let's now go to that story of a man of
God who was allegedly caught in the act
one stupid mistake I've let down a lot
of people that's the bottom line in the
past few days I've begun to atone for my
private failings the pastor is said to
have been found in bent with a woman
believed to I've exchanged messages and
photos of an explicit nature with about
six women over the last 3 years there's
no question that I've done wrong and I
take full responsibility I did not have
have sexual relations with that
woman salum peace be with you we have a
crisis on our hands infidelity adultery
fornication it is rampant there's a
statement attributed to Salah houdin
alui who says that if you want to
destroy a nation go ahead and make
adultery and foration rampant and that's
what we're seeing today we're seeing it
prevalent all over it's even affecting
the Muslims and we are supposed to be
people at the highest level of morality
keeping it Chase keeping it real in
marriage so what's the solution we also
have a staggering amount of sisters
women who are complaining because the
imams are not advocating for them to
help get them married and you have men
who are more than capable enough
financially physically to take care of
these women woman in Islam provides a
solution so we're here with an attorney
and a she to talk about this crisis and
to offer some solutions we'll be right
[Music]
back
the this is the is
the this is
the this is the
the back here on the dean show and we
have two not one but two special guests
we have attorney at law Ahmed yes and we
have Shake no stranger to the dean show
Mustafa dean of academic Affairs at
College of Islam uh California Islamic
University how long youve been uh
practicing longw uh since 2000 since
2000 we have a crisis right uh I was in
Florida
about a year ago and aom came up to me
he said look you know there's something
you need to talk about I have sisters
coming up to me and they're telling me
there there there's no there's a lack of
Muslim men who are step up some of these
women are divorced some of them have
have been kind of you know put to the
side because maybe they have a child
they're divorced May widowed and nobody
stepping up to marry these women but
there's people from other Faith groups
who are trying to marry him what do we
do it's it's a catastrophe
we also have a epidemic of infidelity of
adultery we have an attorney and Islamic
scholar how we going to solve this issue
yeah I mean this is something that we
really need to look into and say okay um
when it comes to the idea of women not
being able to get married um this is a
major problem late 20s early 30s or even
late 30s they get divorced the way in
which the community is dealing with with
many of these women is they don't want
to they don't want to marry them and how
do you how do you convince people to
kind of change their their likes or
their dislikes or change their culture
or something it's not something easy to
do uh so one of the things I think we do
need to consider at least explore the
possibility and it's so controversial to
even say it I mean you bring it up and
people are like I can't believe you said
that one of the things we should
consider is there are many women
especially divorced women women who are
unable to get married they they're more
likely to marry someone or become
someone's second wife than as their only
wife and that's an Avenue which we
should actually consider exploring MH
the idea of of of polygyny or the idea
of having a second wife or having a
third wife or something like that which
is technically permissible in Islam uh
but it's something which uh a lot of
people are it's like a taboo now you
can't even talk about it you can't bring
it up people start attacking you
islamophobia all that stuff you know
that's why we have an attorney here to
give us some legal advice can you even
talk about it sure and my from my own
experience is that uh when people are
concerned about um
polygamy or
polygyny especially the idea of getting
into that I don't necessarily think many
people at least not in my community
they're not necessarily as concerned
about the law or about their job they're
mostly concerned about their standing in
the community particularly the Muslim
Community and and there's a there is a
stigma associ
with it and I think a lot of times
people might say something like the law
of the land or the law that doesn't
prevent it and it's true that bamy is
actually not permitted in any state it's
it's against the law it's a criminal
it's a it's it's a it's criminally
prescribed bigamy is the act of somebody
who's married getting married again and
uh and that is of course that is of
course not uh not permitted under the
state law of any State however marriage
in Islam and marriage as exists under
state law are two completely different
things in many ways not merely the fact
that you can marry or a man can marry
more than one wife uh there are there
are certainly there are certainly many
many other aspects to the definition of
marriage how you get married how you get
divorced that are fundamentally
different um and uh and and the social
purpose behind marriage might be uh
might be not exactly the same and so so
those are those are also things that
that you would need to consider marriage
under state law generally means and
there are there are going to be some
exceptions in in some states but
generally means you have to go get a
marriage license um and you have to you
have to follow you have to follow a
particular type of process for the state
to actually bless your marriage right to
for the state to sanction you or say
that
your husband and wife under the law
there are a few States left very few in
the United States and this is where it
might be somewhat of a problem for some
Muslims legally uh is that there are
