Allah there's only one word and muham is
his messenger
Allah
Allah there's only one God and Jesus was
his messenger
allaham greetings of peace cardo how you
doing welcome to the dean show
alhamdulillah how are you how you been
alhamdulillah living life and loving it
life is
grand let me ask you the first question
everyone's dying to know when someone
accepts Islam like why why did you you
you obviously you weren't from a a
family that was Muslim right right iPic
Catholic yes grew up Catholic why did
you accept Islam very good question um
someone introduced me to it I was very
intrigued I spent about 7 and 1/2 months
studying it intensely how many seven and
a half seven and A2 months this wasn't
like just an emotional experience it was
not it was every day I studied I asked
questions I I read the Quran in about a
week when I got my hands on it and the
truth just hit me like a brick and I
embraced it that's short story some
short condensed version some some people
I mean they're born in a Muslim family
they never read the Quran right right
like Muslims on batteries have you heard
that one right or just Ramadan Muslims
what not uh but you actually you read it
in a week a week yeah I could put it
down I couldn't put it down how did you
get a hold of it I just went to this
bookstore and bought it why because I
wanted to read it for myself and
understand what's in it um how long ago
was this well I became a Muslim in 1995
so this was in the springish of 95 yeah
was it unlike now right like nowadays
it's not you know there's trendy things
was it trendy back then to be what were
those like rappers that were like kind
of uh you know cool people were looking
up to the arc I don't know the arc uh
yeah no no there was nothing like that
at the time that at least not that I
remember and this was pre 911 so the
whole Islamic awareness in the world was
very very low it was very lowkey lowkey
do you think that would have uh impacted
your decision if it was like if if that
situation was happening now as it was
then you think that you know that's a
very good question I'd like to think
that not um because I'm beholden to the
truth mhm and when you're beholden to
the truth I to be honest with you if I
look at my life I grew up in this
neighborhood and I hear Chicago in
Chicago I grew up in the north side here
and I was running around here acting a
fool I had every incentive to ignore
religion and just go on living you know
la loca um that's like a crazy lifestyle
yes V Loca isn't that that what's that
um Ricky Martin song yeah and uh so
really it's it's all about what what you
what you hold fast to MH um which we we
could probably get into later about you
know the topic uh of discussion because
it it ties into that a lot now you came
from a calf cuz you're what you have um
what part of the Latino you have Puerto
Rican so my father is Mexican and my
mother's Puerto Rican okay boriqua
that's uh Puerto Rican yes and how how
how have they take custom to you become
yeah well when uh my brother and I
actually took shahada at the same time
and your brother brother yes older
younger he's younger by one year we're
like Irish twins okay nice so we came
home and we broke the news to our
parents it was about 7 in the in the in
the evening and it turned into a a fight
until like 4:00 in the morning and okay
P pain the picture for us all right so
you're uh let's back it up again now now
what was it were you on a spiritual
journey what what was going on in your
life that you wanted to pick up the
Quran that you also now many people
don't question the faith that they upon
right the religion they think it's all
the same and they just blend in you know
slide in on Church good question so when
I was a Teena growing up my parents were
not very religious somewhere in the
neighborhood of when I was 15 16 my
parents started to become more religious
and they urged uh us to you know follow
you know more in in their new found sort
of discovery of being religious and at
the time I thought well why you know
what's the point why why why God if God
God knows I I'm a good person why do I
need to pray to prove it so I had a lot
of questions as a young man um
eventually right around the age of 18 I
said about trying to answer that
question and I studied a lot of
religions just just to get the idea of
God or not out of my head I wanted to
settle is there a God yeah should I care
or is it's just all about science and
evolution so that was my first step and
I studied many religions Buddhism buddh
Buddhism Judaism
um all kinds of things but I never
studied Islam which is interesting yeah
at this time I came to the conclusion
that all religions are a different road
to God and you pick pick whatever is
good for you and I chose to remain a
Catholic and when I R when I read the
new testate I was very touched by the
stories and the sayings of Isa alisam
Jesus yes and um I became a devout
Catholic so I would go to church every
Sunday I prayed every night and this is
you know just my own thing I you know I
still didn't live uh any any kind of
conservative lifestyle you know but
spiritually I was really in tune and
then this went on for a couple years and
then a friend of mine who's a Latino
he's a Colombian Mexican who had become
a Muslim introduced me to Islam told me
the most basic thing that I didn't
know and it took about 10 seconds to
tell me the following he said
said God sent Moses and from the
teachings of Moses came Judaism he said
