god
just it's this is out of my hands it's
up to you this whole conversation of
custody this whole narrative
gas lighting
at this point it's it's going too far
god
please there was a psychiatrist involved
who was essentially brainwashing the
towel hey everybody i just got off the
phone with cam i told her
to stop antagonizing me with this tick
tock thing i said it's never again
i am her father absolutely i mean that's
what instagram is doing right that's
what most of social media is doing is
it's selling you this lifestyle which is
just not true making their career on
instagram you know putting his wife out
there with the fish lips he's like
sound like a brother 341 days
that's how we used to talk because that
was how long it was since he's he didn't
see his kid i'm speechles i mean
this
wow subhanallah
how you guys doing welcome to the dean's
show media host and my next guest
attorney naved hussein he specializes in
many areas of law but his primary area
of practice is family law
he has handled a wide range of complex
divorce litigations including
multi-million dollar marital estates
contentious custody battles and issues
related to international law and child
abduction
he routinely assists clients in child
support child custody father's rights
and other related issues he often uses
his background in business estate
planning and asset protection to
approach divorce litigation from a
unique and creative perspective and
that's my guest here with me how are you
doing brother salam
i'm doing
thank you so much for having me thank
you for accepting the invitation to be
with us here of course of course of
course now i want to get into this video
because i think what better way
than to take a living example of
unfortunately the people i'm going to
show you now or the person i'm going to
show you now my god almighty allah guide
us all and we have love for all of
humanity
but you have two individuals now who
they're in the public eye they put their
life
out there for the world so people can
you know have a look into their lives
and now at one time it was good now it's
bad and they're actually
going through what we're going to be
talking about
so i'm going to go ahead and show you
this clip and we'll jump into the topic
how's that let's do it hey everybody i
just got off the phone with cam i told
her to stop antagonizing me with this
tick tock thing i said it's never again
i am her father i know y'all don't
respect
fathers and the idea of family and media
tries to promote something i said i'm
not allowing my daughter
to be used by tick tock to be used by
disney
uh
i have a say so
and then when people say oh they're
gonna use this for you in court i don't
even i didn't have a say so on whether
or not they went to sierra canyon
most men do not there's no such thing as
50 50 custody
with with in society today that's not
that's not even
it always leans towards the mom
but right now and i'm happy that you
guys got to see just a small piece of
what i dealt with all right so kanye we
got you a muslim attorney here hopefully
give us some good advice so we have a
few issues here and insha'allah god
willing we can derive something
absolutely uh the one thing he started
talking about was tick-tock
so now i guess they're getting a divorce
and the father doesn't want
his daughter i guess being exposed to
tick-tock being put out there for
tick-tock and the other issue where he
gets in there he talks we'll get into
the i guess let's get into the first one
yeah the tick tock issue i mean that's
the thing right is
when when you have a court deciding
what's in the best interest of the child
it's such a vague term and it's very
hard for anyone to even define what it
is so it could be that one husband in
this scenario believes that this
video or this act or whatever she's
doing online is not appropriate it's not
in the best interest of the child but
the wife can disagree and because of
that disagreement now you're leaving
somebody who doesn't understand your
values or your culture
deciding that for you right and so at
this point
he might not even have much recourse in
the court system to stop the daughter
from being on tik-tok especially if it's
nothing illegal about it or you know you
can't really necessarily object to
morality unfortunately in the court
system because we've kind of
divided the two
there's no more morality in the court
system you know so it's not i don't even
think it'd be an argument for him to
really bring that up wow that's pretty
deep i mean so now okay once the family
is united yeah that's one of the
benefits now the two can come in they
can go ahead and you know work together
to raise the child right but once now
things split up and sometimes one is
more concerned about getting maybe uh
revenge some type you know you what kind
of things you deal with now and then
it's like they blinded to actually
what's in the benefit of the children
100 and what's different about our
community the muslim community in
general is that for some reason as soon
as a fight happens we run to the divorce
attorney rather than trying to work it
out rather than filing the quran in the
sunnah in terms of how we're supposed to
deal with it you know stay apart appoint
a representative from each side talk
negotiate get something done but no
right away our community jumps to the
lawyers and all of that emotion is being
carried forward in that litigation and
so you see people going crazy at the
beginning
where they spend so much money to try to
stop the other side from seeing the
child and the other thing i would say is
that you're correct as soon as we give
up control
from our family or from our community
and we leave it up to the court system
forget about it right there's you're
just one out of a hundred cases in
family law right now and they don't care
about the morality they don't
necessarily care about anything except
getting the case done it's interesting
now i mean obviously
it's it's unfortunate again i mean may
god almighty allah guide them
you know to
the truth and to live a morally upright
life and you see
now they have all the money the kim
kardashians the um
kanye west yeah but you can't get rid of
the pain now that uh that a person is
going through the drama yeah the trauma
it's like especially on the children and
that's the thing for us our kids are our
biggest assets right and for us to be
able to pass on what we have to the next
generation is huge but if if we are now
creating
drama and trauma where now these
children have no connection with their
parents they've been interviewed by 10