some states that recognize common law
marriage common law marriage is this
notion that a man and a woman can live
together as husband and wife they just
they just uh publicize to the community
that you know we're married they don't
necessarily get the state's
permission and they would be regarded as
being married and uh and so that's
that's going to be one of the major
pitfalls is that uh you know if you have
a you're representing to the rest of the
world that you're married and one uh to
one to one person then you're doing the
same thing with another person in the
vast majority of the country um that
that particular issue isn't going to be
uh isn't going to be U relevant but but
there might be other potential issues
that do come up one of them and there
are actually many Muslims who are um who
are who who who practice polygyny I mean
that's a it's a it's a relatively it's
it's not uh it's not incredibly common
but it does happen and I would say that
much of the time when it happens it
happens secretly and the reason it does
happen secretly is just because of that
uh the the social prohibition that that
exists a lot of people are just ashamed
um a lot of women in particular they
figure that uh they think that their
friends might think less of them if they
found out that their husband took a
second wife and and those are those are
really things that have to do with the
the social norms in our in our own
Community we're not necessarily proud of
who we are and our and our Dean and our
our our Traditions um and uh and we we
we we're really so caught up in in this
particular culture um that uh we don't
necessarily realize that that culture
might might be harming us and it might
be harming our community and it might be
harming a great deal a great many women
because those women as I mentioned that
example are you seeing this also that
this is a mercy for women that women
many people think okay this is just for
this is something with the man you know
how he's created that's that's the
understanding is that it's just for the
sexual gratification of the man but
that's that's not always the case there
are several benefits for the wom as well
and this is an excellent example that
you brought up something that we're
seeing in the community where this can
actually be an Avenue for many women to
actually get married whereas otherwise
they just have to remain single the rest
of their lives and they're just sitting
there and it's it's not an easy thing to
to never get married your entire life
women also have needs they also have you
know emotional needs they have physical
needs and these are going to remain
unmet for the rest of their life because
something happened because they went and
decided to uh get uh go go to medical
school and become a surgeon and it just
took too many years and now according to
their society they're just too old for
someone to marry them and that's it
you're done you waited till the age of
32 sorry not likely ever going to get
married remain single for the next 40
years uh this is definitely an Avenue we
should consider we're going we're going
to Hot Topic solution we're trying to
save um many people from going in the
wrong direction Keep It All Pure keep it
the way that's pleasing to the Creator
it's there are we going to explore it
talk about it open up the topic that's
what we're doing here on the dean show
don't go anywhere right back you don't
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inshallah subscribe right now and enjoy
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be putting out for you thank you peace
be with you asalam alikum
back here on the dean show with attorney
at law Ahmed shik Mustafa from the
College of Islam PhD scholar Sheik Z in
his book he talks about uh let's go to
the other side he says you know why is
this you know because we see many of the
people I don't know if you want to call
them there's some hypocrisy here let's
now go to that story of a man of God who
was allegedly caught in the act P down
the pastor is said to have been found in
bed with a woman believed to he to be
his church member I've let down a lot of
people that's the bottom line the dirty
laundry list goes on representative Mark
Foley in his questionable messages to a
male Congressional page Clinton critic
nuke Gingrich admitting he also had
extramarital
Affairs even current presidential
candidate John McCain has skeletons in
his closet he was still married to his
first wife when his relationship with
current wife Cindy began one stupid
mistake in the past few days I have
begun to atone for my private failings
with my wife soda my children and my
entire family I've exchanged messages
and photos of an explicit nature with
about six women over the last 3 years
there's no question that I've done wrong
and I take full responsibility I did not
have sexual relations with that woman I
am profoundly sorry for all I have done
wrong just 5 months ago new New York
Governor Elliot spiter was forced to
resign after reports of his involvement
with a highend prostitution
ring they'll try to criticize the Muslim
or actually the Muslim is Muslims are
actually more monogamous than any anyone
out there people are practicing one form
of polygyny you know with their
Mistresses you know they'll get up there
they're campaigning they got their
family even throwing the dog as he talks
about and then next thing you know
they're in some sexual Scandal right
pornography you mentioned this the
statistics of if took all of the uh the
the U Super Bowl the the revenue from
all of the you know Super Bowl the
baseball all these major sports doesn't
even it doesn't even come a fraction of
what is spent on pornography pornography
yeah now he says he said why now why is
this trying to understand this he says
however the reality is very simple that
