[Music]
alhamdulillah alayum peace be unto you
welcome to the dean show which is a way
of life we try to put out there for
everyone to see helping you understand
Islam and Muslims today on the dean show
we're going to start a special section
called Family Matters and in this
section of the dean show we're going to
invite you all to come on and to see how
Islam tackles these issues on how to
raise a child dealing with different
important issues that are facing us
living in today's society today in
particular we're going to be talking
about how to raise a child from A to Z
now I by myself probably couldn't give
you the best advice all right I need the
advice myself so we're bringing on all
the way from
Houston uh a qualified person to help us
let's bring them on out without further
delay
Isam
Raja
sh welcome to the dean show thank you
for coming in how's the flight aldah
good alhamdulillah okay so the people
got to see a little bit about um where
you studied and your credentials and you
have the ability to help us because we
need some
advice how for someone who's expecting a
child planning to have a child inshallah
God
willing what what is the best way we
want to know from A to Z even before the
child comes into this world what
preparations should somebody make well
um this is a long uh issue and it is
very important also very important uh
you could talk about it for 10 minutes
and you could talk about it for days
we'll talk about for 20 minutes how's
that okay we'll try to do my best insh
okay and uh actually you uh I believe
you hit on the uh
on the cord when you said the before
marriage because that's exactly when the
preparation for raising the child starts
the prophet sallallah
said choose for the water that you will
implant in the womb of your
wives this means first you have to
choose a righteous wife a righteous
woman righteous woman that's the
beginning you don't wait until you have
a woman you're married and she gets
pregnant and you have a baby and then
you say oh oh how will I how I will
raise my child Define for us what's a
righteous woman what do you mean when
you say a righteous woman the prophet
sallallahu alaihi wasallam he himself
mentioned that the one that uh pleases
Allah subhana tala her God uh have she
has a good character she obeys Allah
subh T she obeys her husband Prophet
mentioned that usually women are are
married for for four major things either
because of her family leage or because
of her money she's rich or because she's
beautiful or because she has the
religion
and the prophet wasallam told us to to
look for the religion in particular that
does not mean we don't look for other
things we look for them but they are not
the main issue gotcha so a good Pious
woman the pious woman and the pious
woman is not only the woman that prays
and uh fasts and U uh gives in charity
the pious woman is the woman that has a
good character gotcha she listens she
obeys she she doesn't raise her voice
she has she deals with people in in a
nice and gentle way because
unfortunately many times not only for
woman but even for men they think that
that the good person is the one who
prays more and that's not the
issue itself is not about quantity it is
about Quality quality yeah so from the
beginning you need to choose a righteous
wife and there was a famous incident in
the time of om the second of Islam a man
came to him complaining about his son
his son was rebellious undutiful every
time he disobeys his father and this
father was almost fed up so he came to
Omar he told him uh you need to to find
a solution for me so called on the on
the son and he told him why you are not
good to your father he said okay my
father has rights but don't I have
rights also upon my father said yes you
have so the son told him what are my
rights upon my father and this is the
issue many times we remember only what
our children should do to us we forget
what we should do to our children so so
the man uh Omar told the son that he
should have chosen a righteous wife
which which will be your mother he
should have chosen a good name for you
he should have educated you so the the
boy told him oh Omar the commander of
faithful my father did nothing of this
so Omar turned to turned to the man and
he told him you this this uh you did not
you are you were not beautiful to your
son before he is undutiful to you so
again this is the first step you choose
the righteous
wife and another incident also a man
which is uh ibraim Adam he was one of
the P
predecessors one man came to him and he
told him uh I want you to guide me just
like now the interview that we're having
yeah how can I raise my child I have a
child he's already born he's four months
old yes what did ibraim tell the kid was
the child was how many four months four
months mon four months
baby told him you know it is too late
now too late four months he told him it
is too late if you were sincere if you
were serious about raising the child you
should have come to me before you
married your wife and asked me about the
correct wife or the suable wife that I
should choose so here is where we start
and that's really a problem nowadays
many people some of them come to me
teenagers or in the 20s sisters they
come to me and they say my mother want a
allow for me to marry this
righteous guy why just because he's not
a doctor or an engineer looking more for
titles now in of for for this engineer
doctor thing for money for that's okay
you look for this but look for the
religion what's the use if he has a
degree if he has lots of money and he
doesn't pray to Allah if he's not Pious
so this is real problem that's where we
have to start that's the beginning
having a a a good spouse man or woman
making sure that you're marrying a
righteous man or woman both exactly then
during the pregnancy also now recently
scientifically the scientist proved that
the the baby the Fus in the womb is
affected by the sounds he hears yeah he
can recognize the voice of his
mother and unfortunately some people
they say you need to play music for him
so he calms down it's proven so why
don't we play Quran we hear the
biography of many scholars that they WR
the Quran when they were 7 years old how
