[Music]
alhamdulillah that is the greeting of
peace and we wish it upon you thank you
for tuning in to another episode of the
dean show radio show and today we're
going to be discussing Family Planning
where some people went wrong and how you
can go right we love our brothers and
sisters in faith and our brothers and
sisters in humanity who we want to be
our brothers and sisters in faith so we
want to give some advice this is for
everybody everyone can benefit from the
advice that we're going to be getting
from not the car mechanic or the ice
cream man not Bob The Butcher but Dr Bal
Phillips Shake are you there I am and
glad to be back with you again I love
working with you thank you very much
asalam
alikum we are uh gonna be talking about
family planning some people are thinking
about having a family some people have a
family and the kids are young and some
individuals have gotten far beyond that
point some of their kids are already out
in college finished college so we're
going to take an individual's life and
kind of dissect it so everyone can
benefit this person will be a doctor
who's been implementing Islam that
complete
submission to the will of the one who
created us the creator of Abraham Jesus
Christ Noah the Sun the moon and Aramaic
Jesus called this Creator
allaha we call him in Arabic Allah so
this is the creator we're talking about
and this doctor from Hungary or from
Poland or from Europe he's been
implementing Islam for a long time since
he was a teen his parents did also but
he came over to the states
and he had a family but now somewhere
something went wrong and we pray to the
creator of the heavens and earth that he
protects us and helps this individual
whoever it is who's having a hard time
and protects us from having a hard time
now the
children the girl has gone off to
college and she's kind of Blended in
with pop culture she's dating now she's
got a boyfriend two consenting adults
the older
brother he didn't go off to college but
he joined a gang that's another type of
family but there's another son that's
coming up he's not of that age yet and
there might still be some hope for
everybody but we want to see how could
an individual who's been praying five
times a
day but somehow the children went astray
Where Do We Begin
shake well we should begin from the idea
that as you said planning you know is is
a necessity in our worldly Affairs we
all recognize it and we know as they say
if you fail to plan you plan to fail yes
so uh this works in the business world
you know day-to-day world and of course
the family is no different the family is
is is family business that one should
plan out properly one should be aware of
what one's getting into what the issues
are Etc and if one is just bumbling into
it you know well we just got married and
you know we'll just play things by ear
you know as they come you deal with it
you find out later on well I shouldn't
have done that and you find out you know
later on well yes I should have done
that and and so on and so forth you
Bumble through then what's going to
happen is there's going to be a lot of
what they call collateral damage out
there and that's what's happening to
many families collateral damage yeah so
we um when we have to go back and look
at this situation it's good to look at
it right from the very beginning you
know uh how that individual because you
have a man a woman and children okay how
did that individual um get together
together in the first place in terms of
husband and wife you know um often times
you find situations where the husband
he's practicing and the wife isn't or
the wife is really practicing and the
husband isn't you see so when you start
off like that you know this is what they
call this is the time bomb you know just
waiting to blow wow Time Bomb it's a
time bomb because you know it's not
going to work it's going to be such a
struggle you know they going to be a lot
of people hurt in the process
islamically spiritually you know there's
going to be a lot of spiritual damage
there because you know as the prophet
Sall wasallam told us uh that we should
choose our spouses based on the dean so
it means that the woman who's practicing
should be marrying a man who's
practicing so this is the this is the
beginning point because this is this is
where the family starts from so if
you're starting off with one who's
practicing and the other one isn't
you know that that was the wrong choice
that was a bad choice so it's not good
enough to just have the label Muslim has
to be followed up by action definitely
you know because uh it should be action
which is evident in the character of the
people you know not just okay they pray
five times a day but no that they are
good Muslims you know that that's what
you should seek for your children when
you when we've when we're looking to the
future you know we want our Sons or
daughters to marry good practicing
Muslims what's a good Muslim what is a
good Muslim please define a good
Muslim a good Muslim is one who does all
of their basic Islamic requirements from
the heart they're not doing it as
rituals which have been prescribed for
them by their elders and forc on them so
they just do it because it's part of our
culture no they are doing it from the
heart so they pray five times a day not
because people force them so they might
you know pray all five prayers at the
night before they go to bed at night and
you know things like this which are just
not permissible no they pray them and
they pray them on time and you know they
have an internal clock which tells them
hey it's time for prayer you know they
get they find the time they find the
place and they make their prayers you
know and and same same thing with the
fasting and everything else that you
know they are internally motivated you
know they do have a care and a concern
about the religion you hear it when they
speak uh and you hear it when they write
you hear it you know it's it's in their
it's part of their character so the
Islam is the character that's why the
prophet had said that religion you know
the Islam religion of Islam is good
character you know that is that is the
the product that should come out and
that should be clear good character in
the fullest sense good character
relative to deal with other human beings
and that's the most obvious to us as
well as good character in terms of how
