriage is the marriage of disaster
either he's going to corrupt her or he's
going to beat her or he's going to abuse
her or whatever this is the consequence
but so we should not and triy our best
to avoid double
standards what is dangerous for the
girls is dangerous for the
boys with that dear viewers I'd like to
thank you for being with us in this
segment of our program in the light of
Islam you may write in to me uh through
email by contacting me on my website
belal phillips.com that's b i l a l p i
l i ps.com go to the guest book leave a
message mention that you'd like it
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example or you may uh Fox to me in
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