de this is the
de this is the dean show this is the
dean
show alhamdulillah Alum peace be with
you I'm ad your host and you made it for
another week of the dean show and in the
studio this week is a man with a lot of
experience he's in town and we want to
talk to him we want to pick his brain we
want to discuss Family Life many of us
have family thinking about having
families and we want to be able to keep
them together while many families are
breaking apart we want to give some
advice so we can keep those families
that maybe are on the verge of breaking
apart we can keep them together and give
some advice for those that are going
good where they cannot and how they
cannot go wrong so when we come back we
got a surprise for you in the dean show
Studio I'll reveal that when we come
back here on the dean show this is the
dean the de
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the this is the
the
the this is the
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the this is
the this is the this is the
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this is
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the is
theam peace be with you thank you see I
wanted to keep the surprise shik
Muhammad
sley is that right yes MSA now you're
one of the
first here in in the Americas no you've
been here for a long time how long
you've been an Imam in in the United
States what 40 50 years no not yet not
I'm close to 40 plus but 40 plus years
but I've been 33 years now approximately
doing the same work alhamdulillah and
the surprise that not only doing the
same work I've been the IM in my
location the last location since 1980
1980 the Imam and the director of the
Islamic Center of Colombia South
Caroline well it's a pleasure it's been
a long time you were we haven't had you
on a DE show for quite some time it's a
pleasure to have you back thank you I'm
glad to be here it's my pleasure also
now you know we cater to a lot of
non-muslims okay and that's our audience
we're broadcasting out of Chicago and
people tune in and before we want to
break some ice do you mind and I know
you you you you're a laidback gentleman
Imam shake so for the not yet Muslims
that tune in they see the beard and they
say you know what they just watch Fox
News and they turn to this they say
that's the guy
it's not
me not me they might hook you up with
somebody from Afghanistan or Ben Laden
this that and the other what do you got
to say this is fine I'm a Muslim and I'm
proud to be a Muslim and this is part of
the way how a Muslim supposed to look
all right maybe some of it is
recommended some of them is must like
growing the beard is part of our Dean
I'm not embarrassed to say I'm a Muslim
and I have the honor to grow my beard to
try to imitate is the prophet sallallahu
alaihi wasallam I'm wearing a kofy
wearing a th okay does not mean a every
Muslim have to wear a th but is better
to distinguish himself to be a piece of
dawa invitation for others because if
you are in the middle of the airport and
you don't know what you get to you go to
Abus and has something say information
so when somebody see you in the train
walk in the street he will know that you
are a Muslim he will be ready to
approach you ask you about Islam instead
of seeing somebody else with a suit and
tie I'm not saying something wrong with
the suit and tie but he's going to maybe
have 5% idea maybe you are a Muslim but
somebody will see me they will have
99.9% this a Muslim I can ask him about
Islam okay now the non Muslim but I'm
not Badin yeah so now someone comes up
to you and says you know what they they
they come up to you and they see you and
they say you know what that's a Muslim I
want to come straight straight to him
and I'm sure you get a lot of not uh not
yet Muslims non-muslims who come up to
you and this one in particular says you
know what does your religion teach that
you got
to have the Jews or Christians accept
Islam or you kill them okay is this what
your religion teaches no we don't we
have something in Islam
called you could not force anybody to
accept the religion but we are commanded
to give da we invite the people we care
for them because our Dean telling us
whosoever dies without accepting oness
of almighty God and the finality of the
Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alaihi
wasallam he will be among the Dwellers
of Hellfire so when I'm giving them dawa
talking to them communicating to them
dialoguing with them is because I have
love for them I care for them and I want
mercy and blessing to happen to them now
if you were living during the time of
Jesus Jesus peace be
we believe was one of the mightiest
messengers of God is this correct so now
if if we were living during his Reign
his prophethood did you have to accept
him as the messenger of God and the
Oneness of God otherwise you're going to
be in some deep trouble exactly exactly
is it the same thing of course the same
thing about who the prophet muss Prophet
ibraim you have to submit yourself to
the will of God that mean accept the
almighty the Creator as the only deity
to worship and to accept accept and
acknowledge the messenger that he sent
that he's there for you okay so with
that said now but denying the prophet
Muhammad Sall Al since he already came
denying the prophet Muhammad sallallahu
alaihi wasallam mean denying Jesus also
and deny in Moses and denying Jesus and
Moses as you deny the Creator is the
choice that he SED Allah the prophet so
you deny him that mean you denying the
command of God so if we say we don't
believe in Jesus we don't love and rever
Jesus then we're not Muslim no we are
not Muslims this is a fact but we
believe in Jesus as a prophet of
almighty God as the messenger of
almighty God not as a Son of God not a
part of God not equal to God not the
third of three this is yes we believe in
Jesus messenger of Allah prophet of
Allah born from the Virgin Mary okay
that he has no father he has a mother