he or she deals with Allah deals with
his religion or her religion so now if
you didn't do that from the beginning
you didn't choose a husband wife a
spouse who was of that best character or
maybe they had good character sh but
they weren't implementing the
injunctions of Islam because they
thought to be a good Muslim was
something that you maybe just just did
on Ramadan or you just did it once in a
while and now now that as you called it
that time bomb it it it the time ran out
and now you're in the mist and you got
kids now and you're trying to get your
daughter and your sons and you're trying
to have the Adan play in the house five
times a day but the Beatles are playing
or 50
cents right so you've got a struggle
internal struggle in the family you know
uh mom will be defending pop culture and
Dad will be saying well no we this
should be Islamic you know we shouldn't
have this and you know the struggle cuz
Dad can't he's out working he's out most
of the time so he can't enforce you know
the the Islamic situation the house in
his own absence so mom's there most of
the time with the kids and she's loose
she's not you know she's okay lady she's
nice lady but her Dean is in shambles
you know she's just a ritual she's just
she's she's just a cultural Muslim so
naturally then she's going to allow them
to listen to this and to do that and to
go out you know it's like recently I was
giving a talk to uh a bunch of uh kids
growing up who've grown up here and we
were talking about you know boyfriend
girlfriend dating the kind of thing one
of them said but what if the parents
agree what if the parents don't object
I said okay you know if um if you drink
alcohol and your parents don't object
what do you think about that is that
okay not at all so but that's that's
reality you know you have parents now
who are who are loose and you know it's
all right you know this is another
culture this is another time we have to
you know change with the times and be
able to you know blend in and function
within this society and that's that's
the norm in the society you know my kids
are good kids you know they're going to
keep uh you know they know they
limit but is it good then Fatima got
pregnant Fatima got pregnant yeah so it
doesn't it's not
justified no matter how you look at it
is it no no way so tell us now some of
the other details what can a person okay
so picking out a good spouse someone
who's implementing that total and
complete submission to the one who
created you Islam and the one who does
it is a Muslim and from there when your
kids are coming up you're implementing
it and we have some Muslims who are they
got a big beard they got the thob they
got the
misok but the children some of them are
still not paid attention to and they
think okay since I'm doing some of these
things now they Overlook some other
things and they might send them to the
public school they might not cut off
some of the normal things that are going
on around
them and from here again they wonder why
their children went astray actually
Eddie before they even reach the school
we got to remember that the first school
is the home
school you know it went from from from
one year to to six years when they're
learning at home before they even get
into the school yes so a lot of a lot of
your damage is done during this period
because as you know psychologist child
psycholog Etc have already pointed out
that between the years of Ages of 1 to
five the child's personality character
traits Etc are formed and those traits
are difficult to change lat later on
you're creating in that early those
early years you're creating the the the
human being to come so so if you are not
careful in those early years to make
sure that that child grows up with a
consciousness of Allah then by the time
they hit seven8 they're into school
everything else and you then trying to
you know make them do some little
Islamic things you take them here take
them there so and so but those other
influences are going to be so great that
you're fighting as they say an uphill
battle you know you're not going to win
this battle it's rare a few manage to
get through a few succeed what but most
it's failure so those first early years
those early years one to five you know
that's why the prophet had said teach
your your children Salah by the time
they're seven you know by the time
they're seven teaching them Salah means
what it means not just when you start
telling them okay there's woodo you have
to stand up you have to do this you know
you teach them just the the ritual of
the prayer no by the time they're seven
they're supposed to know that prayer
they should be able to lead the jam
remember in the time of the sahabah
there's you know one of the companions
remember reading about him he was like
six years old he used to lead his whole
tribe in Salah cuz he knew the most
Quran six years old wow and to lead that
Salah means he has to know you know if
you break wind you got to get out of
there you can't you know you can't stay
there as the Imam you pass wind no you
know he he knows what to do if he made a
mistake he knows to do makah you know
all the different things of the prayer
it's not just the mechanics that he's
not got the Quan he's got the basic
mechanics no he needs to know all your
basic knowledge that you need to have
about the Quran by the time you 6 years
old doing that so seven is like the cut
off point that should be taken care of
done finished end of story you're not
even talking about it anymore right yes
so it means for that to happen you had
to have you know been doing that from
the time the kid is like three two three
the kids will get up and start try to
pray beside you and all that you got to
feed that you got to nurture it you got
to praise it and encourage it and have
them make those prayers take them to the
Masjid with you you know remind them of
Allah you know whenever you're
explaining things or you know you're
correcting their behavior you always try
to link it back to Allah you know it's
because Allah said you know this is
something which Allah doesn't like you
know so and so you're always bringing
things back to Allah so that they are
growing up with a Consciousness they
will always in their minds always relate
things back to Allah that is the
foundation that you want to to bring and
establish before you even talk about
putting them into school and then you