different people from the court system
how do you think they're going to be
when they grow up do you think they're
going to be successful do you think
they're going to stay on the dean of
course not we have to have foresight in
you know really i don't think we're
going to stop divorce but we have to do
it according to the sunnah
towards the end he was saying something
about
in his experience now he's seeing that
the court
is more in favor
towards his wife now it's just kind of
and we've heard we hear this a lot i
mean now we're getting going to a family
attorney like how is it set up is some
men say like it's set up for a man to
fail
so
there is a
bias i believe in when it comes to
custody to favor the women right and the
system that we're using is a system
there's no presumption of 50 50 in
illinois especially meaning you don't
start the case with okay now we're going
to start 50 50. one party has to prove
why you should get less or more no you
start with zero and usually what the
status quo is is that the mom or the
wife or whoever who's staying home with
the children or who quote unquote spends
more time with the children will end up
keeping the status quo and having more
time so it becomes an uphill battle for
the
uh you know spouse or the husband in
this scenario so i think there is an
inequity and i don't know what the
solution is islam has a solution um but
yeah i don't think the court system is
doing any favors to our children so what
would you tell him now like what would
you he's he's trying to get his daughter
to go to to uh religious service
you know he's trying to like uh and
that's kind of it's kind of ironic isn't
it um
uh
now
and let's go let's go back i mean you're
also obviously a family attorney but
you're someone who tries i mean
obviously like us any muslim lived by
the quran in the sunnah of course yeah
so how important is it that you really
got to be on marrying uh you know let me
frame this right yeah you know if
somebody is so people can for a lot of
not yet muslims out there
they can understand with some simple
examples let's start off with if you're
a conservative republican you probably
want to watch if you're going to marry
say say it's some liberal democrat you
know sure
what other example let's say you're very
extremely uh vegan sure and now you're
going to marry a a meat eater right got
i got meat i'll do in the fridge or what
else can i give you let's say you're
somebody who is uh really recovering
alcoholic gambler
you don't want to go to the night clubs
anymore but you're trying to you're
possibly going to marry someone who
loves drinking and partying it's
probably not going to
work how about when it comes to now dean
you know when you when you
marrying someone really who is on the
same wavelength as you who's someone who
loves you their creator someone who
loves to live a morally upright life
because we hear horror stories where
someone is just you know infatuated with
the looks of a person then they get
married and then the kids get involved
and then it's like all the all the all
that other stuff wears off and they come
to see you yeah absolutely and that's
the thing right is that we look as at
divorce as the problem but i think it's
really a symptom right i think the
problem really is how we're choosing to
get married these days the way we're
choosing to get married unfortunately is
based off of pictures off of profiles we
don't know these this person's
background the family they came from we
don't know any of that information but
we'll go ahead and invest our whole
entire life into this person and
continue on so again we have so much
benefit in our tradition on how to make
these relationships strong because it's
not like you said it's not about the
love necessarily yes love comes but it's
more about the values the practical
union of these two individuals can you
raise a family can you make sure that
your kids follow the dean generation
after generation so we have to start
from back here at the marriage in order
to avoid things like this you know do
you find yourself almost kind of like
even being a marriage therapist
sometimes yes yes i i do you know and
sometimes
i like that because that's more of a
holistic approach you're not just you
know someone coming in and now like you
know i want a divorce and then they're
just looking how much money they can
suck you drive from subhanallah and
that's the problem right is that you see
so many
lawyers who they all they smell is money
and it's not about fixing the marriage
it's not about doing it the right way or
getting to the end solution is about
know how much money can i get out of
this case and so
when you come to my office the problem
is is that you've kind of decided you
wanted a divorce right and so of course
you're going to have the questions about
counseling and things like that but i
think more so where i want to be
different
is
explaining the divorce process and
what's likely going to happen look at
the end of the day you're going to have
to live with this person for the next 18
years you have to raise this kid you
want to keep them on the deen look
overnights might be okay let's not
deprive dad of time let's make sure
dad's in their life let's make sure that
mom's in the life like
i think that's what more lawyers need to
do for their divorced clients rather
than fueling the rage needing to calm
them down and show them the future you
know you'll see these are the people
with the most followers these are the
people that all eyes are on but now when
you see their lives just crumbling in
front of you but the dean islam has all
the solutions right yeah and then look
at this nightmare of a situation i want
you to imagine this now
upon their father's requests
shouldn't
be allowed to come to
sunday service
at this point it's it's going too far
god please
the boyfriend
texts me antagonizing me bragging about
being in bed with
my wife i thought i thought it publicly
for a year and a half has been i've been
dragged and how she not my wife she
don't have a last name and now he
texting me talking and bragging about
how he's in bed with my wife and i'm
like well who's watching
my children if he's texting me bragging
about being in bed with my wife
and and i thought this wasn't my wife no
more legally since i got
the
uh you know i got the lawyer to finally
finish the divorce because every time i
finish this show the free hoover show
the next day she dropping her last night
every time i do something positive it's
some negative that's covered what are
you telling me what do you do in this
