Welcome to DBA study session. Inshallah
I will be covering chapter 4. In the
study session the sheh mentions in
chapter 4 rulings related to social
interaction. The shikh mentions when it
comes to socializing there are some
etiquets that Muslim women should
follow. Some important qualities that
Muslim women should have are one we
should make sure that we are among the
truthful ones. We should make sure that
our iman, our tawa, our Islam are all
truthful. The shikh mentions that
truthfulness is the best quality that we
can ever have. We should live with it
and we should die while having it. Allah
subhana wa ta'ala will put the right
after the prophets and the messengers.
He mentions this ayah to prove his
point.
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He advises us not to be a fake person.
We shouldn't be a fake woman. We
shouldn't just be beautiful from the
outside and empty from the inside. We
shouldn't be a person who is like a
hypocrite. From the outside people think
that they are something but from the
inside they are completely empty and
even filled with the opposite.
We shouldn't be like that. We shouldn't
be fake. We should be truthful. Our iman
is from deep conviction. Our modesty and
our hay, our our knowledge, our
participation, our contribution is all
should all come from the fact that we
believe in it that we believe in that
point because it's coming from the
heart. It's based on knowledge and we
are convinced with it. The second point,
the second quality that the shikh
mentions to the sisters is to have
patience. He said that a lot of sisters
lose control over their patience
quickly. So that some sisters get angry
quickly that they don't have that much
patience. Allah subhana wa ta'ala says
be patient when someone does you wrong.
We shouldn't have a frustration with
them. We should have
he says don't get frustrated. Don't get
frustrated. Sometimes a woman gets
frustrated maybe because nobody came to
propose to her yet and she's attaining
old age or maybe because their husbands
are not treating them in the best way.
We should be patient. Sometimes women
get frustrated when their paycheck
hasn't come in yet. But that shouldn't
be the case of our frustration. We
should have patience. the p things that
things will come our way according to
the timeline that Allah has set for us
according to Allah's timeline not
according to our timeline because what
Allah chooses for us is always better
than what we choose for ourselves
seek help in
seek help in seek help in patience and
the prophet told one of the companions
that he has two of the best qualities
any human ever have and one of them one
of the qualities were patience.
One of the meaning of patience is not to
wait. One of the meaning of patience is
our ability to to adjust to the new
situations. Sub does not mean to wait.
It doesn't mean just to wait. It is to
adjust oneself to the situation. Maybe
Allah subhana wa ta'ala put you in this
situation for his reasons. We should try
to adjust ourselves to it. Accept it. We
we need to be content with it. We need
to accept it. The third thing that the
sheh mentions is a Muslim woman should
have respect. Respect. He says so many
times sisters complain that their
sisters didn't respect them or their
sisters don't respect them. What sisters
need to respect one another, respect
another sister's privacy. We should
respect another sister another sister's
personal um personal business. It's not
respectful when one sister asks another
sister why she is not pregnant. It is
not it shouldn't be any of our business
why this sister isn't pregnant or asking
how much your husband makes. Things like
this is not respectful. It's not it's
not any of our business. We shouldn't
have to to ask these things. These
things is things like this is not
respect. We have to respect other
people's privacy. Also, respect the
sisters who are less covered than you
are. Or just because you are more
educated. You don't have the right to
disrespect someone that is less educated
than you are. Or a sister that is older
might disrespect the sister that's
younger. That is not right in Islam.
That's not part of being a Muslim, a
mina.
It's not part of iman. It's not part of
being a mm. We should respect the
opinion of other sisters. We should
respect the opinion. We should expect
um accept their advice and we should
respect their their feelings.
Another quality of a mina that the shikh
mentions should be
af which means chastity and modesty. It
means our tongue should be pure. Our
false our false language we shouldn't
use it. We shouldn't use indecent words.
Af means to protect our tongue. Our
tongue is pure. It means our eyes are
pure. We protect our tongue, our body
from adultery, from zena, from anything
improper like that. Because this is part
of being a mu. This is part of having
iman. A mu is also a generous woman. A
mina is also a generous woman. She
should be generous. Generosity it starts
with a with the spirit. We should be
generous with our money. We should be
generous with our nice words and our
smiles. Just little things can make a
big difference and make a person be
wonderful. Make a person be very
wonderful. Another thing is humility. A
mman should never be arrogant. A mmin is
a way is always humble and treat people
with humility. They treat people with
generosity. They pe they treat people
with with kindness.