have to decide now which school do we
put them into well we talking about
those early years because as I said
those are the key years which will
determine the future of your
child
so from the ages you said of one to five
crucial
years immensely
crucial by seven it's done the job's
done should be whatever you're whatever
you're going to be faced with later on
in life you've made them in those early
years so one to five so one to five now
this is why they're telling people don't
put your kids in front of the TV at the
age of one and two and three these years
don't put them there you know this is
this is non-muslims you know looking at
you know what's happening to the
children and that saying hey this
television is
damaging damaging you know it's it's the
it's your serate father and mother you
know hey we don't need it actually a lot
of people in America have taken
televisions out of their homes you know
or at least the thing is you control it
um you know you put on Islamic programs
you make sure the input that's coming
into the house you got to your
television it's Islamic input you know
so that's what the kids go and watch if
it's cartoons it's Islamic cartoons it's
some message so the point is that uh the
environment that we're going to raise
that child in in those early years that
environment we have to ensure that it is
as Islamic as possible as Islamic as we
can Poss possibly make it so in turn
inside of the home as I said we have to
have a clean home a home that is really
islamically
respectful reminding the members of the
family of Allah it's not a home where
okay you know we put a few verses of the
Quran ayi whatever on the wall in nice
calligraphy and we say okay we got an
Islamic home but you know we got all
kinds of magazines we have all kinds of
you know television programs we have
radio we have you know music blasting in
the background whatever so the the whole
environment is satanic it's not Islamic
you know so very important that we have
a clean home and then outside of the
home because kids spend so much time in
home and then so much time outside of
the home so it means what it means that
you have to have especially in this kind
of circumstance you have to have friends
who are likeminded you know who are the
friends who are your friends who are
your wife's friends who you go to visit
and take your kids with you and she goes
to visit takes her the kids with her you
know these should be all people who
reinforce because you don't want to be
you know building in your home then you
take your kids out and breaking it down
in other people's homes you know so you
have to be very careful about whose
homes you put your kids in you know who
who you let your kids play with you know
it might seem very restrictive hey you
know this is that should be free kids
should be free to play and they need in
those early years to be free no no no no
that is a big big mistake because what
you are doing is you are creating a
monster you know Frankenstein being
created there in your own home will come
back to bite you so you have here as
some things to do you said consciousness
of the
Creator 24/7 that's we can put it on the
things Tod do list and a couple things
you mentioned if we can put it and for
the listeners they can take notes things
to avoid you mentioned the TV some
people have actually taken it out of
your house but if you choose to say keep
it maybe cut off any access to the would
you say Bart Simpson South Park American
Idol MTV you know the Daytime Nighttime
soap operas this is a no no exactly and
and the thing is that you have to
provide
Alternatives because um on one hand you
cut off these things but then for
example in the Muslim world today
there's a lot of work has been done in
media so you have a lot of cartoons and
things like this which are Islamic where
there's some Islamic message moral being
taught in them so they can watch them
they can enjoy them because they're kids
they like you know moving pictures and
things like this so we and we get books
and things like this for them and and
build their their um their their their
environment that they're going to learn
from in the home we have to you know
work on not just cutting out things but
also adding uh things we have to add
many things because we're trying to
counter something which is overwhelming
we have the the media monster outside
which is you know overwhelming and
trying to overwhelm the families
everybody gets sucked into this thing so
we have to develop Alternatives we can't
just you know forbid say no and you know
the child just feels
deprived so we have to fill that void
for them with what is healthy and and
you know it's going to help fulfill the
kind of goals that we have for our
children so take and also I'm sorry go
ahead sh yeah I would say also among the
things we have to put in is the Quran
you know we have to put that Quran in
strongly from the time the child reads
around three years old three and a half
years old they can start to learn the
Quran most people they having their kids
learn Quran when they're already you
know quite big but technically speaking
you know I mean some of my kids already
they they were already reading Quran
reading Quran with tajid at the age of
four you know so it's not uh this is not
they're not they were not super kids or
special no no we just took the the
trouble to work with them you know get
them good teachers and so on and they
were already learning from those early
ages so they should be linked up with
the
Quran right linked up with the Quran
which is the verbatim word of God
Almighty Allah we're going to take a
break and we'll be right back with Dr
Bal Phillips here on the dean show radio
show he created the
universe to him belong the heavens and
the
Earth the ever living He is the
first he's the owner of
[Music]
Mercy he sent his
Messengers to on his
creates of the Grave
dangers of worship in Allah than
Allah there is none
greater than the
[Music]
Creator
Allah there is none great
the
Creator you have to pray as if
everything depends on Allah and it does
but you must work as if everything
depends on you and it doesn't that's my
point you see what I'm saying and I
don't like that I don't like us sitting
here what are you waiting for what are
we waiting for right now what are you
waiting for all these people to come to
Islam what are we waiting for what are