then God sent Jesus and from the
teaching teachings of Jesus came
Christianity he goes then God sent
Muhammad and by the way at that moment
when he said God sent Muhammad this
thing like went off in my like God sent
Muhammad you know and he said from the
teachings of Muhammad came Islam and I'm
like thinking okay cuz up up up until
that point I thought M Muhammad and
Islam had absolutely nothing to do with
Christianity or Judaism I thought it was
a
completely you know mutually
exclusive um religion here's a guy in
the desert that did something became a
good leader among the Arabs created
religion that was my impression of Islam
at the time so when he said then God
sent Muhammad I'm like God said Muhammad
then he went back and he said in Islam
we believe in in Jesus Moses Abraham the
angel Gabriel you guys believe in the
angel Gabriel you guys believe in Jesus
you guys and I was just absolutely blown
away and having been through the studies
of many religions
previously it was very natural for me to
then just study one more um now how I
was gu you know allaham how I was you
know only only God knows how I was why I
was guided in this way perhaps I needed
a
pre-transformation before I was
introduced to Islam and the rest is
history from there I just went on this 7
and a half month long study um intense
and and it entailed some heartbreak
because you know when you're when you're
already Dev some people come to Islam
they weren't really deeply connected to
their original whatever their spiritual
affin Affinity was and some people are
really really devoutly faithful and when
that happens you first have to undergo a
sort of heartbreak mhm and it's very
difficult it's a very difficult time
yeah um but I got through it and I just
wanted the truth and uh you know I was
guided and I'm happy I'm happy never
look back it's the best thing that's
ever happened to me that's what people
should like you just said truth be out
for truth and sometimes it's like a
filtration process some things then you
have to relearn in the essence of
learning some things you learn and
they're not necessarily right so you
have to be willing to relearn some
things let go of some things absolutely
and and if and if the goal is truth
you're going to have an easier time and
what I like and many people they like is
that Islam just makes sense like you
mentioned Moses and then from there you
know people stemmed off and they start
they created this uh Judaism which Moses
he never he never preached taught Jesus
never taught Christianity or called
people to worship him but they all
submitted themselves to God like Abraham
he wasn't as God Almighty says he wasn't
a Jew or Christian but he was one who
submitted himself to God so that just
makes sense all the prophets they
submitted themselves to God that's just
one word in Arabic Islam submission to
the will of God that's all I want to do
I want to keep it simple I don't want to
pray to a human being I don't want to
pray to Saints Idols icons statues just
to God simple and some people get F they
get blown away it can't be that simple
but it's that simple it is it is and you
know what's what's fascinating about
this journey was that I was praying to
God to help me defend my religion MH
help me defend Jesus help me defend the
Bible and every day some I would
discover something new to the
contrary and I would have certain
questions you know I'd go to bed that
night and I'd be like well what about
such and such and you know go to sleep
the next day the very first thing I
would find is he answer that question I
mean it was really uncanny now when you
say you you were you were praying to God
what do you mean when you're very good
question you know a lot of people ask me
how do you how do you you think that um
why do you think you were guided why do
you think that you were sort of chosen
you know it's it's God's will wh whom he
guides and I could say that the one
reason why I think I discovered Islam
and was allowed to um embrace it is
because as a
Catholic it just didn't make sense to me
to pray to Jesus peace be upon him I
always felt like okay so I did believe
in the in the Trinity I believe that
there's a father that's son the Holy
Spirit but intu that time you believe
that of course at the time before I knew
anything about Islam yeah I I
wholeheartedly believed in the Trinity
but intuitively I directed my prayers to
the father oh I didn't really direct my
prayers to the son yeah you know so I
had a sort of element ofed in me and
this this Oneness of uniqueness of the
one God even though I was practicing
some you know the partnership of of God
mhm and I think that that is probably um
when I say I prayed to God you pray to
God in my mind I was directing my
prayers to the father as a Catholic uhuh
to without intermediaries you didn't you
I did not direct my prayers to Jesus in
my mind in my heart that is what I
believe and in talking I have some
experience in talking to people that was
the turning point in their life when
people asked the Creator alone God
Almighty to guide them he guided them
yes but as soon as they started to put a
partner next to God they started to put
an intermediary between them and God
that stopped the guidance but when they
did what you did just praying to God
Alone Guide Me Guide Me Guide Me The
Guidance came it did it did and and and
this is all in hindsight at the time I I
did not understand the importance of
this it was just an intuitive thing that
I did but that's what it that's what I