We should the we should smile to others.
We should be cheerful. There was a a
statistic that was asked to new new
Muslim converts and this statistic would
um they all had the number one complaint
when they entered the masjid or when
they entered the new event. They were
stared at. There was no humility. There
was no cheerfulness, no smiling. The
sisters weren't welcoming to them. This
was their number one complaint. He said,
"If we just add a little bit to our
smile, we have normal smiles. Everyone
has their normal smile. But if you add a
little bit to your smile, like add the
eye muscles to your smile, this will
make a big difference to the person
you're smiling at. This might even make
their day." He quotes to the people who
lost their smiles that you didn't lose
it. It's right under your nose. So try
and use it. We need to smiling is we we
we we have to use it to each other to
show each other that the kindness that
Muslims are kind
and
welcoming.
A Muslim should be welcoming. Allah
subhana t says a person that will never
touch hellfire is an easygoing person. A
person who is easy to get things from, a
person who is easy to deal with, a
person who's easy to talk with, is an
easygoing person. This person will never
touch hellfire.
He goes on and talks about a woman who
deals with non-relative males, non.
The first thing that a lot of people
skip or the first thing that we should
think of is
what still defines us is we are all
brothers and and sisters in Islam and we
we look at each other. We should look at
each other. We should care about each
other. We should care about one another
to call them your brother or your
sister. Even if she is not my sister
from lineage or from the same family or
from the same lineage, she is still your
sister in Islam, he is my older brother.
Allah also said that we are a meaning we
love each other for the sake of Allah.
We support each other.
Look after one another. We have to keep
that in mind. She can be the best person
in the world. She could be so friendly.
She could be very very
she could be very nice but when it comes
to dealing with a brother she could be
very rude. We should care and respect
one another. One of the most
important rules that theoolam
said is no man will or should be with a
woman alone in in any case and any man
who is with a woman alone
will be the third one which is called
being alone. Does
called
um said that two men with one woman
that's okay that's not haram but two and
two women with one man that's also okay
it's not haram but what is haram is for
one two two individuals one being a man
and one being a woman that are not
related to each other and in the same
place with seclusion meaning no one can
see them no access to it. No, they are
in a room together like a hotel or
office. This is even in the masid
said do not be with a woman alone even
if it is to teach her Quran because it
can lead to haram things later on.
The shik said it is not haram to look at
men unless it is with desire then it
would be then it will be forbidden then
it will be haram. Allah ordered women to
lower their gaze because they are not
supposed to look at men with desire but
looking at them to interact with each
other that is permissible. He said that
um he said also vice versa for men they
are allowed to look at women but they're
more restricted than than women because
men are visually stimulated. The sheh
says the voice of a woman is not a but
he is but she is not allowed to speak in
a seductive way. There is no proof that
states a woman's voice is a he said the
said there's no proof. How can it be
proof? How can there be proof when Allah
subhana wa ta'ala says if you ask them
then um if you ask them something ask
them behind a curtain. That means there
is no communication. there is
communication going on there that there
there's there's proof going against
um a woman's voice being out of Allah
subhana ta forbids us to speak in a
seductive way we shouldn't have evil
talk between us there shouldn't be any
bad talk between us if a man were to ask
a woman for her hand their speech should
still be with good speech should still
be like commonly good and known as good
in society. So culture also decides what
is good or what is not. A woman is not
allowed to touch male. This is extremely
forbidden with a man. This is extremely
forbidden with a man who is not related
to her or to you and you're doing it
with lust like like liking like like
hugging or kissing. He said ext this is
extremely forbidden especially if it has
sexual mean meaning behind it. The
prophet did not shake women's hands
because he said that the hand can commit
zena if it is done with lust and he said
that a woman can interact with a man if
there is no if there can interact with a
man if there is need for it
went to visit bil because he was sick.
So many evidences show that there was
interaction between men and women during
the prophet's days as long as it as long
as it is culturally accepted. This
doesn't mean I can go visit a sister for
the sake of Allah. No, that's not
culturally accepted in this society. The
concept of dealing in general, you you
are allowed to deal with each other even
advising one another. A woman came to
the prophet and grabbed his th and
pulled the prophet away from the man and
he would and he would
stay with her as long as she want as
long as she wanted to. A woman came to
the prophet and said, "I want to talk to
you." He told her, "Choose any place in
Medina and I will meet you there in the
place that you wish."
