May the peace blessings and mercy of
Allah be upon you I'm Shu the IM from
the Muslim Community Center of Rockford
Illinois here with the dean show to talk
about a subject that is tremendously
important something that's on the minds
of the majority of our brothers and
sisters marriage what's the importance
of marriage the benefits in getting
married what can you do to find the
ideal husband or wife and some of the
obstacles make sure that you don't go
anywhere stay there because this is what
we're going to be talking about see in
just a bitam
[Music]
alayum
Allah there's only one word and muhamad
is his
messenger there's only one God and Jesus
was his messenger
I don't know why I did that maybe it's
just maybe it's just to break the
ice alhamdulillah alaykum which means
peace be unto you welcome to another
episode of the dean show we have a very
exciting topic for you today as we
always do but this one is really
something that you're going to have to
pay a lot of attention to it's something
that's very important if you're thinking
about getting married if you want to get
married you want to know the benefits of
marriage you want to know how do I
approach that special someone the
obstacles of marriage we're going to be
talking about a lot of these important
things about marriage with a special
friend of mine Imam on The Dean
[Music]
show how are you IM alhamdulillah how
about yourself Eddie alhamdulillah
alhamdulillah Jersey Boy alhamdulillah
you grew up in New Jersey that's it from
Chicago and we're getting together here
on the dean show alhamdulillah it's
wonderful it is alhamdulillah all
praises to the creator of the heavens
and earth alhamdulillah thank you uh
just so people got to read a little bit
about you uh tell us you uh studied at
Medina correct you had some good friends
that are actually doing some good work
out there Yas yardi and some of uh the
other uh teachers some blessed Brothers
alhamdulillah alhamdulillah yeah so uh
how was it studying in Medina um a book
could be written about it yeah it had
its great points and it had its
challenges and so you're familiar with
the language of the Quran alhamd you
know the Arabic you studied in Medina
you're going to give us some advice
today inshah I couldn't do it by myself
that's what we're here for I'm here to
learn and the people watching they're
they're they're they're tuning on to
learn non-muslims they want to know also
what this Islam is about and we're
covering a very important topic very
very tell us marriage what are the
benefits now before we get into some of
these other points I want to cover what
are the benefits of marriage being
married with that special someone sure
first just to even begin the importance
of marriage before we even get into the
issue of benefits because it's related
it's tied in that marriage is as old as
man himself is that when we look at
Subhan Allah the creation of man it
began with
Adam and he was not alone in the
beginning he was and although Subhan
Allah he was in Jenna he couldn't enjoy
himself being alone yeah it's as if all
from the placed within us that need to
have companionship that need to have
others in our lives and Subhan Allah
because of that it's that sense of being
able to share life with someone else and
it can be displayed and demonstrated so
beautifully in marriage and so when you
look at it Subhan Allah it's like the
Ayah that Allah subhanahu wa tala gives
in the Quran when he's talking about the
Miracles and the awesomeness of the
creation of the heavens and the earth
and the mountains and all of these
things that are just so huge right in
between there he puts in subhanahu wa
ta'ala
and from Allah's miraculous signs is
that he has created for you spouses like
yourself and that he has placed between
you the spouse of husband and wife
love
Mercy love and mercy
too
certainly in that there's a sign for
those who can think and so when you
realize that you can see that Subhan
Allah the benefits they they're
Limitless the benefits of
companionship that innate natural need
to have somebody else in your life that
helps to give you a sense of fulfillment
significance to feel important to feel
that alhamdulillah there's more to life
than just you and that you're able to
share and the more in tune a person is
with themsel the more they'll be able to
actually even benefit and enjoy and
maximize enhance this whole project
called life life and Subhan Allah from
them from the benefits is that Allah
subhana T gives us an outlet to
demonstrate our emotions and emotions
make up a tremendous part of us the
emotions of Love MH our emotions of
caring of being kind mhm to
communicate we need to speak we need to
have
interaction sitting alone being alone
working in a cubicle all day stresses
people out being able to have somebody
to connect with MH and the building
blocks for a family for society as a
whole
children to just take the relationship
of the marriage to a different level now
as a family and Subhan Allah so there's
blessings upon blessings and the
benefits that are associated with
marriage awesome there's a couple words
because uh primarily the the channel
we're on we have a lot of non-muslims
and we encourage them always to come
back and watch us on the dean show and
for those of you that don't see us live
you can see all of our shows at theen
show.com you've heard the word Allah
this is the creator of the heavens and
the Earth the creator of the Sun the
moon Jesus Muhammad and this whole
creation you've heard the word Subhan
Allah which means glory to this Creator