situation now i mean if someone's
do you have you been through in the
muslim community 100 come on 100 percent
kidding me i've seen the names oh i've
seen it worse than this this is i mean
this is i mean it's weird to listen to
this guy like talk about his life online
you've become a newer to this it's like
you've just heard all the you're
absolutely totally it's sad nothing
shocking anymore nothing at all i mean
subhanallah i
look every community has problems
muslims have problems too the thing is
that you know if this guy had the
solutions or if we had the solutions we
would have a better result
i mean
what do you tell this guy i mean
subhanallah you know become muslim
number one but number two is
a lot of this is going to be something
you just got to deal with right because
the system is not there to help you
community society no one's there to help
you almost have to kind of internalize
it and get the therapy to get through
these things and again if we rely on the
system to solve our problems our the
court system to solve our problems we're
going to be
lost and destroyed we need to have our
own dispute resolution
centers and you know institutions built
so that we can apply our own tradition
in our own values in our cases so for
him i mean i think the only thing is to
see if you can get rid of that animosity
in your heart and think about the
children and pray that the other person
loses that animosity in their heart but
i don't know let's say you're a muslim
one who's submitted to the will of god
you're trying to
you know be a good human being you're
trying to live by the quran the sunnah
okay well let me back that up i mean you
weren't in the beginning right you made
some mistakes but now you are but then
you maybe you married someone like early
i made that i've i framed that you
married someone
uh that is of a different uh religion
faith or no faith whatever the case yeah
and now you're turning back around
and now you find yourself in a really
sticky situation right now you're seeing
like she don't want to change towards
the better she still has friends who
want to go to the nightclubs you don't
want a wife like this who's drinking
partying right being
you know out there like just for the
world
you you you want to care for her nourish
her you love her but she's more
concerned with for or the opposite way
around maybe it's the man
maybe it's the man maybe he's a scumbag
right yeah either way so
so now what happens here like in a
situation what can you do
uh in in in this situation where now
you're trying to get them to go to the
masjid you follow me yeah and they're
holding them back yeah does it go back
to what you said earlier you're out of
luck you're there's nothing like he
wants to get him to to sunday service
you want to get your child to the masjid
yeah but now they're in spite of you
they're trying to you know not cooperate
and
so i mean there's arguments you can make
in court right there's there's things
that you can show in court as to why
this is perhaps the habit of the child
perhaps this is what's best for the
child this is what is providing them
connections in the community they get
certain resources in a leg up in society
by being part of these organizations
religious organizations so i mean there
is something you know
if you're asking from a legal
perspective if there's something you can
do yes i mean there's arguments to be
made right um
but at the same time from a practical
level right and i'm going to kind of
answer it in two ways is one
um before the divorce right i don't want
to say that divorce is 100 bad all the
time right it might be warranted in
certain situations but as long as if it
is warranted to do it in the proper
manner so it's not impacting your
children
but secondarily
you know
this is kind of more of a religious
point i guess is that we can't change
people's hearts
you know yes maybe we made a mistake
maybe we didn't look at the values but
now it's done right and maybe god put
you through this test to teach you
something else or to bring you somewhere
forward or to show you the light in some
other way um
but what i would say is you know find
your purpose because your purpose is not
marriage your purpose is not having
children your purpose is something
beyond that and i think if we can kind
of rip ourselves up and kind of zoom out
instead of diving into the drama and
posting in all this online
i think that's where you find that
tranquility
you also talk about where
you're seeing that marriage is almost
becoming a thing of the past can you
elaborate on that yeah yeah so i was
just thinking the other day like you
know i'm a divorce attorney i didn't
plan to be one but
when i'm in the business of marriage i
want to make sure marriages are strong
from a dean perspective as a brother
perspective
but i really see like the marriage rates
are declining but for us as muslims is
such a strong institution but the waves
of
the external society is really
weathering away on our concept of
marriage because we are adopting
a
non-islamic version of marriage a
romantic marriage a marriage where it's
all about flowers and you know
daffodils right
but that's not what islam is about islam
says that
half of your deen is how you treat your
family and so if you want to see if
you're a good person or not see how you
treat your family see how your wife
thinks of you see how your husband
thinks of you and so but now when we
have an individualistic society that
doesn't care about that type of thing
marriage is not going to work in that
we also have so many problems with this
within our community about
shifting away from community and
shifting towards let's say online or
shifting towards other things which is
leaving a gap in how we find our spouses
unfortunately we have to go on tinder
and minder and these other places to
find our spouses but you don't have the
value so unfortunately i mean the st the
data shows it
it's on the decline and i hope we as
muslims wake up to it and
you know kind of inculcate this into our
children that
you get married to raise children to
carry on this beautiful knowledge and
tradition that we have
what is it uh when you when you usually
see people uh so it's one or the other
they're they're are they do couples both
come in sometimes they both come in to
see you or is it that conf is that where
they have to one has to choose you and
one has to have their own attorney right
yeah yeah can you ever do it where where
it's because in the dean it should be
you come like allah talk about you come
in peace you leave in peace