did we more we got to more people got to
do that that just comes natural because
these things are taught you know ABS I
think I think Christians ought to do it
even as an experiment have you ever
thought about go you go to the you know
go to like in Spanish we say Elon you
know the the Don this is the the main
guy you know I I I've say I I say for
example if you want a raise do you go to
the employee or do you go to the boss
good point yeah you know you go to the
boss for a raise and just as an
experiment just try it you know God if
you you if you want if you really want
to guide me to whatever the truth is ask
God directly in your mind and your heart
and put everything else aside Jesus the
Holy Spirit put it aside put everyone
else to aside and see what happens but
the one who created you going to take a
break and we'll right back with more
don't go
anywhere welcome back to the dean show
on some great advice I love it something
real simple easy to do uh because we're
here for a short time we don't know when
the conductor is going to call our
number we're on a train and you're going
to have to get off the to the next stop
and that's the next life and it doesn't
make sense we just die and then what
just turn to dust and that's what Islam
calls us to think about the reality of
this life that it's short you thought
about it what's the purpose of life
where are we going when we die and it
just makes sense to to ask the one who's
the owner of Life who created life to
guide us like you did you become a
Muslim one who submits to the will of
God and now as I say often all hell
breaks loose at the house you came home
yes and your brother were you guys like
doing this simultaneously you and your
brother yeah so my brother did he tell
you about it or you told him no I told
him about it so I did all the work and I
would just come and tell him about it
and he trust trusted me and um just
followed followed along with me but I
pretty much did all the work yeah now
I'm going to kind of jump around a
little bit you you also you went through
some you got married yes shortly after
or were you were married at the time no
I was not married at the time I married
later how much later did you get married
um about 26 years old if I remember let
me see 20
20 28 sorry now there's some struggles I
mean it's like you come into Islam now
you got to do some house cleaning right
let's say you might have had some stuff
up you know some saints and stuff you
got to get rid of all that right uh you
got to maybe your fridge Maybe got some
alcohol some wine coolers you got to get
rid of that some simple cleaning some
adjustments maybe you were you people
would pray through Jesus now you praying
to the one Jesus prayed to simple stuff
maybe you had some bad character right
cuss words people cursing and swearing
not keeping your promises you got to
make some fine adjustments right
absolutely you're carrying some baggage
from the past and some of us are still
it's it's it's a lifetime struggle to
become a better human being it is that's
absolutely right and sometimes we get
into relationships now and we think okay
now I'm Muslim struggle stops did it
continue of course the struggles
continued um and you know old habits die
hard some people are able to undergo a
massive transformation a short amount of
time they kind of jump in you know two
feet um I was more of a gradual adjuster
um you know I didn't begin saying uh
doing all my prayers or on time and um
you know it took it took time to work
the the the way of life into my
character in my habits but how long did
it take uh until you uh you establish
the prayer in your life um five times a
day how long it took years to be honest
with you it took years I've been a
Muslim now for 22 years it it took
somewhere between five and seven years
in the uhhuh no go ahead Finish Well I
mean even even do you see the once you
establish it big difference yes big
difference and the difference that I can
see and again this is now in
hindsight is that it wasn't until after
I made these changes and made them
permanent mhm that some rather um
life-altering things happened to me for
example you know divorce is an example
sometimes they're bad sometimes you know
people don't fix something unless they
understand it's broken yeah and you know
when we undergo a Calamity in our life
it's actually a blessing you know and
people people think that when you pray
when you you know when you give in
charity and you
fast that the expectation is that your
life in this world is going to improve
that's not necessarily true mhm because
sometimes what you actually need is to
hit a Calamity in order to wake you up
yeah and either seek answers or or be
directed in a way that's better for you
plus we all know that when you suffer
you're actually wiping out bad deeds in
your book so there's a double benefit
you know you're you're cleaning up some
bad deeds and taking care of your
accounts in this world which is much
better and at the same time you're
you're you're being directed to to
something else um so you know I would
say that and it's it hasn't all been bad
um but since then that's that's when the
the important events in my life have
happened is after establishing your
prayer and being more committed to being
a better a better Muslim it reminds me
of and that's why like when you take
time you study the history the study of
the righteous predecessors and people
who at that time were Allah is pleased