glory to God and some other Arabic words
well we'll try to Define them so you can
get a better understanding I wanted to
talk about
IM and you so eloquently explain this
the benefits because that's what it's
all about benefits what benefits us so I
wanted you to expl explain this tell us
now before I go on to the next point in
some religion some ways of life you're a
Imam a spiritual leader correct how
would you define Iman religious leader
in some religion they don't allow people
to get married can you get married I
know the answer but for some people who
are listening I don't think I'd be
Muslim if I couldn't get married
something natural isn't it it's
definitely just as natural as breathing
and taking a nap and eating and drinking
is why is it unnatural not to get
married I just want to touch upon this
this point just Dawn upon me see because
there are some religious figures who
they totally abstained from marriage and
I I feel this is something unnatural
what what is your view on this what does
Islam have to say about and your
personal view in Islam marriage is
something that has been a practice of
the prophets and Messengers from the
beginning so marriage as the prophet May
Allah's peace and blessing be upon Him
is as he taugh
us among the things that he mentioned in
this Hadith he said in marriage is from
my Sunnah from my teachings from my way
and so whoever desires other than my way
then he's not from me you need to get
married you need to get married that's
the way of the prophets that is
definitely the way of the prophets and
that has been the teaching of Allah
Almighty the most merciful and loving
God to give us a taste of what there is
in Jenna what there is in Paradise to
just further motivate us and psych us up
in this D to say yeah man if it's like
this good in this world I can't imagine
what Paradise is going to be like so
this desire to want to be with a woman
the desire to want to be with a man for
a woman to want to be with a man and a
man to want to be with a woman this is
something natural because also this is
something look down upon in other
religions some religions will you know
when you talk about this sensuality of
husband and wife how does does Islam
encourage this within perimeters can we
discuss this real briefly definitely
absolutely to be together as husband and
wife it's not an issue of roles of
acting
the reality and basis and core of it all
is giving mhm and this is something
that's important for us to have as an
understanding because when you go into a
relationship or get involved into
something thinking what am I going to
get you're going to enter in from the
beginning with the standpoint of hurting
yourself and feeling let down and
hurting others yeah but when you go into
it with the mindset of giving giving and
not getting gotcha you realize that you
are now in a position to give what Allah
has made permiss ible through this
sacred Bond what Allah has given us of
Rights and the freedoms of of enjoyment
in all different levels from the
emotional to the physical to the
spiritual to the intellectual and so it
is just as natural a need to fulfill in
our lives as our appetites of hunger our
thirst for knowledge our need for
physical uh health and well-being and so
when we find that people deprive
themselves of that which is a
necessity it leads a lot of the times
into problems and this is where you'll
find unfortunately the crimes of rape of
molestation of of sodomy and all of
these other things why because when you
take a path other than what God Almighty
has given it's almost as if we're saying
I know better than you and there's no
one in their right mind that would say
they know better than God and when God
the almighty the most merciful and
loving has given us a pathway has given
us a clear way to live life to Maxim and
fulfill and we choose to do something
else we're going to harm ourselves and
at the same time it's even worse when
others are harmed and so this is a
problem but in Islam No that's that
recognition for for marriage the
intimacy that's involved with it the
communication that's involved in it the
relationship as a whole it's a blessing
and this is why the prophet Allah's
peace and peace and blessings be upon
him he he didn't shy away from it but on
the contrary it is considered in Islam
one of the points of perfection in
manhood to marry and to take it
seriously and to really look to be the
best that you can be for that person and
not to manipulate manipulate them pardon
me but to help them to enjoy life and to
find the happiness that's in this world
that's going to be a remembrance a
calling point an attraction for what
Allah has prepared in Paradise in the
Hereafter and so there's nothing
shameful about it there's nothing taboo
about it there's nothing gross or
disgusting about it on the contrary this
is something that everyone should be
looking forward to and internally we
have that natural disposition to want it
to seek it to look for it but within the
boundaries of how the creator of the
heavens and earth has told us to do it
so we're talking about marriage now and
we hope that at the end of the show
people can can relate to totally what
you're saying that it's something
beautiful We should strive for and
that's what we're trying to achieve at
the end give the people encouragement to
run towards marriage and to get away
from test driving as they say today and
why is this that today it's become
something normal and I call it test
drive and that's really what it is you
know going out dating we know people
that have been there done that and