man is hotwired to be polygamous okay
and he said there's there there are if
if they are not to practice polyg
polygamy and correct responsible and
ethical sense of the world they will
practice an unethical form this
pornography or adultery form of a serial
polygamy involving Mistresses and
prostitutes he also goes to back up that
there are two books to support this
claim back by scientific we're all about
now you know religion is science has
become religion now for some people he
goes backed by scientific studies and
Analysis one is sex in a Dawn and
another the orang of uh sexuality by
Christopher Ryan and the one we have
here a book he recommend by Dave par is
the myth of polygamy monogamy the myth
the myth of monogamy so basically
there's science now to prove that this
is just women might not understand it
but man is hotwired like this what do
you think about that yeah I mean this uh
kind of brings me back to I read in a in
a book of T which is a commentary on the
Quran by a scholar named Abdul Majid
daradi he wrote an article about you
know polygamy or polygyny in Islam and
how do we explain it and you know why do
people people have like a negative
reaction when it comes up and he says
whenever you're addressing the issue you
need to ask yourself three questions the
first question is is it natural the
second question is is it rational and
the third question is is it moral or is
it ethical right and once you answer
these three questions you can figure out
you know what should I still have this
negative reaction or not and the first
question we're talking about is it
natural so you look at it from two
perspectives the first perspective is a
historical perspective like you said the
myth of monogamy if you if you just look
at historical societies it's there's
this myth that many people have that
it's always been monogamous
relationships throughout history and
that's just the way it's been and now
all of a sudden Islam came and when the
Quran came it all of a sudden instituted
this thing about having more than one
wife and no one ever had it before that
that's not the case you look at ancient
Egypt it was practiced ancient
Mesopotamia uh Assyrian Society it was
practiced ancient India it was practiced
ancient Chinese Society it was practiced
the Incas the Mayans every single major
Society even the Hebrews you know the
Israelites right it's in the Bible it's
in the Old Testament you have Abraham
having more than one wife simultaneously
you got David you got Solomon you got
just numerous cases and people just kind
of either don't know this or they just
brush it off when it comes across so
when it comes to being natural we have a
lot of historical pre it's something
that's been practiced when it comes to
science you know modern findings and all
that science has shown that this this
there's this perception among people
that men and women are only physically
different but when it comes to
psychological and emotional and the way
they process their sexual needs and
desires and all of that they're
identical everything else is
socialization and we just need to undo
the socialization and we can solve the
problem but that's not the reality the
reality is I mean you just you just look
at it it's not even difficult to see
research has shown that men and women's
Brains are different in the way that
they process information when it comes
to sexuality it's something very similar
you look at men they spend billions of
dollars looking at women who they pay
billions of dollars to to just to see
women with very little clothing on or no
clothing on right you got Playboy
magazine you got the
swimsuit uh where Sports Illustrated
Swimsuit additions you got strip clubs
you got all these things what you don't
find is you don't find any significant
number of women spending any money
to see men you don't find the opposite
you don't find the opposite play girl
went out of business with the opposite
so you just don't you don't find that I
mean you find a few you know women when
they go to a a strip club or the go as a
whole group it's kind of like a social
thing rather than it's not so much of a
erotic thing they don't get turned on
just by just by looking at something
just by you know thinking about you know
a naked man or something like that so
they process information differently and
that leads to us having different Norms
or or different different ways in which
experience you know people in which we
get turned on and different needs so
there's the aspect of whether this drive
is something natural or not we can
discuss whether it's moral and ethical
and all that stuff but the first thing
we need to ask is it natural it's
natural historically and it's natural
even the drive itself is natural then
you got to decide to what extent do you
have to control it and if you don't
control it or if you don't find an
Avenue to manifest it in in in a pure
manner in in a nice manner what are the
ramifications going to be ramifications
are going to end up being these
extramarital relationships you got
websites like ashleymadison.com which
has millions of subscribers now they're
trying to push themselves into Asia
they're trying to convince people who
are married that you know what here's an
Avenue you can cheat on your spouse with
someone else who wants to cheat on their
spouse sign up to this website will help
you hook up and it's it's a huge it's a
huge business and these are this is a
major problem so from the Bible from if
you're a Christian or practicing Judaism
or any other world religion uh from a
religion from ethical part of religion
or moral part is there any ground to say
that this is forbidden so there's
actually a um the that Mustafa brought
up a number of historical examples of
course that that's that's absolutely
true it's true to the world over even in