that he's a sign a miracle that God
Almighty send him and revealed to him
this our belief about Jesus we love him
and we believe in the second coming of
Jesus this amazing this another topic of
itself but we want to get into the main
topic family life okay we want to talk
about what I had mentioned earlier in
the show that you know many it's a it's
a high statistic people are getting
married to get divorced people are
getting married and you know what
they're having a hard time keeping the
marriage together so in general
what advice would you give
for the husband and wife to be able to
work because you have a lot of
experience I'm sure in the 40 plus years
you've had a lot of sit Downs with
couples is this right of course yeah so
what's like the number one problem
what's the what's the almost every day
yes what's the number one problem that
people come to you to complain husband
or
wife it's different types of problems
but you see first of all before I
discuss this issue about problems and
family life and things like this there
is a quotation that some Muslims believe
that to be a s of the prophet and is
very important clarify this to the
listeners especially the
Muslims the most headful thing to Allah
which is lawful is the divorce this not
a quotation or a statement of the
Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam does
not mean we say Islam teach you or
encourage you to divorce your wife but
attaching this statement to the Prophet
this is not correct this is something I
would like to start with okay and I
think that we if is it is this not
authentic or is this something it's not
authentic no it's not authentic okay but
Islam
doesn't forbid divorce and at the same
time Islam doesn't encourage divorce so
we are not saying regardless whatever
happened between and the husband even if
they about to shoot shoot each other in
the head I don't know sometimes they
shoot in the head sometimes they this
this is all over the news you hear like
crazy we hear okay but this not Islam is
saying no when it comes to this you
understand it's better that everybody go
to his way and even depart in the good
way in good way so Islam allows divorce
if there is a needs for divorce but the
statement is not correct but let's go to
the problem the problem start with why
you going to marry this woman who why
you already choosing this man let's hold
off right there we're going to take a
break and we'll be right back with the
answer to this question here on the dean
show Islam is the fastest growing
religion in the world and most of the
converts are women not men they see that
the rules of Islam instead of
constraining them the rules set them
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free this is the the
okay you've got your dream home and
you've got your dream car but you're
going to get old and things are going to
happen to you in your life and then what
have you got at the end of the day it's
an empty dream that has no real
Foundation we are going to die and we're
going to meet our Lord and he is going
to judge us it becomes an obligation for
each single human being to find out what
the Quran is Islam is telling us to stay
away from things which are bad for your
person and bad for the
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society killing of innocent human beings
human life is precious back here on the
dean show with Imam shik Muhammad sley
so before we left off you talked about a
common quotation that's attributed to
the last and final messenger peace be
upon him you said this is not authentic
yes how about the one that says that the
The Throne of Allah shakes at The
Happening of divorce this not authentic
and we shouldn't understand adding
things to the dean or lie against the
prophet sallallah alhi wasallam to stop
a problem okay how how if someone say
this is a crime itself you talk about
Allah and his messenger with something
they didn't say yeah but now if someone
says well how do you know it's not
authentic how does somebody verify that
now what you're saying is correct
because there is a way to authenticate
any statement said by the prophet
sallallah alaihi wasallam it have a sign
they have a way of study they have a
scholar they spend same thing like
somebody giving you gold or silver and
you could not yourself know if it's gold
or silver so you take it to people who
specialize in this field they examine it
they make some experiments and tell you
according the testing in the lab this
shows that this is gold but is 19 carats
this 22 carats like this yeah so the
same thing in Hadith there is people
specialize and a student of knowledge
like myself you understand we go and
utter what is this SC saying this is not
my speciality but I at least I have the
tools that I can go open the books and
search who said authentic or not
authentic and these people are not
making their own idea they make a study
they make a test and to understand is
this been narrated authentic from the
prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam or is
there a break in the chain of isnad the
communication I told you you told him
you told her she told him he heard from
the prophet so are the are these weak or
are these totally not authentic or
fabricated they are not the first one
about is not authentic about The Throne
of Almighty Allah shaken is fabricated
okay okay so let's continue on and
people can go verify this and check this
and of course okay so now tell us
now what's the number one complaint that
you get from people who come to see you
in your office okay but the people
always have their complaint but what I'm
saying the problem start from day one
when you get you when you're planning to
get into relationship with a woman or a
woman getting in a relationship with a
man to be a husband to be a wife what is
what is the the main thing you like
about this man or this woman that you
want to marry because when we did not
come as the prophet sallallahu alaihi