there's a lot of Harms in this but it's
normal it's okay to date for a year two
years maybe even we live together you
know try things
out and people are going more towards
this and so far away from Marriage why
do you think this is Imam well there's
probably a couple of different reasons
one is there's that Trend within society
as a whole to make that acceptable even
though it's very harmful you know we
like to think that as men we don't have
emotions we like to lie to ourselves and
say it's only women who have feelings
only women cry yeah it's not true and so
we think that by having these
opportunities without having to actually
commit because at the end of it if you
can have your fun and not have to commit
to someone and walk away from it um why
not why have to have any type of a
special obligation to the person to
really be concerned for them and that's
one of the issues that we have in
society today it's a selfish Society
where everything's about me so
relationships are not about you what I
can do for you but it's about what can
you do for me you know what have you
done for me lately yeah you know as a
song used to go and so you find that in
these
relationships where people are not in
tune even with themselves with who they
really are and what they really want and
are looking for in life and you have
these doors these options all in front
of
you it's like that all you can eat
buffet where you think that you know
what I paid that $10 at the door man I'm
going to camel out you know say pig out
I'm going to eat like a horse and I'm
going to just really get my money's
worth yeah do we really end up
benefiting ourselves we
overeat we mixing all sorts of different
things and the same thing with this you
know what I mean you have so much
variety when you don't really know what
you're looking for almost anything can
do and that's why you got people falling
for this one and for that one for him
and for
her and they get into these
relationships and the girl most of the
time the woman because of her
biochemistry and her psychology Allah
has made her unique yeah she's really
not looking to get into a relationship
just to kind of you know wham bam thank
you ma'am and and and walk away from it
the way that men are where their
physical their their their sensual
desires are so strong that if they can
enjoy themselves and then walk away and
find the second one and the third and so
it's really a lot of the times the women
that are getting hurt yeah and so what's
happening is now you have people who
relationship after relationship failed
relationship after relationship that the
pain that the scars and the wounds are
there that it's making it all the more
difficult for them to really commit and
enter into marriage why because of the
background because of the history
because of the bad experiences you see
that women are naturally if I'm correct
created with the shyness but it seems
like they're going more and more away
from this shyness you'll see that a lot
of the the men are on the hunt and the
women are getting caught up into the
whole you know boyfriend girlfriend
thing getting into relationships the
relationships going sour and now she
sort of tends to get this extra tough
skin on her the extra coat and now she
kind of starts doing what the man starts
doing she becomes kind of like a man
where she's out just having fun and test
driving herself so we're totally going
away from what the crater wants us to do
you know H how could someone get away
from this how could someone get away
from from this just you know Friday
night relationship Saturday night
relationship you know hold down and uh
date for a little bit and just have fun
with it how could we get away from this
and do something pure do what the
Creator wants us to do Imam please tell
some
advice honestly it's about being
merciful to yourself yeah one of the
problems that we have today is that
we're not communicating with our own
selves MH we are so out of touch with
ourselves that we don't really even know
who the person is that is within this
body this physical form that we have
yeah and so when you don't really know
who you are what you are what's
important to
you what makes you who you are how how
could you respect yourself how could you
handle yourself with care how could you
look after what's really your best
interest it's hard so we need to be in
touch with ourselves we need to be
merciful to ourselves let both of the
men and the women look to see what is it
that they're really searching for in
life what is it that they're really
seeking in these relationships that are
not giving them the results that they're
looking for and the problem is is if
they don't have that that in tune with
themselves they're going to continuously
go into another relationship blindly and
still walk out of it hurt without
finding anything and so this is why when
it comes to this aspect of what you're
looking for you have to begin with
yourself you have to be able to describe
yourself what Am I who am I what are
some of the best qualities that I could
say about
myself that I'm loving that I'm
compassionate that I care for others
that I have integrity that you know I I
I have a great personality I'm humorous
I could also be serious that I'm
disciplined and what am I looking for
then when you have an idea of who you
are and what you are then you can look
at the other person and say you know
what these are the things that are most
important for me in that person that
woman or that man of course we're not
talking about anything of homosexuality