why is it where you come in peace but
you end in war subhanallah that's such a
good question that's the thing that's
what i was getting at right is that we
jump to the lawyers and that's the
problem as a lawyer i can only represent
one side yes we can do mediation we can
try to do mediation but a lot of times
what happens is that if you do mediation
with one lawyer mediation doesn't work
out now that lawyer can't represent
either of you okay so the legal system
is forced to
kind of rep pit each other against each
other
but if you went to arbitration or you
went to the imam or you went to the
elders in the community or somebody else
that you trust and try to resolve your
issues there that's where you can
actually end in peace you're not it's
very difficult to end in peace in a
lawyer's office
you know so that would be my first thing
don't jump to the lawyer's office
necessarily i mean look at this i mean i
want you know people to really let this
sink in you have imagine like someone
wants to sell their stock and they're
telling you to go away from their stock
i mean this is really this is what a
muslim is about god conscious who really
is more concerned with
the next life than this and you're
giving you know beautiful advice you
know stay away from the lawyers
seriously accept me i like that i mean
this is really beautiful i had a
uh you know you talk to different people
and it's really tragic to see and may
god almighty allah protect
us and protect those who are going
through all of this and
let this really sink in there was a case
of and there's a lot of these cases are
you seeing this is actually from a
marriage counselor and an imam himself
who went through the whole system and he
felt like uh possibly he went through
this so he can see what's in the system
and he saw how a lot of this corruption
yeah that's happening and he he's now
the opinion that you shouldn't even get
married that's like something you should
really consider even going through uh um
the you should just do the nikah you
should just avoid all of this because at
the end it will
just you'll be going through the ringer
it's it was a try it's true it was
traumatizing for him you know absolutely
so i mean i've talked about this before
and i think that it's something that
i've entertained in my mind right what
are the pros and cons of getting a nica
and not having the state involved and
all of that and i think that what it
came down to and kind of the conclusion
i reached was
that
okay maybe do get married under the
legal system because what happens a lot
of times is that perhaps our sisters the
the most vulnerable in our society
individuals who are newly muslims i've
seen this a lot where sisters are you
know
they they believe in the perhaps the
western concept of marriage they get
married a few years later they get
divorced and they realize that okay i'm
not protected under the legal system
okay for her that's really bad on the
other hand you have divorces where you
go to the legal system and now the guy
has to pay maintenance for 20 years and
half his property is gone so there's
extremes on both sides i think the
middle ground would honestly be to to
get a prenuptial agreement
i think that
islam
has certain terms that a marriage is
supposed to abide by and we have the
freedom in this country to enter into
those contracts and make our marriage
and our divorce
divorce especially in accordance to
islam so i would caution against maybe
and again i am a lawyer right so i have
to be careful in the type of things i
say but i would maybe caution about just
getting a nica unless you truly
understand the impact of it and i think
maybe the safer route and what i think
our community should rise to is making
prenuptial agreements common that's the
i think that's the are we seeing more of
a trend in that now only recently only
recently i think there's going to be a
lot of scholars a lot of uh academics a
lot of people in our community is going
to watch this i should watch this pass
this along
and this is a great starting point for
many people who haven't even considered
this because someone who's have you seen
this uh documentary i think it should be
just standard watching for anyone who is
considering divorce or wants to go ahead
and get more enlightened on what we're
talking about divorce court yeah yeah
i've seen that i've seen that
we have serious problems in our family
law court system this is a business the
more you charge the more people are
willing to pay
and i said to the litigants i want you
to know after two hours we will have
spent more than most people in this
courthouse making a year
your home your your valuables are all
going to be sold to pay the lawyers and
people like me
even though i was acquitted he still
made a decision to take my son away from
me his birthday was last week and i
didn't get to see him what you have is a
tinderbox and the lawyers are throwing
gasoline on that fire the system is
designed to create conflict
50 billion dollars crazy and it's all
the lawyers is the lawyers getting rich
your college funds your your retirement
that house you saved up for you're
paying for the lawyers college you know
you're not paying for your own and
you're taking it from the kids yeah
subhanallah
ultimately what's happening that's
what's happening that's what's happening
yeah you're leaving a family solution
solution an intimate solution to a
corporation to a court system that
you're just a number for yeah yeah do
you see this because a lot of times
an imam or sheik has good intention he
says like look it's out of my league i
tried just and he pushes it over here
you know instead of like you know having
more involvement he actually directs
them to this system not knowing what's
how corrupt the system is do you see
that happening i do see that happening
and i think it's our community's fault
we have a little gap right now right we
have the imams
you have the therapist and then you have
the lawyers but there's a big gap over
here and that needs to be as i was
saying arbitration centers our own
dispute resolution so if imams could
refer them to these places instead of
the lawyers that might be one way to
save money and have our principles
um control they they're they have that
set up a lot of times in the uk i see it
more so uk has it the jewish community
has the jewish community has it right oh
my god yeah already here in the states
here in the states in new york they're
all over the place
there we have we could do it we could do
it but i'm surprised it's not being done