do you think this happened because their
their parents worked on this it's in the
genetics how could that happen so would
this be a good idea to take some
headphones possibly and put them on the
you don't need to as long as you hear it
as long as you hear it the the baby will
hear it yeah just keep it playing the
same thing with the kids also many
people also complain that I want my kid
to sit and memorize the Quran well I ask
how old is he or she five six years he
needs to play let them play
play the Quran while they're playing
while they are playing in in a high
position where they cannot reach it on
the shelf so subconsciously they will
memorize that's what the media now do
with you they tell you that this this
product this drink is good for you
they're not talking to your to your
conscious mind they are talking to sub
to your subconscious mind they repeat it
again and again and again and they
attach it to something good so
unconsciously you come and want to drink
whenever you want to feel good so why
don't we do with the Quran so we got we
got step one choosing a righteous spouse
exactly and now uh even before the child
comes out letting the child hear the
Quran which let him hear the creator of
the heavens and earth his uh Words which
is the Quran yeah and what the wife the
wife herself the mother to be for this
baby has to be also righteous nowadays
when when a when a woman is pregnant
yeah the doctor would tell her don't
smoke it will affect the baby uh don't
drink don't eat this uh step stop doing
this uh don't exhaust yourself with many
things and the same thing you have a
baby you are prepared to be a mother so
prepare him for righteousness why we
wait until the baby is born and then we
call thean and the which is good but
start before this so the wife the wife
has to increase her also so the kid the
kid would would come the baby with with
this atmosphere worshiping Allah subh T
the same thing for the husband for the
father
now you want your son to be righteous
what about you you want him to memorize
the Quran what about you the prophet
sallallah Al wasallam in his Dua he
said oh Allah let me enjoy my strength
my hearing my
vision and let this what will be
inherited to my children MH so you want
them to be good plant this seed you
don't want them to be good while you are
doing something else is there any Dua
supp ations that you can do also before
you get or after you get married uh to
Allah God Almighty uh for you to have a
righteous child or even before you have
relations with your wife of course of
course again from the first moment you
marry the woman you pray to Allah
subhana wa tala to give you that which
is good from her there's special uh Dua
supplications that the last and final
messenger taught
us can you transl it is oh Allah I ask
you of the goodness of her and the
goodness that she's used to do and I
seek Refuge with you from the evil that
she has if she has and the evil that
she's used to do that's from from day
one from the first night that you you
are with your wife so we have
supplications now this is one then when
there is an intimate
relation look at the greatness of Islam
you don't only fulfill your desire but
you get reward from Allah subhana wa
tala and you please Allah and you
protect your child once you you want to
have intimate relation there is a Dua
also the prophet S wasallam taught us to
say in the name of
Allah oh Allah avoid us Avail thean from
us and if there is a child to be
born protect him from the from the Shan
yeah the prophet said this is before
relationship this is before the intimate
relation the prophet wasam said if you
say this Dua and Allah subh T decreed
that there will be child born the Shan
won't harm him so he'll be protected
once the the the baby is born now we
have in the issue of uh bringing up
children raising them up we have another
issue with with their physical problems
that they have a problem uh with their
health they have a problem uh his hand
is broken also again we have the to
slaughter a
sheep for for the protection so just to
rewind real quick so we covered choosing
a righteous spouse uh Dua supplications
and listening to the Quran while even
the baby's in the mother's womb yeah and
now the baby's born we'll take it we'll
we'll continue from there the baby's
born you give uh the baby gets delivered
comes out into the world now from the
womb what's the first thing you do from
there you you you call thean and the you
call thean thean on the right in the
right ear you call the Adan as soon as
the baby comes out yeah okay and so you
say if they want to take say no no no
give me a baby and you should the father
hold it should the mother hold it who
should hold the B the Father the the
father so the F okay we're trying to
paint a picture now the baby comes out
crying you take the baby with all what's
on it and you hold it right take it away
from the doctor or whoever delivered it
you don't just snatch it but can I have
can I have my child please you take the
baby you want these are practical
situations that are going happa you want
him to hear the first thing yeah of his
life the first moment the remembrance of
to pray exactly call cuz what hook him
up with his his life his life is the
period between the call for the prayer
and the prayer which is the janaza
prayer that will be the last thing and
then he is buried take take the baby and
start reciting thean the right right ear
yeah okay not loudly because you don't
want to baby go death yeah so gently
recite theama then what happens from
there what are the major steps if on the
seventh day seventh day the prophet
recommended many sunnas calling giving
him the name on the seventh day yeah
maybe you you already chose the name but
officially you choose it on the seventh
day so you have until the seventh day to
choose if you haven't already yeah okay
you shave the hair mhm and you you give
in a charity the weight of that hair do
you have to do it by the seventh I heard
there was more you can do it on other it
has to be by the seventh well this is
the sunah it's not a mandatory but this
is the Sunnah again everything has
wisdom behind it so now you you gave in