we waiting for right now when they going
to come they're going to come Allah
going to bring these people Allah
subhana put in our hand the ability to
do it now do your
[Music]
job and we are back again on the dean
show radio show we're taking away as the
shik was talking about some of the
poison and substituting it with some
good stuff how about a few suggestions
what do you you know you got zachie have
you heard of zachie
no zachie uh the brothers from um from
down in Australia some real good
brothers from one Islam one Islam yeah
yeah sure they have a big purple zachie
and he teaches the kids how to pray I
think or Huda TV peace TV maybe even the
dean show are these good substitutes
sure sure you have Adam's world and you
know all the stuff which was done by
astrolab from long time ago the puppet
Adam Adam the puppet you know which
where they they did this way back you
know maybe as much as 15 years ago they
started producing them so astrolab has a
whole ton of materials which teach the
kids how to pray how to fast all the
different pillars of Islam are there and
it's done through puppets sort of like
uh Sesame Street style you know so yes
yeah there's no end of stuff out there
that we can gather and just we have to
be conscious of course it's not going to
be just dropping in our lap we have to
make a conscious effort to go out and
build you know a proper Li in our home
which the children can you know reach
out to uh whether it's a media library
or it's uh books and and and magazines
and things like this for the kids we
have to build that environment for them
and as I said link them up with the
Quran and and uh link them up with good
friends you know as the prophet Sall
wasallam had stressed that you you know
the the good friend is like the perfume
Merchant you know if you sit with him
either you're going to walk away
smelling good because because you opened
up enough perfume bottles and the and
the scent has reached you or he's going
to give you actually one of those
bottles you know whereas the bad friend
is like the blacksmith you know you hang
around with him you know either he's
going to be beating the iron and the
Sparks are going to burn your clothes or
at least you're going to go away
stinking of smoke you know so you have
to be very
conscious of the friends that you choose
for your children and um that is a part
of their uh growing
environment and anyone who has a
sensible mind who's a sensible person
they don't even have to be one who has
consciously submitted to the Creator but
they want the best for their family and
hopefully God willing they'll accept the
way of the Creator sooner rather than
later but now they see that this is not
good for my child if he sees two adults
being
promiscuous which a lot of times you'll
see in the commercial commercials you'll
see even in the cartoons isn't this
right so any we're we're saying
something that's logical this is
something that is
detrimental to the
children
absolutely so those early years as I
said we have to be particularly careful
the input that we we we put in there the
environment that we have them in the
contacts that they have outside of the
home uh we have to be working
consciously and conscientiously on all
these levels it's it's a job it's a
responsibility and we can't think okay
we got this weekend school we just
dumped the kids off you know that'll
take care of them you know they got the
little Islam there they got a cardi
who's teaching Quran and so on so but
then during the rest of the week then
you know their their their their mother
their teacher their best friend is you
know the boob tube
so we're fooling ourselves the bo when
talk about H The Boob Tube yeah the boob
tube is television that's what we used
to in my day right maybe that's a
outmoded term now but nice I like
you but uh yeah because the thing is
that um when they show you the amount of
violence I remember reading of some
statistics like in the average um uh
Road Runner right the bleep bleep The
Old Road Runner I don't know if it's
still still shown but they said that the
amount of violence that happens in the
average Roadrunner cartoon far exceeds
you know you're talking about five 10
times you know the the average
Terminator Schwarzenegger
movie so no wonder the kids are acting
up and being violent when they're
watching some of even the cartoons which
the adults might think are
innocent it's promoting a a culture of
violence you know you're laughing at it
you know you know as the as the Road
Runner smashes gets his head smashed in
with an anvil you know hey this is not
something that's funny how can you laugh
at that yeah you know but people oh
that's innocent they don't really mean
that the other thing that you have to be
careful of also is even the clothing of
the children now one of the common
mistakes that people do is that the
little kids when they're growing up they
have them dressed according to standard
Western fashion so the little girls you
know will be wearing skin tight stuff
and their little behind sticking out and
you know it's outer exposed you know
100% top to bottom you know oh they only
kids you know kids out what do you mean
a kids outter but hey you know what if
that child gets used to exposing their
outer from early age of childhood when
you want her now she reaches puberty and
okay now you got to get on at hijab hey
now you got a fight on your hands you
got somebody who has been accustomed to
exposing her houra all the way along and
now you saying cover it all up hey
you've got the serious problem here so
that's why these things I mean I'm not
saying you got to take the little kid
and then put everything on them you know
they're wearing aaya and n and you know
hey three years old no I mean of course
the kids you might find little girls and
that may want to do it right and of
course you do you you you let him do it
don't stop him from doing it if they
want to do it but don't push it on them
right but the point is that the general
dress should be loose fitting not
exposing the houra same thing with
little boys they should not be wearing
you know skin tight jeans and you know
this kind no no this is Haram Haram for
adults and it's Haram to to have them do
it from childhood because you're
creating a mentality that feels no
shyness they feel no sense of modesty
see because that's what's happening
isn't it you know you have you have a