insha'allah make dua for me i that's my
goal inshallah that's my goal that i
want to establish a
arbitration center our mediation center
where we can combine lawyers scholars
mufti's
psychiatrists experts in that particular
field to help us resolve uh issues and
disputes in our own community so make
the way inshallah that that actually
happens inshallah this could be a
star i mean catalyst for that i hope so
this is very very well needed uh tell us
now you also talk about the difference
between when you go on you see a lavish
office you know the 567 900 attorney
yeah not much difference from uh
no
not at
i don't think so not at all no i think
what what is important is experience and
reputation right
having a big office or having
um charging a lot of money doesn't mean
you have those things
right your lawyer should know
at least know
five of the judges in each county that
you want them to represent they should
have at least some familiarity with that
judge they should
have a reputation
amongst other lawyers to know to resolve
cases rather than just being a pit bull
and so what ends up happening is that
you think you're bringing the big guns
but all you're doing is you're taking
that money like we said before and
giving it to these lawyers who are not
going to have anything better
or give you anything of more value than
your average three four hundred dollar
attorney that's my opinion yeah
um it's solid i mean i think uh this is
if somebody's experienced right they
know the law yeah a lot of it's just it
seems like it's show i think so too yeah
i think so too it's a lot of show and
that's the thing is that you're creating
a mill
because what you do is that you bring in
the cases you have a bunch of paralegals
in the back who are doing all the work
and you know you're pushing it along
without your own values your own advice
actually coming to the client you
basically are a yes man to your client
and for that client it's all based on
emotions
as a lawyer you're supposed to be their
logic you're supposed to tell them to
think in black and white rather than
thinking in revenge
but if you're those big lawyers that's
usually what you thrive on is that
animosity you mentioned the word revenge
yeah let's talk a little bit about that
what have you seen with and you can spot
it you can spot where it's like this is
more emotional this is not according to
the dean like we need to like think a
little more logically here you know talk
about something yeah and so what i was
saying before too right is that as soon
as the problem hits we go to lawyers and
it's it's usually revenge that's what's
motivating it is how could you do this
to me right how could you do this to my
family and here's another thing and it's
sometimes it's not even the two
individuals it's their families
who are throwing more stuff at the other
side saying you've you know dishonored
our family and so it's these extraneous
people who are putting more fuel in the
fire feeling the fire just like in the
documentary the lawyers admit that it's
already a tinder box and they're putting
just fire fire they're adding yeah yeah
why do they when another thing is
documented talk about they have you fill
out you know paperwork
to show how much
at the end
you're worth yeah what is this about so
they can at the end suck you dry how
does this work
that's what this documentary alludes to
yeah so basically every case if you're
going to fight about money the first
thing you have to do is call the
financial disclosure in illinois it's a
nine page document where you literally
write every source of income how much
taxes you pay payroll taxes what are
your current balances on your accounts
what are you how much you spend on
clothes food you break it all down and
you have to attach your bank statements
your tax returns and your pay stubs
that's like
standard so you disclose it both sides
disclose it but that's not it
if you want to go deeper you can go
deeper and say you know what i don't
really trust what's happening in these
financial disclosures you can go three
years back five years back and get every
bank statement you can get experts hired
to evaluate to see if they spent money
so yeah finances and children are the
two major things in any divorce so
that's really what the case is
concentrating on one thing the imam told
me who was himself going through this
firsthand
he was sharing with us he was saying
that one thing is the technique that
they do the attorneys is that once
you're with them now and we're not again
we're not talking about stream situation
where someone's throwing a right hook
uppercut you know no we're not talking
about that
we're talking about now that there is
obviously some tension and disrupted and
now let's say the husband or what
someone they're trying to get back
they're trying to work it out but now if
they get with an attorney the attorney
says look no speaking to the person they
got to come through me so they close
that door
and there's no more talking yeah what's
going on there so sometimes it can go
both ways yes i have seen lawyers who
say look all communist
communication should go through me you
hired me for a reason for the
communication aspect i'm gonna be your
logic i'm gonna be your filter sometimes
that works i'm of the opinion that the
communication especially if there's kids
that keep the communication open between
you and your ex-spouse because you're
going to have to deal with each other
forever so yeah i would be a little
cautious if lawyers telling you not to
do that
at the same time
there are instances where men or women
use it as an excuse to say my lawyer's
telling me i can't communicate with you
when really they feel
low self-esteem they might not feel
powered empowered in the relationship so
they kind of use the attorney to speak
on their behalf so it can go both ways
going back what are some of the before
we even get to this like what are the
now
i mean as a practicing muslim
the signs that you see before they even
because these like you said these these
are the the symptoms of something
greater it's at the end you know but you
can prevent a lot of these things and
you i'm sure you have
you know foresight like if they would
have done this or this they could have
prevented it you know a lot of things go
back to just following the dean properly
100 so what are what are the some of the
things that advice you can give
you know if we back it up
um
to prevent someone from coming having to
come see an attorney yeah no that's a
good question so first of all
look the prophet saw allah