the Americas all Native American tribes
actually were poist right however
there's one exception and that's ancient
Rome there you go and ancient Rome and
that's a big deal for us um ancient Rome
you had one official wife uh you can
have as many Mistresses as you want
concubines right well yes yes absolutely
that's Mistresses today same thing sure
sure um and uh but there was one
official wife who had the status uh and
uh and then we we got into the church
the church of the of course the Romans
became very very important because
that's where the church ended up
becoming its most power its most
powerful and uh our legal Traditions as
far as this this uh social Norm of
monogamy comes from not really
Christianity but from this Roman
tradition um and that's what we are
dealing with and so when Muslims are
often um arguing about how polygamy or
polygyny is Haram or stuff like that
because I hear these things from people
regularly they're often just uh they're
often dealing with social norms that uh
came to us from from Rome not really
from our tradition or practically any
other tradition in the world so if you
take okay from one example this being a
a blessing a mercy for women you have so
many women who we gave examples divorced
widowed you know so many men are dying
in Wars what are you going to do with
all these women you know what are they
going to go towards you know they need
their needs met also they need a a
partner in life many end up leaving
their Dean their religion they go up and
maybe fall into promiscuity to
fornication right you need to eat Y and
that's the second question so once you
answer what is natural you say is it
rational meaning does it make sense can
there be wisdom in that especially given
certain circumstan
it may not be for everyone it's it's not
encouraged for each and every single
individual it may not benefit every man
it may not benefit every woman but in
many cases or at least in certain cases
it is it's very rational it makes sense
like you said what do you do when the
population is is not one to one what's
going to end up happening is you got a
bunch of people and generally you'll
have higher levels of women populations
with Wars and all of that even
historically right especially
historically even if you argue in some
cases it's not it's not the case or
whatever it is nonetheless you will have
a a a a not exact one toone map
distribution of maale to female so what
do you do in that case the only other
option is you just leave them all
unmarried yeah and that's that's a major
problem in and of itself we're going to
go ahead and take a break and we'll
right back with more guy willing here on
the dean show subscribe right now and
enjoy all of the content that we're
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you peace be with you asalam alum
back here on the dean show and we're
talking about extending the family
family is good right you want a bigger
family there's some sisters out there
who want to be part of your family
what's wrong with making the family
bigger can we look at it like that
that's what now you have for instance
you look at the um Church let's um take
this example you know this celibacy
thing for people who are um in a certain
priest position we see that there's no
sanction for that by God there could be
uh but we see what happens when you
close that door the natural way I'm
giving you one example when someone has
made God has made natural the intimacy
between man and women within marriage so
now you see some people going towards
another means right with these boys
molestation what this criminal act but
now what happens here you close this
door when the science is showing man is
hotwired like this right so now where
does he go he's on Ashley here he's like
a little rat in a hole you know doing
some scandalous stuff you know these
other people are out there uh you know
who the hypocrisy there following this
this uh what you say the Roman culture
where it was like throw off the
responsibility I have my concubines I
don't have to you know fess up and be a
man and take her as a wife it's a lot of
load of responsibility right what do you
think I mean that's that that's a major
problem because we live in a very over
sexualized Society you know you you just
you just drive down the street and you
know they're trying to advertise a can
of Coke and all of a sudden you got a
woman with like a bikini she's like
almost half naked or almost naked why
because they know men are interested in
that and when you go around and that's
all you see and you know women are this
you know uh make excessive makeup and
there's this whole beauty industry and
everything it starts to get to you and
if you're trying to you know protect
yourself you're trying to lower your
gaze and it's everywhere it you know not
being able to manifest or you know have
this sexual release is going to have a
very detrimental effect you know even on
your health on your Mental Health on
your physical health and there needs to
be Avenues where people can do this
lawfully you know so as Muslims we
always talk about look there should be
lawful Alternatives you know what okay
we can't you know we can't go to the
nightclubs we can't party we can't do
you know drink and get drunk and all
that certain things but there should be
some Avenues to have socialization there
should be some Avenues some Halal
Alternatives as we say to be able to you
know do something which you know just
fulfill the general needs like you know
Recreation or socializing whatever the
same thing happens when it comes to
sexual needs human beings have sexual
needs if you close this door right and
if if there's another Halal door that's
there and it can be open and it can
actually bring benefit and positive you
know effects to the family or to the
individual or to both individuals then