culture of immodesty where exposing the
hour is you know you know they say if
you if you've got it flaunt it you know
so this is the that is the culture we
have to counter that culture we have to
build in the children a sense of modesty
so when they're taking a bath they don't
do it in front of the all the other kids
so the other kids are looking at this
one's hour and that one's looking at
this one's hour and you know you think
oh they're just little kids you know no
you start from the earliest age to give
them a sense that hey no you should
cover yourself you put on your clothes
you go in the bathroom you know so on so
you don't let you know your sister your
other brother be looking at you whilst
you're doing these things I mean once
they reach that age where they can do it
I'm not talking about now the baby's on
its back you know can't even walk so
okay now you got to say a okay you know
we're talking practical you know what's
real when the child reaches the age
where it can put on its own clothes then
they should be putting it on in private
private privacy yes you know not in
front of the other children they should
have that sense of of shyness you're
building a sense of shyness where you
know you don't want your private parts
exposed tell us now Sheik as far as the
children now coming to an age where they
need to go to the school they need to go
to an institution where they can learn
more from than just being in the house
tell us and let's say before you even
get there brother before we say they
need to go and learn more than they're
learning in the house I wouldn't want to
go there because if parents are very
strong you know organized then they can
teach him at home all the way through we
have homeschooling brother we have
brothers and sisters who are
homeschooling their children uh saving
them from the damage of these schools
teaching them from the home all the way
up till they graduate it's happening
this is becoming a big thing even with
the Christian Community yeah sure sure
they can see the damage that's happening
in the school so before we want to say
they need more no yeah they reach the
next stage where they should receive
more but that more can be done in the
home if one is able okay I we have to
admit that the most parents are not able
to do it uh because of their own
training their own backgrounds this can
be improved on so we can have more
people properly trained they have you
know homeschools where they have all the
material already prepared you don't even
have to really you know I mean if you
know if you're a high school graduate
you can handle these programs you know
Culvert and these other types of uh
programs where they've worked all the
details out for you you just got to be
be there with the kid supervise let them
do their stuff and you'll find that the
kids who study at home would be like two
three grades ahead of the kids who are
studying in the public school some
people have compared it to spiritual
suicide or even flushing a child down
the toilet sending the children to a
public school what do you have to say
about this definitely absolutely putting
them in that environment is Haram that's
what we have to understand fundamentally
it is impermissible for a Muslim to put
their child into a public
school fundamentally impermissible why
because it is the right of the child to
receive an Islamic education an
islamized education meaning in an
Islamic environment where their
classmates are mostly Muslims not to say
you can't have non-muslims around them
could be some non-muslims in school also
but mostly Muslims the teachers are
Muslims they're the Administration is
Muslim the school functions according to
Muslim principles it's not a business
you know it's not a business which we
call Muslim school but it's a truly
Muslim school which may be financially
viable because it has fees etc etc to
take care of itself but it is first and
foremost a Muslim school so that's the
right of our children that they are put
and raised and trained and taught in
Muslim schools now can you elaborate on
this just a little bit more as far as
you said now that it's we talked about
the homeschooling you have this option
and then you have the Islamic school but
now totally out the public school is it
because of the principles and morals on
one end aren't to the standards and now
this can have an impact Valentine's Day
Halloween and all the other influences
the mingling of the co-s Sexes and boy
and girls passing each other love
letters at such an early age and this
kind of is acceptable but according to
the Creator's laws the one who created
us this is not acceptable and you'll
have more of this in that institution is
that right we can say brother that
education is
fundamentally the
conveyance of
culture a nation or a people's culture
to the generation which comes after
them that's what we're doing that's
what's happening in the school be
besides all of the other things this is
primarily what is happening that the
teachers are conveying their culture
they're conveying mathematics science
English everything else in a cultural
package right a cultural package which
is for the most part in clear opposition
to Islamic culture so putting the
children in there as we said as you said
earlier is in fact spiritual suicide you
are you know laying the foundations of
the destruction of your children putting
them in public school but of course you
know we have to also look at the
realities you know when we talk about
this realities of how many Muslim
schools are there yes there are hundreds
and hundreds of them in the US now you
know and hundreds and hundreds every
year coming up you know people are
becoming more and more conscious and
trying to do it you know and and uh you
know they after they've seen the damage
that has happened with the first early
early Generations that came through um
because I remember we used to um uh look
at the the immigrants you know as a
convert Muslim in North America you know
myself and other friends used to look at
immigrants who came immigrant Muslims
who came to North America and then we
would see their kids getting all messed
up and everything else you know here in
North America said look at this man you
know these people are really not serious
about the dean and this that and the
other but then as we had kids and our
kids grew up now in North America the