told us there's four things you're going
to look for in a spouse right you're
going to look for wealth lineage beauty
but the most important thing is their
deen
and we kind of we kind of just look at
that in a very superficial manner okay
they have a beard they wear this they
wear this they do that you don't really
know if they pray you don't know what
kind of things are happening in their
family
and so i think that the
that the first thing is
to understand the other party's values
forget about the appearances forget
about all that and learn about them
i think second is to do pre-marital
counseling and that's just like there's
a stigma against
counseling in general therapy in general
we need to remove that and especially
for premarital counseling i would tell
every imam
not to do a nika until you do premarital
counseling khalil said there's so many
of them that do a four session
pre-marital counseling they learn about
each one of you individually you take a
personality test you talk about your
past you talk about your parents
relationship because these
traumas the the way that you view the
world
is going to have a very big impact on
your marriage the other thing i would
say is
don't be so
allergic to
the advice of our parents
right
they have wisdom they've seen life
they're looking 70 years behind and
giving you advice so don't discount it
entirely right so there is a lot of
wisdom when our parents tell us to look
at this look at the family look at you
know x y and z and so don't just throw
it all out and not take any advice from
those who are around you that's deep you
know because if you have you know um
two young people and then you're going
and getting advice from just anybody
let's see a friend who's not even
married
it's crazy right
but your parents over here they've been
through the ringer like and they
survived they got some good why you just
going to exclude that
sorry this this is very important going
back to this
and i just again i want to frame it uh
because a lot of times people there's
just so many
sensitivities
and roadblocks to when you want to give
advice everyone's like don't judge me
don't we're judging every day you know
you're judging someone uh if they're
doing something good or a lot of times
you know uh people uh judge on other and
other aspects
you know from what we see what's
apparent but only god almighty allah
obviously can judge you know the hearts
but so if we look at this example from
people who put their lives out there if
you were to give let's say kanye who
seems like he's a religious person
so we'll translate it from here to now
you if you are a young man looking to
get married and you're just looking
about looks what are you going to expect
i mean kanye he married someone who's
just known for putting themselves out
there right yeah i mean yeah what do you
what did you expect i mean i think this
is all a show anyways but that's a
different story yeah
so what do you expect now if you
now let's take that and
take it to the muslim's life you know
what i mean
young man he's looking to get married
but he's just focused on the looks yeah
or the woman same thing it goes both
ways she's just like oh that's my prince
charming and then how much does those
hollywood images affect the woman in
fact the man the fairy tale marriages
absolutely i mean that's what instagram
is doing right that's what most of
social media is doing is it's selling
you this lifestyle which is just not
true this whole romantic aspect of
marriage is very new it's only 1500
years right
most of marriage was a
practical survival
human need that society you know put
forward so i think for us to for the
young guys out there who are looking for
women or the women who are looking for
guys like
you gotta get deeper right deeper
not only when you're looking at marriage
but deeper in your own life right like
ask yourself why do you practice islam
do you believe what is your purpose like
i think unless
you know kind of backing up a little bit
when we look at different world views a
lot of times we look at it from a lower
level but we have to zoom out so like
there's ontology anthropology there's
different ways that you can kind of
look at a world system and critique it
what we're doing with this marriage
aspect are when we're telling a guy hey
don't look at only looks the problem is
that for the last 15 20 years that's all
that's been touted to him and taught to
him is that it's what the way that
things look how you're perceived in
society that's what matters so there's
almost like this un-brainwashing that we
have to do and i think it really takes
us to
have fraternities almost for men to show
them what character means to show them
what it means to be masculine and to be
a man and i think that
these things that we had in the past
would help men understand what it means
to be a man and what to look for in
wives so i don't know if i can give just
one bit of advice but i think we need
kind of a training system for our men to
become men
this is so important and there's there's
another thing i want to touch upon it
could be sensitive but it's very
important
uh that we you know discuss these things
and um
hopefully so they don't end up again
because the end result is over here
coming to see you right or an attorney
in a flashy office and just wasting all
the money at the end of the day uh so
now some scholars have told me eddie
this is something we're seeing and you
know you can inshallah be
brave enough to talk about this
and and this is out of love for our
brothers who might have fallen into it
sisters what's your have you seen the
complaints of this sometimes you'll see
you know in jahalia yeah you know we've
had a lot of the men they'd have their
trophy girlfriends right and they'd
flaunt them all around but you know as
muslim men we have rita you know with
this protective loving uh jealousy so
now uh they the scholars are saying
they're seeing this as a catastrophe
about to happen where a lot of the
brothers now they're taking their their
whys and putting them out there for the
world to see in a way and this is not
just them just taking one picture
together they're making their career on
instagram or on facebook and you know
putting his wife out there with the fish
lips and you know just her with all the
makeup and just like putting her out the
for the world to see you know what i
mean or the wife has uh yeah so what
what uh have you have you seen this at
the end a result this
divorce linked back to something like
this where it fell apart because of
things like this social back to social