charity on his behalf okay so shaving
the head on the seventh day yeah let's
say the uh his hair is it is the is the
head still a little soft on top you know
the baby's head it will be fine I mean
people uh it has been done for a long
time and people know how to do it of
course you don't want to hurt your baby
do we do someone should the mother
father do it or no no you want someone
who's expert you don't want you to do it
although I know some people they did it
uh with the with the razor with the uh
with the uh shaving machine and
everything so we're talking about now
the AK what does aka mean the this is
another thing also commended on the
seventh day this is the the the sheep or
the animal that is slaughtered yeah uh
for the sake of Allah subhana tala and
the prophet s recommended it two two
sheep two sheep if the uh baby born was
uh was male boy and one sheep if the
born was female yeah so we got the
Shaving of the head the the name how
about the circumcision cision also on
the same day on the same day on the same
on the seventh also nowadays do well
they don't can they do it right on the
spot when a baby's born nowadays no
actually the the hospital does they do
it right away don't they can they or you
should should you wait for the seventh
it doesn't matter it well whatever is
healthier the the object is to to have
the circumcision okay moving along
because we don't have too much our time
go Ahad again it is a long issue many
things yeah we'll just hit the major
points so now we have the Kea and you
invite some people over and have a nice
little Halal fun yeah okay eat some
dessert this is on the seventh day mhm
okay after this now let's skip over fast
forward a little bit what goes next
let's let's let's go from that time to
the age of 67 what are we doing until
then well again what do you want from
your child what do you want him to be we
want this child to grow up a righteous
child okay why that's the question
because we want this child to be uh one
that is obedient to his creator mhm
that's going to be obedient to his
family and he's going to be uh play an
important role in helping the society
benefiting the society well Allah
subhana tala related to us in the Quran
the story of Mariam yes with her her
mother when her mother was pregnant with
her and she prayed to Allah subhana T to
Grant her a righteous son to worship
Allah and to serve in Jerusalem in makd
when she delivered a baby girl she was
disappointed thinking that the baby girl
would not be able to do that service but
because of her sincere intention Allah
subhana tala made that girl that was
born the mother of a prophet of so again
it is important for the parents to know
what do they want from the child many
times you you ask the parent what do you
want from your child and he tells you I
want him to become a doctor fine that's
that's good thing why because he will
make lots of money or because he will he
will help people getting the medication
or because he will be better servant to
Allah subhana tala the mother of IM
he lost his eye his vision when he was
in in his childhood when he was very
young and she prayed to Allah subh to
Grant him back the vision why because
she wanted him to serve Islam not
because no one will marry him no no lady
will marry him because he's blind and
Allah subhana wa taala sent ibraim
Alam to her when she was dreaming and
she saw him and he told her Allah
subhana wa taala gave back the vision so
this is the kind of son we want the
righteous son and these these will come
second third doctor these titles later
yes you have to have the intention and
you you will struggle a little bit in in
education in raising up the child but
you need to know what do you want from
your child the prophet Salli wasallam he
used to recite thear for
protection whenever your child sleeps
actually the prophet Sall alaihi
wasallam told the parents to hold their
children little bit before M time
because that's the time when the sh are
spreading out so you need this time to
protect your children you need to recite
for them thear the prophet sallam used
to bring alassan and Hussein his
grandchildren and he used to recite
the I seek Refuge with Allah subhana
tala with the perfect words of Allah for
you from every evil and every poisonous
thing after he prayed to Allah subh this
Dua for them he told them your father
ibraim used to do the same thing with
his children so it is not really new
thing it is something that was happening
long time ago but maybe we lost track in
this world so at um from that age
constantly making Dua again more
supplication reciting Quran you you
mentioned a
couple yeah the protection when they
wake up in the morning do they recite
the Dua or not you said holding them
specifically around M time yeah before M
time before time you should keep them
because you don't know what will happen
maybe the the Devils the will will harm
them and you don't want that to happen
then the the until m is over yeah so
until the sunsets until the sunet okay
then you are building the personality of
the child what kind of personality you
want him to have because many times
there is there is a fight and children
fight with each other with the neighbors
and you want every time your child to
beat the other children why you want to
build his personality you want him to be
a righteous person you want him to be a
doctor anything
studies show that the child or or the
human being gets most of his education
inside his family once he's s years old
most of his personality is built so it
is actually the the responsibility of
the father and the mother at that age
statistics also show that every single
parent usually it is the mother who is
raising up the child if the father is
away over 70% of that child will have a
criminal action look at prisoners
studies show that over 70% of those
prisoners they they were raised up by
the mother only they did not have a
father so you as a father your presence
in the house helps the child so one
instruction for the parents to spend
some time with children you look at at
people and studies show that the average
American father spends weekly weekly
only half an hour almost you don't spend
time with