same thing was happening even though we
were conscious and we were trying this
and that and the other we said wow you
know this the the only answer is that
these children must be in Muslim schools
it is a necessity I mean how many
generations have been lost we talk about
the figures of how many people are
coming into Islam daily and they
estimated it somewhere around 400 people
A Day in the US uh you know how many
people are leaving Islam daily maybe
it's 500 you know so actually it looked
sounded nice when we said there's 400
coming in every day but if we got 500
leaving every day hey that's not too
good at all yes so uh we have to uh
establish more and more Muslim schools
and this requires sacrifice and effort
this is where the parents now gather
with other parents and make the
necessary Financial you know and
educational sacrifices to get this thing
happening
you know to establish these schools
across the country more and more of them
uh because uh there is no other way
forward without them there is failure no
some people say well I know so and so he
had his kids in the public schools and
they went through and alhamdulillah they
came back came out and they're good
Muslims and they're doing it yeah you
know there are some people you can find
it in the Guinness Book of World Records
who fell out of airplanes you know at
40,000 ft without and their parachutes
didn't open and they live to talk talk
about it but do do we do we build our
lives on that happening that event no
man that is like a one in a million you
know hey you don't build rule you don't
you don't determine your life based on
these massive exceptions because that
one kid who came through yeah they came
through okay they went to college and
came out look at them now they're top
you know in the community they're right
on it and okay let's look at all of the
other children who went to school along
with this person what happened to
them okay so one survived and 99 didn't
so what's the point of talking about
that
one we got to deal with the 99 because
that's the reality in front of most of
us yes few more points that we want to
tackle before we come to a close very
very important topic that we're
discussing Family Planning with Dr shik
bow Phillips some confusion is out there
also because you have some individuals
is I call it shake Bender rules so some
people who are in a certain Community
they'll have for instance the Eid
Gathering and then the next day they'll
rent out a big huge Hall and they'll
have What's called the cultural folklore
where the men and women boys and girls
the teens they come together and then
they're dancing and doing different
cultural dances and the parents are also
getting together and they got the band
so the the normal person is looking and
saying well the Imam is here and the
kids are together and dancing and the
music is playing and this is a Eid party
right after Eid and then back in the the
outside of the hall the kids are and the
boys and girls are intermingling
exchanging phone numbers and this is all
under the flag of Islam it's Eid brother
the day after and the imams are there
it's confusing now absolutely absolutely
I mean there's no harm in terms of eat
Gatherings and of course we are
encouraged to to gather and enjoy the
Eid and families should feel that you
know sense of uh togetherness on Eid
everything else but it's got to be
according to the rules it's not just a
free-for-all and you know according to
what we did back home and you know how
our culture used to be and and our
cultures most of our cultures are you
know very unlam so I mean what happens
is that people when they get together
well they yeah all the males get
together you know I mean the families
may come to a location together but then
they separate once they get there the
females go off and they make mingle and
they whatever they do their thing you
know within the bounds of Islam again
you know but it's done in in in a
separate fashion because that's the way
that uh Islam prescribes and that is for
the protection you know of the modesty
and the character of the Muslim youth as
well as the adults you know growing up
in in this kind of a society so I mean
you definitely need to deal with the the
bigger kids now because you're moving up
into the age where they're into dating
and all these other kinds of things I
mean you have to uh start finding a a
proper spouse for your children you know
you have have to have this clear to them
in mind that hey you know uh we will
when the time is ready we will be there
to help you because of course A lot of
times parents neglect this When the
Children reach the age where they're
starting to think well you know uh you
know maybe I'd like to get married or
whatever this that and the other you
know that we should be there to help
them you know and um not force it down
their throats later on down the line you
know where it's a matter of cousins and
close relatives Etc you got to marry in
the family in the tribe in the clan
whatever no I mean we have to follow
Islamic principles as we had to be
careful about choosing the proper
spouses for ourselves you know we should
also help them make the right choices
when they get up into that at that age
range and of course the
community must have you know
recreational
facilities uh for the Youth as they're
growing up because if you don't have you
know a place where they can play
basketball or whatever you know you
don't have regular programs taking them
out to the parks or or whatever uh then
they're going to try and find those
those uh
recreational uh you know fulfill their
recreational typee desires through the
common channels that are available in
the society and these channels are
surrounded with drugs and and uh you
know corrupt music and all of The Evils
are there you know gu in the disguise of
entertainment so we have to provide an
entertaining and help those kids develop
entertaining you know environments for
themselves as they're growing up you
know which are wholesome and Islamic and
uh at the same time you know fulfilling
their uh needs
to enjoy and uh to recreate and these
type of things so such a vast topic and
we're just trying to give some advice so
the people can go further and dwell into
this deeper we have a couple more points
we got to get in there tell us as far as
the individual this individual that now
he's listening to this says you know