media yeah i mean i've definitely seen
the slippery slope of social media
slippery slope right of social media of
putting yourself out there i mean i
can't imagine anybody ever thinking that
i want the world to see my wife and
maybe that same guy five ten years
before didn't think that right but
that's how shaitaan gets you it's step
by step right and i think
there might be some you know may god
protect us all like maybe some
deficiency or some hole in your heart
that you feel like by getting the likes
right because nothing else is getting
you the likes by exposing your
your family
your wife you're the mother of your
children that you that that's how you
want likes i think that should be an
introspective
place in your life to see why do i need
to do that
you know
who are your children going to look up
to i mean
it's like
as a sad reality but and then the the
someone else says well what's it to you
but then the person says look because
now it trickles down now instead of
being a good influence now hold on uh my
family wants to do the same thing you're
doing it and now we want to do it now
you're setting bad trends and it reminds
me of the hadith of the prophet saws
said the one who sets a good trend you
know a good sunnah revise something good
does something good we'll have the
reward of it but the one who said some a
bad trend will have the consequences of
that you know that's him absolutely yeah
so this is very uh very um
deep so a lot of these things it kind of
has we've kind of get been inculcated
into the culture yeah and we're not
seeing things from the dean perspective
exactly we just got to step out of it we
just got to step out of it you know
maybe take the month of ramadan or take
some you know sorry cutting you off but
yeah take ramadan for example as a
opportunity to
dis associate yourself and disattach
from this virtual world concentrate on
your family concentrate on your kids
that relationship between husband and
wife really that's the most important
thing that we have is our family and our
spouses our parents and the whole world
is just a distraction from that in my in
my belief and that's why i'm so
passionate about this area i've never
wanted to be a divorce attorney but i
can see now that allah is opening the
doors where by understanding how the
community is going to divorce then i can
inshallah talk about marriage and
just use this opportunity inshallah
this is great advice ramadan right
around the corner yeah now is that time
you know that spiritual boot camp yeah
that's right what else can you share
with us before we before we conclude are
there are there any stories that really
stood out that really pain the heart
you know
incidences that you can recall
you know things that people can connect
with and they can go ahead and now you
know use that example to have a real
thing that they can touch feel and that
can impact their lives which are better
from some kind of story story that
you've been through in some kind of a
tragic divorce sure so before the story
this one thing you know i want people to
understand about marriage is when you go
to that courthouse and you're getting
that license what does that actually
mean honestly this should make you sign
a waiver because there's a lot of things
that you're signing when you're signing
that license even though they're not
disclosing it to you from the date you
get married whatever assets you earn
the businesses the savings account
whatever retirement account everything
you accumulate
is going to be put into one pot and
divided
whether you earned it the other person
earned it it doesn't matter
you are considered one human being one
individual according to western marriage
laws and so the implications that come
with that are huge and so that would be
one thing that i'd like the muslim
community to understand and anybody to
understand really is what are you
actually signing up for when you get
married
from a story perspective
man i mean i don't even know where to
start i have cases where kids are locked
in the basement i've had cases where
people are putting cocaine in the kid's
shoes so that they get caught at the
airport i've seen
cases where they're not muslims are they
they're all muslims man they're all
muslims
they're all muslims i mean i've i've had
i mean this is very explicit but i mean
kind of going off of your instagram
people where people are putting um
their lives on blast
so much so that our we've got into like
perversions almost where people are
exposing their spouses
and that's leading to divorces you know
um
just these crazy things i mean
from a story perspective the craziest
one i can think of i mean there's so
many crazy ones but one that really
sticks with me is
a guy his kid's name is the same as my
kid's name
but
his spouse told the dcfs
that he stuck something up his child's
behind okay
and reported to dcfs
emergency motion couldn't see his kids
she filed another dcfs another dcfs
this guy hadn't seen his kid and it's
funny every time i talk to him he's like
i saw my brother 341 days
that's how we used to talk because that
was how long it was since he
didn't see his kid
there was a psychiatrist involved who
was essentially brainwashing the child
to make him believe that the father is
dangerous so he came to a supervised
visit with a shield and a sword to
protect himself from his father like
that was the spewing that they were
doing in this kid's brain to make them
against the father
after
30 40 50 000
finally got a psychiatrist report to
show what's actually going on and he saw
his kid after a whole year
and that's just one out of a dozen cases
that i have where parents haven't seen
their kids
allah protect us
i'm speechless i mean
this
wow subhanallah based on a lie
oh yeah this was all started off for a
lie yeah and that lie was what motivated
from what
hate revenge what everything and that's
the thing in our system like in the
criminal world you can't go to jail
unless you're proven behind a reasonable
doubt or you can't be convicted beyond a
reasonable doubt that's not how it works
in family law in family law you make the
allegation usually what's going to
happen is that the judge is going to
freeze everything okay you can't see the
kid until we figure out what the truth
is it's almost like guilty until proven
innocent in the family law system
whereas it's the opposite everywhere
else whoever does this if it be a man
via be a woman
i mean this is evil this is just hearing
that this is sick
this is evil and you think you can get
away with it in this life but that's why