this is something that we should be very
careful before we shut it and like Ahmed
was saying there's a lot of Muslims who
are saying that you know what this is
prohibited this is a thing of the past
Muslims better not try and bring this
back back and these are Muslims who are
even saying this and that's very
problematic you know and and and I
understand where they're coming from
they're coming from two perspectives one
is they're they're they think that
somehow morals have changed they're
looking at this Roman framework and this
you know this Western values and
everything's monogamous we're going to
look bad and things have changed the
other perspective they're afraid is that
if most if if you say that oh Muslims
can do this they're going to get in
trouble with the law now it's against
the law now we got a major problem what
do we do we don't want we don't want
Muslims we're not encouraging Muslims to
break the law that's not the case at all
so that's where a whole another variable
comes into play what what what do
American Muslims do or just Muslims
anywhere where it's technically you're
not allowed to practice it is there
still a way to do that you know that's
why we got experts here a scholar an
attorney Ahmed what do you think now you
have um this dilemma where the person um
is exploring this option we see a lot of
women also in UK this is really talked
about and you have women who finish
school they don't want to be full-time
wives they don't want it they want to be
you know someone who's not having to be
with her husband full-time and this is
something that women are advocating and
they're actually coming we had uh who
was it Yash baz who came he said the
women are coming to they're they're
pissed off at the imams because they're
scared to get out and advocate for these
women but now they're scared that they
might get in some they might have some
ramifications right and and part of it
isn't necessarily ramifications from the
law part of it might also be
ramifications from uh because of
islamophobia uh and and that they might
their name was just going to be dragged
into the mud and people are going to say
things about them and uh and because
there is there is a negative perception
public opinion polls find this polygamy
is generally thought of as being far
worse than adultery um generally by the
American public so uh and uh and there
this of course doesn't make any sense at
least not to me probably not to you or
or to Sheik Musta
but but it's just out there and so so
what we want to do obviously is change
the perception uh and we can't really
change the perception until we've done
it ourselves for ourselves as a
community um as far as how people go
about doing it I I do think that many
people who do go about uh in with
polygyny often do it wrong they do it
out of fear um they do it they maybe do
it out of fear of their own wife of
their own family of their own community
and they'll go out in secret right they
might find two witnesses they might get
an
official official nicah but they're
going to go out and do it completely
secretly uh very likely it'll be
somebody who's non-muslim who's
completely out of everybody's Social
Circles um and those types of things
often end up in complete disaster um
it's it's it's just the nature of that
type of thing it's an incredibly risky
type of activity it's much better to be
completely open about it um if you can
be and I think uh in most every state um
it would be it would certainly be the
case that you can in fact I believe in
every single state you can do it that
way even in the places where you have
things like common law marriage and this
happens when you do something called a
cohabitation agreement um and a
cohabitation agreement uh is is this
agreement a legal agreement it's not
it's not enforced by family courts
generally it's enforced in uh in civil
courts
but uh it's been around for several
decades starting in California there was
this case called Marvin versus Marvin um
a man and a woman just have a contract
with each other an oral contract uh that
approximates marriage or might
approximate the types of types of terms
that you would have in marriage but you
don't actually go out and get this
marriage and it might even have to do
with how property is owned it might have
to do with the rights that that the
spouses have um or the respective rights
of the spouses and you can actually put
this stuff in writing and it's fully
enforcable in the courts um and there
really isn't a limit to these
cohabitation agreements or what you have
now it's important to have them in
writing it's possible to do it um orally
uh generally speaking however you don't
want to be in that situation because you
don't have any proof of what the terms
were uh and so the best way to do this
is to have a contract and not get a
officially married in state court now
there's going to be some there going to
be some drawbacks to that necessarily um
especially if there are people who are
wage earners they have uh uh benefits
health benefits things like that um how
do you how do you actually navigate
those sorts of things I mean it means
probably paying more bills um you know
if you are in fact uh if uh if the
husband is in fact supporting multiple
wives um that's going to be that's going
to be a concern however with respect to
how property is owned um it's important
to have that set up in advance another
thing is that people get married
officially um for the first time I'm in
a I'm in a community property State um
generally speaking in community property
States everything that you uh you earn
through your skill labor and effort
while you're married 50% belongs to your
wife 50% belongs to you um you can't
really do that um and have multiple
marriages and be Equitable as between
various wives and so you would probably