what I should have did that could have
did that you know what it's happened the
past is the past but now what can he do
is it too late the the the son is in the
gang the daughter's not in the
proper modesty dress according to how
the Creator and the children aren't
praying and etc etc the the list is too
long to list does the father just give
up what can he do now well you know of
course you say you know you got to cut
your losses
um definitely the little ones that are
still going up you know you got to try
to catch you know the mistakes that you
made before correct them up try to
minimize the damage and to help these
kids you know find their their way try
to save what you can what uh has gone
before then you have to try to reach out
of course you have to take a a different
approach you can't just say well okay
now you've realized you made all these
mistakes you can't just start to say I'm
going to lay down the law now you just
better stick by this thing no you're
going to have a rebellion in your hands
you're going to have a Revolt in the
house you know so you obviously have to
deal with this thing with hikma with
wisdom you know you have to think things
out uh maybe get counselors or people
who counseling skills you know get them
uh around uh some Elders or people who
of their own peer group who are you know
islamically oriented and who are active
you know that they can you can help them
help the the older ones find find uh
healthy alternatives to whatever they're
currently into these are the healthy
alternatives you are saying now to bring
out other people who are also
implementing the dean hopefully this can
have a good influence other families
linking up with those families you know
looking at what you're doing look at the
look at your relationships um you know
choose try try to minimize the negative
ones and try to maximize the positive
ones go out of your way to try to make
uh you know connections with people who
have you know successful families and
and then try to help or get some of the
benefits from that into to your family
then of course uh as an individual then
you have to look at your own Dean and
how you've been tackling it you know you
have to try to get your your wife in in
in in in line or wife you need to get
the husband in line try to get people
know back on the dean properly because
of course your main example is going to
be the whole home you know how you are
how you were all of these have the
influence you know on the children uh
you know today and what's going to
happen for them tomorrow so I mean you
have to make changes also it's not just
about uh tackling them and saying well
okay they need to do this they need to
do that but no you have to be a better
example you have to try to get your
house in order so um and you have to do
it as I said now you have to do it in a
in a in a wise way you can't do it the
way you could have if you had laid the
foundation you don't have the foundation
now you're trying to put in a put a
foundation in place and you have to do
it in a uh very gradual and
understanding and you have to keep in
mind it's your
fault they're like this because it's
your fault I mean I remember um one of
the students uh coming to me I was
teaching in Dubai in the American Unity
University in Dubai and um there you
know one of the female students would
tell me you know listen you know um my
father had told me you know when he put
me in the University you know that he
trusts me right but I've fallen in love
with you know one of the boys in my
class what should I do you know look at
this the father who had been you know
putting this girl through uh you know
segregated education all along and then
now time comes for University studies
and he goes and he puts her in a mixed
University the American University in
Dubay which is you know the the most uh
corrupt of the universities he puts her
in there and he tells her I trust you
wow wow hey you know what are you doing
man what do you mean you trust her she's
a human being you know no matter what
you you you've taught her everything
else you put her in that environment
which is going to draw her into and suck
her into this stuff then you're going to
say I trust you trust you meaning I
trust you not to develop any boyfriend
girlfriend relationships you're not
going to fall in love with anybody
you're just going to go in there and do
your studies keep your mind focused on
this one thing and come out hey that's
that is so foolish that is so foolish
and you know so many families have been
destroyed in this uh kind of so-called
trust we don't call this we call this
where you throw the person in you know
without any uh means to protect
themselves and say you know I trust
Allah will take care of you and you will
do the right thing so we have to is that
right we have to do everything in
our power to do everything how the
Creator wants us to do it and then we
put trust in him is that what it is to
trust Allah or some people exactly
exactly as they say you got to tie that
Camel tie the camel tie the camel put
the alarm in the car definitely last
point where we we want to cover last one
it's very important now you had
mentioned it self- diagnosis an
individual should he be doing a self-
diagnosis checking his Salah is he
praying it in the times or maybe he's
combining it like they used to do in
back home culture you know they'll pray
it all in the morning pray it at night
same thing with the pilgrimage making to
off in the mall or to back home but
Allah called the individual 1400 years
ago to come to his house to go to Hajj
but the individual now is is 50 he's
still been implementing de but he's
still she still hasn't gone to to Haj
little details like this indulging in
Usery interest and the list goes on
self- diagnosis can this also be
bringing the anger of the creator of the
heavens and earth because we're not
obeying him we fear more the people and
what they'll say instead of fearing the
crater definitely we can't move ahead
if we haven't understood what's the
problem and where the problem lies the
problem lies fundamentally with
us that's what we we can't escape it's
easy to blame it on others blame it on
the kids blame it on the environment
blame it on all the other things but the
bottom line is that the real and major
blame comes back to us first and
foremost we have to be conscious of
where
we've gone astray where we have made our