with them you know uh these are the
people they accepted Islam there's so
many valuable stories for example when
the boycott happened in
Mecca how would these people like try to
connect like okay we just accepted a
truth now we're being boycotted we're
eating leaves we're like uh being
oppressed and at the end of the day you
think like hold on I'm on the truth why
am I eating leaves like they had no food
they were boycotted they're being
oppressed but at the end they became
Victorious so many people like through
the struggles now no way can you equate
many of this everyone has their own
obviously individual struggles and we
don't not undermining those but many
people when things get really tough and
those things are meant to make us not
break us you went through some of
troubles and through those struggles
that you went through you went on
exploration now a journey of seeking
more knowledge and you didn't just like
leave your Dean some some people Muslims
even they end up hitting this really
deep area in their life and they just
you know struggle that they just can't
WRA wrap their mind around why is this
happening to me why why why why why I
just accepted a truth why they can't
understand it nor do they grow from it
they limit themselves and they lose
patience and they lose the dean they do
and they they lose the practice and you
know I I'll tell you what's scary yeah
is if you're not practicing even if
you're non-muslim if you're just not
spiritual and things are going well in
your life that's
scary because what that could possibly
mean is that Allah and his Mercy is
giving you your Paradise in this life
because you're not going to get anything
in in in the next life because that's
what you chose yeah so when if you're
not praying if you're not fasting if
you're not accepting the Oneness of God
and you you do have a good life and
you're not suffering things it's because
God is not giving you the calamities
that lead you to a better guidance so
when you are suffering drama in your
life we should look at it as a as a
mercy this is you know you know the
Quran talks about the sailors in the sea
who when the when the waves rise up like
like canopies over their ships their
hearts are very very sincere and when
When God says their hearts are sincere
he knows every little iota of what is in
your heart so that is a very profound
statement for God to say that your heart
is very sincere these are Sailors who
and and at any other time didn't care
about God but in that moment they were
very sincere in their in their
supplication save us save us and but but
then it says when they get back to the
land right they go back to their old
ways and forget about God but you know
the point is is that the Calamity of the
sea brought them closer to God and this
is how the calamities are in life so if
you're not suffering calamities that's
and and you're not praying and doing the
right thing that's that's pretty scary
to me have you seen have you have any
people that you've known friends or
anybody that they were in the dean and
really seemed like they were from the
outside it was like wow the brother grew
his beard he's like you know really
seemed like he's at the Masjid praying
but now like where's this brother he's
back at the club he's maybe got some you
know pictures of uh him you know doing
some things or the sister she was in the
cob she was like really full force you
follow me and all of a sudden it's off
it's totally gone she didn't even just
like downgrade the hij or she she just
took everything like completely fell off
the wagon everything is off completely
fell off the The Wagon what what what
happened here you know the way that I've
come to understand this phenomenon it
really goes back to
um this very simple principle and let me
just say and I don't want to I'm just
painting this picture because it's not
all about just the appearance it's
really about you know the the heart yeah
so I'm just painting this to to you know
so people can because that's what we
attribute but it's not just about the
facade it's really more about the go
ahead know you're hitting the nail on
the head I mean the principle is that
and this is this goes back to psychology
yeah and how it ties into the dean and
it really is boils down to this if there
is anything external to me that modifies
my sense of value as a person if I say
hey Eddie do do you think you're a good
guy and you say yeah I think I'm a good
guy I'm a good person you know why why
do you think you're a good guy now
whatever the answer to that question is
is going to be many there going to be
many reasons I'm this I'm that I do this
I do that whatever if any of those
things in that list are external to
you then then there mean means that
there are external factors that modify
your value your perception of yourself
some things are
internal well the internal things are
things like honesty patience gentleness
um intelligence external things are like
things like money your looks your status
your your degree you know you have a PhD
your title yes these are all external
things the more these external things
make you feel good or bad it leads to
disaster uhhuh this is by the way this
is to this is in the core of the what
what modern day psychologists consider
um a healthy psychology and it happens
to be at the core of the dean as as well
yeah so when you look at you know how
the the Quran has many scientific
Revelations what a lot of people don't
know is that the Quran also has a lot of