need to not get married in the first
place not officially get married under
state law in the first place or have a
postnup agreement that clarifies
property rights so that you're you're
being Equitable with with everyone you
also want to make sure that things like
inheritance um is covered cuz unless you
have an agreement that specifies things
and you you're taking care of you're
taking care of other types of ancillary
issues like like Health Care powers or
inheritance unless you're actually
writing this stuff down um a second wife
is a legal stranger um and uh with with
somebody who really doesn't have any
rights and doesn't really it's like uh
uh it's it's it's like a simil similar
to somebody who just doesn't know you at
all um and so you don't want that
situation either you want to make sure
that there's something that exists
that's enforceable a cohabitation
agreement specific Ally exists because
um because people might want to get
together um uh and there's some sort of
a legal bar towards marriage or they
just don't want to get married um a
number of other people have uh don't
ever want to get married because um
because that they've been divorced
before they've been burned before and
the system treated them really badly and
they figure I'm not really I'm not going
through that system again I'm going to
create my own system and and it's
actually okay to do that um It's
Perfectly perfectly fine to find to
create your own system out of the reason
why people might do it um in completely
monogamous contexts would be uh um the
elderly for example people who are much
older um they still want to get married
um but as we get older and get adult
children adult children tend to see
their parents getting remarried as a
threat um and to uh to address that
they'll they'll not officially get
married and they'll get a cohabitation
agreement which is something that uh
that I've done before as well for people
people so there are there there are many
contexts to this um I would I would say
that if you do want to um if you are
looking at something where your where
polygyny is uh U is being considered um
Don't Go the official route that will
get you into uh into criminal trouble
it's also a legal nullity I mean just if
you if you have a marriage license you
go and get another one um and and then
you get married the second time it it's
it's an old um a few other things that
that do come up is uh um when uh when
you marry somebody and you don't tell
somebody you don't you don't actually
tell another person that uh you don't
tell uh the other the other wife that
there's another marriage um then uh or
or or maybe there's maybe the the second
marriage wasn't actually official didn't
officially go through it just you know
the there was paperwork but the
paperwork didn't happen and the second
wife thinks she officially got married
but but she didn't and then the guy just
deliberately did that or hid that
particular fact of course that's bigamy
that could be that would be a crime um
but that would also that would also the
courts might actually regard that as
being a u being a legal marriage um as
well uh so you know that that that could
comp that could complicate things um at
least as far as the as far as the other
spouse is concerned anytime I talk to uh
my Christian friends uh you know
brothers and sisters in humanity when
when you when you go because the culture
today notice we're talking about
marriage something that the Creator
loves that it's an act of worship it's
something beautiful we're not talking
about boyfriend and girlfriend and you
know uh a totally different realm
something foreign here we're talking
about uh marriage and I when I bring
this up to people who are becoming God
conscious you know and they maybe has he
the guy's um you know he's not Muslim
but we get into this area and he's I
talked to some UFC fighters and you know
they got all the women around them and
usually they end up falling to
Temptation they cheat but when you give
them this Avenue and they want to do
what's morally right right they want to
be right with God and then they think
they say man this makes sense you know I
like this you know if they're keeping it
real now there's the other guy who's
being fake and now he's like what a
scumback this that and next thing you
know he's the guy who's caught with the
hooker in the car you know what I mean
so uh this is something that is pure
that's in marriage that you know even
they've done us they've asked I don't
know where I read this word the
Mistresses would you rather be a
continue to be a mistress you know
someone off in the Woodwork you don't
know about you're forgotten you know or
would you rather be a wife you know that
title of being a wife is powerful isn't
it absolutely absolutely and you're
being taken care of women are seeking
sugar daddies yeah I mean yeah I mean
there's a lot of women who are are in
circumstances you know I mean they're in
circumstances where they would actually
love someone to take care of them you
know there's there's this women's
Liberation you know kind of you can say
feminist move movement or whatever that
says women you know women don't need to
be taken care of or something like that
and they start you know yelling these
statements and all that and okay maybe
not all of them but there are several
who who would who would love to have a
stable working man who is going to be
contributing to the not even
contributing but taking care of the
entire family because in Islam the man
is responsible for the family it's not
like in many you know many of my
non-muslim friends for example they
share rent you know they're even when
they're married they married and the guy
contributes 50% of the rent and the
woman contributes 50% of the rent they
go out to a restaurant and they split