And in in this was narrated in Sah
Muslim. Interacting and communicating
with males that is not rel that is not
relative. It is allowed as long as it is
needed. Mixing with women will be
forbidden if any of the following exist.
First when a woman or a man are in
seclusion. This is not allowed. This is
like this is kalwa like I mentioned
before. The second thing, when a man and
a woman are wearing hijab, when a man
and a woman are together and the woman
is not wearing hijab and they are
sitting next to each other mixing,
that's not allowed. That's haram.
The third thing is when a woman when a
woman and a man are so close to each
other that they're touching each other.
For example, he gave the example that if
one a man the way we were sitting in in
alib if there was one man one woman man
one woman and we were all mixed together
then that would be haram because we're
touching each other and that would be
very big fna.
This type of mixing is not allowed. But
if men and women are separated and there
is space between them that type of
mixing is not har. Another thing is when
mixing is for a short period of time and
cannot be avoided and or there is a
great fitna to be unlikely it is permiss
it is permissible. So if there's not a
lot of fitna if there won't be that much
fitna it is permissible to have a mixed
gathering. For example in taw mixing men
and women is a short period of time. So
it is permissible even in MSA meetings
we might have to sit very close to each
other because we don't have a big room
we couldn't find any other room than we
have even work might have mixing our
meetings meetings or conferences but it
is permissible as long as it a short
period of time in a short period of time
as long as there is it's going to end
very slowly
in in a short period of time. Cases like
this there are exceptions. There are a
lot of proof to these situations
that the that he gave for example
when a woman is holding the when the
woman was holding the prophet's th
that's a short period of time or when
Abu Bakr and Omar went to visit
that's also a very short period of time
and when Omar was also sick they went to
visit her to make sure that she was okay
another thing is mixing today is very
common and cannot be avoided in in our
society. It's impossible. It's
impossible to go to a restaurant or that
is one only men or only women. It's
impossible to have an Islamic school
that is only men or only women or it's
impossible not to mix Islamic schools or
it's impossible to to not have mixing in
our society.
But we have to try and we have to deal
with it the best that we can under the
Islamic guidelines to minimize the evil
that can happen with mixing and to
maximize the benefit that happens by
most gatherings.
Partitions these partitions were for the
mother of the believers. Even the mother
of the believers sometimes the Sahabah
dealt with the woman um without
partitions. They dealt and um they dealt
they bought and from they bought from
women in the market. They they sold um
the issue of partitions if women want
their privacy or something in similar.
The question one can I have a male
friend in school? In this part we
watched a video of a a few college kids
and they were all asked can you have a
male/female friend? As you can recall,
all the women said yes, but all the men
said no. Then when the women were asked,
do you think that any one of your
friends like you? And they said yes.
They do think so. They said yes. That
means they knew that their friends like
them. So they were asked again, can men
and women really be friends without the
feelings going on? And so all the women
gave in. And in the end of the story
they said they all said no. The way men
function is different than women. In
Islam in Islam we should use brother or
sister. We shouldn't use friend. The
word friend is very tricky. We don't
know where it can lead to. So we close
the door before it leads to something. A
lot of a lot of times it leads to
something that is not proper as
brotherhood or sisterhood thing. Yes, it
is permissible in school like even a
coworker or classmate. I may know him,
he knows me,
there is respectful relationship going
on there. Um that there should be that
extra relationship. There should there
shouldn't be that extra relationship. We
should we shouldn't lower our guards. We
should be safe.
It's a short period of time and it's for
work purpose. You do it, you leave. Um
even for a professor, a professor might
want to talk to you and if you feel like
they are getting a little personal then
you should leave. Maybe you want to go
talk to the shikh alone. You should have
someone there like your mom or friend,
someone that you trust but you cannot
talk you cannot be secluded or make sure
the door is not closed if you want to
speak with a sheh.
Number three,
can I have male friends via social
media? He said in this part, be careful
because LOL, something like LOL can go
to XOX.