psychological Revelations yeah and it's
very fascinating but that's what it is
if people are tied to external factors
then that's when you will see that the
facade is not what it is on the inside
what did you just prove that through
that was that because now the let's say
the sister who was wearing you know
implementing the dean and then now she's
on you know whatever Snapchat or what
and she's people are like she's holding
up the Hennessy bottle was that that at
the end was her her love for that what
she she thinks now that leads to
happiness right that was so um connected
to you know the facade of happiness that
it goes back to what you're saying these
material things and that that's material
temporary it could be anything
external another person is external to
you one of the biggest problems is
approval seeking so if I'm worried about
how you perceive me as a person if
that's what's important to me MH then
I'm going to sacrifice the internal
things I'm going to sacrifice my
Integrity internally in order to craft
my image because I need you to I need
your perception to be good of me I need
you to think I'm a good guy yeah so you
know there are variations of what an
external focus is versus in you know
being extrinsically focused versus
intrinsically focused and what you see
on the outside is the root is usually
because there's some external Focus that
leads that person to to go and do these
things and the sacrif the truth they
sacrifice what is what is correct I want
to ask you some more questions we're
going to come back having a nice
conversation with Ricardo here and
through your journey you also you
learned some valuable lessons we're
going to touch upon those when we come
back inshallah God willing don't go
anywhere back here on the Jean show
Ricardo
you took um a very valuable lesson or
lessons through your your your marriage
uh you were talking somewhat and uh
people have been coming to you or what
is it friends family and uh they trust
uh in your advice that you kind of um
you've been giving people and through
your experiences and that's the thing
like that's fascinating someone can have
a feel that they're they're in right
right uh but they didn't experience all
of these other things they didn't hit
they didn't go through the grind that
someone might went through and you
really went through a grind I did yeah
and and you learned a lot and people are
really benefiting friends and and other
colleagues and people who you've shared
some of your um experiences with and
they're like really trying to get you to
write a book about it can you talk to us
about this so I I went through a time in
my life where I began to do a lot of
self-development and trying to figure
out what it is where it is that I I I
need to improve and some answers about
relationships in
particular and what I found was
absolutely astonishing the interesting
thing was that the information that I
found was scattered in different places
and I also had to figure out what was
good information what was bad
information and I put this all together
in terms of like an understanding in my
head and over time I you know I I
implemented it in my own life mhm became
a much better person over it and um I
began to it began to come up in
conversation with
people um and people were very
fascinated by it and then they would
Implement some of the things that I
talked about and would come back to me
and say oh my gosh it worked exactly as
you said this has to revolve around
psychology it's well it's it's a psych
psychology specifically in terms of
relationships yeah and particularly
marriages yeah so um this information
that I found
um like I said it's all over the place
so the the one question that I got
repeatedly was where did you get this
information how did you learn this it's
like well it's all over the place I you
know kind of figured it out put it all
together well is there something that I
is there a book is there a video that I
can read or watch and unfortunately
there isn't there is no single place
that I have found yet that has put this
information together in the way that I
have come to understand it now there are
other Frameworks out there there are
other Muslims who who are in this who
are in that profession who have come
with which are great um and this is just
a different way to think about it and
the way and and I'll tell you what was
one of
the one of the game changers for me was
discovering that um when it comes to as
men when we deal with
women discovering that what women say
they want is not necessarily what they
respond to emotionally mhm that's very
important say that again yes it's worth
repeating what women say they want yeah
is not necessarily what they will
respond to emotionally mhm and when I
discovered this it was in the context of
explaining why there's so much bad
information out there because what they
do is they'll they'll come and they'll
they'll they'll do surveys they'll do
studies and they'll they'll ask women
about their relationships what is it
that you want what is it that you want
your husband to do how do you want him
to be
what kind of man are you looking for if
you're single blah blah blah all these
things and what happens is these women
they answer these questions truthfully
and
genuinely but when they're asked those
questions they are not in the midst of
any emo any heightened emotions mhm
they're pretty neutral women are just as
logical as men you know um so they give