or anything of that sort um but the man
looking for the woman to say for me
these are the things that are most
important because of what I know of
myself because I I know who I am and
what's what I am and the things that are
most important to me I can now relate to
say that this is the qual these are the
qualities this is the person that I
would want to marry and have a list to
be able to say that for example I want a
person who loves God I want a person who
respects themselves I want a person
who's caring who's compassionate a
person who loves others a person who
loves to spend time with other people
someone who also takes their mind
seriously it's not just about the body
someone who wants to have a family who
loves children someone who enjoys the
outdoors to have these things and so now
when that opportunity does come to meet
you have something that you're going by
that if these main most major and
important points that you have if
they're up in your mind or even better
that you have them in written form that
you can now look to enter into this
relationship in a controlled fashion why
so that you don't end up hurting
yourself over and over again you don't
give yourself that emotional opportunity
to get attached and then be hurt and let
down all over again and so when you're
going through this and say you know um
let's find out a little bit about you
and the person says oh yeah you know for
example I I I hate the outdoors you know
I love being locked up inside you know
four walls all day and children H who
needs them if those are things that are
contrary to what you find to be so
important you can tell yourself right
then and there look you know I don't
think that this is going to be a
relationship that'll work out thank you
and it minimizes and it prevents and
this is the beauty of Islam it prevents
undo unnecessary
harm uh tell us Imam before there's some
some things I want to cover for the
people who have come to knowing who
their creator is they've established the
prayer they're paying the charity
they're fasting during the month of
Ramadan they're implementing the way of
life that all the messengers of God
implemented Islam submission to the one
gu on his terms doing what he wants you
to do and there's nothing less than
Paradise am I right correct absolutely
but now this marriage thing in general
before we go on to the Muslim now for
anyone is it safe to say that if you
haven't figured out the purpose of life
who your creator is what he wants you to
do that you're kind of kind of just
going to be living letting your desires
dictate your
life how can does someone have to come
to the realizations and to the grip
of why I'm here in this life is it just
to otherwise there's no boundaries
because we're talking about something
that the Creator says but if someone
doesn't believe in a Creator someone
doesn't believe in a higher power
someone doesn't believe that you know
look I make up my own rules so they're
going to just continue doing this and
just you know test driving hanging out
letting it all loose kicking it as they
say what are your comments on this
before we go to the next Point um
certain of these teachings of these
principles they're logical yeah and
they're there are things that without
even having a belief in God you can kind
of understand mhm for example when it
comes to stability in life this is
something that everybody's looking for
whether they can recognize it and put
their finger on it or not yeah nobody
likes to have to
move from their own home or apartment
every single year and if anybody's ever
moved before they could tell you how
much of a headache it is you can't
realize how much you've gathered in your
apartment or in your home until you have
to box things up and move it yeah
everybody likes stability we recognize
that there's got to be change and
adaptation but the same thing with
regards to someone who's supposed to be
so significant in our lives imagine
having to change your parents every year
every two years every 3 years to change
your siblings every so often what type
of a life would that be it would be
chaotic you'd find that people would
probably go scile and that's what's
happening psychologically it's is
destroying the human being men or women
it is so Islam says look if you want to
be with this woman you got to care for
her and you got to give her her rights
she got to give you your rights and it's
on in a legitimate way the way that God
wants you to do it is that correct it is
an Al if you can understand these things
from a an intellectual perspective when
you add the element of God of his
teachings it just enhances it takes it
spiritually to a level that otherwise
you could have never imagined now
instead of the act of you caring for
your wife being something that's just
this natural need it becomes an act of
worship
that the wife serving for example in the
home with the husband with kids it
doesn't become this burden it becomes an
act of worship it's something that
elevates one's status with God it's a
fulfillment of spiritual joy that makes
a person feel so significant now because
it's no longer this Duty and it's not
just rules and roles and these dry you
know personalities of things that you
have to do this and I have to do that a
transaction like a job but he comes a
mission and part of that mission is
realizing that now you are not alone and
that everything that you do for the
other person where you help to make
their life all the more enjoyable where
you help to bring the best out of them
where you help to nurture and cultivate