Can I use
Can I use an informal way of writing to
a group of people including males? Use
smiley faces, lols, etc. He said avoid
it if you can. He said it is culturally
accepted, but if it's going to get out
of hand, try to avoid it. Number five,
can I tell a man I love you for the sake
of Allah? He said, no, a man can tell a
woman in general. Number six, can I ride
alone with a male taxi driver? What
about elevators? He said that yes, you
can. It is not because because
it is not it's it's a short period of
time and it can open in any time. The
elevators talking about the elevators it
can open in any time. It's a short
period of time. um uh for taxi ride for
taxi ride um you should you you are
allowed to get into the taxi with a male
but don't go far places because this can
lead to this can lead to you two being
alone in the middle of nowhere like
don't go to Iowa in a taxi cab or don't
go to Florida in a taxi cab this can
lead to haram this can lead for it to be
in a position where it is haram don't go
long distance it is not seclusion though
you are allowed to enter a taxi driver.
Number seven, can I give salam to males
or reply to their salams? We are allowed
to we are allowed to give salams and we
are allowed to reply to salams. But if
you think that you are too shy, you can
just um you can say the salams to
yourself. Number eight, my voice is
naturally soft and attractive. Should I
avoid talking to ma talking to males at
all?
No, but try to avoid over conversating
with them. Number nine, can we can women
can a woman advise a male who is not
related to her? Yes, we are allowed to
advise men and they all advise men and
there were some were even teachers.
Do we have to have partitions in MSA
meetings? Are there any conditions for a
sitting format? There's no no sitting
too close to each other. Try to be a
little separate. Try to have the men in
the front, the women in back. You there
there is no um just try to be separate.
Can I sit with my husband while he is
spending time with his friends? In this
part, the shik said it's a once in a
while thing. It's an occasion thing.
Maybe the women are going to sit
together when the gathering happens
between him and his friends and maybe
the men are going to sit together. Um he
said inshallah it's fine. Just don't
make it a habit. Can a woman look at a
man such as a teacher or lecture for a
long time? Yes. Like in the lecture, we
were sitting there looking at him the
entire time. He said, "It's fine. Just
as long as it's free from desire, then
it will become haram." Number 13. The
prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam told
his wives when Abdullah
Mum entered to sit behind a partition
and when they replied, "Isn't he blind?"
He said, "Are you too blind? How do we
reconcile with this hadith?" When he
gave Isa permission to see the
Episcinians dancing, the really didn't
get into it as much, but he said that we
are allowed to look. We can watch soccer
games. We can watch basketball games,
but the only haram thing is to wa look
at someone's
that is very haram. We are not allowed
to look at someone's a so we shouldn't
watch the men swimming or something like
that. Ruling regarding regarding the
dealing of a woman with her family.
Parents have a great right over us. We
should respect them. We should obey
them. Wa made the parents right come
right after his right. Allah said
worship me and obey your parents. Don't
associate anyone with me, but do not
mistreat your parents. A lot of sisters
forget that. A lot of sisters neglect
their parents when they become older or
when they have acquired a spouse. The
sheh says don't forget about them
because there there might be a maybe
because there might be a
miscommunication with them. Do not
forget them because you got married. Do
not forget them. They still have a great
right over you.
Also, the husband has a great right on
you. Allahh said among his signs is that
he created a spouse among ourselves. He
said created a woman from Adam's rib.
Not from his feet so he can be stepped
so we can be stepped on or from his head
so we can be on top of him. But we are
created from him from his rib so we can
be the closest thing to his heart. To be
side by side. We are the close. We
should be close to our husbands. And he
is a part of us. It's two bodies put
together, but it looks like one soul
mixed together and half went to the
woman and half went to the man. That's
the nature of the love. That's the
nature of of a marriage. Another thing
is that the husband and wife the husband
has a right on you to be respected to be
honored. The prophet sallallahu alaihi
wasallam said, "If I would to ask
someone to prostrate to another, then I
would ask a wife to prostrate to her
husband." He said, "A great, he has a
great right on you." How you treat your
husband will determine how high you will
go to paradise and how low you will go
to the hellfire. If you mistreat your
husband, a lot of women lose their
respect for the and leadership for their
husbands and their role in their h in
the house. Any woman who prays all her
prayers and obeys her husband and
protects her herself from zena, she will
be called on the day of judgment and she
will be allowed to enter from Jenna from
any gate that she chooses or wishes to
enter from. Allah subhana wa ta'ala said
Allah gave men husband a bigger
responsibility when it comes to the
house. One is to take care of the
household and Allah created men
different from women. They the only time
a husband should lose respect from his
wife. The only time he should lose
respect from you is if he becomes cold
or mean. If he has been treating you in
a bad way, if he is has no manners or he
abuses you in this case he has to lose
respect from you. He cannot ask for his
respect because he does not deserve it
at that time but he doesn't deserve it.