very reasonable logical answers but what
happens is when a situation comes along
that tweaks their emotion they respond
in a way that is contrary to what
they've said when they were in logical
mode does that make sense yes so so
these stud override the logic they
override the logic so these studies
surveys and books are
misleading because they're based on
answers from women who are answering
questions when they're in logical mode
so to speak so understanding that was a
big CH game Cher for me because you read
articles you read books you watch videos
and you even speak to people speak to
women your mothers your aunts whoever it
is that gives you advice and it just
doesn't fit it just doesn't work and so
you you find um that there are some
people who have kind of caught on to
this and started to deviate from
traditional relationship and advice and
counseling and started to explore other
ways and this is where all all this uh
you know that's one of the game changers
for me that just when I explain this to
men in these conversations getting back
to how this got out then it kind of the
guy starts thinking oh wow that's really
interesting and then it really changes
their approach and then I start I can
give examples of these things and then
when they implement it they have a much
better awareness a much better
understanding of why their wives are
behaving this way why is it that when
they do this it doesn't work so on and
so forth total Game Changer what what do
you mean there's some things that you
that you you write about that are very
very interesting if you can
elaborate on how women are
subconsciously wired to test men and
that you know they're not even aware
that they're testing them and the cons
consequences yes of there's so many good
ones in there um that's a very good one
so this is what they call um there's
there's there's two kinds of
subconscious tests mhm um one is called
a compliance test and the other one is
called a um congruence test yeah
basically what this means is that so if
we if we if we go back to the days of
the caveman
okay the when women sought to be with a
man who made them feel secure who was a
provider it was all about physical yeah
the the taller bigger stronger man is
the one who would make them feel more
safe and protected today that no longer
applies so what we have is we have a
biology that is fundamentally
incompatible with the social
establishment of of today because we're
not in the food chain okay we don't face
these sort of like physical natural
challenges that we did in the past so
what gives a woman the feeling of Safety
and Security is no longer about physical
they can be with a guy like me I'm a I'm
a short guy I'm 5 foot tall and that
really doesn't even matter now if I was
living back then I would have a hard
time um what matters is they they derive
their safety from social psychological
means so what they do is they evaluate a
man in terms of how they feel
emotionally can is this is this man
emotionally and socially capable of
being a good protector and provider so
the way that they do this and and and
and it happens naturally and I've seen
it all the time but men aren't really
set up because we're less of emotional
beings and not and not only because of
that but because we naturally are
inclined to the physical way of things
we're all about you know MMA and that
kind of thing um
so the the the kind of test that they do
and they do this subconsciously so a a a
congruence test for example will be when
a woman does something that kind of rubs
you the wrong way
mhm and if you have an emotional
reaction over it then you're really not
as stable as you may seem to be yeah so
sometimes that could come across as like
you know um challenging you with
something you know oh you know you know
for example there was one time where a
person uh said oh you know this this ice
cream is all mine and she says oh you
don't like to share huh you know that's
kind of like sticking you with a little
you know well if you get taken back by
that then you're having an emotional
reaction mhm and if and if you have an
emotional reaction it's sort of a
turnoff yeah you know what I mean do you
think the society in the times we're
living in has taken like there was a uh
good documentary that that talks about
uh the the losing of the man like do do
you feel in your studies do they talk
about how the the society in the culture
has just like taken the man out of man
there's no more men around there's a a
degradation of masculinity today and
that that's what's happening and there's
a lot of reasons for that but the effect
is is is this that men tend to have a
more more of an emotional reaction and
and by the way this was this was one of
my own weaknesses that I didn't
understand mhm so that's so what happens
is if you're if you can't if you don't
deal with that properly you fail What's
called the congruence test yeah so your
your your calm cool and collect itself
is not congruent with your internal
emotional ability MH and if you're in
congruent there then it makes it makes
it makes her feel unsafe because she
doesn't know when you're going to be set
off she doesn't know if you're going to
be snapping you know yeah so and but
they but you know when I when I talk to
women about this they're like do we
really do that like they they don't even
they don't even know that they do this
intuitively so women are what I like to
call emotional ninjas they're born with
it they just know I mean they are so