there's the day of judgment and that's
why there's there's exactly
you know consequences to your actions so
you know
when people again this could be a man or
woman doing it whoever's doing it is
evil you know
they have to really think and reflect
and it's just i just hearing this i mean
just to keep someone away from their
child for this long and to put them i
can imagine the kind of um
emotional psychological trauma this is
like a torture yeah you need to go
through this
and then to have someone else coming in
and it reminded me of that documentary
the divorce corp where they had this
sick
uh individual who's like into bondage
and all this other crazy like you know
stuff and he's actually the person who's
dictating he's the therapist that came
in and he's telling the father you know
the mother he's telling them like okay
uh dictating how they're supposed to be
if they're fit parents yeah exactly
that's what i'm saying why are we having
people who don't share our values decide
what happens to our kids it's sad and
you and you you open yourself up or the
imam or the shape when you send them
over here exactly exactly exactly
wow um let me touch upon this uh you
know
one thing i was thinking about you have
and that goes back to the deen being
perfect this way of life from the
creator islam
you know if you're indulging in dating
and you're you're kind of like setting
yourself up for divorce at the end of
the day like because what is it it's
like test driving it's like okay you
know you go from one person because
that's often the complaint you know like
why are we going to get to know each
other how are we going to this day and
the other but what happens is like
you're training yourself because every
time you date someone what happens like
as soon as things don't go well
you're you cut out you know you go to
the next person and then you get excited
and you're dating and then next what
happens you know things get bad hits you
know
it hits the fan and you're out and
you've done this for so many years and
now you get married and you're really
excited because you thought you found
the right person but it's not and then
there comes the conditioning with
hollywood and all the other stuff
bollywood and now you've already
conditioned yourself by dating to
divorce exactly because you haven't
built those necessarily qualities to be
a good husband or to be a good wife but
if you're just dating because what you
need to be a good spouse is patience you
need foresight you need a generosity you
need these different things that dating
is not going to teach you right only
islam something that you know can give
you morals is going to teach you that
but you're right we don't have the tools
prepped ready to go for marriage because
we're lost in this society
we're going to have to do this again
this is not true this is a very
important topic it's a it's a it's one
of my guests before said this is a
tsunami that's coming and and we need
the academics the you know groupthink
you know we need people of knowledge to
come together and to you know uh really
talk to people like yourselves who are
in the field who know what's going on on
the ground to get in touch with you and
so we can hopefully try to change the
tide you know to do something because
you know if the family is destroyed
society is destroyed where's zuma then
exactly yeah exactly uh so uh where can
people if they want to get in touch with
you and
um so farukihusain.com
is our website if you if you google
muslim lawyer muslim divorce lawyer
chicago we should come up but look
anytime anybody has questions about
islam and how it relates to a divorce or
any scholars out there who are
interested in this area i would love to
collaborate and come up with a solution
because like you said it's a tsunami it
can wipe away
you know we we worry about climate
change we worry about all these things
but what's bigger is our family
the story you just shared with me i'm
still like i know and this is like took
the energy out of you
and you how do you sleep sleep at night
and we're hearing and this is just one
yeah this is just one this is this one
has this uh
left you would almost like what's that
the ptsd
no i mean you definitely have to
separate right you have to separate and
really go back to
what is our purpose
right and you know if i can concentrate
on my family my community and kind of
take that energy and pour it into here i
think that's my way of coping with it
but it is sad man it is it is deep to
see people that you see walking around
in the masjid and again we're not
perfect i'm not perfect you're not
perfect but
it gives you a opening to what the human
condition really is and that the muslims
are not you know uh they're not
blind to it and they're being impacted
by it subhanallah do you ever come to a
point where you're just like
you know obviously
you have certain standards you have to
go by and everything is there and
there's uh limitation or restraints
uh i'm sure because of the law but
sometimes you when you hear stuff like
this when you're going through it your
client and you're just like you know it
just you you want to approach the other
person and be like how don't you fear a
lot you're a muslim right
how how where's your iman what is it
does it ever come to that
i mean
sometimes so like it depends
sometimes it depends why the client
wants you right i'm guessing that if you
hire me
i mean maybe you trust maybe you've
heard something but it's i'm hoping
because i'm muslim yeah right and maybe
you're open to
what
other knowledge or experience i have not
only through divorce but from the
islamic tradition as well to help in
that process
but
besides that i mean
yeah subhanallah
thank you thank you for spending some
time with us of course
thank you so much for having me it's an
important topic i'm glad you're hitting
it and may allah accept you and uh
increase you and you've had such a big
impact on me and the chicago land in all
of america
[Music]
thank you of course
and thank you guys for tuning in very
important topic go ahead and leave uh
your thoughts in the comments below um
if you've gone through something like
this you know your experiences uh
and if you feel this is something that
should be talked about more share it
with your local imam you share other
people's out there so they can get more
of a perspective if you've been also
like this imam that i mentioned who's
actually gone through the system
uh and you have something that you want
to share share it with us and we'll see
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