mistakes you know and uh in that way if
we've understood then we can make a
change if we haven't understood where
our mistakes lie then we are doomed to
repeat our mistakes that's the bottom
line I mean that's common sense so it is
definitely necessary for us to stop and
look at our situations now what we're
doing what we what has become cultural
norms for us and things like this or
things we've brought from the old
country or whatever uh and uh put them
on the scale of Islam because if we're
talking about Islam here you know
establishing Islam in our families you
know uh planning really planning for the
Hereafter meaning that our focus is the
Hereafter and this this comes up you
know when you talk about education you
know put the kids in the school put them
in the University so so you know you
have to think think think think you know
you putting them in University I mean
even in the University experience now
people go to university just for the
experience of University what what does
that mean it means party you know you
get out there and you party right the
university experience is a party
experience you're free from the bounds
of the family now you're on your own you
can do what you want to do you know this
is the that's the university so hey
before you go and put your son or your
daughter in that You' got to make sure
that they got their heads on right you
know if their heads are you know spun
around and they're messed up that's just
going to make them more messed up and
when they go into University if their
heads aren't right then they have to
choose subjects which are appropriate
for them as Muslims it's not just take
any profession to do anything to be
anything you know we can be anything you
know no as Muslims we can't be anything
you have to think about What professions
you're going into how is this profession
going to benefit the Muslim Community
you know it's not just about you making
money yeah this job or this profession
gives me lots of money but no you have
to think does the community need this
can I will I be able to serve my
community and help my community from
this or am I going to be isolated from
my community off in another world
altogether so these are things and
considerations that one has to take into
mind carefully you know women going into
University oh you know what are they
going in for What professions are they
going into is it just the university
experience beware better they stay home
better they stay home than just go there
for the experience that experience is an
evil
experience
so so therefore you know if you're going
to put your girl into University for one
she has to you have to make sure that
she's down on the dean she knows the
religion she is clear she's focused you
know she's practicing okay then what
Professor you going to put her in okay
the Muslim Community needs this
profession they need female dentists
they need female gynecologists they need
female teachers they need so whatever
field she's going into it's a field
which is needed for women women need to
be trained and Professionals in these
fields so you know you you think it's
not just about the next phase of life
which is the University
experience last closing comments and
suggestions not only to those who have
consciously made a decision to submit to
the one God alone without any co-equals
co-partners worshiping him on his terms
doing things how he wants them to do it
this is a Muslim living Islam in
totality working for the next life
paradise and avoiding the ramifications
of following your lust and desires which
produces the Hellfire tell us also for
Humanity that has been listening and
they say man these people are adhering
to a strict moral code and their logic
is telling them man if I implement this
I'm just going to be a better person so
give us advice for those Muslims and
also for Humanity in general closing
comments and suggestions Shake please
well because of the fact that we're
talking about you know raising children
in North America you know raising uh
good uh
righteous uh trustworthy you know
upstanding citizens you know uh for us
of course it's Muslims first uh which
brings out all of these other qualities
anyway it means that you know as we said
in the very beginning if you fail to
plan you plan to fail so we do have to
plan this whole process out carefully we
need to read we need to learn we need to
sit in classes you know hear from child
child psychologist you know expose
ourselves to as much information as is
possible to do this job correctly do it
properly we owe it to our children we
owe it to them to give them the best
start in life
and that begins as we said all the way
down to the first year and all the way
up to the last year we have that Duty
you know as a obligation on us all the
way through so we need to equip
ourselves with this sufficient knowledge
to do this job properly and we need to
be conscious of the Creator in order to
give that Consciousness to our children
so that they will go up with a moral
Foundation which which is firm which
will carry them through the tests and
the difficulties of this
life that moral Foundation is what is of
most importance and of course that
Foundation is not just morality with
regards to other human beings which is
of course of utmost importance but first
and foremost it is that morality with
regards to God no doubt it is good it is
right it is proper that we worship God
Alone one God and it is improper it is
incorrect it is wrong to worship God's
creation creation his
creatures it is incorrect to uh conceive
of God as a part and parcel of his
creation he is not he is the creator so
we have to have our
spiritual being and our our life and our
existence in proper moral tune with the
Creator we have to work on that as we
have to work on that situation for our
families our children our wives husbands
Etc you know this is It's All About a
moral battle for the spirits The Souls
of the generation and the generations to
come thank you very much may the creator
of the heavens and the Earth the Creator
who created this whole universe and
everything in it and Eric we say Allah
may he reward you in abundance for
taking the time out to be with us here
on the dean radio show I mean we look
forward to having you back again it was
my pleasure as usual thank you very
muchal Alum peace be unto
youum holy
peace FR feel holy
peace