in that relationship in that family with
the children a human being that's going
to be proud of themselves and be
beneficial to others where others are
going to find them an asset it just
takes things to a level that could have
never otherwise have been recognized so
eloquently put we're here with
Imam talking about marriage Imam you got
the Muslim the one who has chosen to
submit and surrender to one God
worshiping him alone on his terms he's
established a relationship with his
creator he doesn't worship a man he
doesn't worship a an animal he's
worshiping the one who created
everything in this universe and he's
established the prayer five times a day
and everything that comes along but I
meet some Brothers
now I ask him brother AI how you doing
has you gotten married yet he said no
brother make Dua for
me okay we make the Dua for you now we
know that look when you get in the car
you buckle your seat belt and you put
your trust in your creator when you
cross the road you look both ways you
put your trust in Allah right but I see
these brothers they still making Dua but
they ain't doing the action two years
later some brothers literally 3 years
later I'm asking them did you get
married yet no they put this sad look on
their face I mean are some brothers
getting cold feet are they
procrastinating because 3 years now talk
to us why are it seems like some of the
Muslims who are even doing Islam they're
doing what they're supposed to do but
they're running from Marriage it seems
like their action for what I'm seeing
now you teach me if I'm saying something
mistake but from what I'm observing many
brothers are hesitating they're not
putting themselves out there doing the
leg work because it's not easy doing the
leg work to get married we want to
encourage them after the show that
they're going to be a little more
enthusiastic go knock out some doors not
literally but you know go make some
phone calls go to the mid and rub
shoulders with you maybe and rub
shoulders with the other people in the
jamat ask question but we got so timid
about this that four years later five
still and I don't want it 10 years later
the Brothers still ain't married we and
the sisters too no talk to us and give
us some advice on this no um this enters
us into the a the the area of obstacles
in marriage the first first obstacle to
recognize is you yourself mhm cuz in all
honesty if you really wanted to do
something you're going to find a way
where there's a will there's a way
absolutely and if this relationship this
sacred most special and blessed
relationship called marriage was a
priority you're going to work night and
day to see that it happens because if
you recognize the value of something
you're going to run for it you're going
to plan you're going to prepare you're
going to do whatever you can to make
sure you get it this is why when to
comes to for example other aspects of
Our Lives where people are considered
successful when it comes to their
education they've graduated high school
and they've gotten for example the good
gpas and they've gotten all these nice
things on their transcripts so when it
comes to college getting into the
College of their choice to get into the
field of their choice and then the
professions and all they've done that
why because they've put a value to it
they've made that
voluntary conscious decision and choice
to say this is something that I want
this is what I want to go for and they
made it happen by Allah's BL
blessings okay when it comes to marriage
the same
thing and if they recognize the
importance of marriage then they're
going to strive to make it happen and
people are basically in a position of
not being married because one they
genuinely are trying but it just hasn't
worked out and there's some issues of
the obstacles of for example maybe some
conditions that they've placed upon
themselves that may be making it
difficult and that leads us into the
field of you know the ideal Muslim the
ideal muslima you know the perfect
husband and the perfect wife perfect and
ideal is beautiful um in jna and
Paradise is going to be the ultimate
ideal and perfect but sometimes we can
actually sabotage our own success when
it comes to having qualities that are
not present in humans so that's one of
the things a second aspect of
it a second aspect of it deals with with
external issues that limit it for
example it may be that the person
themselves may have a clear idea but the
family the family may have conditions
and may have put up obstacles that are
now the family is making it difficult
he's come to the realization he he needs
to do it family we are running out of
time I got to ask you can we do a part
two to this this is getting very
exciting and I'm sure all ears are glued
eyes are on the screen they want to know
we're going to get into some really
exciting things how to approach the
woman how to approach the man because
the prophet peace be upon he was offered
marriage by some of his wives wasn't he
so there shouldn't be no shyness in
these things of the dean not at all okay
we're going to talk about these things
we're going to talk about a lot of these
other issues but we got to cut out right
now she Imam we're going to do part
two and we're going to look forward to
having you back on the dean show Islam
is a perfect complete way of life it's
total surrender and submission to the
creator of the heavens and the Earth
we're talking about marriage stay tuned
we're going to have part two with Imam
spend here on the dean show we'll see
you next time asalam alaykum peace be
unto
you
e
e for