But other than that that's an honor that
Allah subhana t gives him. Many hadiths
are shown that to that proves to us that
women should treat their husband well
and vice versa. Other hadith show that
men also should treat their h their
wives well. The shik said one one
complaint that common that's common with
their brothers is there is no more love
or desire between the relationship
especially from couples who have been
married for a long time. That's when the
relationship becomes cold. We should
look for someone that we cannot live
without. The prophet has 60 was 60 years
old and the love between him and his
wife was there. There was so much love,
so much romance, so much excitement
between them. The woman that will
inherit Jenna is a woman that when she
speaks, she pleases her husband. When
she looks when he looks at her, he she
will please him. She should she should
take good care of herself, her
appearance. She should take good care of
her body. She should watch her tongue.
Only speak sweet words and nice words.
Shows respect. Shows love. Don't be
don't do do not be mean to the husband
because this could cause problems in the
marriage.
Children also have rights over you. Your
children, you will be responsible for
them in the day of judgment.
And Allah will ask you about this about
this responsibility. We have to be nice
and merciful to our children. We
shouldn't have them grow up in fear. We
shouldn't have them grow up in filled
with fear and abuse. We should have them
be in a home with mercy and love. We
should love our children. We should be
well to them. We should be ed they
should be well educated. We they should
be wellmannered.
Another thing that the shik mentions
that that have right over us is extended
family. Extended family
is very important.
Many sisters don't know their aunts or
their cousins. They don't know their
extended family members. We should keep
our relationship with our relatives.
That is very important. That is very
important because they they still have
the rights over us as Muslims.
Another set of questions that the sheh
went through is do I need to take
permission from my father or husband
every time I leave the house? Cultural
exceptions. It's sometimes you don't
have to like to do everyday activity.
for example, going to the store, going
getting your groceries, going to school,
going to college, going to work, stuff
like this. You do not need to take
permission from them because it's normal
activities. They should know that you're
going to school. They should know that
you're you're doing you're doing your
daily activities. So, you don't need to
ask them every time. But if it's out of
the norm, if it's out of the normal,
like they don't you're not doing it
every day, yes, you need to ask them for
permission. You shouldn't leave a sticky
note saying that you're going somewhere
far. You should to let them know in
advance that you are going somewhere.
Number two, does my husband have rights
to prevent me from visiting my family or
prevent them from visiting the home? No,
he does not have the right to prevent
you from visiting the family. He can't.
There should be respect between um your
marriage. Marriage is love and respect.
He should respect your family and you
should respect his. The shikh said
though he can have the um the the power
to prevent your family from coming but
it is he shouldn't like it's like he
said love and respect but he um but try
to work things out with him. Number
three, what are the rights of my in-laws
upon me?
The one of the rights is to respect them
and to be hospitable like to be nice to
treat them in a good way. Number four,
if I am not in the mood for intimacy and
my husband wants me to be intimate, is
it sinful to refuse? The sheh said no.
You can refuse. He said sometimes you're
not in a good mood. Sometimes you're
feeling depressed. So no means no
sometimes. But sometimes intimacy can
make things better. You can say no, but
don't make it a habit. Don't Don't
always make it. Don't always keep saying
no. Number five, who has more right over
me? My parents or my husband? Husband,
of course, because you're living with
your husband. This is a household issue.
You're living with him. Maybe the shik
said in certain situations the the
father or the the parents have control
over the situation. The parents have
more right over you, but that's in their
household. That's if something happens
in their household that deals with you.
But in your household, the the shikh
said depending on the situation, your
husband always has right over you. He
said that if your husband wants to take
you on a trip and your father refuses,
your husband has more right than your
father. Do my parents have the right to
invade my privacy? My his the shik's
answer was yes. Islamically, he has the
right to invade your privacy, but you
need to have respect. The shikh said
there's a difference between
um having your privacy, but we you
cannot lie to us or having your privacy,
but there's no secrecy. You can have
your privacy, but you have to tell me
what you're up to. Or the parents need
to keep an eye on their children
regardless what the situation is. They
have to keep their eye on the children.
