yes asalam alikum my question is how to
in increase the self esteem in children
okay good question uh by the way self
self-esteem the way self-esteem uh is is
brought into US is that it's our
environment that either determines where
we have a a low self-esteem or a high
self-esteem and that is why again I take
back the the example of slavery because
slavery it was a systematic way of
convincing the slave that he he or she
is nothing but a slave and for this they
employed all psychological tricks to
convince the person that they are
absolutely no good and the fact that
they are slaves that is their Destiny
and they should be accepting of their
Destiny so what did they do now listen
to this they would go into public
humiliation said that black people would
be gathered and they will be taken all
naked in the they will just be paraded
naked in the streets now that is part
that's very disrespectful but the idea
is we are going to absolutely leave you
with not even an aota of self-respect so
we're going to make you naked in in
front of every Joe and Mo and then they
would say for a whole month you're not
supposed to take a
shower so you are now so filthy so dirty
so unclean that you hate yourself not
only that but you also hate the people
who are like you
because now everybody every black man is
not Tak so you don't want to be with
your own because they're being deprived
of that you're god-given right to clean
yourself and the idea is we're going to
do this to you in addition to it was
public humiliation we're going to call
you names we are going to call you a
we're going to call you a big
huge man is called boy your boy you do
this boy you have young kids looking
into a big old man say boy come here boy
you do this so I'm I'm going to use
derogatory terms and I will use them
publicly in order to crush your
spirit sometimes as parents and
sometimes as cultures we are guilty of
this we crush the spirits of our
youngsters we call them names we tell
them they're not capable of doing this
they're not capable of doing that that
they have no opinion to voice that we're
going to make decisions for them they
have no ability they have no right to
voice their concerns or their opinions
so the prophet sallallahu alaihi
wasallam would deal with people and he
would deal with them in such a fashion
that truly nourishes their self-respect
tell you a story that jab
Abdullah a famous companion of the
Prophet wasallam was one time feeling
very sick he was not feeling well so the
prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam went
to visit him now until here the story is
very it's a very ordinary story it's
okay so somebody got sick and the
prophet is going to visit him but what
makes it an extraordinary story is this
that the prophet sallallah alaihi
wasallam was 57 years old and Jab abdah
was 16 years
old so what happens is that you have a
57y old man going to visit a
16-year-old young boy now why is this
the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam
say that that is part of self-respect
Fatima would walk in the prophet would
get up and he would have her sit there
see brothers and sisters they say that
children attention pay to what you do
not what you
say children attention pay to what you
do not what you say so they see how you
treat them they don't hear what you're
saying but they see it they see what is
going
on you know sometimes we lie and we
expect our childr not to lie somebody
made a phone call and uh the son picked
up the phone and the father and the
father said who is it and the son said
it's so and so and the father said tell
him I'm not here I am not here so the
son doesn't know anything he said my
father is here but he told me to tell
you that he is not here okay and he hung
up the phone so the father came to him
and slapped him on the face he said you
idiot you are making me look very bad he
said this will teach you a lesson
and indeed a lesson was taught so the
next time the phone
rang the the the kid picked up the phone
and it was the father's friend and he
said is your father and and the father
is not listening to what's going on and
the kid hangs up the phone so he comes
back to the father and said the father
said who was on the phone and he said it
was so and so friend of yours another
friend said but Daddy don't don't uh
don't worry about it I took care of it I
told him that you're not here
okay so what happen is that many times
it is the information that we convey to
people it's what we tell our children so
how do you nourish them respect them
really really respect them have them
it's okay to voice their opinion
sometimes it's okay to voice their
objection you should have boundaries yes
but you should also give them you know a
freedom to express them and the minute
you do this when they want to say no
outside if they have been taught at home
that it's okay for them to say no when
they are adults out there one day they
will also say no but if at home they
were told that they absolutely have no
right to say no when they go out there
they will also be the complacent people
that we were breeding they will be the
slaves that we were making at home they
will be the enslaved that we were
cooking inside our home and at that
point we're just breeding more slaves we
are bringing on weaker people we are
bringing into our society people who
absolutely lack self-respect the