wasallam is saying what the meaning is a
man seeks marriage from a woman for one
of these reasons okay don't
wasam that a man seeks marriage from a
woman because one of this quality her
beauty her wealth her family uh uh
lineage lineage okay or because her
belief her religion so the prophet say
marry a woman because her
religion otherwise you be a loser so you
start in a building with no solid
foundation because is the dean is the
religion is the teaching of Quran and
the authentic Sunnah is what is going to
be the solution to our problems but if
you marry a one a man because he's
handsome or because you understand he
rich or a woman because this and that
these things comes and goes so when you
try to apply the medicine to it which is
the teaching of Al Islam you are not
ready to take this medicine MH you have
you have some kind of uh what you call
Allergy against it mhm you could not
take this medicine yes so we need to
establish something in the beginning why
I'm going to marry this woman or why
this woman going to marry this man so
once we acknowledge okay let's say that
the person married someone who is a
righteous person they live by the total
complete submission and surrender
acquiring peace from the one guy okay
the Creator Islam and they live by the
Quran which is the verbatim word of God
and the authentic teaching of the last
and final messenger his Sunnah the
Hadith peace be upon him so now these
people who did that and now they still
might having some issues okay because
the human being now you're having
getting two people with different uh
habits with different ideas with
different views and you want to put both
of them together not for a couple of
hours they going to be day and night in
FA in each other face yeah so we have to
grow in understanding the personality of
each other we need to learn how to
accommodate each other and this is a
problem sometimes they understand that
in the family okay the man want to be
the leader he want to be the the chief
he want this is fine he has his right
okay but he doesn't know how to be a man
how to be a boss how to manage things
and the woman also want to maybe grab
the same steering wheel and to be the
one who run the the issues in the Islam
there is something called
consultation I don't have to go by what
my wife saying but can at least ask her
opinion what you think about it and we
are not going to discuss things about
I'm going to pray Z afternoon prayer for
or three we don't make consultation
about it but if you want to understand
to to go out for outing you and your
wife and the
children instead of okay this where we
going to this weekend can we consult can
we discuss it as example maybe she have
a another uh preference you understand
or some other idea she would like to go
to the zoo instead the park as example
so we have to learn how to manage how to
understand the
other the other person to be in the
other person shoe this one of the
problems that we don't know how to
accomodate each other communication is
key it of course okay consultation and
communication now consultation between
each other but if it excels let's say
that they're not seeing eye to eye okay
mother-in-laws father-in-law should they
take it to their families will this
bring more harm or good when the say the
wife she starts to okay come
mother-in-law and father-in-law because
you want to take it to your mother your
mother loves you more than her yeah this
is natural okay she take it to her
mother her mother loves her baby more
than you so everybody their interest in
in their child so they are not going to
bring so even the Islam teaching us
this when it comes about it's going to
be a clash and divorce and all this
methodology is not working Allah said
bring a person from her family as
representative and a person from his
family and they sit down in a family
gathering discussing the problem problem
you see but I could not be always
calling my mother and she's calling her
mother and everybody getting a different
views they need to sit in a family
gathering and they try to listen and
they try to see what is the best for the
family this what it have to be so we
have to sometimes but also I don't see
that this is a solution unless that
everything else didn't work why we could
not sit down this this is the last like
final
exactly so why a husband and wife could
not sit down and talk to each other
first why they could not be patient with
one another and listen the problem
understand that we don't want to listen
mhm and this bring a serious problem so
sometimes it is matter of ling a ear to
your
partner and for some reason some people
they don't want to do it out of
arrogancy out of feeling I'm too good
but look the prophet wasam we have to
always see how the prophet Sall Ali
wasallam was so patient and he was try
to solve the problem as example the is
saying what the meaning
is never the prophet sallam been given a
choice between two
mothers this or that you want to eat
chicken or you want to eat beef you want
to go to the zoo or you want to go to
the park as as long is not Halal and
Haram
so the prophet used to what use the
easier so let it go where hey honey
where you would like to go this weekend
no I don't like red lster what do you
like I like seafood okay it's not a big
deal all right but clashing comes out of
nothing why because we don't know how to
let it go sometimes or how to discuss
things or try to see what as long is not
something Haram try to compromise and if
you try to compromise to make your wife
happy believe me she will see it even if
she did not see it later on when she got
to sleep next day she would think about
it and maybe she try to compete with you
next time she will try to compromise for
you for the next time so we have to know
how how to to play this uh uh role of
being involved as one team we are one
team one team exactly okay one team let
let take a break and we'll come back one
team here on the de