checks right in Islam a man is
responsible for taking care of the
entire household financially he's got to
take care of the family and there are
many women when they see that even many
Muslims I've come across especially new
Muslims or someone you know they they've
been divorced or whatever it is they
have kids now you know they're like I
don't I don't want to work I have I have
five kids and now I'm divorced or my
husband passed away okay what am I going
to do I'm taking care of my kids and at
the same time you want me to go work you
know three four jobs or something like
that just to be able to you know give
them a basic they would they would love
to have someone to take care of them and
if and if it could only be being a
second wife I know dozens dozens of
women who would advocate for this but
it's that social stigma that we have we
got to limitate that social stigma agree
not even thinking about one thing we
didn't touch upon is a topic of its own
the children you having people having um
uh um relations outside of marriage what
happens there that's another element we
haven't even talked about in marriage
that child is over 50% of children are
actually born out of wedlock in many
different states that's the statistic of
course what I would Advocate would be uh
if I would Advocate cohabitation
agreements then that would probably go
up um but uh but at least with respect
to uh to Islam they're not they're not
illegitimate at all I mean none of the
sahaba of course went down to City Hall
to get married that wasn't like a thing
um in fact even even in the the
Christian tradition I don't believe the
uh uh the Catholic Church even bed to
register marriages themselves this is
the church not even the government until
like the 1500s um in the United States
governments actually started to get
involved with marriage more aggressively
um primarily I mean there there were two
things going on one is that they they
prevent they wanted to prevent uh um
they wanted to prevent black black
people from marrying white people right
that was that was the that that that was
the that was the main thrust of trying
to trying to regulate marriage another
thing that of course happened is uh is
the Mormon Church um and uh and that
there was a lot of um polygamy going on
there were people that were uh uh there
were Church Elders that were marrying on
a near industrial scale um and the
government wanted to try to put a stop
to it and uh and so we have this this
regime of of enforced monogamy um but uh
but of course we we still we still have
this system now where U we have
cohabitation uh cohab vitation is
perfectly legal adultery um is actually
not a crime uh anymore it used to be so
that would have been like in some states
it's technically still on the books um
but uh but even if somebody were to get
a Halal marriage um but uh but not
register it that could technically be
adultery and of course that's not
something we need to worry about the
other thing is freedom of speech where
we have um you know if I call you my
uncle you know I can just go around
calling you say that's my uncle but uh
that doesn't necessarily make you my
uncle or you know so so just because
you're you're stating to the world that
this is your wife doesn't mean you're
going to get arrested for that um and so
those are so so it's actually quite it's
quite safe if you do it the right way um
I I I think it's I think this is all
about social stigma um I think it's
really just about a culture that needs
to be reformed it uh it has nothing to
do with it has nothing to do with the
law okay we're out of time uh we started
with uh this again being a blessing for
women saving women women and men to
falling into adultery losing their Dean
losing their their morality uh you think
you guys can start uh because there's a
lot of women upset with a lot of imams
they're like I do you have that
happening we do we do we do have these
are more women there are women as well
yes yeah so what are we going to do now
I I think we I think we really need more
education in the community again what we
need to emphasize and this is like the
the disclaimer again it's not for
everyone and it's mainly for responsible
men there are a lot of irresponsible men
who are just like you know I I just have
the desires and I just got to fulfill it
more and I'm just going to go ahead and
take some more wives the guy doesn't
even have a job he can't even take care
of the first wife properly you know so
Allah does tell us in the Quran that if
you're able to treat them equitably then
you can do this otherwise you stick to
one and if you can't even do that you
should stick to zero because you
shouldn't even get married in the first
place right so it's very important that
we need to have proper education the
people who are responsible who shown
maturity they're able to handle it the
women who are also responsible who are
willing to say you know what I can
handle this as well I can make sure that
we have a stable you know family in this
type of relationship they the Avenue
should be open for them and the people
who cannot handle it should tell them
this is not something you should just
jump to it's not going to it's not a
magic pill it's not going to solve all
your problems but at the same time we
cannot close the door to those people
who are responsible who can deal with it
and we need to start educating the
community and saying stop closing the
door in everyone's face because this is
a potential it's one of the potential
solutions that we could have to these
problems of not being able to get
married to these problems of many you
know women having children and they're
not able to find someone to take care of
them it can solve many of these
potential problems okay thank you guys
very much God bless
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