They can't just trust a a person
blindly.
Number seven, should I do what should I
do if I am in invited to a family
celebration that contains impermissible
practices? He said depends on the
practices and the family close close
members you um he said depending on the
practice like if there's drinking or if
there's dancing he said you don't have
to go if it's not close fam he said you
don't need to attend the the wedding or
whatever celebration that's being
celebrated you don't have to go but if
it's someone that's going to get hurt by
you not going for example your brother
and he has music and he has dancing and
he has alcohol or whatever the case
might be. You can go, you can stay just
you don't have to participate in the
haram practices. It's not up to you.
It's not it's up to you actually for to
to stay away from the haram. Number
eight, a woman who has been married
several times passes away. Which husband
will she be with in Jenna? There are a
few opinions on this answer. One opinion
that came to was the last one. The last
person that she married will she will be
with in Jenna. The second one is the
best mannered one. The one who has the
best manners. But that one is a weak
hadith. That is one is a weak narration.
The third choice is the per the the
third um
the third opinion that the scholars came
to is it's it is by choice. You are
allowed to choose who you want to end up
with in Jenna.
Another set of questions that the sheh
went through is can I have non-Muslim
friends? The shik says in general, yes,
you're allowed to have non-Muslim
friends. You can talk to them. You can
chitchat with them, but don't take them
to the heart. Don't make them be close.
Don't do not have them as your close
companion where secrets are revealed and
they know a lot about you. Don't. That's
not a good idea because they might not
be that trustworthy. Number two, my
friend is not religious. Would it be
okay to continue my friendship with her?
The sheh said it is not a problem for
you to continue. The problem comes when
the the badness the the
non-religiousness of her starts to
influence you, starts to affect you.
like if she drinks or if she um if she
starts to influence you in a bad way
then you have to let this person go. It
is haram for you to be with her. Number
three, are stereotypical jokes
considered halal? He said if anyone that
hears the joke and can get hurt by it,
the person the person gets hurt, the the
person's feelings get hurt, then it will
be haram. But it is not it's not haram
to say stereotypical jokes. The thing is
that the shikh said the problem the
problem is not saying the joke. The
problem is is is it lying? Is it
considered lying? Stereo stereotypical
scenarios he said are usually true. So
there's no problem with it. Number four,
what is the ruling regarding women's
only practices
of parties that contain
dances and music? He said he doesn't
believe in music so he doesn't think
it's it's permissible but uh he said if
you were would to have parties weddings
and great victories he said great
victories such as um winning an Islamic
victory not a victory like an a soccer
victory or something like that he said
an Islamic victory is it's okay to have
like a celebration for it. Sometimes
when I sit with my friends they
backbite. What should I do in such case?
What should I do if I backbite someone?
He said you should stop it. Do not
support them. Support the person that in
is being spoken about in their absence.
He said if you support them behind their
backs and they are being backbited,
Allah will support you in your time of
need. But if you do not support them,
Allah will go against you in your time
of need. Will will leave you the most in
your time of need.
Should I wear hijab in front of a female
or male homosexual? Yes, you have to.
You have to wear hijab in front of male
or female homosexual.
What do I do if I feel like another
female is looking at me in an unusual
way?
He said, cover yourself in a usual way.
That's the only answer that he gave. If
I am sleeping over my friend's house,
can I sleep in the same bed? Yes, you
can. But sleep with pajamas, it it takes
rule. Even if you're sleeping with the
brother, sister, cover yourself. He said
that the problem was women back in the
day or still now they sleep with their
underwear. They sleep with their
pajamas. So he said try to cover
yourself. Try not to um if you will
sleep next to each other, try to try to
wear something or use separate bed
covers because uh if it's possible.
Number nine, sometimes girls use
improper words when referring to each
other such as lover or bed buddy, freaky
ticky girl. What is the ruling regarding
that? Every time you say everything you
say and every time you say something it
will be written down. It will our words
will impact an will impact us on the day
of judgment and even it will impact the
way we feel or think. So be careful what
we say even if it's not meant for
anything.
This ends session number four, chapter
number four.