show there will always be someone that
will be there to say something negative
but at the same time there'll be someone
there to say something positive also
just hold on to the Rope of Allah
everything in this universe rely and
need Allah the Quran says don't kill
women don't kill children don't kill the
old people don't attack the civilians
this is what the prophet Muhammad told
us said that the prophet never ever
start a war against anybody
and if we're going to worship something
I figured I might as well worship the
Creator instead of any of the
Creations now in upon investigating all
the religions I remember finding out the
meaning of what Islam is what a Muslim
is those who surrender theel to God is a
Muslim those who surrender submit to God
God's will that is it Islam was pure it
was just you just pray to God your
creator
back here on the dean show we're talking
about one team Under One Roof one family
and we want to keep the families
together so they got roles to play can
you briefly tell us what's the man's
role the woman's role cuz sometimes
these roles get mixed up okay first of
all we have to understand why we got
married okay and we have to understand
that we have a goal we are trying to
create a new unit to worship Allah so
our marriage is is a means towards a
higher goal and we have to learn how to
sacrifice to reach our goal people come
from overseas to America to learn
English and depart from their families
and all these things because they have a
goal we have a higher goal to please
Allah to go to Jenna so and it's going
to be obstacles it's going to be
problems but we have to learn how to
sacrifice how to be patient so our goal
is pleasing Allah raising a Muslim
family how I be as a husband protection
for my wife and my wife be protection
for me not only for economic reason
only okay but we have to be a means my
wife is a means for me to to help me to
low my gaze to protect my private parts
okay and I am also the same for here you
see so you scratch my back I scratch
your back you going to protect me I'm
going to Shield you so this is one thing
and also we going to to be a leader to
lead little kids okay or little children
to raise them as Muslims to do the right
thing and to stay away from what's
forbidden this is something have to be
also exist in our mind and always
because of goal we're going to make a
sacrifice if we not going to learn this
we are not going to we we are one team
what is the role of the man and a woman
it's simple you have a basket or a
bucket has two ears okay you have a box
you carry from this side I carry from
this side otherwise if I carry it my by
myself I'm going to break my back I'm
going to hurt my muscles so now you
carry from one side she carry from one
side so now there is two things needs to
be done here somebody you have to earn
the dollar to bring food income to the
house and somebody have to keep the
house running and watch the children so
now let's split let's split the
responsibility and of course by Nature
by all means Allah made the man suitable
to go outside to search for the dollar
and to suffer and hard all this the same
thing Allah made a woman with a gentle
and kind heart and have more patient to
deal with the children and how to make
the place as a paradise and heaven for
her husband so her job is not more
important than mine neither my job is
more important than him both of us try
to serve to be to have one team we have
one umbrella we have one tint and all of
us going to be under it okay so both of
us have to be like one hand wash the
other it one just like there's only one
guy of course it have to be one team you
could not you could not have two people
drivve in one car okay you going to
drive I'm going to be the passenger or
I'm going to be the pass you're going to
drive you choose and since I already
take the course of going you understand
how to drive I'm going to drive God
Almighty Allah our creator gave me the
responsibility and
said so Allah designed you for a certain
job and Allah designed her for a certain
job we going to accept the choice of
Allah or we're going to make our own
choice so listening adhering to the
command of Allah is something very
important and it's going to be OB on ups
and down but we have to work on it sit
down talk give each other ear you
understand try to consider the other
person try to have their feeling see
what they complain try to consider you
see this is something very important try
to listen to your partner always try to
listen to your partner try to give them
excuse why they did this give them
another excuse try to forgive there is
many things that we can talk about it
how to keep this we don't want to split
it we don't want to cut we don't want to
disperse is a unit we want to keep it
always until you're going to die or
she's going to die and both of us we're
going to meet again in Jenna inshallah
thank you for the incredible great
advice oh thank you thank you inshallah
we look forward to having you back again
on these course God will in and some
great advice communicate work together
to keep the family together Under One
Roof one family worshiping the one
God and this is what Islam is really
focusing on all of us to do to form a
relationship with the one Creator who
created this whole universe and
everything in it and to come together
man and woman as a family husband and
wife working together collaborating
together in goodness so they can have
righteous children and those children
can go out and contribute to make a
righteous Society we look forward to
having you back here with us here on the
dean show do not forget to pick up the
dean show DVDs and share it this message
of peace peace acquired by submitting
yourself entirely to the one God Islam
share this message you can get our DVDs
at DVD for.com you can copy them give
them out to the non-muslims and don't
forget to visit us here every week on
The Dean show until then next time peace
be unto you