emotionally Savvy they run circles
around us we are the ones that have to
acquire the knowledge we have to analyze
it in the way that we think and figure
it out um so they do this subconsciously
the other one is called a compliance
test and a compli iance test they this
is Def they definitely don't do this on
purpose um this is when a woman will
give a man a
directive and it could be any kind of
command or
instruction and if they do it then
they're
compliant well what happens is
subconsciously this means that the man
is not really leading he's not he's not
in a position of leadership M and they
they'll never say this you know they'll
never say well he's a weak leader if I
tell him what to do and he just obeys
yeah they will never say that it's just
kind of like an intuitive Vibe and you
know by understanding that um you you
know you catch yourself you catch
yourself doing these things and
portraying yourself as a weak leader
someone who doesn't have a backbone um
you don't you can't stand up for
yourself you're a doormat um all these
things happen and you know these are
subconscious tests that they do without
even realizing it that they just kind of
intuitively figure you out mhm how about
the well you talk about good feminism
bad feminism yes you elaborate on that
so good feminism is when um the idea
that women should have equal rights that
women should earn the same wage that men
do for the same task for the same job um
that women have the right to vote to own
property I mean these are all things the
rights that Islam gave exactly if ISL is
a very uh feminist friendly you know way
of life um bad feminism is when there is
a resentment
associated with men having a patriarchal
society when there's this resentment
inside that causes women to hate sort of
hate the idea of a man um being in power
or in leadership or anything anyway yes
exactly um this leads to the difference
between equity versus
equality where equality tries to make
two things the same and where Equity
tries to make things Fair yeah so Islam
prescribes Equity acknowledging that
that men and women aren't equal we're
not the same in our biology and our
nature we're just not the same type of
human mhm um so there can't be equality
and you you know hear things about like
transgender issues and bathrooms and all
that that's all about equality and and
standing up against that when it rubs
feminists the wrong way that's that's
the bad feminism where you try to
acknowledge or where in in this type of
feminism you reject the nature of man
the nature of the male I should say MH
and um try to make the nature of men and
women the same because you attribute it
to well men and women would be the same
if it wasn't for society that changes us
yeah so I believe that that's a bad
feminism this it leads to this like
shaming of men for being men MH and um
but the good feminism is that women
should be have equal rights and all
these things that that are that that
that belong to them it's rightfully
theirs that they they they didn't have
when you look back I mean at at a time
when women were just like sold as as as
property and didn't have couldn't even
own property and couldn't do any of the
things you know uh Islam gave those
rights yeah I mean there's a story of uh
uh Omar alab um Allah be pleased with
him who was the uh the second Calif
after Abu bakar and after the prophet's
passing and in in The Story Goes that he
was giving a and a woman stood up and
corrected him on on a an error that he
made in public and he basically said
you're right thank you yeah you know
this is unheard of in
Med medieval Europe or many other
societies around the world that a woman
can confront the leader of the nation in
public correct him and and he was humble
and accepted it so you know this you're
you're absolutely right these things
were well established in Islam many
years ago those are one of the
challenges we're dealing with today
ignorant people who some just choose to
stay ignorant and they don't come and
research and look into it because just
the fact that more women are coming to
Islam than men right uh is a fact in and
of itself that these women have done the
research no one's forcing them to come
to Islam they are doing out of their own
free will and that negates totally this
absurd um you know fallacy that Islam
somehow oppresses the woman actually
liberates her we're almost we're almost
out of time um so we T touched upon why
you came to Islam and then now you're
really in this realm of uh relationship
uh kind of like a relationship Guru
would you say someone who's like I I I
like to think of a relationship coaching
coaching coaching what's your vision
with this before we end what what is you
and then maybe in the future we can come
and we can uh we can elaborate more so
my vision is to take this framework and
these principles and eventually create a
front line what I like to call a front
line of relationship coaches who can
understand and
respond to the issues the crises that we
have in in Mar mares to become educated
consumers
of uh therapy and counseling there just
aren't enough counselors there aren't
enough Scholars who who are who have
degrees and have gone to school and have
studied this for their lives there
aren't enough of them to respond to all
of the people having crisis in marriage
I was one of them so what I hope to
create is a framework that allows um
more people to to benefit from this
information so that they don't have to
necessarily find you know a counselor or
when they do go to counseling they're
much more Savvy they're much more
educated and efficient consumers of that
help so think of it as like an army of
assistance to these you know counselors
who are overwhelmed with people that
have crises and also uh you know uh
coaches who can respond to it without um
because you know a lot of people can't
afford going to counseling so it also
has to do with you know with a with a
financial the financial challenges of
seeking this kind of help a lot of
insurance policies won't cover this kind
of thing um people are you know it might
go away now with what's happening today
with the Trump Administration and and
Healthcare so uh a couple more points in
your in your studies in your pursuit of
knowledge in this area the countless uh
hundreds of Articles and videos and uh
relationship experts that you've
listened to have you and I've also gone
down this route I've always been able to
somehow maybe someone didn't elaborate
or articulate the Islamic message maybe
you would you saw some some Imam or
someone who um didn't the same way as
let's say another person who's not
Muslim but in many of these valuable
points did you see that there's there's
you can find some Hadith or an Ayah
somehow you can connect it back did you
see the psychology how Islam tackles
this absolutely
absolutely um so for
example wow there are so many examples
give us one before we leave sure I'll
give you one I'll give you I'll give you
one that goes to the core of what we
talked about about the internal values
right um there's an Ayah in the Quran
that says
um Allah will not help someone unless
they help themselves yeah right there's
also
um um many many times that he says in
the Quran oh you who have wronged your
own Souls MH um there's another example
or there are many examples where
actually here's a very good one any
anytime you read in the Quran that Allah
describes those who are
successful it is every without without
fail it is associated with internal
values those who are Chast those who are
uh remember Allah often those who are
patient those who are perseverant those
who are charitable who treat the orphans
well it's always associated with some
type of internal value these are the
ones who are successful these who are
the ones who will you know reach Jenna
however it is it is is worded but
whenever he talks about anything that's
external it's always associated with you
know Doom the the most famous example is
in Surah TBA when he talks about if your
houses if your spouses if your children
if your businesses for which you fear a
decline in in in revenues if if if these
things are more important to you than
Allah and his messenger then know that
there's a day that will come that he
will judge you and Allah does not love
the transgressors and so on and so forth
so whenever you see external factors
they're always
associated with you know warnings and
consequences and when whenever you see
internal factors is always associated
with with success and this goes back to
and and really what it is it's it comes
back to the concept of self-esteem MH
which is a very misunderstood concept
and we could have just a whole session
just on that one but it cuts to the core
of it and I can go on and on and on
about other examples well it was a a
pleasure talking with you meeting you
and uh inshallah we can can uh we can
continue our conversation again it was
it was good it was a pleasure thank you
so much for being with us thank you yeah
uh do you have have you have do you have
a website or anything I do not have
anything yet um what I what I what I
hope to do actually is to test this
concept by means of some type of men's
support group a sort of uh Brotherhood
sort of gathering that I can introduce
these concepts for anyone who's
interested yes and and if it works if if
it's something that um that they find
beneficial um then I would like to you
know move forward it finish the book and
and and formally create a framework and
a website and all that so right now I
feel like I'm I'm more in a pilot test
mode all right thank you thank you and
thank you guys for tuning in as he said
look the creator of the heavens and
earth he he talks about saying that
Allah God Almighty will not change the
condition of a people until they change
what's in themselves you have to take
those necessary steps towards the
Creator towards God towards Allah make a
conscious effort to make a change and
then put your trust in the almighty and
he will facilitate a way of ease what if
you're not even calling upon your
creator like we talked about earlier I
mean like Ricardo did he called upon God
and asked for guidance we need it every
single day in our lives what if you
didn't even I was talking to one
gentleman he said look uh I'm here if
God wants me uh he can come he knows
where I'm at I mean what kind of what
kind of rebellious nature is this you
have to humble yourself you have to
earnestly beseech his help and you have
to want to know why you've been created
why you're here and where you going when
you die so why don't you do what Ricardo
did I mean look at that very simple ask
the Creator for guidance and if you're
on that guidance value it and earnestly
pray that you don't lose it and continue
to develop a relationship with your
creator if you're Tuning In For the
First Time call us 1800 662 Islam if
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peace asalam alikum peace be with
you